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by Michael Kelly
August 25, 2008
Internet message boards are buzzing that Chloe
Mitchell, the fashion consultant, fruit loop, and
scheming, money-grubbing unwed mother desperate to
drag mumbling doofus Chancellor heir Cane Ashby to
the altar is actually the biological daughter of
long-time Chancellor mansion maid Esther "Ether"
Valentine!
Where did this crazy rumor originate? Well,
according to a spoiler clue found in a cable guide,
Friday August 29 is the day the seldom-seen Ms.
Valentine makes a "shocking recognition."
Valentine, who's been employed by dotty dowager
Katherine Chancellor for decades, was knocked up by
a burly, monosyllabic plumber named Tiny in 1990.
The big oaf couldn't have run in the opposite
direction any faster the day he learned he was going
to be a father.
Mrs. Chancellor, who helped deliver Valentine's baby
girl during a mighty thunderstorm and power outage,
was greatly moved to receive the title of godmother.
Valentine even named her child Kate in honor of her
beloved employer and surrogate mother. Unfortunately
Little Kate, like so many of this city's neglected
and unwanted rug rats, was only hauled out of moth
balls for special occasions rarer than hen's teeth
before it was mentioned in passing that the young
girl had been shipped off to boarding school.
I know, I know. Many of you are likely thinking,
"This rumor's gotta be hogwash. Katherine saw and
spoke to Chloe just the other day at Jana's
bachelorette party and not only didn't recognize her
as Kate but was dismissive toward Ms. Mitchell.
Everyone jokes the ancient, arthritic sea monkey is
senile but wouldn't she recognize her own
goddaughter?"
While any doubt and cynicism regarding the theory
Chloe is really Kate is more than understandable, we
must keep in mind that this is Genoa City and
stranger things have indeed happened. Hell, if this
reporter had told you three years ago that Brad
Carlton was really a Jewish man named George Kaplan
capable of killing men with his thighs, you'd have
thought I was full of it.
Getting back to Chloe, let's remind ourselves of how
shallow and materialistic she is. Perhaps Chloe, um,
Kate, was teased mercilessly for many years in that
damn boarding school by her wealthier classmates for
having a common servant with the IQ of a kumquat for
a mother. Perhaps Kate was deeply ashamed of Esther
and let her know it in no uncertain terms. Perhaps a
disgusted Mrs. Chancellor repeatedly witnessed Kate
verbally and emotionally abusing her mother which
caused a fed up Chancellor to wash her hands of the
bad seed. Let's assume Katherine hasn't laid eyes on
the little wench since Kate was twelve.
After Kate finally left school, perhaps the young
woman was determined to completely recreate herself
before seeking work in the fashion industry and
changing her name was an essential part of that
process.
Anyway, when's the last time Esther's been mentioned
in any spoilers? This "shocking recognition" has got
to be something big, right? Didn't Jill mention that
Chloe and Cane's engagement party would be held at
the Chancellor estate? Come on, work with me here.
What other "shocking recognition" could Esther
possibly have? If that dimwit merely "recognizes"
that the new mailman is a long-lost pal from her
bowling league days, I'm going to be really miffed. |
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