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by Brent Kellogg
See photos  Photos of Gail
Music that got Brent beyond the worst of grief and keeps his head clear today.

NOTE: There's a new photo of old man time available.

THURSDAY, November 19, 2009 -- It was either take a day off away from this page so I can get my head together and get caught up with some real life issues I've procrastinating about, or give you romance addicts an update on how things are going now that I've come out of Grief's darkness. As you know, I've fallen for another woman. The difference this time is that she's fallen for me too and, more importantly, she's real. She's not afraid of touching me or sex or much of anything. When we talk on the phone conversations can and have lasted more than two hours and not once have I become bored. Time flies, and we don't talk about the dogs, or Linda's miserable past history. I don't recall ever laughing so much. Linda makes me laugh; makes me feel like a man; makes me feel safe and alive. And to think I never thought I'd feel like this again.

The good thing about Linda, and it's all good of that there is no doubt, is that I can't find anything to complain about. You'll recall a few months ago, almost every day there was something about that 'woman' I'd complain of. She had her good points, but they were overshadowed by the bad. The difficult part was trying to comprehend why she didn't want to touch me in any meaningful way. Hand-holding wasn't doing it for me and, well, you know the rest of that incredible I-don't-know-how-to-have-sex story.

That was followed by another crazy who thought it okay that she smoked two packs a day, but if I was taking morphine for chronic pain, and I was, that was very bad because I might become addicted.

Then Linda came along and saved my sorry ass. She turned dark into light - and for all my flaws - doesn't see them, or if she does they don't warrant concern. Linda likes to touch her man too. Sex isn't something she needs to learn either. Linda tells me she knows a good man when she sees one and there's no way I'm getting away. I am, she says, a "keeper".

Linda doesn't mind either that I remember Gail. In fact, she'd probably kick my ass if I did forget. At the very least I'd lose sex privileges for a few days. Speaking of which, Linda makes me feel like I'm sixteen again. I've had impure thoughts; told her things I've never said to another woman. This is the level we're on. It's a place where we're totally open and honest with each other. How great is that?

Yikes! The next major level may be reached, according to Linda, by this coming Summer. That's when the decision to move in with me comes up for consideration. Now that, if it goes my way, is gonna be good. I've written before of having a feeling that Gail is out there somewhere working hard to make sure I'm happy. That's what she said she wanted; for me to be with someone who cared, and who I could care about. A bit hit and miss at first, I do believe Gail got it right this time.

Tuesday night, talking with Linda about our relationship, as she agreed there's something cosmic about how we came to be in this relationship, a cold chill washed over me ever so briefly. A good thing, what I didn't tell Linda was that earlier that night, out in the yard waiting for Lucky to do her business, I felt something tugging on the back of my shirt. Standing in the open, nothing around me, it couldn't have been that my shirt, I was wearing it hanging out, got caught on something. The tugging was so pronounced I turned around, as if expecting someone to be there, but who?

What did it mean? That I'm being watched over? A sign that I should hang back, not sell this house which had been something I was considering. Why are there tears in my eyes as I write this? Am I so happy I can't stop crying? That's what they are - happy tears. Sure, I can flashback and cry when I see Gail gasping for air, but I'm fulfilling her wish now. Linda makes me happy. She has changed my life. She projects many years of happiness ahead. The Golden Years, I presume. Years I was thinking I'd never see have suddenly become a reality.

Speaking of which, I told you about getting the kitchen floor titled so as to get rid of those marks where the ER crew worked on Gail. No sooner had backer board covered the marks but what I was able to sleep that night in the bedroom in the bed. And I slept nearly eight hours straight which had been unusual for me.

Pretty mundane, eh? That's how it is when love goes so right. By the way, I'm still holding off, um, not that way (couldn't resist the innuendo), when it comes to uttering the words, "I Love You." I'm pretty sure this is love, but, um, hard as it is to hold off, I'm waiting for a particular, special moment, when I tell Linda. When will that moment - come? (Sorry, that came out by accident - really it did - but not prematurely). Soon. Very soon.