Dear readers, some weeks I don't feel an urgent need
to discuss fashion because there are so many other
things to bitch about. So let's just get this out of
the way right here and now. Hold on - this'll just
take a sec.
Phyllis: still covering up her boobs, wow!
Victoria: hair still looks like ass
Nick: looks like Little Mister Lemon Drop in that
sweater
Okay, that should about do it. Now let me move on to
asking you WHO THE BLOODY HELL asks his girlfriend
of a few months' time to commit to raising his
grandchild with him? Did Neil get hit on the head
with some leftover Styrofoam from Clear Springs?
Come to think of it, whatever happened to Clear
Springs? Did a Hellmouth open up and swallow the
town because all the local Slayers were at a Badgers
game, drinking beer and eating cheese curds? Back to
Neil - he seems to think women are walking uteri and
mammaries with incidental heads and limbs attached.
If he's so hot to raise a baby why doesn't he
deposit his precious Winters seed in Karen's loins
and see what happens?
Fortunately, Karen - wearing, by the way, a tailored
red blouse with her hair fluffed up - grew a pair
and basically told Neil to cram his romanticized
grand parenting ideas up his crazy ass. I don't
recall either of the parents-to-be expressing any
interest in relinquishing control of their precious
baby, either. It's all very presumptuous and
bizarre.
Chloe, in a darling black and white patterned trench
coat, confronted Lily at the Jitter Joint and was
cautioned that the couple had not told anyone about
Lily's delicate condition. Are you kidding me? Who
haven't they told? I'm sure they can't so much as
drive through to get a burger without the
pimple-faced kid manning the window offering a
hearty "Congratulations!"
Okay, I'll wrestle my attention back to fashion for
a moment. The part of Morticia Addams was being
played by none other than Sabrina this week. With
her long face and jet-black hair, she really can
look ghoulish when wearing dark red lipstick and
black clothing. I guess that makes Victoria "Cousin
It" with that sad mess of matted hair she's been
sporting, and Victor will be playing not Gomez -
though you know he'd love that - but Lurch.
Simple sheath dresses were the hot style of the
week, it seemed. Nikki had on a black sheath with a
stand-up collar when she was calling her absent
fiancé a hundred and fifty times on Monday. Can I
just say that watching a nervous woman leave
multiple messages on her boyfriend's cell is not
exactly riveting television? And who runs off to be
at his great-uncle's bedside during a health crisis?
How many of us even have great-uncles, let alone
ever speak with them? And he wouldn't tell her what
exactly was going on - just some vague Family
Emergency? Excuse me while I jam this huge Red Flag
up your nose, Nikki. Hopefully it will make contact
with some brain cells.
Phyllis had on a tight tomato-red sheath at the
office, with a high jewel neck and no distracting
accessories - which was a good call, I thought,
since with a dress that red you really don't need
much else going on. Have you noticed all the people
working at desks in the background all of a sudden?
Who the hell are they? Ivan from Human Resources?
Jean-Paul from accounts receivable? "Mad Dog", the
copy repair guy? What the freak is going on at
Useless Style? Where's Amber? Off getting her
monthly cooter-cootie shot?
On Wednesday, Karen had on a very cute black sheath
dress with a red belt and a square neck that looked
adorable on her. I'm not sure I like her fluffy
waved hair, though. It's kind of... big. The only
sleeveless dress I really hated this week was
Sharon's navy-blue number with wide white trim
around the neckline and so help me God, white racing
stripes down the sides. She was wearing it with a
rainbow striped belt, which surprised me as I wasn't
aware Sharon felt that way about Gay Pride. But she
might as well since... well... Miss Noah is headed
toward puberty and it's really only a matter of time
before he frets about asking Sam to his first junior
high dance.
Didn't Jill look fabulous in that sapphire blue
semi-sheer crossover top with its tonal jacquard
pattern? Such a great color for her. I'm not even
going to harp on the chunky necklace she was wearing
that had a single silver handcuff on it. Speaking of
odd necklaces, Sabrina had what looked like chain
mail around her neck when she dropped the bomb on
her BFF about taking mustache rides with Vicky's
father. I'd be grossed out too, but why won't
Victoria STFU about calling it "an affair"? Neither
of them are married, you co-dependent dipshit. It's
not an "affair", it's just two people having zesty
relations. Get over yourself! Take all that energy
and put it toward locating a hairbrush and wiping
off that hideous lipstick!
Editor's note: Liza is a struggling freelance writer
who gives her talent at no cost to the Genoa City
News. If you like her work and would like to
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