Please visit this merchant

Corner Stores

More Merchants

Shop the GCN/Amazon Store
Best Sellers

Fashion/Style by Liza Van Horne
August 1, 2008

Sweet Liz Taylor Drenched in Diamonds, dear readers! Does anyone care to explain to me how in the hell I am supposed to write about fashion with the complete vacuum of fashion nothingness this week?! How am I supposed to come up with my usual sparkling commentary when everybody is running around dressed as if they all just got back from a funeral? Nikki is wearing black. Kay is wearing black. Jill is wearing navy and even Gloria is wearing black! Well, to be fair, Gloria threw a bright lemon-yellow jacket on over her tight black tank-dress, but nevertheless, it's a sea of glum, gloomy fashion this week in Genoa City. Jeez, strike up the dirge - these people are ready to hoist a casket on their shoulders and stumble down the street to Ye Olde Genoa City Graveyard, where poor Cassie Newman currently rests in peace about six inches from the sidewalk.

Not that there's going to be a funeral or anything. THAT WE KNOW OF. Is there? I'm sure Sabrina is on the mend, because Victor knows that if he throws enough money at a problem he can snap his fingers and make it vanish. Right? Lacerated liver - pffft! No chance of survival? Nonsense! The Great Victor Newman's superpowers extend far beyond his jet-propelled Jedi sperm, don't you know. Why, by sitting at his manly bride's bedside and waving a picture of their unused French chateau in her face, he's surely conducting some sort of billionaire juju, no? Shit man, get Jana in there with her Ouija board so she can ask questions and Victor can force the pointer to go in any direction he sees fit. Jana can close her eyes and chirp, "Will Sabrayna survoive?" and Victor can hurl the wooden pointer across the room, yelling "Don't you know who I am?! I CAN HEAL PEOPLE WITH MY MAGICAL WALLET, you got that?!"

Ahem. Speaking of Jana, SHE wasn't wearing black, no sir. In fact, she had on a sleeveless high-necked blouse that appeared to be decorated with a print of corn husks. It IS sweet-corn time in Wisconsin, you know. One of my dear readers, Elsie, just apprised me of the sweet-corn situation via email because I was feeling nostalgic for those summer days in 'Sconnie at the Sun Prairie Corn Fest when the corn was fresh from the fields, and you could douse it in melted creamery butter, salt the life out of it, and dig in. You have to pace yourself, though, as my older sister learned one year after polishing off about half a dozen ears and then making the unfortunate decision to ride some of the spinny rides at the adjoining fair. Creamed corn, anyone? You're very welcome for that mental image.

Okay, so we've established that as soon as Sabrina's body is cold in the ground, Jana and her blouse are taking off for the corn fest. Who can blame her? But what was Chloe's excuse for that feather-duster of a top she was wearing? It started with a high, tight halter neck and proceeded to cascade down to her hips with layer upon overlapping layer of yellow ruffles. All she needed was a cardboard beak over her nose and I swear to God she could have passed for a fluffy Easter chick. Lily was none too happy to see her nemesis, nor was she particularly interested in regarding the alleged sonogram with Chloe's grain-of-rice fetus floating around in a sea of what amounts to formaldehyde, from all the liquor Chloe was consuming prior to peeing on a stick and subsequently going all Fatal Attraction on Cane's dumb ass.

More

Please visit this merchant