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Fashion/Style by Liza Van Horne

Lily herself was still sporting my college spiral perm from Regis, along with a long bright-blue tank dress with a racer back that she wore over a black bra with its straps hanging out. Listen, racer-back bras have been widely available for YEARS now, so I don't get the appeal of having your bra straps clearly visible. But then again, I fail to understand the young ladies I see gallivanting around town with their thongs pulled up to their shoulder blades and their jeans halfway down their asses, either. I must be old. In MY day, underwear went "under there". Then again, in my day people thought "TRON" was groundbreaking, so.

Giving credit where credit is due, when Nikki showed up to inform Jill that she was, in fact "not dead yet", she looked pretty damn put-together in a flattering black suit and her hair pulled back, with some pieces left down to frame her face in front. However, I knew it was too good to be true, and once she turned away from the camera I saw that a cheap black plastic clip had been used to secure her simple updo. Come ON, now. These wealthy socialites are not about to use the same plastic clips as your local WalMart cashier. It's just ridiculous. I remember the days when no woman on a soap opera would be caught DEAD wearing a ponytail without a strand of her own hair wrapped around the base to disguise the ponytail holder. We were not supposed to see any ponytail holders! It was assumed that we wanted to maintain the illusion that these people were Different from us - that they had different Standards of personal grooming. Nowadays, it's like "Oh, whatever. Here, shove that hair up in this clip." "But - that's awful! It's tacky and ugly! I can't wear that on TV!" "Oh, get over yourself - nobody will notice." YES, WE WILL.

Heather Stevens was one of the few women NOT wearing black as she eagerly helped herself to all the credit for Paul's bang-up investigative coup regarding David "Now He's Worm" Chow. In her crew-necked red shell and pencil skirt, with her hair pulled in an "I Mean Business, Bucko" bun, Heather weaseled her way back into the district attorney's office to bungle more cases and overlook more glaringly obvious evidential connections. Gosh, do you think Daddy Hairplugs having encouraged her to pretend she cracked a case she actually didn't will eventually backfire when another difficult investigation comes around? Hmmm, I WONDER. No, that doesn't seem likely at all!

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