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Fashion/Style by Liza Van Horne
August 15, 2008

You know, dear readers, I've never been a mother and I'm never going to be a mother, but if I WERE knocked up, I can tell you for goddamned sure that I would have several dozen priorities in line ahead of clothing my infant in designer "onesies" the likes of which are worn by Suri Cruise and Shiloh Jolie. However, the pressing issue of acquiring an outrageously expensive wardrobe for her illegitimate fetus is foremost in the addled mind of one Chloe Mitchell.

Twice this week she's mentioned her desire for top-of-the-line baby duds - and the second time was at Jana's shower, which I don't understand why she attended as she has nothing much to do with Jana or anyone else present at the event. When addressed with the playfully hypothetical question of what she would do if she had a billion dollars, Chloe shamelessly leaned over toward Katherine - so help me God - and mewed some self-indulgent crap about wanting to travel the world to procure a dream wardrobe for the little tadpole. Then she dropped a wistful line about living from paycheck to paycheck, madly fishing for a benevolent response from Kay, who had better things to do - such as examining her fingernails and reminding herself to call a lawyer ASAP to have this golddigger properly handled. And by "properly handled" I mean "shipped off to Siberia".

Yes, readers, there were some new dresses and styles making the rounds this week, but it was difficult to get a good look at many of them, seeing as the ladies were sitting around doing tequila shots, shrieking, and cackling at an ear-splitting volume that caused me to make sure I had not accidentally tuned in to "The View". I can accurately report that Amber had on a strappy black minidress with a color-blocked gray panel at the bustline and a cute pleated ruffle along the hem. I can also attest to the fact that Jana was looking extremely subdued in a sleeveless yellow lace shell and a simple black pencil skirt. I tried to see Lauren's dress - I really did - but all I could make out was a thin string halter tie around the neck and what appeared to be a black toupee on her upper chest.

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