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Fashion/Style
by
Liza Van Horne
August 26, 2008
Listen closely, dear readers! Do you hear that "thunk"?
Do you? That was the sound of my jaw hitting the
floor upon reaching the end of Monday's episode. Do
you know why? Because that shit ROCKED.
Wow.
I'll admit there was a little part of me that wanted
to giggle hysterically when Nikki went out in the
rain and clutched her hair all orgasmically, and
moaned and screamed "VICTOOOOOR!" But on the other
hand, have you ever spent any time around a really
maudlin drunk? THAT'S WHAT THEY DO. They are not
dignified. They are not subtle. They are feral,
wailing, melodramatic, embarrassing drama queens, is
what. However over-the-top it may seem when you're
watching that behavior on TV in the sober privacy of
your own living room, it's plenty realistic. Having
said that - we can still snicker at it! When Nikki
cried "What am I supposed to do NOW?" I thought to
myself: "Well, I guess you're supposed to stagger
along the beach in the pouring rain while talking to
yourself, and then fall down!" That makes sense. But
nobody asked ME.
I was DYING, dear readers, DYING as Kay tried to
juggle two phones in order to keep Nikki rambling on
about her Precious Moments with the man who recently
wished her dead as a doornail. On the one hand, I
was like "Holy crap, Jeanne Cooper is working these
scenes against a couple of prop phones - this is
amazingly good stuff!" But on the other hand, when
she reflexively pasted on a hollow grin and said
"Yes, it's a delightful story!" I thought I was
going to fall of the couch laughing. "Oh, tell me
all about it - and don't leave out any details!" The
fact that Jeanne Cooper was able to take scenes of
such raw, desperate concern and play them with a
darkly humorous undertone - without descending into
camp - was damned impressive. I love her. Sigh.
And - moving on to the task at hand here - didn't
Katherine look marvelous in her dark blue suit with
a moderately extended Peter Pan collar! Yes, she
did. Another great little acting touch was when, in
order to continue talking on the phone with Slurry
McSelf-Indulgent, Kay had to pull off her huge ol'
earring. From the sound of that thing hitting the
desk, it must have weighed as much as a can of soup.
Ow! My earlobes hurt just thinking about it!
Across town in the God Have Mercy Medical Center,
Heather Stevens looked a lot like roadkill with a
pallid complexion and her hair completely messed-up
and matted - but I liked that, since I'm sick of
seeing people like the late great Sabrina in full
makeup on her deathbed with only the faintest glow
of perspiration gracing her forehead. There's a very
simple rule of thumb in soap opera emergency rooms:
if your lipstick is still ON, you're fine. If your
lipstick is rubbed OFF, you probably need to summon
a priest. Another way of coaxing the Grim Reaper to
your beloved's bedside is to volunteer to go get ice
chips or water. Don't do it! You'd think Adam would
have learned something by what happened to poor
Victor when he tried to do a favor for Sabrina. Any
time you leave the room for thirty seconds to get
some form of H2O, somebody dies! It's kind of like
"The Ring" - only with an ice machine in place of
that creepy art-school video of the spinning chairs
and oversized centipedes.
So Heather may not have been looking her freshest,
but at least some of the other Genoa City ladies
weren't drunk-or-anemic-looking. Chloe was bossing
everybody at Jabot around on Friday in a darling
white strapless dress with a ruched bodice and a
pattern of large blue and navy flowers on it. I must
say I wasn't aware that pretty, full-skirted dresses
with fitted waistlines were maternity-friendly, but
considering how tiny Chloe is, she won't be showing
until the kid is ready for preschool. I'm sorry to
say that Jill really struck out, though, in an
ill-fitting brown jersey-knit top that clung and
pulled all over her body in largely unspeakable
ways. She's usually well-dressed enough that it
deeply saddens me to have to report on something
that misses the mark so horribly, but this item was
just awful. It wasn't even a nice, rich shade of
brown, like espresso or chocolate. It was just plain
old poopy brown. Ugh. C'mon, Jill. Don't do this to
me.
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