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Fashion/Style by Liza Van Horne
August 29, 2008

Dear readers, I have plenty of fashion to address, but I am saving it for Tuesday, since I believe we're getting no Monday episode in the U.S. Here, instead, is a compilation of thoughts and observations from the past week of insanity in Genoa City. I should mention that for the past several day I've been extremely distracted by the Democratic National Convention, which is taking place right here in Denver - in my neck of the woods. So bear with me - I'll have my shit together by Tuesday with a proper fashion and style report for you lovely people. And away we go...

First up: Tyra and Sister It. Okay, is it really that difficult to establish the age of Sister Sings-a-Lot as either 11 or 12?! Make up your freaking minds, morons! That shit is sloppier than Nikki after her eleventh shot of El Vodka. Get your act together, writers. You're getting paid to keep this crap straight and I'm not.

I really can't stand how Jamia Simone Nash (Ana) "acts" by opening her eyes wide and bugging them out and making weird little grimace-y faces. Ugh! I can only pray that she's being sent off to Musical SORAS School and will come back as a 15-year-old recast with laryngitis, PLEASE GOD OH PLEASE. I mean for Pete's sake, what else does Newah No-man have to do with himself? Fantasize about taking the still-unseen Sam to the homecoming dance?

I wish I thought Tyra was leaving for real. Bitch had a lot of nerve making cow-eyes at Kneel and pouting her lips, all sulky and forlorn, right in front of Karen. GOD, the disrespect she and Kneel throw in Karen's face is disgusting. I like Nia Peeples, but her character these days is nothing short of humiliating, so she'd be better off bailing for a role on another show. If my alleged "man" said he didn't want to go have makeouts at his place because he'd be too sad that it was empty without some annoying kid and her mooching mom there, I'd be tempted to kick him in the shins and walk away. Puh-lease. Why is Karen taking this?! Those two didn't have enough between them in the first place for her to be bothering with his paltry ass now.

Speaking of Karen, it was kind of chilling yet awesome when, after Karen's mouthy smackdown of Adam and subsequent declaration that she was quitting, Adam quietly reminded her of their previous hiring conversation and his prediction that she wouldn't last because of her high-strung emotions. It was obnoxious and cruel of him, but it was also a perfectly aimed barb if you ask me. And you could tell it hit the mark because she was all "Oh, uh, I'm not emotional, I'm uh-CLASSY, yeah, CLASSY." Whatever you say, dear.

Let's talk about Captain Pipsqueak, AKA Adam: Adam's behaving in such a hasty, thoughtless, socially tone-deaf, laughably power-drunk manner that I can't root for him at all anymore. He's finally managed to piss me off to the extent that I'll strongly suggest he needs to go fuck himself. The only really bizarre twist I could imagine would be if -despite the Old Guard's confidence in a believable and logical outcome - Victor were to return and inexplicably side with Adam, but that seems unlikely. Also, I don't think you get to claim any of the benefits bequeathed in a will until...oh, let's see...it's been legally executed or something. This shit with Adam running around saying "Ha-ha! I'm in charge now and you're all fired!" is just silly. It's like a child on the playground saying "I'm the King now and you all have to do what I say!" Yeah, that statement isn't exactly binding, now is it?

Adam didn't wait fifteen minutes to start pestering the authorities about a death certificate, now did he? That was just plain crass, and made him look like such a transparently ambitious piece of shit. You can totally picture him waiting by the fax machine and twitching nervously as if he's about to pee his pants: "C'mon c'mon, make his death official so I can - "(whir whir beep beep booooop) "BOO-YA!" (kisses piece of paper)

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