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Scratching the Surface

Fashion/Style by Liza Van Horne
February 29, 2008

Get ready for this, dear readers, because what I'm about to tell you is so exciting, so innovative (in the words of one "Adam" "P. Keaton" "Wilson") that you should probably take a seat because you will surely be blown away. "Beauty of Nature", which is now being referred to as "B of N", thus saving the speaker two entire syllables - and which also is a stupid name and really should have been "Nature of Beauty" seeing as it's both cleverer and more accurate - is creating environmentally friendly products using natural, organic ingredients so that you can feel like a better, crunchier person when you drop $28 for conditioner made from compost and star fruit. Isn't that just the most amazing concept? Isn't it just so cutting-edge? Oh, except Horst M. Rechelbacher already saturated the market in the thirty years since he invented AVEDA, for chrissakes. Shit, man, even Clairol has a botanical line of products and Clairol has been around since the 1600s or some such.

These fools and their pipe dreams, I tell you what. "Restless Style" is another clunker; they might as well have called the clusterfuck of a magazine "Anxious Style", "Agitated Style" or my personal favorite, "Tasteless Style". Since when is "restless" considered a positive mood? Crap on a cracker, these people are delusional.

Speaking of delusional, did you get a load of Sharon's white pantsuit for her arrival in LA on Tuesday? With those bell-bottomed pants and her short-waisted belted jacket with the flap pockets over her bosoms, Sharon was ready to have a frozen margarita and perform the Electric Slide in the jet between doing lines of coke off her sunglasses. Later in the week, she hung around Forrester's office in a white gospel choir robe with a black collar and what appeared to be several black pom poms down the front, tucked into one of her usual unflattering high-waisted skirts. Was she waiting for Jack's news so she could start swaying rhythmically back and forth while lifting her hands and crooning hallelujah? That shit was ridiculous.

But not even close to as ridiculous as Ashley's Hannah Montana meets Miss Haversham get-up at Forrester. From top to bottom, Ashley was wearing Blair's hair from "The Facts of Life", what appeared to be a cream-colored lace tunic minidress belted with a black tie-belt, white jodhpurs and knee-high black riding boots. I could not believe my eyes. It was like 1970s sci-fi mated with Jessica McClintock and shat Ashley out in a stable. More

Editor's note: Liza is a struggling freelance writer who gives her talent at no cost to the Genoa City News. If you like her work and would like to contribute to her cause, please send a donation directly to Liza by clicking the PayPal button below.
 

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