I've complained at length and on many occasions,
dear readers, about the ridiculous preponderance of
ruffle-yoked sleeveless blouses worn by the
middle-aged women of Genoa City. I mean, ruffles are
cute if you're a three-year-old girl playing Tea
Party, but not so much if you're of an age to be
taking hormone replacements and planning your move
to the luxurious Genoa City Silver Foxes retirement
community which I'm sure will be added to the
basement of the athletic club any year now.
Don't you think mid-40s Lauren is a bit long in the
tooth to be wearing frilly blouses like the hideous
piece of crap she had on both Friday and yesterday?
It was white, semi-sheer and bedecked with a
chestful of tattered layers of feathery-looking
ruffles. Look, I live in Colorado, where Crocs are
practically a requirement of residency, so it might
be said that I'm not privy to all the latest trends
and styles. But seriously, do people wear this stuff
in other parts of the country (let alone Wisconsin)?
I've never, ever seen a real live woman wearing
these kinds of blouses. And the pants she paired
with it! Khaki straight-legged clamdiggers! And the
weird belt which snaked around her thighs! Aren't
belts usually worn to keep pants up and not the
other way around?
The other thing that drives me crazy is the style of
short little puffed Disney Princess sleeves,
frequently worn by Victoria, and the other day worn
by Nikki. Nikki had on a navy dress that wasn't bad
except for those little round short sleeves. If
you're old enough to have a granddaughter whose
Gymboree and Baby Gap dresses have those kinds of
sleeves, you should not be wearing them yourself!
At least some of the ladies know how to dress. Kay
looked smashing in a powder-blue jacket and matching
shell on Monday as she tried to break up the
catfight between her daughter and Nikki. Gorgeous
color, very flattering, and nicely accessorized with
silver and diamond jewelry. And at the Jabot/Newman
mediation, during her "Oh crap, I slept with the
enemy!" moment, Heather Stevens looked better than
usual with her hair pulled up into a modern French
twist, wearing black horn-rimmed glasses and a
nicely tailored beige suit.
Jill herself seemed to have caught Gloria's Animal
Print Fever as she Alpha-Dogged around in a
voluminous zebra print blouse, belted at the waist.
Very 1980s Music Video. Blargh! However, once again
she had on my very favorite necklace of hers--that
sculptural gold choker with the two interlocking
swirlies. I covet that thing!
Oh, and speaking of women dressing like little
girls, Lily's purple sundress with the empire waist,
string ties at the shoulders, and elastic smocked
bustline was cute--for an elementary-school-aged
child! Anyway, it didn't stay on long because she
and Cane went at it under the Crusty Red Blanket Of OMG We Just Totally Did It. Chloe, on the other
hand, ate an entire muffin top while wearing a
strictly awful peach, gray, black and white striped
top and a necklace that looks like it was assembled
from chunks of geode and assorted bottle caps.
Jana seemed to think that mustard-yellow and bright
red made for a great color combination, which may be
true if your name is Ronald McDonald. Her sleeveless
canary-hued dress had ruffles down the front, of
course, because this city sucks and no one knows how
to dress. She also matched her fire-engine red hair
extensions to her lipstick, which looked rather
circus-clownish if you ask me. I can't figure out
what the hell her job is or why Sabrina needs an
assistant anyway; I mean, it's not like they're
buying a dozen new pieces of art a day. It's not
even a public gallery. It's a billionaire's hobby,
is all, and I can't think things get hectic enough
around the office for Sabrina to need backup when
she's on the phone buying multi-million dollar dead
sharks. Maybe she needs Jana to hold the phone to
her ear and mop her delicate brow! Wouldn't surprise
me. If there's one thing Genoa City is sorely
lacking, it's a work ethic. All these people ever do
is sit around in ugly ruffled clothes, eat five
meals a day at the Athletic Club, and have business
meetings at the coffee shop!
Editor's note: Liza is a struggling freelance writer
who gives her talent at no cost to the Genoa City
News. If you like her work and would like to
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