The Genoa City News

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Scratching the Surface

Fashion/Style by Liza Van Horne
March 11, 2008

Dear readers, who's your Venus? Who's your fire - your desire? Well, apparently it's Phyllis "Rode In On A Clamshell" Newman, who fretted over her computer files on Friday in a heavily draped white one-shouldered blouse that should only be worn under two circumstances: you're currently feeding grapes to Marcus Aurelius or you're the lead singer for Abba.

Phyllis was working at "The Loft", as they are now calling the tumble-down warehouse whose lower floors are still stained with human excrement and littered with broken crack pipes. But the upper floor they've redecorated using the Ikea down in Chicago is furnished right down to a white square plate filled with Magic 8 Balls on the conference table. I assume these Magic 8 Balls are used for all important business decisions, from "Why am I not using my personal laptop since the power goes off every fifteen minutes?" to "How are we able to put forth a magazine with no writers to supply us with content?" Boy, I can't wait until that first edition hits the web. They're all so awed by "The Loft" when in actuality it looks like the set of a Eurythmics video. Oh shit, I feel a song coming on:

Shit dreams are made of this

Stupid minds don't disagree

Spent all my cash on this crappy loft

Everybody's deluded or something

Ahh, that felt good. Cabana Boy Glenn snorted and gave me a slow sarcastic clap, but I can tell he enjoyed it. You're welcome, darling!

Phyllis wasn't the only one who lost her mind when she rifled through her closet on Friday. Victoria was wearing one of Dorothy Michaels' blouses from the hit movie "Tootsie" - which, incidentally, was about a soap opera, so maybe it's intentionally meta. I'm not even kidding you, this thing she had on was a sheer dark gray shadow-striped blouse with a high collar and gathered yoke. It was like one of the frumpalicious blouses Maggie Gyllenhaal wore in "Secretary" when she was all insecure and slouchy, before James Spader turned her on to spanking and helped her reclaim her confidence through the wholesome fun of BDSM. Except in this case there was no James Spader kinky hotness, just the horrible tranny blouse. Strictly awful. At least her hair looked nice pulled back into a French twist. Whatev's. More
 

Editor's note: Liza is a struggling freelance writer who gives her talent at no cost to the Genoa City News. If you like her work and would like to contribute to her cause, please send a donation directly to Liza by clicking the PayPal button below.
 

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