The Genoa City News

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Scratching the Surface

Fashion/Style by Liza Van Horne
May 9, 2008

Dear readers, ever get a craving for a good old greasy diner breakfast? How do you like your eggs? Over-easy? Sunnyside up? Hash browns or pancakes? Bacon or sausage? I only ask you this because the yellow dress Victoria was wearing this week was straight out of a 1950's diner - all she needed was a white apron, a name tag, and one of those little paper hats pinned to her shitty hair. More coffee, sir? Coming right up! I don't even think Victoria would last through five minutes of the breakfast shift, though, since the only thing she seemed to do at Newman was take lunch breaks, run home to her baby, and whine to Adam and Victor. Can she ever just sit down and complete a task? Does she need Ritalin?

Crap. Now I really really want some hash browns.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, though, because Holy Lord, Nikki looked like eight kinds of hell this week. And I'm not talking about that scene where she'd taken off her makeup to heave herself into bed with David DogChow - though truth be told, the overwhelming unsexiness of that scene made me contemplate celibacy. No, I'm referring to the getup she had on at the office where she works with a bevy of yes-men and ass-kissers she has either slept with or given birth to. Any day now she'll be hiring Miguel to run the company cafeteria, Noah to park cars, and as soon as Abby hits puberty there'll be a job waiting for her to run her own line of cosmetics for albinos like herself.

Nikki has - to put it delicately - looked better. With her hair pulled back into a stiff little ponytail (in a cheap black plastic clip, no less) and that double strand of pearls from the Barbara Bush Signature Collection, she was being done no favors. And that skirt, that high-waisted skirt with the skinny black belt! Jesus Christ, why not just wear a sandwich board that screams "PLEASE LOOK AT MY PROBLEM AREAS"! When your bosoms are already plummeting to the floor, it's not the best idea to wear a skirt whose waistband comes up to your droopy lady pillows. I'm just saying.

Lily was bursting with cocaine, I mean energy, when she returned from her modeling shoot in L.A. Her form-fitting knit tank dress was hideously striped in black, yellow, green and white. It was like a tube sock had a nervous breakdown.

Jill's hair looked very cute this week and I liked her cropped gray jacket, but she pulled out the big guns on Wednesday with a necklace made of golden clamshells. Jana decided to be boring and wore a navy cardigan with red accents and a stupid necklace of huge gold spray-painted ping pong balls. Somewhere off-screen, Amber was showing the town her crotch.

Sabrina continues to go with the floppy, drapey tops and ridiculously high-waisted pants. Okay, for one thing, this is Wisconsin, where it takes the fashion curve at least two or three years to hit, so everybody should still be wearing bootcut and low rise pants BECAUSE THEY'RE HICKS who don't know any better. You think the Kohl's in Genoa City is stocking skinny high-waisted jeans? Think again. And I'm FROM there so I know what I'm talking about. Trust me, there are people there who never gave up their stirrup pants and ankle boots.

I don't know what to think of these various asymmetrical satin tents that Sabrina wears. I guess we're supposed to think they're Artsy and Europeanish, but seeing as Sabrina isn't even exactly sure where the fuck she lived in Europe - was it France? Italy? Are those even separate countries? I'm not buying it. Also, quit sniffing Victor, Frenchy. It's gross. And please tell me I was hallucinating because it appeared that Victor was at his office wearing a black shirt unbuttoned down to his love trail. Completely disgusting. If I wanted to view aged meat I'd go to the butcher's case at Safeway. Cover that rotting two-hundred-year-old flesh, you!

Cheers? Jeers? Let Liza know. Fashion/Style Archives

 
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