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News From the Newsroom

July 26, 2006
by Brent Kellogg

No wonder they laugh at me. Just yesterday Nick and Sharon Newman were planning to get divorced and - presto! - they're divorced. Not to say that's a bad thing, I figured as much given there are no divorce lawyers in Genoa City at the moment, but Jesus! Did they fly to Vegas when I wasn't looking?

They could have I suppose, just like Colleen Carlton took off from Ohio and is now reportedly in New York with a "friend". Odds are good that with the expected return of Traci Abbott Carton Connelly, who I hear will be staying with family to celebrate the death of her father, Colleen will have her mother in tow soon primarily so that Traci might answer some questions about Brad Carlton's past. As usual, I know how easy it is to get confused, but didn't Colleen pretty much say she doesn't care about Brad's past when a few days ago she went running back to daddy's arms?

What I don't understand is why Colleen left Ohio at a time when she knew her hunkmonkey had gone missing. Didn't Colleen chat on the phone with the boogeyman holding J.T. Hellstrom hostage? Weren't the bogeymen watching Colleen come and go from Hellstrom's hotel room? Didn't Paul 'Clueless' Williams tell Colleen to stay at the hotel in the event Hellstrom came back?

Maybe I ask too many questions. Maybe I should find better things to do with my valuable time. I should not question why Brad is putting money in paper sacks and using Sharon as his mule. This much I know, Sharon will go to the end of the earth for Brad. She will meet strange people and give them the cash and not worry that afterwards one of the strangers might beat the snot out of her. Sharon need to worry about showing up for work probably because she can make the round clandestine trip and be back within an hour at NVP just in time to get fired from that job too, which I hear is in the cards.

Sharon does not, however, have to get back in time to tell her son that his fantasy of having a family forever and ever gas been shattered because she's waiting for Noah Newman to finish baseball, no, it's basketball camp this month. She does not have to worry about getting her ass kicked off the Newman Ponderosa where she's been squatting rent-free all these years either as Nick Newman says, much to his sister's amazement, that Sharon will always be a part of the Newman family because she's the mother of his son!

As for Nick, he won't be staying at the Ponderosa either with his son mostly because Noah isn't there! Oh wait, he is there on Tuesdays and Thursdays when he's not staying with imaginary friends or at "camp" which is like a day school and not like the one Nate Hastings went to located so far away Nate wasn't seen for years. Nick is aware that Sharon is going somewhere, but he had no concern she might not be there when Noah got home presumably because it was a Wednesday and there's always a Newman slave to take care of the kids when the parents are too busy fornicating. Nope, Nick is moving into the Athletic Supporter Motel! There's a suite waiting for him there personally made up by the motel's manager, Gina Roma.

I was further reminded today by Neil Winters that it doesn't matter in Genoa City whether kids are born out of wedlock or not. It doesn't matter that these new kids won't have real families or daddies to take them fishing. Every child spawned by the elite in this city are considered, at least by Neil, to be a "blessing" especially when they are born by Phyllis Summers.

How funny is it, or was it, that Daniel and Lily Romalotti, with enough money saved to rent their own place, have decided to go back to the Abbott shed to live? How strange, that as two boobs who moved into Hellstroms' Sugar Shack to keep watch over Colleen, they've moved out now that Colleen has eluded them?

How utterly mind numbing that for someone hired as the security expert at Newman Enterprises, for someone who claims to be a private eye, Hellstrom doesn't have an alarm system installed at the shack? If he does, it doesn't work very well as boogeyman Alex was able to pick the lock today and helped himself to Lily's hairbrush which was inside her suitcase which she left behind when all along it has been decided they would go back to the shed although later, when Daniel had permission to move back to the shed, Lily said she'd changed her mind which may explain why Daniel didn't notice that she'd left her suitcase at the shack.

Laugh at me as they might for doing so, the cooties there must be living in that brush, has given me cause to feel just a little bit sorry for Alex.