While
writing the Battered Beauty article, I
came across some other items that were happening in Genoa City
during the month of June, 1994, you may find humorous.
Waltzing around in her Genoa City Hotel suite wearing little more
than a garter belt, Lauren Fenmore was preparing to do Brad Carlton.
She'd even hired a masseuse to limber him up and as they were going
at it Brad's heart gave out. Rushed to the God Have Mercy Medical
Center, known then as the Center 4 Disease, what with so many
patients under the care of Dr. Olivia Winters dying, Brad went into
cardiac arrest. The crash unit team appeared and began barking
orders at each other. "Get his chart!" one of them hollered, as
another bellowed, "Somebody call X-ray."
It was funny because, well, you decide why. Here's a hint: A
life-support machine in the room at the time, making one hell of a
racket, wasn't attached to Brad.
Learning her former husband was in the hospital, Traci Abbott
Connelly told her father, "He's not officially a member of the
family anymore," and thus old man John 'Yawn' Abbott had no reason
to be concerned about Brad.
Also in the hospital was Malfunction Winters. His first time ever in
Genoa City, Malfunction had sent a letter to his half-brother Neil
before arriving. At the Jabot Cosmetics tiny gym, Neil was working
out with Nathan Hastings. Nathan didn't work at Jabot, but not many
of those using the company gym did. He also knew Neil's new lady,
Dru Barber. Dru had moved in with Neil and Nathan wondered how
shacking up with a woman was working out for him.
"You mean Dru and me?" Neil asked.
Changing topics, Neil spoke to Nathan about the letter and then
tossed it into the trash. Nathan ran to fetch just as Dru walked in,
gave the letter to her, and left without taking a shower. Later, Dru
called Malfunction to tell him he should drop by Neil's office. When
he arrived, Neil asked, "What do you do for a living?" Malfunction
replied, "I hang." Asked by about his education, Malfunction said he
graduated from high school and to prove it flashed a high school
ring at Neil. From there it was off to a park where Malfunction
pulled out of his wallet a newspaper clipping about Neil he'd
carried around for years. Lost in deep thought and repeatedly
looking at the ring, Malfunction didn't notice the gang of thugs
until they started beating on him.
Taken to the hospital minus the ring and empty wallet, Malfunction's
luck was already running out when Dr. Winters appeared to say she
was his doctor. While Olivia was stitching him up, Malfunction hit
on her, but she said she wasn't interested. A few days later,
Malfunction returned to have the stitches removed and amazingly
there was no scar. A few days later, thanks to a good word from Dru,
Malfunction was hired by Blade Bladeson as a photographer's
assistant. Did Malfunction have any experience? You didn't have to
be around back then to know the answer was no.
It's been a long time since we've heard Jill Abbott referred to as
the "Dragon Lady", but that was the nickname Jack Abbott had given
her long ago. While she's not getting as much sex now as she used
to, when Jed Sanders - the man Nina Webster thought was her father -
blew into town, Jill wasted no time getting him in bed. Jed saw
himself as God's gift to women and had been running around town
telling any woman who would listen the most intimate details of his
personal life. Jill so wanted Jed, she told him she'd been having
wet dreams and wondered what Jed thought about that.
"It's normal. It's more than normal. It's natural," Jed said.
"Do you have fantasies about making love to me?" Jill cooed.
After they'd done it right under the Abbott home roof, neither of
them took a shower.
No sooner had Jed done Jill, but what he was doing Nikki Newman and
had his eye on Nikki's very young daughter, Victoria. "You're my
mother's type," Victoria hissed at him. "What type is that?" Jed
asked. "You're a man." Some 12 years later Nikki hasn't changed
much.
Incidentally, Jill did Jed while she was married to Yawn. You see,
Yawn couldn't get it up. Was it age, or that Jill was a slut causing
Yawn's problem? Nope, he'd been turned down by a life insurance
company as being a "poor risk." Yawn was so distraught, he told Jill
he couldn't sleep in the same bed with her.
Another
strange relationship was Victor Newman's with Hopeless Adams. Victor
had gone to all the trouble of taking Hope off her Kansas farm and
all she could do was whine that he'd never mentioned marriage to
her. "You don't want me because I'm not whole," she sniveled in
reference to her sightless eyes. Snorting like a bull, Victor said,
"You are a most courageous, admirable and unique woman. Will you
marry me?"
It wasn't enough that Hope was unique, Victor wanted her to see what she
was getting. Having found a doctor who could get her a pair of eyes,
Victor was dreaming what it would be like having her see such a
great man when Hope stumbled out of her 35th floor Newman Towers
bedroom and promptly tripped over the sofa. "Who moved the
furniture?" Victor growled, placing the blame on Col. Douglas Austin
who was staying with them.
"I'd do anything to see your face," Hope drawled as the phone rang.
"I've set aside two hours for you tomorrow morning," the eye doctor
told Victor. "I'll be there," Victor mumbled without asking what
time tomorrow.
Learning of the gift Victor was giving to Hope, Col. Austin said,
"It's the dawn of a new life." Later, as Victor drove Hope to the
doctor's office, she quipped, "This could be the beginning of a new
life."
Lastly, how about this one from a Kansas farm girl?
Told by Victor that on their honeymoon they would ride horses, Hope
said, "I've never been on a horse."
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