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Remember When - 2005

Death Wish

October 24, 2005
by Brent Kellogg 

Maybe it's just me but if I'd recently been saved from jumping off a roof, and told while in the hospital I have a "rare" toxic agent cursing through my bloodstream, I wouldn't be going anywhere until the doctors knew for sure what the toxicity is and got it out of my system. Then again, I'm not Lauren Fenmore. I don't actually live in Genoa City, but I do know what happens when those "rare" diseases hit here.

Given the years she's been around, Lauren should know about rare diseases and what they can do. She must have heard about the rare disease Dr. Olivia Winters contracted. For weeks Winters moaned and groaned she might die until at the last moment a miracle saved her.

While having a rare disease is less likely to kill people than say, being dropped on the floor while being transferred from a gurney to a hospital bed, Lauren should know from her own experience people do die. Dr. Scott Grainger, Lauren's former husband, died from a rare disease so you'd think she'd be a little less carefree about the one surging through her system.

Unless she's got a death wish.

Perhaps that's why Lauren can't wait to get out of the God Have Mercy Medical Center. Her doctor has said it's okay, and Lauren herself said Monday she's fine, so why not? She won't have to be constantly bothered by visitors like her mother-in-law to be, Gloria Abbott, who stopped by to say she couldn't believe Lauren was in the hospital.

How, exactly, does that work? Didn't Gloria learn from her son that Lauren has been taken ill and that she's a patient at the GHM? Why then would she tell Lauren, "I can't believe you're here" when she saw Lauren laying in bed? Did Gloria mean she can't believe people don't get sick, or that Lauren should have asked to be taken to an accredited hospital? And why would Gloria ask, "How are you feeling?" How does she think someone who nearly jumped to their death feels? Or is this one of those patronizing courtesy statements like, "How are you doing?" when generally the person asking the question could give a rip? Clearly, Gloria has never been a patient at the GHM, but it's only a matter of time. Eventually, everyone shows up here with some malady.

As for the rare toxic substance doctors have yet to figure out what it is and Lauren's fiancée doesn't want to wait while the quacks run endless, expensive medical tests. Not that he or Lauren will ever see a bill, Michael Baldwin swung into action first thing this week by ordering everything Lauren had come into contact be tested. Furthermore, he plans to have a HazMat team check and scrub the roof of the condominium where Lauren nearly killed herself and the condom he shares with her. In the time it takes Lauren to be released both places will be spic and span.

Gloria did make a good point, however. Why, given how her son sucks around Lauren, isn't Michael sick? Michael's hobby - when he's not representing people in a court of law for the past year - must be chemistry. This would explain why he thinks toxic agents in blood get there by way of "allergic reaction" probably like poison ivy - or something. Not that it matters. Michael said the bottom line is to make sure nothing like this happens again even though everyone pretty much knows it will.

So, you might be saying to yourself, it Michael wants everything Lauren came into contact with sanitized and homogenized, why didn't he have that silly necklace she wears checked? He knows she was wearing it on the roof. Granted, if Michael were a truck driver, he might not know about these things. He might be more concerned that his - sexually used by almost every man in this forsaken town - woman feel pretty by keeping the necklace around her neck. And why not? Obviously, the evil charm can be turned on and off at will. But Michael's a lawyer for Pete's sake. He should know that having everything checked means - everything.

Michael has, as expected, overlooked this important detail. He had to. Otherwise terrible Tom Fisher won't be able to slip into Lauren's room and attempt to steal the necklace. Remember too, that before leaving Lauren alone, Michael said he had things to do; places to go; a roof to scrub; a condom to clean. He asked the nurse to call him should Lauren need anything. Speaking of which, where will that nurse be when Tom shows up? Didn't she say Lauren's a prized patient; that she alone is responsible for watching over her? How is it that Michael will return in the nick of time to catch Tom? You know he will because Lauren hasn't screamed nearly enough. She hasn't been totally freaked out to the point where she should be at John Hopkins demanding they find out what's in her blood.

Moreover, given GHM's history of unexpected deaths, the recent death of Cassie Newman, Keith Dennison laying for years in a coma down the hall, the attempted kidnapping of the Marsino baby and evildoers running around the place waving guns and syringes, why hasn't security been beefed up? Not that an army of rent-a-cops would help. The Chancellor Mausoleum is crawling with 'em; the Newman ponderosa crawls with 'em, yet the bad guys always manage to come and go as they please. Why hasn't the Press reported these concerns? Are they too busy covering Star Search to report real news? Why would anyone knowingly go to the GHM for medical care? Do they have a death wish?