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2002 News Archives - Diane Jenkins

See also: Jenkins  Jack Abbott  Phyllis Abbott

December 26, 2002

Jenkins warned; cops out to get her!
by Lois Hill

Just one day after Christmas and the hatemongers were back at it Thursday looking to see who might bleed.

Upset that Diane Jenkins would not allow his son to spend the day with him, Jack Abbott placed a call to all-purpose attorney John Silva seeking a legal remedy and Phyllis Abbott vowed revenge against those unwilling to turn over their children at the drop of a hat.

Within her legal rights where the crazy Abbotts are concerned, Jenkins had more pressing problems including an early morning visit from the demonic dizzy Izzy Williams and the extremely inept Genoa City Police detective, Hank Weber.

Feeling betrayed, Williams pumped Jenkins again about who started the Abbott poolhouse fire and whether or not Diane is still in love with Jack. Again, Jenkins told the wicked Williams she didn't start the fire, doesn't know for sure how she feels about Abbott, but that it was pay back time for the weasels who screwed her.

Showing lockstep support of every decision regarding the loss of civil liberties and the ramrodding of a tank into Diane's every orifice, Williams advised Diane to get a good lawyer because the cops have a good case against her.

Diane told the pathetic little witch to jump on her broom and did not whack Izzy upside the head with a cane while screaming "is this the way your treat your only pal in the entire universe?" nor did she warn Izzy to keep her mouth shut or she'd let a certain private detective in on a few things about Izzy's blackmailing and deceit.

As Williams flew off Diane was visited by the equally sucker-faced police detective Hank Weber who had the audacity to suggest that Diane cop a plea. By admitting she set the fire the brown shirts might go easy on her and she better do it because the dirty pigs know she had motive, means and access.

Jenkins reminded Weber that he had the person who started the fire and if he hadn't let Phyllis Abbott get away he wouldn't have to be creating new evildoers where none really existed before. She also stated again that she didn't purchase any paint thinner or start any fire and at best whatever case Weber thinks he has against her, it's thin.

"Our case was flawed," Weber retorted and with just four words proved that it really doesn't matter who, so long as somebody, goes down for the crime.

After another repetitious blowout between Jenkins and Phyllis Abbott the sperm stealing bitch sought out yes-girl Izzy Williams for her opinion with regard to what should be done next. With repairs to the Abbott guest suite about to be completed Jenkins wants to move back into the main house.

Why Jenkins wasted her time asking Williams boggles the mind since Jenkins does pretty much what she wants to do regardless of what anyone thinks. She already knows and has been told numerous times to stay out of the main house and now here she is plotting to put down permanent roots.

A gutless man, Jack Abbott told himself again Wednesday that he must be brave. To that end he sheepishly approached Jenkins and told her that when the cast comes off her leg she will have to move.

For all the impact Abbott's decision had Jenkins might as well have laughed in his face. Silly boy, don't you know me better than that? You are such a fool Jack Abbott. No wonder Victor Newman has twisted you around his finger whenever you two butt heads. You are a weak little boy. Whatever you tell me has no meaning because I want what I want and will stop at nothing to get it. Now run back to the little wife Jackie. Tell her you've taken decisive action. Diane will be gone soon so you two can wallow in the victory for a few days and pat yourself on the back for being a man.

What a simpleton! Grease the palm of the doctor with a few greenbacks and who knows how long the cast will stay on. When that ploy runs its usefulness simply break the leg again or some other bone and everything old will be new again.

And it's so bitterly funny how one woman - with the help of her baby as a weapon and a great deal of snorted snake's venom - can essentially mangle the lives of two people just like that.

There is no real lesson to be learned from watching Jack Abbott pretend to be a man. Nothing has really changed. This is Genoa City romance, sick as it ever was, living by the same rule it's always lived by.

This is why nobody was the slightest bit surprised or shocked or taken aback when Abbott laid down his nonnegotiable law today. Appalled is more like it.

August 7, 2002

Lonely days, lonely nights
by Brent Kellogg

Concerned that the woman she was grooming as a possible personal butt wiper hadn't made herself available as a sounding board in recent days, Abbott pool house squatter Diane Jenkins hobbled on her peg leg Wednesday to the apartment of dizzy Izzy Williams to rehash how her plan to get Jack Abbott into her life had collapsed like a house of cards.

With terrorist paranoia starting to run deep in Genoa City, Jenkins was outraged that she was heavily questioned by the building doorman before being allowed access to the elevator.

Inside the Williams' tiny abode Jenkins belabored her tired and failing quest but like a suicide bomber wasn't about to admit defeat. If only she had a plan she could keep fighting the losing battle.

To be sure, Jenkins convinced herself that wanting a mother and father for her son is not the fallacy of an evil woman. She has seen the light at the end of the tunnel. Problem is - there isn't a tunnel!

Realizing that she has a coalition of one, Jenkins broke out in a spin-happy rendition of You've Got a Friend. She profusely thanked Mrs. Williams for being the one friend she can talk to and praised the urchin for being there for her.

Mrs. William's sucked and savored on every word spewing from Jenkins' mouth but something about her body language didn't look quite right. Fidgeting as if she had an urgent need to pee, Williams finally blurt out again that if their conversation must continue it should be away from the prying eyes and ears of her clueless husband who was due home at any moment.

Picking up on the reluctance, Jenkins thought it odd that Mr. Williams would still be upset with her for sleeping with his sister's fiancée all those years ago, but didn't take the hint that she should leave.

Unwilling to ratchet up the rhetoric further, Williams confessed that her husband picks and chooses her friends and Jenkins isn't on the list. After injecting herself into a situation she should have kept her nose out of from the onset, Williams now made it clear she didn't want to be in the middle of Jenkins' mess.

Williams did try to wiggle out of distancing herself from Jenkins by puffing out her chest and declaring that nobody tells her who she can and cannot have as friends. But it was too late.

Jenkins took the hint. So that's why Williams hadn't been answering her summons and this meeting was the big kiss off.

Again, Williams tried to weasel out. Her husband is a control freak and she doesn't want to make him angry. What if they put their friendship on hiatus?

Saddened by Williams' frankness, Jenkins started to sniffle. In all the years she's lived a sheltered and lonely life without friends it was only now she had come to understand the meaning of the word alone.

So long as Jenkins continues this silly got to get you into my life Jack Abbott and I'll use our son as a weapon to get what I want fiasco there is no hope for this disgusting woman. The longer she keeps her squatting ass planted in the Abbott home the longer she'll have to deal with the reality that nobody likes her.

To change all that, Jenkins needs to show that she can be a kinder, gentler woman and mother by moving far away from the Abbott's, allow the father of her baby to have visitation and establish stature or rapport with the boy's new step-mother. But Jenkins - like her evil plan - shows no sign of going anywhere.

July 26,, 2002

Glutton for punishment
by Michael Kelly

While it's hardly unusual for the flaky folks of Genoa City to drop by unannounced on the doorstep of friends and family, idle architect Diane Jenkins' impromptu early morning visit to the inner sanctum of her ex-husband Victor Newman here on Friday surely takes the cake.

Not only does the man loathe her, but Jenkins had no sane reason for being there in the first place!

Jenkins hobbled into the great man's lair sporting a new walking cast and stick.

Late last night, Diane was still using her crutches, and her cracked gam was mummified inside a full cast. She had also slashed one of her digits on a smashed wine goblet.

Fortunately, Dr. Frank Furter, a Center 4 Disease quack factory hack, opened his office at the crack of dawn to saw off Peg Leg's old plaster, wrapped her paw with a walking cast, and gave her a classy cane. The miracle worker even put an invisible bandage on the scarred finger.

Vic was surprisingly civil to his former spouse, but he was perplexed when she puzzlingly presented him with plans for a new office complex he wanted built almost 5 years before!

Being no old fool, Newman pointed out that she could have had the damn drawings delivered by messenger. Besides, the new office building was no longer in development. So why the hell was she bothering him?

The wicked wench of the Midwest whined that she was really, really scared" that her "last chance at happiness" had slipped through her fingers.

Furthermore, she expected the Vic-man to "summon his conscience" and accept responsibility for the fact that she lost "the love of her life", Jack Abbott, because Newman "lured her away" from him.

The boastful bastard bragged that luring her away from Abbott hadn't been difficult. Anyway, Jenkins would have to be "delusional" to place responsibility for her fractured affair on his shoulders.

Shifting the blame for her broken heart onto Phyllis Abbott, Diane claimed that the life she should have shared with Jack was snatched away by a "worthless" excuse for a human being.

Annoyed by her pathetic pity party, the indefatigable industrialist inquired why he should "give a rat's behind" about her troubles.

The scheming squatter wanted Vic to tell her that she has a right to be "angry" because she'll never find love again.

Rather than advise Jenkins to buy herself a dildo or a Jack Abbott blow-up doll, Newman assured the sperm thief that she'll eventually latch on to some dumb "bozo." But love, at least for her, is out of the question.

After snidely stating that she should have known better than to expect sympathy from a slimy slug like him, Diane asked, "What the hell do you know about love?" before spitefully stalking out of the old man's office.

A better question is, what does Jenkins know about love? Considering her conduct in recent years, it's doubtful that she even knows what the word means.

She is a grasping, opportunistic, self centered woman who thinks nothing of using the child she professes to love as a pawn to obtain a married man.

Did Newman treat her shabbily when they were married? Certainly! The aging egomaniac treats everyone like sludge. Did he marry her merely to irritate his nemesis Jack Abbott? Absolutely!

But for her to absolve herself of any responsibility for leaving Abbott to be with Newman is ludicrous. Vic didn't put a gun to her head, or slip Love Potion Number 9 into her prune juice.

The woman was obviously dazzled by the great man's money and power. While Jacko isn't exactly a plumber from Podunk, Peg Leg avariciously fell victim to the grass is always greener fallacy. Which means that she never loved Abbott in the first place.

Diane's divorce from Viagra Vic left her with more money than she'll ever spend. She also has a healthy child and a career as an architect that she can supposedly revive at any time.

Many women have to drag themselves and their children out of physically abusive marriages with only the clothes on their back. Jenkins has no cause to complain.

For her to expect validation, an apology, or even a sympathetic ear from Victor Newman only proves that Diane has lacks pride, brains, and a sense of personal responsibility. A tried and true masochist, the soulless woman merely exists to immerse herself in misery of her own making.

July 2, 2002

Flower picking turns tragic!
by Brent Kellogg

Paramedics responded to the home of Jabot Cosmetics founder John Abbott here Tuesday when a person phoned the local 911 dispatch center to report a woman had been run over by a car. An ambulance crew arrived in record time to provide vital care and found local sperm thief, Diane Jenkins, had in fact sustained an injury to her leg.

Claiming she was picking flowers prior to the accident Jenkins volunteered that she was walking across the driveway when her leg came to be wedged under a vehicle backing out at the time.

In apparent violation of State and Federal law, paramedics administered the narcotic morphine to the patient without prior authorization from a medical doctor. Jenkins was hauled away to the Center 4 Disease where she was expected to undergo a complete examination to determine the extent of her injuries.

Provided Dr. Olivia Winters is not the attending emergency room doctor, Jenkins is expected to survive a stay at the C4D. Because she is known as the "butcher" patients under Dr. Winters' care frequently check in alive but check out dead.

Jenkins was fortunate in that she has money to burn and won't have to worry about how to pay her medical bills. Peasants, even those with medical insurance, are discouraged from using ambulance services except in cases of life-threatening injury. Those on Social Security Medicare often bear the full brunt of medical costs even in cases where patients suspect their lives are in jeopardy.

Medicare routinely refuses claims where an ambulance was summoned and especially doesn't like when meat wagons are used after hours. Saying that ambulances are not to be used as "a personal taxi service" Medicare often instructs recipients that they could have taken themselves to the family physician during regular doctor office hours.

Oddly, Jack Abbott, the father of Jenkins' baby, was so distraught he had a compulsion to accompany Jenkins in the ambulance to the hospital. But the homopteran was convinced to stay behind to care for his child.

Behind the wheel of the vehicle which struck Jenkins, Mrs. Phyllis Abbott is not expected to face criminal charges but was questioned as to her guilt or innocence by her husband.

"I’m your wife," Mrs. Abbott was forced to remind Mr. Abbott demanding he give her the benefit of the doubt.

"Mark my word. That bitch is going to use this to extend her stay," Mrs. Abbott said of Jenkins who recently invited herself, her baby and her personal butt-wiper into the Abbott home.

July 1, 2002

Get a job? Get real!
by Lois Hill

Checking want ads, sending out hundreds of resumes, spending hours on the telephone and networking via e-mail, searching job banks and other methods of searching for employment is the old fashioned way in most cities and towns across America for common persons looking for work.

A few of the downtrodden applicants lucky enough to get an interview often discover they have been reduced to vegetable status. Much like a produce department, the employer's gate keeper will pick through the applicants looking for blemishes and ripeness and after a comparison process put those with potential into another pile to be whittled down later.

With the job search such a degrading experience it's a wonder more people haven't moved to Genoa City. Here, outsiders can blow into town one day and find themselves working at the Enron and WorldCom like businesses the next. Aggressive job seekers need only stop at the local college off-campus coffee shop by day club for all ages by night. If the seeker has a little patience the owner of the shop or one of its employees will inquire into the seeker's reason for being in town. Upon learning the seeker wants a job one is often offered on the spot. The job, for which the seeker is never qualified or experienced, comes with a fancy office, a personal secretary and perks up the wazoo. New employees need only show up to qualify for as much time as may be needed to handle personal problems on company time.

Since finding work in this city is such a breeze why is it that some socialites are having a tough time? The rich and influential here don't need work but often take jobs so that they can prove to others how independent and successful they are.

Diane Jenkins is one of those socialites seeking employment. Incredibly, job offers have been pouring in although Jenkins has not once attended an interview. While she hasn't applied for work in the land of the rising sun offers from Japan have been summarily dismissed because of Jenkins' unwillingness to relocate.

Jenkins' latest offer from Denver was met with approval because of the short two hour travel time by air. "It's better than Japan," Jenkins acknowledged and immediately made up her mind that, without any further communication with the employer, she would make plans to move to Colorado.

Jenkins' plan leapt to idiocy when it became clear she has no intention of working or moving anywhere. With the fat golden parachute her former husband coughed up when their marriage ended recently, Jenkins has more money than she'll ever be able to spend. To satisfy her need for power the possibility she will replace Jabot Cosmetics webmaster Sean Bridges still exists.

But work is something Jenkins wants to avoid at all cost. Snug as a bug in a rug, she's got the perfect scam running save for one little glitch. The free room and board she's getting at the Abbott hotel is in jeopardy. With the return of the Glow Worms to the Abbott home looming, desperate times call for desperate measures.

To guarantee her gravy train won't get derailed Jenkins took steps Monday right out of the Abbott flower garden and literally broke a leg by sticking it under the tire of a car backing out of the drive.

Jenkins' busted femur should generate the oodles of sympathy she needs to convince the boneheads who allowed her to invade their home to let her stay longer.

June 28, 2002

Butt wiper tracks lead to Genoa City
by Brent Kellogg

Agents of the Immigration and Naturalization Service are reportedly hot on the trail of a woman thought to be working in Genoa City as a personal butt wiper.

Suspected of over staying her VISA and being an undocumented worker, the woman is of Italian decent, speaks with an annoying thick accent and goes by the name Graziella.

Law enforcement officials say the woman had sought asylum but was denied when she was suspected of being "potentially criminal" and could face prosecution if located. INS agents and the FBI traced Graziella to Genoa City after pouring over library records.

"We have it on good authority that the woman, she's used the last name Scaloppini, is in Wisconsin aiding and abetting a sperm thief living in Genoa City. We're not known for finding wanted criminals but if we can figure out how to get there we suspect we'll find our woman hold up with a woman called Diane Jenkins," said an FBI agent who asked not to be identified.

Agents say the connection between Scaloppini and Jenkins was based on court records documenting the 'Baby K' case.

Jenkins is suspected of bringing Scaloppini into the United States by what were referred to as "coyotes," or smugglers — and drug traffickers.

"We're not interested in pressing charges in this case. We just want those who are not in this country legally to go back where they came from. What concerns us is that Scaloppini may become involved in the chicken processing industry. That's our primary target of immigration enforcement, the FBI said.

Strange as it may seem, it's true! An INS agent in Missouri said on Thursday, "The chicken processing industry is a target of the agency."

One step ahead of the gulag patrol, Jenkins is reportedly preparing to terminate Scaloppini's services. By the time agents arrive in Genoa City - if ever - Scaloppini will be long gone.

Scaloppini is expected to use the sick relative excuse to slip away without raising suspicions. A brother named Paulo (wink-wink) living in Italy may suddenly become ill forcing Scaloppini to tender her immediate resignation.

Jenkins declares war on Abbott family!
by Brent Kellogg

June 11, 2002

Fork you!
by Brent Kellogg

May 29, 2002

Shark in control of Abbott pool
It's a done deal! Any hope the Abbott family may have had to rid themselves of Diane Jenkins went up in smoke Wednesday when the evil woman's move into the Abbott pool house was blessed personally by Jack Abbott. Should the owner of the home object at a later date it would take a good year to have Jenkins legally evicted. Fully aware of the law, Jenkins is already in a position to demand changes to the home at the owners expense of such things as child-proof pool gate locks and pool alarms.

May 27, 2002

The house guest from hell
by Michael Kelly

May 23, 2002

Little room at the pool
Her plan coming together like a well orchestrated symphony, Diane Jenkins nearly blew it big time Thursday when she charged the father of her child with treating her like the hired help.

"I won't live in an outhouse," Jenkins spat after she was given the opportunity to move into the Abbott pool house with her baby and personal slave.

However, Jenkins' tune quickly changed when she realized that spitting on Jack Abbott would not further efforts to get within clawing distance of the man she wants in her bed.

May 20, 2002

Identity switch exposed!

By Michael Kelly

Jabot Cosmetics CEO Jack Abbott was stunned into speechlessness here on Monday when idle architect Diane Jenkins confessed that Abbott's barren bride Phyllis orchestrated an inane identity swapping scheme to smuggle the sperm thief and her child out of the country.

Abbott had arrived at Jenkins' hotel suite with the intention of saying good-bye to his son, the notorious 'Baby K'. Jacko believed mother and son were headed back to their home in Milan until devious Diane made sure he eyed a fax from her boss saying that Jenkins had been given the boot.

It was a sick hoax masterminded by the sperm thief to convince Abbott to allow her, Baby K, and the nanny to move into the overcrowded Abbott home. Obviously, Jenkins' insidious intention was to drive a wedge between the Abbotts so that Diane and the kid could create a ready-made family with the middle aged baby freak.

Mr. Abbott was incredulous when he heard of Jenkins' plan to invade his home then said no way. In a rare moment of consideration for his unhinged wife, Jack pointed out that it was Phyllis' home too. It would never work.

In that case, the so-called architect would have to either go back to Milan unemployed, or take the job drawing rice huts in Japan. Abbott couldn't stand the idea of his precious baby being so far away. How about a compromise? Jacko would rent her a house in Genoa City. She could stay until a final decision was made about a job and a permanent residence. Presumably, Abbott's inflated wallet would absorb all costs.

Jenkins' turned her nose up at the generous offer. The thought of her and the brat living alone in a "big, empty house" on a temporary basis was out of the question. She wanted to put down "roots" for her and the boy.

Furthermore, she couldn't understand why Jacko was being so loyal to Phyllis when the loyalty wasn't returned. At that point, Abbott blew his top. He accused Diane of stirring up trouble. Imagine that.

That's when Jenkins informed him of his wife's wacky, wigged out identity swapping plot. It was all an attempt on Mrs. Abbott's part to outwit the Keystone Kops that Jacko hired to keep mother and son from hopping a plane out of the country. Phyllis even provided a wad of cash to prevent the sperm thief from having to use telltale credit cards. Of course, Diane couldn't go through with the horrible hoax. It wouldn't be right.

Jenkins' bombshell had the desired result. Jacko felt like he'd been hit by a ton of bricks.

Oozing insincere sincerity, Diane demurred, "I get no joy from tattling on her, Jack."

Uh huh. Sure.

When she asked the ashen Abbott if he had anything he wanted to say, Jacko only stared back at Jenkins helplessly.

The man's next move was his wife's office. Jacko announced that he had a proposition to discuss with Phyllis concerning the sperm thief and his bambino. Could he be about to say that he's made a "moving" decision on behalf of the mother and child Mrs. Abbott loathes?

If Jacko's going to use the discovery of his wife's idiotic identity scam to rationale his son and the sperm thief moving into the home he shares with his wife, Phyllis should eject his baby freaking carcass out of her life once and for all.

No amount of love, or love of money will be worth the embarrassment, mental anguish, and heartbreak Mrs. Abbott will endure if Jenkins and her brat move into the Abbott abode. The barren woman would be wise to initiate divorcee proceedings immediately. To make up for the way he cruelly cross-examined her in the Baby K custody clash, perhaps Michael Baldwin would take on Abbott's case at a considerable discount.

As for Jack Abbott, he has a hell of a lot of gall if he even considers allowing Diane and Baby K onto Abbott property. He should know Jenkins well enough to realize that she's using an innocent child to emotionally blackmail her way into his life. The fact that she refused to let him rent a home for her elsewhere in Genoa City is proof of that. This business of putting down roots in the Abbott house is pure poppycock. Obviously, the identity switch perpetrated by Phyllis pales in comparison to what the sperm thief has in mind.

May 16, 2002

Fire away!

by Michael Kelly

May 7, 2002

Nomad has parents!

by Michael Kelly

May 5, 2002

'God' created sperm thief's monster

by Michael Kelly