Unfazed by the fact that no one in Genoa City cares whether she lives or dies, department store diva Lauren Fenmore played Santa Claus to a fabulously wealthy fossil woman and a newborn before agreeing to be the child's godmother.

Fenmore's first stop was the mausoleum of regal relic Katherine Chancellor, who had just returned home following a frightening kidnapping ordeal, and an even scarier short stay at the Center 4 Disease quack factory.

As a joke, the redhead presented the gnarled grande dame with a pretty pink peignoir that was as skimpy as a sling shot. Thankfully, the wrinkled reptile roared at the thought of wearing such a tawdry trifle.

The biddy bragged that she'd "looked death in the face and didn't flinch," before rudely wondering why Lauren was still in town.

Chancellor didn't buy Fenmore's line about looking out for her "flagship store," and believed that the lonely and loveless
CEO wanted to regain the love of former hubby and inept investigator Paul "Clueless" Williams.

Trying to cheer the poor thing up, the dotty dowager declared that it was entirely possible that Williams' marriage to the profane Dizzy Izzy might one day go down the drain.

Deciding that one irrelevant errand a day wasn't enough, Fenmore fetched an engraved china cup from her store, inserted it in a blue box, and presented it to the Williams couple as a gift for their bouncing baby boy Ricky Carl.

Despite the fact that the brat is in the breast feeding phase, Fenmore felt that it's never too soon to get "Ricky used to the finer things in life."

Since the Dizzy Izzy and Clueless coupling is reviled by everyone in Genoa City, Mrs. Williams wasted no time asking Lauren to be god-witch to the future warlock.

"Touched" by the out of left field offer, the redhead embraced her ex and even hugged the whore he hitched himself to.

Following a wise-ass request to get future discounts in the baby department of Fenmore's store, Paul grabbed his silver briefcase and went to work at his defective detective agency.

Once the women were alone, a leery Lauren wanted to know where Izzy's offer is "really coming from."

Pitifully admitting that the couple's list of friends "begins and ends" with Fenmore, Izzy added that if Lauren hadn't stuck her nose where it didn't belong, Dizzy's dysfunctional family wouldn't be intact.

Freed from her misgivings, Fenmore proudly proclaimed, "I'm going to be one hell of a godmother. You have my word on that."

Isn't it odd that the department store diva would adamantly assure the satanic strumpet she despises that she'd be the ultimate fairy godmother to her bedeviled offspring?

Considering her unfulfilled fantasies where Clueless is concerned, Lauren is either anxious to surpass his secretary Yes-Boss Bassett in masochism, or she believes she has no higher purpose in life.

Perhaps the son she hasn't seen in nearly ten years has been forgotten in some God forsaken boarding school.

Considering that Scotty Grainger didn't spend the first year of his life with his mother because the child was swapped with a black market baby, Fenmore's negligence as a parent is particularly repugnant. One would think she'd want to lavish love and attention on her only child.

But no. This worthless excuse for a woman prefers to hover around her ex-husband's supposed child, the awkwardly named Ricky Carl, and hand out sexy, skimpy scanties to senile senior citizens.