December 6, 2002

Writers on heroin
by Brent Kellogg

As a rule I write irreverent reports about the events in Genoa City and let the absurdity go in one eye and other the other. If the consequences of the fatuousness become overwhelming I pop some Prozac and shut it out of my mind. But when the bizarre becomes egregious I cannot sit idly by and say, oh, isn't that weird and strange and nod off again.

As everyone with any reasonable amount of common sense will tell you, is it goddamn impossible to burst into a doctor's office and rip off a patient file. That it happened in Genoa City on Monday should make you snicker a little at the silliness of it all and then it should make you outraged that the heroin taking monkeys passing themselves off as writers cannot come up with something, anything, containing a semblance of reality.

If the crap these writers crank out on a regular basis were a fluke it might be forgivable. An occasional drift into Never Never Land is acceptable. But when Jack Abbott asked detective Paul 'Clueless' Williams if he could get his hands on Diane Jenkins' medical record and Clueless said yes, the bile in my clenched colon began to churn. Even before it happened I knew that what would come next would have me kneeling before the porcelain gods.

Along with his puppy-dog, I'll lick your boots boss if you'll only give me a second look and maybe a wink now and then and I didn't learn anything when I got arrested along with your mother when I broke into Michael Baldwin's office, Winona Ryder wannabe Lynne 'Yes-Boss' Bassett, Clueless went to Diane's doctor's office pretending to be in dire need of medical care.

Not content to openly denigrate the universal sense of human decency by making this farce of flying monkeys on crack stomping on dying kittens appear anywhere near believable, Clueless was able to fetch Jenkins' record which was conveniently within easy access.

The laughingstock that a woman who continues wearing a leg brace, heretofore repeatedly referred to as a "cast", is the "evidence" they need and proves Diane started the poolhouse fire is the shaky facade that will set Phyllis Abbott free?

Overload our collective gag reflex with enough reckless and mind numbing writing, enough shockingly irresponsible plots any one of which would, by itself, offend and appall anyone with a pulse, and they all simply become a swirl of indecipherable atrocities.

It's happening, it's unstoppable, so why complain?

Because as long as the rich white flab-assed drug sucking writers are supremely comfortable and can more easily dish out these daily enemas, the more often we who have the common sense to know when we're being screwed intellectually will have to obtain a colonoscopy.

October 16, 2002

Adoption? Not in this city!
by Brent Kellogg

October 2, 2002

Genoa City inconsistencies
by Michael Kelly

September 2, 2002

Labor Day
by Brent Kellogg

With the Labor Day holiday upon Genoa City many citizens of this city are just thankful to have a job. The nation's unemployment rate is hovering near a seven-year high, and new jobs are not being created as the bleak economy teeters on the cusp of recovery and recession.

To working families here the holiday is a time to kick back and relax - if only they could.

To make ends meet, most of the poor slobs in this city must work through the Labor Day weekend as if it were just another day. Most notably are the slaves like Ether Valentine, Miguel Rodriguez and Mrs. Martinez.

There is something creepy about so many persons in Genoa City obsessing over the need for a role model or how they haven't been good ones to those who really don't need one.

Little big man Nate Hastings could use a role model to teach him to stop acting like a little weasel but none of those selected by his butchering mother qualify. Olivia Winters has nobody to blame but herself for her son's void. If she hadn't kicked her husband out of the house Nathan Hastings might still be alive and the boy would have his biological father to lean on.

While he's never mentioned needing a role model, Diego Guittierez thinks his brother needs one and blames himself for not doing a better job of guiding Raul Guittierez down the path of righteousness.

If it's one thing any boy needs, it's a man with the morality of a termite. Except for Noah and Cassie Newman, Abby Carlton, Ricky Williams and Nate Hastings, there isn't a single member of this social class who hasn't had sex with a married man or woman, used drugs, committed crimes or done any number of disgusting things.

The outlandishly excessive exercise in role model worship is nothing more than a weak attempt at moralizing. Keeping the rapacious family members out of their shallow lives can only help kids like Hastings and Guittierez.

Anyone who believes Genoa City is a bland, blissfully banal little burg where nothing bad ever happens should have been here on Tuesday.

All over this twisted town, acts of delirious depravity displayed its denizens at their decadently deviant worst. In the course of one day, a teenager freakishly flirted with his mother, a woman flaunted her nubile, naked body for her hubby's live-in former fiancée, and a man indulged in incestuous thoughts of his ferret faced step-daughter!

We'll begin our toxic tour at the Abbott abode. Jabot CEO Jack Abbott had been lounging poolside with former fiancée Diane Jenkins and their infant Baby K. Abbott's barren bride Phyllis was pissed off by the sperm thief's attempts to use the child and her nearly naked body to snare her mate, but didn't know how to strike back.

Fortunately, Glow worm web wizard Sean Bridges dropped by to give Mrs. Abbott a pep talk.

Sissy boy had originally arrived to give Jacko a list of potential people to fill his position. Unfortunately, the Jabot CEO was unaware Bridges was leaving. He hadn't yet read the prancing pretty boy's resignation email. Apparently, Sean had failed business etiquette. Most exiting employees don't quit via email.

Phyllis was particularly peeved by Bridges' bye-bye. She called him an "idiot" and a "bastard." Without Bridges, Jabot had no Glow guru. That would prevent the summer campaign from moving forward. Which would mean there'd be no urgency in ousting Jenkins from the poolhouse.

Sean was shocked to learn about Diane squatting on the Abbott premises. When the raving redhead begged him to help "save her" from the sperm thief, Bridges told her to buck up. Be "ruthless." Fight fire with fire.

That's exactly what she did. Just as Jenkins invited Jack to take a dip in the pool, Phyll turned up, ripped off her flimsy robe and hopped up on the diving board. She was stark naked!

A disgusted Diane jabbered, "There are children here!"

Actually, Baby K was tenderly tucked into his poolhouse crib. What Jenkins was really riled about was the fact that Abbott's knockers were larger than hers!

Diane thought to herself, "Damn! Those huge hooters of hers must be implants!"

Jacko had a gleeful grin on his face as his wife jumped into the water. As he was peeling off his shirt to join her, Jenkins ran into the poolhouse and peeked through the blinds! Whether she wanted to admit or not, the idle architect found the redhead's rack rather alluring, but she wanted to salivate in private.

On the seedier side of town, bungling bracelet burglar Ralph Hunnicutt met with Felix the fence post inside the Dive Diner. Hunnicutt gave him a newspaper photo of regal relic Katherine Chancellor wearing a diamond necklace. He wanted feeble-minded Felix to assess its value.

The fence post was certain it would fetch plenty of dough. How the hell would he know that on the basis of a blurry black and white picture? That moron couldn't distinguish the difference between a diamond and a cubic zirconia if he saw them both up close.

When Felix asked Ralphie if he had a girl to spend his future fortune on, Hunnicutt spoke smarmily about one from St. Louis who got away.

Ralph was really referring to his step-daughter Mackenzie. The beady eyed bastard flashed back to the time he caught a glimpse of her backside as the snake inside his pants swelled up.

Felix thought the former phone man should get a makeover to impress the lady, but Hunnicutt hissed, "This one, all I have to do is help myself. That's the only way it's gonna happen!"

Our final smutty stop is the Chancellor mausoleum. Walnut Grove Academy senior Billy Abbott was having a chat with his mama Jill about his upcoming prom.

Mrs. Abbott referred to it event as a "once in a lifetime" event for her son. The woman must be senile. This is Billy goat's second senior prom.

Perhaps her silly statement should be forgiven. In a few months, Abbott's offspring finally leaves the nest to go to college. In fact, the whining woman wondered what she would do without her "little boy."

Ruining the warm and fuzzy moment, Billy babbled, "How about, I'll be your big boy?"

Giddier than a lovesick school girl, Abbott was pleased as punch by his unctuous utterance. She should have been appalled!

Only last week, young Abbott informed his mother, "I won't blow you off."

Before Billy boy becomes interested in bestiality, it might be wise to castrate the little creep!

Well, you've all been warned. As these sickeningly sordid stories prove, Sin City would be a far more suitable name for this seamy, sinister, and salaciously screwed up segment of society.

There must be something infecting the water in Genoa City that causes so many of its citizens to say things they don't mean. Empty threats are tossed around, but hardly anyone ever follows through. This was a particularly common occurrence on Wednesday. All over town, folks issued dire declarations, but very few of these individuals are made of stern enough stuff to act on them.

Let's start with useless Jabot executive Jill Abbott. When she was visited in her office by Jabot janitor Larry "Wartman" Warton, she accused him of being in cahoots with his hash slinging girlfriend Amanda Hunnicutt to steal Abbott's cheap bracelet. Warton denied involvement and stressed that Hunnicutt was innocent as well. Irate Jill didn't believe him and frothed at the mouth until Warty couldn't stand it anymore.

"You better watch your mouth, lady! Where I come from, you get in trouble talking to people like that," Wartman warned.

Abbott merely reiterated her original threat to have him ousted, hissing, "If you don't get out of here right now, I'll have you thrown out!"

Fortunately, she didn't have to call security because a Keystone Kop arrived to discuss the burglary.

As for Warton, he has the brawn to shut Jill's trap, but it's unlikely he would have. Accosting Abbott would have been a parole violation. Besides, some would say that all the hostility the two feel for each other masks a mutual animal attraction.

Hunnicutt spat out a serious scolding to former hubby Ralph when she visited the bungling bracelet burglar and blackmailer at a local park.

Ralphie Boy wanted Amanda to help him steal a diamond necklace belonging to dotty dowager Katherine Chancellor, but his ex-wife said no way before putting the slime bucket on notice.

"I want you to back off once and for all, or I will risk everything and turn you in," Amanda announced.

The furious former lineman for the county countered with a dire warning of his own.

"If you even try to bring me down, before you see the last of yours truly, I'll get back at everyone. Including you know who," Ralph raged.

Amanda was terrified because she realized that the "you know" who he was referring to was her ferret faced daughter Mackenzie.

Ralphie Boy easily wins this showdown. Since it's believed that he fondled Mac's small bosoms years before, it's entirely possible he'll try to fulfill the sick fantasies he's had where the teen terrorist is concerned.

Mrs. Browning, on the other hand, has always been mealy mouthed and meek. It's rather doubtful she'd have the guts to snitch.

Across town, department store diva Lauren Fenmore dropped in on newlywed Dizzy Izzy Williams ostensibly to give her a wedding present.

Fenmore's still hung up on Dizzy's hubby, Paul "Clueless" Williams, and was once married to the man herself. Lauren let it be known that Izzy better keep him satisfied or, "I'm going to make your life a living hell!"

Yeah, right. The Williams wench should have laughed in the pint sized pest's face and kicked her skinny ass out of the apartment. Fenmore soon backed down anyway by babbling, "just be truthful with him, and I won't give you a moment's grief."

Last but not least in the laughable threat-a-thon is Jabot big wig Brad Carlton.

He confided in Amazon anti-aging cream innovator Nikki Newman that his wife Ashley has breast cancer. Carlton carped that the dreaded diagnosis brought out the protective instincts of Ash's mumbling mega-magnate ex-hubby Victor Newman.

Carlton wanted Nikki to use her influence as another of Newman's former spouses to help Bradski keep the mustache away from his wife.

In an inane attempt at macho posturing, he predicted to Mrs. Newman that, "if he insists on insinuating himself in our lives, he and I will go into battle. You can bank on that."

What can be banked on is the fact that Bradski won't do a damn thing. Carlton had the opportunity to punch the Vic-man's lights out during their recent confrontation concerning Ash's affliction. Not surprisingly, Brad barely raised his voice. He prefers to talk big to the man's former wife after asking for her aid in keeping the creased old cuss away from his spouse. What a wuss!

In a town full of verbally bloated vermin, Mr. Carlton gets the booby prize. The pitifully pointless, prattling people in this town need to learn that talk is cheap.

It was fun being a fly on the Jabot Cosmetics boardroom wall Monday as company executives Jill Abbott and Brad Carlton sat around twiddling their thumbs. Having summoned other board members to discuss summer ad campaign projects, Carlton and Abbott seemed baffled that no other member of the board thought the meeting was important enough to warrant attendance.

Jabot got a permanent case of the cooties years ago when top level executive began inviting beleaguered employees to drop by for a complimentary vote on such important matters as which rock and roll group should perform at the local school prom. Some employees were so fortunate as to have been asked who they thought should be members of the illustrious Glow by Jabot worms.

Punching their owlish faces in, Carlton and Abbott were about to call the meeting off when Sean Bridges, the company web master, walked into the room.

"At least now we have a quorum. We can get on with this meeting," Abbott said causing the eyes of the fly to bug out. When did Bridges become a board member with voting rights? He may be an important member of Abbott's orgy of self-righteousness but where Jabot is concerned Bridges is nothing more than despicable hired help.

On second thought or perhaps to cover her mistake, Abbott mentioned that she had been given proxies but that statement made no sense as other members of the board are barely willing to give her the time of day.

Any company with an ounce of integrity would have a committee handling low-level events such as a Glow Worm campaign - not top-level executives. With apologies to the fly, Jabot is more like a fly by night company when it comes to business decorum. Its haphazard approach explains how junior executive Brad Carlton found himself in charge of a pack of slimy worms. Adopting the role of mild-mannered wormer must be Carlton's way of disguising his superpowers.

The Jabot funny business turned hysterical when Bridges announced that he, a lowly web master, is negotiating with the manager of A1, one of the hottest bands in the United Kingdom. The group was being kind enough to hold a date open for an appearance in nowhereville Genoa City. Worse yet, A1 was looking forward to playing at the Walnut Grove Academy prom!

As it did in previous years, Jabot is also in charge of booking the school prom entertainment in exchange for free samples of skunk oil. This self-administered pick-me-up adds millions in revenue.

After a brief disagreement over cost, Carlton's stamp of approval was but a mere flyspeck in the chain of command. After all the fuss about having a quorum Carlton felt it was necessary to run the idea past the Glow Worms!

Where else, except in Genoa City, do multi-million dollar companies leave final business decisions in the hands of six greasy teenagers?

Taken as a whole, Carltons' decision was a pretty convincing performance of a man who doesn't know what the hell he's doing! It only takes one pork chop to put a kosher butcher out of business.

Now comes word that a golden retriever named Sundance is being kept by the Carlton family baby-sitter. While not actually observed, Jabot Cosmetics executive Brad Carlton said Tuesday that his two-year-old adopted daughter, Abby, participated in washing the dog on Memorial Day.

"At least we know she’s not afraid of dogs," Carlton said of his daughter.

There they go again! Breaking out the Bible whenever their pathetic lives go into the toilet. The sorry excuses for human beings in Genoa City embroil themselves in adulterous affairs, stab others in the back, try to steal babies, lie and cheat, engage in blackmail, plot and commit crimes and even murder with total disregard that their actions are in direct violation of God's will.

Predominantly catholic, their "higher power" is God and like all gods He is on their side in whatever war they wage. These two-faced people claim to be peace loving spiritual beings but given the chance to drop bombs on perceived enemies would do so in a heartbeat.

Monday at the Center 4 Disease found private detective Paul Williams pacing the floor. His comatose whore was fighting with Satan to give her another chance to wield some evil. The quacks in charge had already stated that while dizzy Izzy Brana had suffered a "mild" stroke and contracted a rare medical ailment, she was expected to live. But Williams wasn't satisfied. He couldn't bare the thought of having to raise Brana's devil child by himself and wanted divine intervention.

It wasn't that Williams needed the power of prayer to snatch the afflicted woman away from Satan but rather to prevent him from having to pay for his indiscretion. This self-centering, it's all about me attitude is what got Williams into trouble in the first place and is thought to be a trait inherited from his mother.

Mary Williams professes to be a God fearing woman, goes to church, and once a month goes around the neighborhood in a paneled stationed wagon delivering free Bibles and multi-colored pamphlets heralding the return of Christ. When she's not thumping the Bible she encourages her married son to have sex with unsavory women.

Now that she too is into saving souls, Chancellor estate matriarch Katherine Sterling has her nose so far up Williams' butt he cannot move without stepping on the old hag. Asked if she could be of service Williams begged her to pray for Brana's speedy recovery.

In route to the nearest Church of the Triumphant Beast Sterling ran into the very creepy Christine 'Bug' Blair who needed to know what was happening inside the eternal lake of fire. In addition to having developed feelings for Williams - whom she had divorced just six short months ago - Blair professed concern for the woman who had sucked Williams into impregnation.

Had Blair been at the hospital waiting for an opportunity to inject anti-freeze into Brana's IV it would have made more sense.

Explaining that she would ascertain exactly what was going on with Brana, Sterling sped off in search of a doctor obviously forgetting there are no doctors at the C4D. The quacks at this institution have very little medical knowledge and have been known to tell people that Mary Magdalene once tried to get an abortion there.

The Bug slithered closer to the inferno and remarkably Williams was unable to see or smell her. A tear emerged for the Bug's eye as the PI sniveled over the mother of his child. Satisfied that the day of judgment is at hand the Bug scurried away and smacked into Sterling again.

Predictably, Sterling told the Bug she had been unable to find a doctor. It was at that very moment when the walls of Jericho shook.

"Let's go pray together," the Bug squeaked.

Had they been in a church at the time the ceiling would have caved in.

It is assumed that these sinners pray to God but it isn't known for certain. For example, Mrs. Williams makes reference to God but her amoral character would indicate that in all likelihood she prays to the Prince of Darkness.

For these sinning nonbelievers to suddenly find God when they or somebody they supposedly care for is about to go straight to hell is an abomination. Their sexual sins alone are too numerous to mention. Turning to God is an insult, out of character and not to be believed. Their self-righteous spirit is a Teflon-coated defense against saving grace. Once a slime, always a slime.

A Genoa City hotel was under scrutiny here Friday after a worker allowed a man identified as Jabot Cosmetics CEO Jack Abbott to enter the room of a guest. Details were sketchy but initial reports say an unidentified maid opened the door to sperm thief Diane Jenkins suite after accepting what was described as a "bribe" from Abbott.

Jenkins is not expected to file a complaint with the hotel. In fact, Jenkins seemed to take the intrusion in stride as similar occurrences have happened as a routine at premises where she's resided previously.

Establishments in Genoa City as a rule have sub-par security. They lack fundamental security procedures and employ foreign workers who have no understanding of what it means to be at war with terrorism.

Businesses understand that a breach in security could result in severe financial losses, never mind the damage to a company's reputation, but care less. Stating the war is nothing more than a ruse to keep a Supreme Court appointed President in power, some business owners snub their noses at the frenzy.

Genoa City Hotel officials would say only "we are concerned that this happened" but had made no immediate change in its security policy. Her position protected by the Hotel Workers Union, the maid remains on the job.

Lax security in Genoa City has been a concern lately after a series of breaches at the city's school for all grades and ages, Walnut Grove Academy. Outsiders with absolutely no business on campus are allowed to roam freely.

On Monday alone, at least 2 persons who have said in the past that they have moved on will say again that they've moved on or they want to move on while one other person will demand that another make a promise to move on.

What is it that prevents these persons from doing what they keep saying they've done or that they'll be doing? Are they waiting for some power to give them permission to move on? Must they utter a mantra before being granted chaperones who might take them away? Has some foreign government placed them under house arrest, turned off the power, the water and the food supply? Are there tanks in the streets of Genoa City? 

For all the wanting to move on and the talking about moving on it's a wonder these nobodies ever get anywhere.

With so many persons in Genoa City discussing how members of their families and acquaintances "come from different worlds," the scientific community has begun to wonder; where are these other worlds?

The latest outbreak of the different world syndrome occurred Monday when, during a discussion with Boston College reject Raul Guittierez, local shoplifter Brittany Hodges said of her brother, "We're from two different worlds."

The overused cliché was coined in 1995 as Victor Newman's wife Hope prepared to leave Genoa City with their son. "You're such a rare person. I'll always love you but we come from two different worlds. You've done so much for me but I want to raise our son in my world," she said.

Besides the location of these other worlds, what makes them so special? Why are the persons in these worlds unable to function in the more commonly known real world? Are these different worlds related? Do the inhabitants speak the same language and are they free to travel from one world to another without fear of reprisal from the leaders of these worlds?

As is so often the case, the different worlds seem to be driven by gender. In nearly every instance it has been a member of the female species making the revelation that she comes from an unknown world leading to speculation that men and women communicate differently on these worlds.

These differences are especially pronounced in perceptions of confidence and competence. For instance, a man from Earth may see his female partner as incompetent because she talks about what she doesn't know. But this isn't incompetence. It's a different communication style one might find on - a different world.

When it becomes apparent that a relationship isn't working it is always the person from the other world who makes the announcement that in fact, they come from a different world.

Until recently solving the problem was not possible. The parties could not sit down, identify the annoying behaviors and then help each other interpret the behaviors differently. However, high school students Raul Guittierez and Brittany Hodges have agreed that although they come from different worlds they are willing to make an attempt at breaking the mold.

Interestingly, persons from different worlds have been known to pine. They let it be known that if one chooses to stay in their respective world and it gets lonely they'll still be waiting in their world. Others simply move on but will occasionally visit the persons they've met from other worlds moving seamlessly from one world to the other.

As Earth is threatened by danger action must be taken to save humanity. Our rapidly fragmenting societal infrastructure faces myriad crises: drugs in our streets, guns in our schools, economic collapse, military aggression, and global environmental destruction creating an unstoppable army of six-legged mutant frogs. If nothing is done, disaster is imminent and the location of these different worlds will have to be revealed. 

March 24, 2002

Modern living blamed for burned friendships
She once catered to sperm thief Diane Jenkins' every need. Running errands, keeping the checkbook balanced, even wiping her butt. When a better job offer came along, Marissa Barton bid her boss adieu thinking she was leaving on good terms.

Barton joined a crack detective agency and Jenkins was later ordered to leave town. After a long absence, Jenkins returned and has avoided Barton like the plague. There seemed to be no reason why two women once so close could become strangers. Until now. Until modern living.

Modern living means people now have fewer friends than ever before. People don't have the time or energy to keep up with friends. People are also more willing to dump casual friends when circumstances change such as in the Jenkins/Barton case.

March 12, 2002
They come from different worlds!
The headline reads like the title of a bad science fiction movie and something many Genoa City News readers hoped they would never hear again but - the tired cliché is back!

Undercover reporter Deep Throat reports the phrase will be used at least once in the coming daze when Walnut Grove Academy student Brittany Hodges says of her brother, "we're from two different worlds."

The phrase was used and abused about seven years ago by the great Victor Newman and Hope 'Hopeless' Adams. In 1995 for example, as Adams was preparing to leave Genoa City for Kansas with their son she told Newman, "You're such a rare person. I'll always love you but we come from two different worlds. You've done so much for me but I'm not going with you. I want to raise our son in my world."

The man who really loved Adams, Cliff Wilson said it too. After reminding the blind bat what an "incredible" woman she is, Wilson confirmed that she and Newman "come from two different worlds."

Back in those daze the trend for women scorned was to bawl so hard the water would pour from their eyes and the snot would run out their nostrils over the top of their lips and inside their mouths. Kleenex was rarely used.

Now, as Guittierez and Hodges appear to teaming up, one of the most annoying lines ever heard in Genoa City appears to be making a come back.

March 11, 2002
Stuck in a rut
by Brent Kellogg

The one time semi-fast moving developments surrounding the impending divorce of Nick and Sharon Newman and the baby battle between the Jack Abbott and Diane Jenkins have bogged down in recent days as players in the fiascoes scramble to make sense of their respective roles.

Coffee shop mogul Nick Newman was encouraged when, on his order, his adopted daughter kissed and made up with her mother. With the mother of his children happy to have her daughter back, Newman thought he could see a light at the end of his tunnel vision. What he didn't see, even after saying twice that he would keep his eye on the new stable boy, were the bails of hay being rearranged inside the Newman ranch tackyroom.

Newman has said he misses being with his wife but he's not talking about the lively, intellectual conversation Sharon Newman engages him in. While he didn't say "in every way" what Newman means is - he misses the sex. It is well known that when men in Genoa City find themselves without a sexual outlet they get goofy. It is by no accident that Grace Turner, the disgraceful centaur faced woman who has already slept with his best friend's husband twice, will be returning long enough for what could be another one night stand with the man she's always wanted.

As eluded too, Sharon Newman will not run out of reasons to cry on the shoulder of the newest coffee shop employee Diego Guittierez and having a man she barely knows working at the ranch will make sniveling much more convenient. A couple of visits to the tacky room where the aroma of horse manure can permeate her nostrils should be all it takes to get Mrs. Newman into Guittierez's bed. Hopefully author and former stable boy Cole Howard changed the sheets before he left.

The other battle, albeit less believable, involving Jabot Cosmetics CEO Jack Abbott's insistence that he be given full custody of sperm thief Diane Jenkins' baby is mired in legal maneuvering. Abbott's all-purpose lawyer, John Silva, has refused to recuse himself from the case apparently because he hasn't had a case in years and needs the money. Otherwise, Silva would have told Abbott long ago that once Phyllis Abbott's checkered past comes out, specifically that a judge deemed her an unfit mother, there is no way, unless the judge hearing the case has been bribed, that full custody will be granted. It is highly unlikely the courts will take a child away from its biological mother.

If Abbott's desire to bond with a child sired by his sperm is sincere he'll be thankful to get visitation rights. Based on his past, Abbott's desire is a passing fancy as witnessed by a miserable attempt to bond with Keemo Violein, a son he hasn't seen or communicated with in years.

For her part, Diane Jenkins could make Abbott pay dearly for restricting her civil rights and hauling her into court. Jenkins would be remiss if she fails to instruct lawyer Sydney Omar to go for Abbott's jugular by demanding that, because his wife represents a danger to her son, any court ordered visitation granted Abbott must be supervised at a time and place of Jenkins convenience.

If by some quirk Abbott is given custody it won't be long before the kid is thrust into the arms of the Abbott maid and forgotten until the child is old enough to be shuttled off to a Swiss boarding school.

March 8, 2002
The naked soul
by Brent Kellogg

What prompts people in Genoa City to share their personal lives with absolute strangers? For the longest time it seems there are certain circumstances that encourage people to open their lives to anyone willing to listen. In almost every case, strangers expose their most intimate secrets while sitting in a restaurant. Occasionally, a doctor's office. People seem compelled to tell their life stories, man problems, family secrets, infidelities, health issues, etc. A normal person meeting a person might say to themselves, "Why are you telling me this? I don't know you and I don't care!"

In Genoa City secrets are a commonality. Tell-all yappers have no friends and so they turn to complete strangers to pour out so many details about their private lives that if they had friends those friends wouldn't want to know. There is a level of discretion that should be obeyed by all but in this city not everyone subscribes to the same train of thought.

Stories told range from the benign to the outrageous. For example: Dizzy Izzy Brana, a known blackmailer and adulterer was seen Monday telling Diane Jenkins, a known sperm thief and woman Brana hardly knows, all about how she came to be pregnant out of wedlock and is now living in sin with the man who knocked her up. Incredibly, Jenkins thought the events were thrilling. "I’m thrilled for you," Jenkins told Brana who immediately pressed Jenkins to spill her guts because it "looks like it might do you some good." As a caveat, Brana made sure Jenkins knew she was in good company. "You can trust me. I won’t tell anyone," she whispered.

Jenkins took the challenge and all but dumped her purse on to the table. See this brush? Jack Abbott stole some of my hair and got a DNA sample to prove that my baby is his. It's a wonder she didn't start comparing pictures of the other men in her life she believes could have fathered her baby.

Other women in Genoa City have regaled strangers with tales of their infidelities too. Undoubtedly, Katherine Sterling, without a life of her own, knows all about the dozen or so affairs Nikki Newman has managed to keep hidden. If these woman were trying to impress each other they only think they've accomplished is to confirm they are nothing but sluts.

Maybe it's easier for people to confess their sins to a complete stranger. Maybe the guilt they feel becomes so overwhelming that they just have to get it out. And what better way than to tell a stranger. Perhaps these people are looking for some sort of validation. Thinking if they tell enough people eventually they'll run across someone who's done the same thing. Or better yet - has done something worse. Therefore justifying their own behavior.

Although this phenomenon mostly occurs with women, it has been seen happening among males. Men tend to lay their heart on the table and divulge all the ways they've been hurt in life. From childhood abuse to cheating wives. These men are trying to gain sympathy in some convoluted "pick up" scam. Maybe they're trying to inspire sympathy but they come across as pathetic.

Older people like old man John 'Yawn' Abbott lean toward the health issues when discussing private matters complete with descriptive details of diagnosis, treatments and prognosis. Abbott has been busy baby-sitting his granddaughter and hasn't had a chance yet to tell her about his failing bodily functions. Give the old geezer time and he'll be discussing the color of his bowel movements!

The simple message to those prone to chattering on and on to complete strangers is - shut up! If you're talking to strangers because nobody you know will listen, there's probably a good reason. If you're that desperate to talk about private matters go see a shrink. They don't care either but get paid to pretend.

March 1, 2002
Deficient security, privacy seen as growing threat!
by Brent Kellogg

In the wake of what school officials are calling "minor security breaches", the Walnut Grove Academy PTA is calling for increased security at Genoa City's only known school for all ages. The move to tighten security is not expected to have any impact but some parents and students say they feel compelled to at the very least pay lip service to the issue.

"As caretakers of the most prominent school in Genoa City, this school can no longer afford to take chances," officials said. "Due to our limited budget, we can't devote the kind of resources and manpower to security that places like Newman Enterprises can but with our easy access we feel a responsibility to ensure the safety and well-being of our students."

Lack security at the school came into focus recently after reports of drug dealers roaming the halls selling their wares and students smoking dope in the presence of others. Also of concern are outsiders who without clearance are allowed to enter the school and roam about freely. The school says it will also look into the practice of allowing cafeteria workers to mingle with students.

School security is not the only problem facing Genoa City. Police report an increasing amount of calls from doctors complaining about people telephoning their offices inquiring about patients. The practice has been overlooked for years but with paranoia sweeping the city doctors have become alarmed.

It's relatively easy in this city to find intimate details about most anyone's life. If the person in question won't tell outright, all a stranger has to do is pick up the phone. For example, a person seeking to learn which doctor their nemesis is seeing simply calls around.