Warton Sues Jabot

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As the current Phyllis Summers/Damon Porter legal debacle continues attracting flies for its general unbelievable smell of rotten swill it may help looking back at when Larry 'Wartman' Warton filed a sexual discrimination case against Jabot Cosmetics.

It was October 30, 2002. Despite taking "adult learning classes" from Nikki Newman the Wartman threw a hissy fit inside the Jabot boardroom. He'd just fallen on his ass in 40-degree temperatures wearing nothing but his skivvies during a tumble out a Chancellor Mausoleum upstairs window when the rain gutter pipe broke during his escape from Jill Abbott's bedroom.

Certain Abbott was using him in that she'd called him a "loser" and didn't want to show him off at the never took place Black & White Ball, Warton vowed, "I'm not letting Her Royal Highness off the hook! Nobody takes a stab at Larry Warton and gets away with it!"

His blood pressure near the boiling point Warton walked in on a meeting where big-wig executives including John Abbott were present and yelled at Jill, "You used me! I'm not letting you get away with that."

Feeling weighted down and aware there was absolutely no way out now that he'd lit the fuse, Warton rambled on. He was tired of being Jill's boy toy. When his yelling like a pack of rabid mules drew the attention of banker Fred Hodges old man Abbott demanded Warton leave immediately.

The Wartman wouldn't be silenced. He whipped out the skimpy little thing Jill romped around in whenever she would drip with lust in her bedroom, the scented oils, the rubber handcuffs, the mask and threw them at his boss lady and lover.

Fired on the spot Warton threatened legal action and on his way out the door told Mrs. Abbott of his intent to tell the boys in maintenance that she'd be looking for a new boy toy.

Like Keith Dennison before him, Hodges' nostrils flared. He'd seen a lot of meetings but never one like he'd just witnessed. Watching Jill in action had his pants bulging. She was so exciting. So powerful. And just what a married man needed.

On November 12 attorney Michael Baldwin planted the words "sexual harassment" in Warton's soft head in an effort to convince him there was much money to be made from suing Jabot for sexual harassment. It did not matter that Jill never once threatened Warton that his janitor's job was on the line if he didn't put out. It's not nice to treat a gigolo like a "piece of meat" Warton whined to his new buddy Baldwin.

That very same day Warton begged Jill for his job back. It was the best damn job he'd ever had and couldn't compare to his other job of servicing Katherine Sterling's fleet of limousines. Jill told him to take a hike. Throwing a temper tantrum in front of business clients was cause for dismissal and that was that. There would be no more scraping gum and mopping the shiny floors at Jabot.

Now Warton wanted revenge more than ever. "My boss came onto me," he told Baldwin who was already counting the contingency fee.

At the time this was the lament: there was not a single shred of convincing evidence to support Warton's case. Two witnesses had watched Warton burst into the boardroom, pull sex toys out of his pants and cry like a baby that Jill had dropped him like a bad habit.

The next day Warton told Baldwin he wanted to move forward with the suit since Jill had refused to so much as give him a letter of recommendation. Still, he was somewhat puzzled as to how he could sue Abbott for using and then discarding him like a cheap sex toy. After all, he ain't no "chick."

Baldwin said the law "works both ways." He-men like Warton could be sexually harassed too! In fact, Baldwin explained that by going after Jabot and Jill, Warton stood to make a real killing provided Hodges testified that he had witnessed Jill sack him Larry for simply opening her X-rated, erotic treasure chest in the boardroom and treating her like a cheap slut?

Confused more than ever Warton wasn't sure. Maybe he should back out. Baldwin went into melodramatic overdrive to change his mind. Did Warton intend to sit still while "his rights are being stomped on?" Had he forgotten that he's "out in the cold," and "out of a job. It surely didn't sound like justice to Baldwin.

Saying he wanted to think about it more Warton went straight to Jill. He explained that because he was on probation getting another gig cleaning toilets, emptying wastebaskets, pushing a mop, and scraping gum off corporate corridors might not be easy without a recommendation.

Again, Jill refused until she realized she needed to get Warton out of her hair for good. To that end she agreed that if Warton moved out of the mausoleum's garage apartment and quit his mechanic duties for old lady Sterling she would cough up a "glowing" recommendation.

Now it was Warton's turn to balk. He turned Jill's offer down then raced back to tell Baldwin he wanted to sue.

Once upon a time the Wartman was the type of self sufficient, straight shooting, no bull, anti-establishment, street justice kinda guy who would have scoffed at the very idea of voluntarily strutting into a court of law to initiate a lame lawsuit because of a love affair gone wrong. No stranger to loitering inside a courtroom against his will, Warton would be far more likely to appreciate the fact he had some sizzling sex with a hot mama, tell the uppity shrew where to go, and move forward.

But not anymore.

On December 2 the once considered local hero for his role in saving wimpy Billy Abbott from the evil Ralph Hunnicutt, Warton was prepared to settle. Baldwin told him it would be better that way. He could avoid a jury trial, gross as much as $300,000 in the process and at the same time take pleasure in knowing that he had "ruined Jill in this town for good."

"All I want is to walk away with enough to start my own hot rod shop so I can be my own boss. Let's sue the pants off of these folks," Warton smiled.

The next day Baldwin slithered into Jabot Cosmetics and warned John 'Yawn' Abbott that his client had been fired unlawfully and that failure on Jabot's part to cough up a half-million dollar settlement would result in even more shady lawyers and smear campaigns.

Abbott refused to be fear-mangled. No sleaze ball attorney was going to shake him down. If filing a frivolous law suit will make Baldwin feel all uber-patriotic and manly and he genuinely believed he was merely exercising his God-given right to sue whenever he feels like it, bring it on!

Fearing he'd be subject to public outrage and branded as a weasel for the rest of his meaningless life, Warton the next day announced his intent to drop the suit. Morally, he couldn't sell the farce to himself any longer.

Jill and Yawn were ecstatic. After all his time in jail, Warton had more integrity in his little pinky than any of the usual weasel slime balls they were used to dealing with.

"They say you can tell a book by it's cover. But not with Larry. His cover has nothing to say about what's inside the man," Jill philosophized as the case that never really was came to an end.