Proud of the
fact she learned how to pick locks, knows a little bit about snooping and is capable of
doing more than writing letters at her place of employment, Clueless Detective & Alarm
Company office manager Lynne 'Yes-Boss' Bassett hound was arrested Thursday when police,
responding to a silent alarm, discovered Bassett and her partner in crime, Mrs. Mary Williams, burglarizing the law offices of Baldwin & Blair.
The buffoonish caper was doomed from the start when, after picking the lock, Bassett
pushed the door open slightly and only then checked for a motion detector. Had, as she
claims, Bassett learned anything from her private detecting boss, she would have known
that as soon as the door moved even a centimeter, an alarm would have gone off. The only
exception would have been in cases where the alarm systems were installed by Bassett's
employer or no alarm system was present.
Stealing into the office, Bassett was also able to pick the lock on a filing cabinet and
was rifling through the files when an alarm was triggered. Aware that she had perhaps five
minutes at most to flee, Bassett opted to continue the burglary.
Too dumb to have blocked the elevator and too stupid to hear footsteps approaching,
Bassett and Williams were easily captured by the police. Foolishly, the two tried to
conceal themselves by hiding under a desk.
Part owner of the law firm, Michael Baldwin, arrived on the scene accompanied by a man
thought to be an alarm company representative. When asked when the alarm went off, the man
said he didn't know exactly.
Baldwin & Williams should reconsider the monitoring company they use. All modern,
high-tech alarm companies know exactly to the second when alarms are actuated.
Rather than let the police ask the questions, Baldwin demanded Bassett and Williams tell
what they were doing. Both suspects invoked their rights not to answer questions without
their attorney present.
As the culprits were being led away, Mrs. Williams blurt out a whiny "you can’t
arrest me" and then begged the police not to take her to jail. The outburst only
added to the jocularity of a failed mission to get incriminating information on Mrs.
Williams daughter-in-law, the sleazy Izzy Williams.
In an effort to liberate and absolve her accomplice, Bassett tried slapping a "New
Ownership" sign on the scene. Sweating bullets, she exaggerated, inflated sincerity,
lied and made demands.
"Leave her alone! This is all my fault," Bassett said as handcuffs clamped shut
around her limp wrists.
By all rights, Bassett and Williams should be charged with breaking and entering and
probably will be. But because prosecuting these two muttonheads would consume valuable
time and resources they will likely be set free when charges against them are dropped.
July 4,
2002 Lesbian?
It's pretty obvious. Lynne 'Yes-Boss" Bassett is as gay as the day is long. The
conclusion was reached Thursday when Bassett, with no known family and only one friend,
showed up at the RoadKill Cafe to say hello to the woman she's played 2nd fiddle to for
years, Christine 'Bug' Blair.
After such a quick hi and goodbye, Blair surmised that Bassett must have "a
hot date" and pressed "tell me about this guy."
Bassett refused. "I don't have time right now," she said and asked
Blair about getting together soon for "a girl's night out."
Since losing out to Blair for the love of her boss, Bassett has never been seen
out with a man and spends most of her time with co-worker and former Diane Jenkins'
butt-wiper, Marissa Barton.
If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it must be a
duck.
February 22,
2002
At the crossroads
Buried deep in the
twisted labyrinth of Genoa City's shady underworld, a detective's office doubles as a
brothel, where clueless detective Paul Williams and his harem of women operate unnoticed.
It is one of the best kept secrets in Genoa City; Williams is a well-respected, if useless
private eye, and his repeat clients include some of GC's finest, notwithstanding the fact
he rarely solves a case.
No one questions the steady stream of women who go in and out of the office. They turn a
blind eye to the women who pass; former prostitute Isabelle Brana, devoted followers Lynne
Bassett and Marisa Barton, add water and stir lawyer Bug Williams, fashion tycoon Lauren
Fenmore, church-goer Mary Williams, even former stripper Nikki Newman. Observers are at a
loss as to what the appeal of the useless detective is to warrant the constant harem of
ready and willing women growing around him.
But the biggest mystery yet surround one of the faithful, "Yes-boss" Bassett,
Clueless' long-time secretary and bitch. After dating the clueless pimp briefly many years
ago, Yes-boss has never let go of her dream - a dream of a future with Williams. Bassett
has seen many women come and go in her boss' life. She has watched with pain in her eyes
as Clueless fell head over heels in love with someone else, again and again.
Several years back she even had Paul's meddling mother onboard for her quest to win
clueless' love. Alas, fate has never been on Yes-boss' side. But that isn't her only
problem. As loyal a secretary she is, superior filing skills do not evoke feelings of
passionate lust and desire. Yes-boss' fundamental problem can be found in her very NAME -
until she lays off the ego-pumping but hormone stopping yes-bossing, she doesn't stand a
chance of catching Clueless' eye, especially given his surroundings - a harem of ready and
willing women, including numerous ex-wives and a hooker with a clueless bun in her oven.
As clueless as he is, surely the useless detective must be able to detect his slave's
unrequited lust towards him. But whatever chance Yes-boss might have with him is blown
every time she breathlessly utters "Yes-boss" to Clueless' every whim. Mentally,
translated into a passionate sex fantasy, the result of her groveling is not good, not
good at all. Clueless has never shown the kinky-ness necessary to make breathless pants of
"Yes-boss" a turn on.
So Yes-boss is at a crossroads. She must decide whether to continue her non-pursuit of the
man of her dreams (but most women's nightmare), or move on. With brothel-Brana carrying
Clueless' child, and the Bug returning soon to Genoa City, the latter option is looking
like the most realistic. While Yes-boss is no prize herself, surely she has enough
self-respect to realize she has no future with a man who has an entire harem of women at
his disposal.
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