An entire month later, on March 10, it had come to this.

Let's forget about the hot pagan sex goddesses and their lustful boy toy gods and potential babies and more sex and the more than a little crazed giddy dark souls that crawl the sewers of Genoa City for a moment and concentrate on the more important intellectual cesspool wherein swim a somewhat intelligent attorney, a clueless detective, a creepy bug and a former brothel employee.

In case you've been duped by this gang of seedy slobs who cannot be bothered to make their lies remotely credible when they stand in mockery before the world, let's review.

After being raped by detective Paul 'Clueless' Williams, a rape Williams has confessed to, Christine 'Bug' Blair fled the city to sort things out without a word to anyone including attorney Michael Baldwin to whom she is engaged.

For weeks both Baldwin and Williams pulled their hair out. Oh where, oh where had their little Bug gone? Oh where, oh where could she be? To the uninformed this may have seemed a natural reaction. But for those who have followed the antics of this quad from day one the reaction was strange because Williams is a private eye!

On prior cases, a majority of which he has been unable to solve by himself, the clueless detective has had the good sense to at least call in one of his many operatives from the field. These Jim Rockford types always provide a lead strong enough to aid the heroic Williams who usually turns over said information to family members of the missing who eventually locate their quarry profusely thanking Williams later.

But in the case of the missing Bug, a creature he was once married to but was divorced from when he was caught fornicating with a client on the very sofa he and his wife had spent many lonely nights cuddling on, Williams did nothing other than conduct an illegal credit card activity search for her.

Already married to the client he knocked up and who had bore his baby, Williams remained despondent. He couldn't stop thinking about the Bug and admitted as much to his wife. Frustrated with his infatuation, dizzy Izzy Brana Williams continually whined to Baldwin and eventually stopped playing house when she walked out on Williams and her baby.

With his vast legal world connections, Baldwin not once called in a favor or made any attempt to locate the Bug. Like Williams, Baldwin was pretty much content to sit back and wait for the Bug to reappear.

With a lust for the man she's always wanted by can never have, Williams' office manager, Lynne 'Yes-Boss' Bassett, took note of the strange goings on and one day with the help of her boss' mother, broke into Baldwin's office. Never quite sure what they were looking for, the dynamic-duo managed to find a file but before they could read it were busted by the police who confiscated the file but later returned it when Baldwin dropped the charges. The file was placed in Baldwin's safe and to this day nobody - except Baldwin - know its contents.

Beyond their conspiracy to breakup the Bug and Williams there is speculation that Baldwin and Brana worked together on something so covert and shady in the past that Brana's papa disowned her. During the one time Brana has seen her father since, Mr. Brana was apparently so proud to be a grandpa he forgave his daughter all her trespasses.

Because she needed to know whether Williams really meant to rape her, and whether he still might have feelings for her, the Bug returned to Genoa City and moved back into the penthouse they once shared which conveniently was being occupied by Bassett while her tiny apartment was being painted and which has turned out to be just the hardest place to paint and thus poorly explains why it has taken so long.

So that the people who know her best wouldn't recognize her, the Bug purchased a wig and a pair of sunglasses, altered her voice to emulate Ms. Scarlet and went calling incognito as Kelly Simmons.

First stop on Simmons' yellow brick road was the Williams apartment where she easily fooled Dizzy into thinking she was a parole officer looking into Izzy's imprisoned former husband. Then it was off to the local coffee house to trick and fool both Williams and Baldwin.

And because these people just ooze with stupid, Williams invited Simmons to go to his apartment one day to check on his baby being serviced by an ever omnipresent sitter. Unaware that her cover had been blown Simmons tagged along and was stunned when Williams said he knew she was really the Bug. The jig up, the Bug was removing the shades and wig just as Mrs. Williams came through the door.

Faster than a cockroach the Bug slipped back into her disguise and still Izzy didn't catch on and did not think it the least bit strange that the parole officer was in the apartment with her hubby. Dazed and confused, Izzy ran to tell Baldwin who told her to go back home to better keep an evil eye out for Kelly whom he was now sure is a spy hired by Yes-Boss.

In desperation, Baldwin zoomed to the condo to confront Yes-Boss and found Kelly. Still unable to see Kelly for the bug she is, Baldwin warned her to stay away from his client who isn't a client and was about to leave confused as ever when Kelly revealed herself as the Bug and charged Baldwin with plotting with Izzy against God knows who. So taken with the Bug's return Baldwin apparently didn't hear the charge lobbed in his direction and all but got down on his knees to thank his god for bringing the Bug back to him.

His guilty conscience eating away at him, Clueless confessed to Izzy that he raped the Bug in some Satan-spawned fit. Unable to believe that her man is capable of violence Izzy repeated the word rape so many times Clueless couldn't bare it. "Please don't say that word," Clueless sniveled.

And in the daze ahead we can only look forward to more months of this dribble.

The Bug will be torn. Should she keep or dump Baldwin? Clueless will be torn. Should he keep Izzy and the baby or dump them after having told Izzy on Monday how much he wanted them to be a family. Baldwin will be torn. Will the Bug keep him or will he be forced to actually go out and find a real woman worthy of his love? Izzy will be torn. Will Clueless keep her and the baby or will she really really really leave town this time as she has threatened so often? Yes-Boss will be torn. Will those painters ever complete the job?

Is this not the most brilliant and well scripted drama and suspense deserving of a Emmy or two and terribly saddest thing you ever did see? Because shocking indeed are the numbers who truly believe the dribble they scribble and the incessant barrage of empty spin and thin-lipped Kay Alden-speak is sufficient reason to tune in each day.