See also: Case of the Vanishing Victim  Bribery Case Paul Williams  Michael Baldwin  Izzy Williams  Mary Williams

Vendetta!
by Vicki Johns 
November 21, 2003

What right does Christine Blair have? Against whatever judgment she has it could never be considered best. She accepts an assignment to prosecute one man she's slept with in the last year and had a long term business relationship with, and another, a long-avowed friend who paid for part of her legal training.

And this is the holier-than-thou-I-always-do-the-right-thing Christine Blair? Despite the fact that no DA in the country would ever have put his newest ADA on such a case, or that no ADA would ever take one, Christine plows right in. She doesn't go after the implicated individuals straight away, no, she decides to go after what she thinks will be is an easier catch; ethics, protocol, professionalism be damned. Nice start, Chris, but to be expected from you.

First victim? Phyllis Abbott. Or so she thinks. Of course, in no real criminal investigation would anyone ever question a lowly webmaster about the corporate secrets of a major conglomerate. Just why would Christine think of that? To question Phyllis? Why, because a few years ago, Phyllis – beautiful, captivating, lively, full-of-life, body-to-die-for Phyllis – stole Christine's husband via some pretty manipulative machinations. For this, Phyllis paid by ultimately losing custody of her only. Pretty high price to pay just to mollify a saint, don't you think?

Except it didn't mollify the drab, uninteresting, plain, prudish, mono-tonal saint. Not at all. Like sitting on a hemorrhoid the size of a walnut, Christine cannot ignore Phyllis and the chance to attack. To Chris, it's as if winning in a battle with Phyllis – who is everything and has everything Christine can only dream about – will morph her into the same boring, dull persona she herself is.

This situation reminds one of the those times in high school when the pudgy girl with the thick glasses who couldn't get a prom date ratted on the cheerleaders smoking in chemistry lab after school – her motivation had nothing to do with keeping the school free of smoke. Chris' motivation has nothing to do with justice or legally doing the proper thing – it's just an old, tired vendetta nobody cares about but Chris herself.

Phyllis, with her unending supply of chutzpah, oughtta call up the DA and say, look, you've got your minions here questioning me with no basis, no grounds, and worst of all, no talent. Your ADA and I shared a husband once, she stole my child from me in retaliation, and if you think I'm going to let you yahoos get away with this – my next call is to the Feds about YOU. Okay, buddy?

What an idiot Chris is. Does she not realize that Phyllis is on the side of Victor Newman and Victor Newman NEVER loses? Probe and annoy as much as you want, Chris, in the end the day will be Victor's. Which means, in this case, it will also be Phyllis'. And it's about high time that score got settled.

Lost, confused Blair goes backwards
by Brent Kellogg 
November 14, 2003

When Danny Romalotti showed up in Genoa City late this week he was just in the nick of time. Had it not been for the washed up rock singer's arrival his former wife, Christine 'Cricket/Bug' Blair, might have gone totally off her rocker.

The former victim of a mild form of autism that caused her to enter a rare fugue state, Blair has since appeared rational by refusing to re-marry private investigator Paul 'Clueless' Williams who preceded his marriage proposal by raping her.

Blair may have seemed rational but her frequent bouts of confusion speak volumes as evidenced by her inability to make decisions. Despite the fact she was raped, Blair has been shacking up with her former husband following the arrest of Williams' wife, dizzy Izzy.

And while he has yet to file for divorce, has a one-year-old baby he ignores and participates in an adulterous relationship with another former wife, Williams has proposed marriage to Blair on two separate occasions. Each time he's shot down Williams exhibits a fear that his small weenie may fall off and rants how badly he needs sex before that happens.

Blair acknowledges that she and Williams are "in two totally different places" but continues to waffle by saying it's wrong to shack up with a married man. At the same time she's fearful of living alone.

Tired of "playing house", Williams made it clear that he would move out unless Blair had sex with him and when she refused did just that. Yet Blair told Williams on Friday, "I can't understand why you're moving out."

Then, as people who are in a fugue state do, Blair confessed she needs time to sort things out.

"I need to look at where I've been and where I'm going," she actually said, much like the millions of other times the confused people in this city say they "need to move on" but never get anywhere and often digress into the past.

To demonstrate how confused she is, Blair asked Williams if she will like the answers she gets when she travels back in time to find herself. Unable to give her an answer without a crystal ball, Williams was nevertheless promised  he'll always have Blair's shoulder to cry on.

Since what he wants is sex and won't be able to get it from Blair, Williams packed up his junk while Blair sputtered she'll never forget what a "hero" he's been.

Ironically, as Blair was babbling, "It's time to find out who I am" and regurgitated the cliché, "This is the first day of the rest of my life," Danny Romalotti was ringing her doorbell.

Blair steps down to DA's office
by Molly Media 
November 3, 2003

Assistant District Attorneys work tirelessly and for not much more pay than public defenders. The hours are long and the rewards are few. Lawyers trapped in these lowly positions long for the day when they can go into private practice. But in Genoa City not everyone looks down upon the DA's office as the bottom of the shark pit.

Once such person is Christine 'Bug' Blair. After working her way up through the ranks Blair had, until recently, a very plush, well-paying job at the Law Offices of Baldwin & Williams, a law firm she shared ownership with high-profile attorney, Michael Baldwin. At B&W, Blair rarely had to work and even after travels to Hong Kong and Australia was mostly seen giving free legal advise to the occasional walk-in client and taking "business" trips out of town.

In her capacity as a do-nothing lawyer, just the fact that Blair had a shingle out brought boatloads of money into the firm. Sad to learn that his partner was considering a move out of the private sector, Baldwin pleaded with Blair to stay citing his perception that just her name on the door would "double" revenue.

A chronic do-gooder, it appeared Blair's days of helping the rich and downtrodden were over when she contracted a rare Fugue state, had allegedly had her life threatened by her former husband's wife and planned to devote her attention to understanding why an ex-husband raped her. Then, out of nowhere, Blair's name was submitted as a potential candidate for a position of Assistant District Attorney.

With not so much as an interview for the job or a background check or concern that she has no criminal law experience, Blair announced this week that she has accepted the job.

"I have so much to learn," the Bug confessed, adding that the internal operation at the Office of the District Attorney is, "overwhelming."

To make the transition easier Blair has begun reading the "manual". A sort of "How to become a District Attorney for Dummies" book, the manual will teach Blair everything she ever wanted to know about persecution and then some.

One thing about the new job Blair finds disturbing is that she won't be able to dress like a creature from the black lagoon.

"Women in the DA's office are more conservative," Blair said, as she dusted off the old business suit and string of pearls she wore when she graduated from the Sears School of Law. The straight-laced look isn't expected to last long, however, as in about a week Blair should be in total control of the DA's office, have her own personal secretary, a private office with window and that sorority girl look.

Women line up behind Newman
October 30, 2003

With the disclosure this week that the most powerful man in Genoa City put in a kind word with the District Attorney's office and recommended that inexperienced lawyer Christine 'Bug' Blair become the newest Assistant District Attorney, it has become crystal clear that by the time Victor Newman is brought up on charges of "commercial bribery" he will have all the makings of an acquittal well in hand.

The first two women to join the Newman camp were Sharon Newman and Victoria Newman. Besides having been alienated by her mother-in-law, Mrs. Newman was further shunned on Thursday when she was excluded from a family meeting to be conducted by Nikki Newman. The hated between these two women will only drive Mrs. Newman closer to her father-in-law. Aware of what her brother is up to, Ms. Newman said last week that she will be watching her father's back.

The third, and as yet unconfirmed, woman who can testify that Newman's son and members of the Abbott family were out to get him at all cost is Phyllis Abbott whose rotten treatment by the Abbotts and impending divorce from Jack Abbott will set her up as one of Newman's greatest allies.

The fourth and perhaps most important, um, woman will be Blair.

Based on the close relationship he has with her former husband and all that Newman has done for her (he gave the bride away at her wedding), Blair will have no other choice but to at the very least recuse herself from the bribery case. Sure, it'll be a hard pill for the Bug to swallow, but if she is nothing she is a dutiful creature determined to uphold the scales of justice.

Furthermore, once the Bug realizes that Newman is the subject of a witch hunt she'll do everything in her power to make Newman's problems go away. That it won't happen overnight was painfully apparent on Thursday when Newman told Blair "I hold you in very high esteem" and patronized her when he said, "You're a hell of a lawyer."

Sticking out like a sore thumb was the clue that before Newman is vindicated things will get very messy.

"I feel sorry for any villain that's pitted against you in the courtroom," Newman said, trying hard not to burst out laughing when the critter squealed, "You should."

Blair shoots down PI, says no to marriage!
October 21, 2003

Hinting that she's not interested in a quivering astoundingly creepy old guy who would marry multiple ultra-homely 12-year-old girls and dress them in frumpy housedresses and pre-yellowed undergarments and walks around much of the time with a slightly deranged manic grin on his face, Christine 'Bug' Blair turned down on Tuesday, private investigator Paul 'Clueless' Williams' proposal of marriage.

Worried that his tiny weenie will shrivel up and fall off before he can have lots and lots of sex with the only creature he's ever loved, Williams bemoaned that his biological clock is ticking and it won't be long until he's too old to have sex because, well, that's just how ignorant he is.

"I want to make love ... every night and morning while I'm still able," Williams said, noting that he'll never be happy with any woman except Blair although other women might be good for casual sex and provide him with many babies to be baptized in the name of God and then disposed of with their grandparents or in orphanages where they can grow into angry adults.

Aware that his marriage to Izzy Brana is legally binding, Williams called it a mere "technicality" and grumbled that Blair's unwillingness to put out means he'll be forced to take cold showers, make many visits to Madam Palm and her four sister or maybe one of his many former wives will let him have his way with them until Blair realizes that he is the much sought after stud seen in her early morning dreams.

While Blair said she enjoys sharing a love nest with Williams, it would be best if they remain just friends.

Leaving no doubt that he is an oozing hunk of heterosexual slug-licking monogamist joy, and that Blair would be very very lucky to snag him again, it took Williams only a matter of minutes to prove what an adulterous bitch he can be.

Sharing his sadness with former wife and all-around Genoa City slut Lauren Fenmore, Williams was told to slow down and smell the sauerkraut. Why buy the cow when the milk in her dried up melons is free? Like gay sex, Fenmore urged Williams to live a little. Try something new, something old. Like her. Who knows? He might like it.

Christine Blair, GC's new DA
October 20, 2003

Hoping to improve its low conviction rate the Genoa City District Attorney's Office has reportedly put out feelers in search of a lawyer better skilled at putting criminals behind bars than present DA, Glen Richards.

Insiders say there is already a short-list of potential candidates for the position of Assistant District Attorney and that at the top is the name of the once infamous "lawbug", Christine Blair.

Armed with a four-year law degree obtained from Sears in only two years, Blair is most known for her work at Legal Aid. During her tenure Blair often represented unqualified clients.

Currently employed at the law firm of Baldwin & Williams, Blair has not been seen in a courtroom but claims to be busier than a one-arm paper hanger.

Blair has often been quoted as saying "I know the law" and recently entered the extremely rare Fugue state during which she ran away to a completely different geographical region and for a short time didn't seem like herself.

The Rainbow Connection
by Brent Kellogg
September 10, 2003

A misconception that some people have is that if they say something which isn't true enough times it will become the truth. Too many times this becomes the law of the land and people go throughout life thinking the world is flat when in reality, it's round.

Take the case of Genoa City's most clueless private investigator for example. With a wife he has yet to obtain a legal divorce from rotting in jail Paul Williams took up with his former wife, sent her off to a spa all expenses paid after she was apparently traumatized during an attempt on her life and took her to the finest restaurant when she returned.

Before arriving at the ColonRoom (that infamous eatery which keeps a mattress in the basement for its more frisky customers), Williams told Christine 'Bug' Blair she looks "more beautiful than ever" and they fantasized about having kids. When Jock Strap the waiter got around to presenting the wine Williams refused the common custom of sniffing or sipping it as if he needed to display for all to see just how he got the nickname, Clueless.

Perhaps it was because he had passed out on Manischewitz and cheap skunk weed behind the Henry Miller rack which goes on sale in October for $8.95 that caused the waiter to gawk at the Bug and then say, "You've never looked lovelier."

Her nose stuck straight up into the ceiling the Bug was flattered. "Gosh, they like me. They really like me," she may have thought to which Williams left little doubt. "It's true you know. You've never looked more beautiful."

Forgetting for the moment and probably forever that she was sitting in the presence of the man who raped her, the Bug thanked Williams for being the man [sic] who knows exactly what it takes to make the albino skin on her carcass glow a brilliant white.

After inhaling some escargot and trying for even a moment to think of someone other than herself, the Bug finally noticed that Clueless looked different too.

"I am different," Williams blathered, noting that while the Bug was off attending anger management classes he had tried to make some sense out of his meaningless life. But before Williams could say whether he's given any thought to what will become of the son he stashed in Los Angeles, or wondered why he hasn't seen his mother or secretary in weeks, the Bug said such discussion was "too heavy" for the night.

The sixties cliché was lost on Williams as his old bud and singer, Peter Cincotti strolled in. Introducing Cincotti to the Bug as someone he had met "some time ago" while working on "a music business case" it's a wonder the entire ColonRoom staff didn't burst out laughing.

Before anyone could ask how in the hell a private eye would have ever worked on a music case (spying on music downloaders notwithstanding) and by the way, "did you solve it?" Cincotti noted his infatuation with the Bug too.

"You're even more beautiful than Paul said you were," he actually said, eyes glazed over.

Good God in Heaven? Was it a conspiracy? Had Williams paid all these people to tell such a bold lie? It was so damn ridiculous in a soul shuddering way.

The absurdity that the Bug is anything more than a green chunk of slimy bile was interrupted by the tinkle of piano keys. Damn but what Cincotti wasn't singing the lyrics to The Rainbow Connection!

It was fitting that Williams danced with his Bug and whispered in her ear that they are the lovers and dreamers alluded to in the song made famous by a frog and a pig.

And so it was that as these creatures danced the night away the Genoa City News thought about changing their names to Miss Piggy and Kermit the frog.

The only good bug is a dead bug

by Vicki Johns
September 9, 2003

I was sure as hell glad to learn that Christine Blair took a course in "Anger Management" at the Casa Milagro Spa. Cripes, if anyone has got something to be angry about, it sure is Christine, isn't it?

You want something to be angry, about, Christine? What, did you grow up in a family with abusive, cocaine addicted or neglectful parents that didn't give a crap if you were hanging out in some Section 8 development for half the night? Are you angry because you had an older brother who tried to rape you when you were 9 years old? Are you angry because you had to walk past six crack houses on the way to school?

Are you angry, Chris, because you had a learning disorder that kept you behind in school? Are you angry because you grew up with an acne problem, a speech impediment, dyslexia or weight issue? Angry because you were one of those whose names were never called when choosing sides for basketball?

And what about the high school boys? Angry because none of them ever looked at you? Couldn't get a date for the high school prom? Couldn't get a date for any damn dance? Is that what you are angry about?

Or maybe, are you angry because you couldn't afford college? Couldn't get a grant approved? Or are you angry because you didn't get into the college you wanted, or couldn't select the exact career you wanted? Angry because you didn't graduate cum laude, summa cum laude, magna cum laude or any laude at all?

Are you angry, Christine, because you never met the right guy – not even once? Never met anyone to care for you, take care of you, want you, love you, need you? Never once, Christine, like so many women out there? Angry because all you've ever met up with in your life are users, takers, and emotional/psychological abusers? Are you angry and bitter because you feel drained and lifeless from all of your unsuccessful relationships? Angry because some guy left you with a stack of bills, a pale of dirty diapers and no forwarding address?

Are you angry because you never met your full professional potential? Never got an accolade, a pat on the back? Angry because you never got a decent salary for your work? Chris, are you angry because you work 60 hours a week, harder than anyone you know, and you still can't make ends meet? Angry about that, Chris?

Wow, Chris, for sure, your life has been so friggin' bad, you should take Anger Management classes. And, then, go out and take some Gratitude Classes. Because that's what you really need. You need to find out that you have walked on a friggin bed of lily white roses for your entire life and you are simply too ignorant to have any idea that how unbelievably lucky you have been. Until then, please don't sit around telling the rest of us – who all have one or more legitimate reasons to actually take an Anger Management class – why we should feel one iota of sympathy for you, you spoiled, selfish, obnoxious, rotten bitch.

Not that I'm angry or anything.

You can't keep a good bug down
by Brent Kellogg
August 18, 2003

Scientists call it strain #121. It's a new breed of insect still unnamed which has the ability to eat through iron and able to withstand temperatures up to 266 degrees Fahrenheit. Researchers say nothing can kill it. What they may not be aware of yet is that strain #121 may be the offspring of Genoa City's own Christine 'Bug' Blair.

With the ability to bounce back from the rare fugue state she was in just 24-hours earlier the Bug was in perfect health on Monday after having ingested an overdose of sleeping pills and having come so close to meeting her maker.

"Amazing!" the bright-eyed and bushy-tailed Bug remarked to private investigator Paul 'Clueless' Williams, as she slithered around her lair noting how - for all they had been through in recent weeks - life was once again a bowl of cherries.

Claiming she had slept "like a baby", the Bug also chirped that for the first time in a long time she felt safe again. With William's wife locked up in jail for a crime there is no proof she committed and a promise from Williams that dizzy Izzy Williams would never hurt the critter again, the Bug spewed, "Today is the first day of the rest of my life."

"I've never ever been so happy to be alive," the Bug went on crediting Clueless for making it all possible. If not for his faith in her she might at this very moment be the one behind bars.

Pleased with himself and not mentioning that had it not been for Michael Baldwin he might very well be laying on a slab with a knife in his back, Clueless hacked that the first thing he had done so early in the morning while the Bug was still sleeping was to call Casa Milagro. The world famous spa located in California was standing by to pamper the Bug.

An Internet search revealed no such spa in California but there is a bed and breakfast by the name in Colorado as well as a home for the mentally ill in New Mexico.

Like all Genoa City elite woman who experience trauma, the Bug was expected to go away to heal and forget the awful lemonade life can sometimes make.

"I want you to think of no one but yourself," Clueless urged, and of that there was no doubt for already the Bug had done nothing but squawk about herself. But so as to pacify the man she's forgiven for having raped her, the Bug said she would be thinking of him while knave slave boys oil her shapely body at the spa.

"I feel like a little girl with a wonderful world waiting out there for me," the Bug oozed, before being led off to pack a cockroach for the trip.

Yes friends, it's a Bug's life. Nothing else matters. Not a fair trial for Mrs. Williams, not a word of when Clueless will see his son again, not a word to Mary Williams or Clueless' employees that the crisis is over.

There was nothing but concern that the Bug should recover from an event which never would have happened had Clueless been able to keep his pecker in his pants.

Rub-a-dub-dub, one Bug in a tub!
August 13, 2003

After all the over-hyped pity the fool who doesn't pay attention to what happens in Genoa City on August 13 ballyhoo, the much anticipated return of Mrs. Izzy Williams on Wednesday was anti-climatic.

Thought to be alone getting her life in order and pawing prized possessions before surrounding to police, an under arrest but free to turn herself in when it's convenient Christine 'Bug' Blair was startled when she heard the front door to her lair opening.

"What are you two doing here?" she snarled at attorney Michael Baldwin and private detective Paul 'Clueless' Williams.

Saying they wouldn't allow the Bug to convince herself that she's guilty of killing Mrs. Williams, Clueless and Baldwin were summarily dismissed and were later seen at the Clueless Detective & Alarm Company where Williams received a premonition that on this night of all nights he felt uncomfortable leaving the Bug alone and that something was wrong.

Wrong is right.

In her fugue state of mind the Bug apparently forgot to lock the door and should have known that on the one night she'd leave the door unlocked somebody with prior knowledge that she'd be alone would slip in unheard and wielding a big knife enter the bathroom as she lay in the tub soaking her achy tentacles.

The person in the Bug's toilet was, of course, Mrs. Williams. She choose this night to come out of hiding just hours before the creature was to be locked up for her murder. Mrs. Williams could have sat back and gleefully watched as the Bug was made to suffer through a bogus trial and hopefully sent away to prison. But no! Williams couldn't wait. She wanted to personally slice the critter into a million pieces thus putting an end to forty days and forty nights of misery only to be captured before harming so much as a hair on the Bug's naked body.

And so it goes. Another Genoa City crime case closed with thousands of loose ends unresolved because the only thing that has ever mattered is that the righteous Bug come out smelling like a rose.

Bug arrested!
August 12, 2003

Bug goes into voodoo trance; evidence cries out, find me!
August 6, 2003

Showing the slightest bit of concern that she is placing the state of her mental health into the hands of an unlicensed doctor, Christine 'Bug" Blair's first attempt at being hypnotized failed Wednesday.

"Have you done this before?" the Bug squeaked, as witchdoctor Wes Carter lulled the patient into taking more sedatives so as to make her "more receptive."

With a tape recorder rolling so as to maybe document his crime, Carter begin again counting backwards and soon Blair was drifting in a sea of bloody mist. There the Bug was, somewhere, seeing trees and a really big puddle of water. The scene melted away into the sun of awareness and there the Bug was again at the home of Mary Williams who was in the potty expelling alcohol she had begun consuming on a whim.

The scene shifted again to the Bug in the woods. On the ground near her car was a bloody Mrs. Izzy Williams pleading with the creature to stop hurting her. Reaching down as if to help, Williams pushed her attacker away and in the process scratched the Bug's feeler and then... the stupid witchdoctor pulled the Bug out of the trance before she could admit to finishing Williams off, chopping her body into bits and feeding her to the small angry fish in Lake Michigan.

Before learning what she had said there was a knock at the bug nest door. Hank Weber was on the scene. This time the Genoa City Police detective had come armed to the teeth with a search warrant. As Weber's team of investigators began stuffing items into bags he glanced at the witchdoctor and for a brief moment it was hoped that at long last Weber will not overlook the evidence practically crying out to be found. The bloody scarf Mrs. Williams was last seen wearing on the night of her disappearance, the blood-stained clothing returned from the cleaners belonging to the Bug and the witchdoctor's recorder which alone should be all Weber needs to at last have this creeped out Bug arrested and charged with murder.

Bug's brain; like an iceberg!
August 5, 2003

With guilt eating away at what remains of her dark soul, Christine 'Bug' Blair found herself so frazzled after a meeting with police detective Hank Weber she couldn't operate a motor vehicle.

Slithering back to her nest the critter found that Acme Cleaners had dropped off the laundry with a note attached explaining that blood stains on the garment she wore the night of Mrs. Izzy Williams' disappearance could not be removed.

Holding the bloody scarf found in her vehicle, Blair's head was splitting when the doorbell rang. After stashing the evidence she opened the door and thanked the gods that the cop hadn't followed her or bothered to impound her vehicle or had her followed so that maybe somebody might have been able to inspect the laundry she dropped at the cleaners.

Instead, what the Bug found Tuesday at her door was the town witchdoctor! Carrying a black medicine bag full of illegally imported drugs from Canada, Dr. Olivia Winters listened as Blair rambled about being very spooked by the police and then said that she had been discussing the Bug with fellow witchdoctor, Wes Carter.

Acknowledging that she had given permission to just about anyone who might be able to fix her fugue state to check her out, the Bug allowed Winters to take vital signs. Other than high blood pressure and extremely pale skin, Winters slapped an A-OK on the creature before suggesting she be hypnotized by an unlicensed doctor.

Oh sure! Anything Winters wanted to do was fine with the Bug so long as it took away the pain. But gosh, was Dr. Carter available to make another house call? Do bears crap in the woods? In a heartbeat Carter was at the nest raring to go and jabbering how he and the butchering bitch are convinced that such a nice bug would never hurt a fly.

As the procedure was about to begin Carter chanted lines from a medical textbook on brains. Bug brains are "like an iceberg." The tips being indicative of the conscious mind and the underbelly - that part of the berg underwater - representing the subconscious. It was so, um, technical. But if the Bug could just relax and count backwards from twenty Dr. Carter was certain he'd get to the bottom of what's ailing her.

Incriminating evidence found at bug nest!
August 7, 2003

Genoa City Police came one step closer to solving the case of the Vanishing Victim on Thursday when blood-stained clothing belonging to Christine 'Bug' Blair was found inside the bug's lair.

Armed with a warrant, detective Hank Weber's search was interrupted briefly when Dr. Wes Carter demanded to know, "What are you doing here?" Unfortunately, Carter wasn't immediately arrested for practicing medicine without a license but was treated pretty much like an annoying fly.

Asked if he and his troops could come back at a more convenient time because they had barged in while the Bug was in a trance, Weber nearly broke down laughing. Were these dorks totally unaware of how the law works these days?

As a spewing anger and vile Bug warned Weber again that he had "gone too far" and that she was going to call her attorney it was but mere moments later when Michael Baldwin appeared to hurl some anger of his own at Weber. Because the police had broken up a doctor/patient brain busting session they were to leave immediately or Baldwin would have their badges. And again Weber nearly broke out in a fit of laughter noting how the bug nest didn't look much like a doctor's office.

With the bloody clothing in police custody it seemed as if the Bug's arrest was imminent. But at press time the creepy critter was still free and the evidence sure to seal the Bug's fate [the bloody scarf and tape recording] had not been discovered.

Suspect urged to confess
August 4, 2003

Christine 'Bug' Blair, a prime suspect in the disappearance of Mrs. Izzy Williams, refused Monday to confess to the crime of murder. Saying she'll never to confess to something she can't remember doing, Blair again warned Genoa City police detective Hank Weber that he is dangerously close to "crossing the line."

Noting with indifference Blair's albino characteristics, Weber caught up with the Bug in a dark parking garage where the creepy critter had nearly jumped out her skin after fondling a bloody scarf found in her vehicle thought to have been worn by Mrs. Williams on the night of her disappearance.

"You look a little pale," Weber said, making himself to home in the passenger's seat and wondering if, like suspect Michael Baldwin, the Bug wanted to tell him something.

Refusing to incriminate herself, the Bug hissed about being harassed as Weber theorized how Blair killed Mrs. Williams.

"You went back to see Mrs. Williams again but this time things got out of control. You couldn't control yourself and you killed her. Then you put her in your car and dumped her body in Lake Michigan," Weber said.

With skin found under the Bug's claws - of which DNA testing is as yet incomplete - Weber suggested the Bug confess so that the taxpayers of Genoa City can be spared the expense of a big and mostly bogus trial.

by Brent Kellogg

Not only is detective Paul 'Clueless' Williams feeling "powerless" where his involvement in the case of the Vanishing Victim is concerned, but now Christine 'Bug' Blair reports she too is feeling "powerless."

The Bug's statement emerged Wednesday during a conversation with her doctor.

Still unlicensed to practice medicine anywhere in the United States and with no office in which to hang a shingle, Dr. Wesley Carter made what was called a "professional" house call to the official Bug nest where he inquired as to whether he might be of any service to the obviously troubled Bug.

Pacing the floor like a cockroach that has been stomped on a dozen times but refuses to die, smelly pus crawling with complaints of bad nightmares in which she sees the face of the thought to be very dead Mrs. Izzy Williams squirted from the Bug.

"I saw her face. It was covered with blood," the Bug told Carter, asking for the umpteenth time if the quack had done any research on "fugue" states of mind which the Bug contends she has been in since the disappearance of Mrs. Williams.

"Could I have done this and not remember it?" the Bug asked, and for maybe the 5,000,000,000 time was told by Carter, "It is possible" but that possible doesn't mean actual and he still hadn't found any time to hop on the Internet to learn more about fugue states.

Feeling very paranoid, the Bug also ranted there are things coming after her and there is no hole small enough for slime to hide.

As the Bug raged on and on that all the evidence points to her, Carter said that being fatalistic never helped nobody and for her own good the Bug should stop jumping to conclusions.

Clearly out of the control, the Bug surmised she must be going insane. Told again by Carter to get a grip, the Bug let out a loud squeal. "I can't! I'm running out of control and I'm powerless to stop it!"

Meantime, the case over a month old, Genoa City Police detective Hank Weber is no closer to solving it. Said to be like a "pit bull" where his detecting skills are concerned, Weber has yet to search the Bug's vehicle even though the creeped out crud is a prime suspect. Amazing when taking into consideration that during his investigation of the Abbott poolhouse fire, Weber impounded a vehicle thought to have been used to drive to a hardware store to purchase fire accelerant.

Subsequently, the Genoa City News has learned that it will be the Bug herself who finds - in her car - the bloody scarf worn by Mrs. Williams on the day of her disappearance.

Bend over, the doctor wants to stick it to you!
by Lois Hill
July 7, 2003

My, my but aren't those passing themselves off as doctors in this city just the nicest people you ever did meet? Imagine if you can. You've just come from the God Have Mercy Medical Center where you were told by the resident quack that she has no idea why you can't remember things although you can remember how to drive a car and find your way around the city. If you've got a couple of hours to wait around the results of a CT test will be ready. Impatient as you are - but worried at the same time about what's happening to you - you can't be bothered to wait so you go to the home of your former mother-in-law to while away the hours careful to leave your MIL's telephone number with the butchering quack.

Soon you get a call from the alleged doctor that the test results are in. Instead of asking for the results over the phone you travel all the way back to the hospital only to learn you didn't have a stroke and quite frankly, after that expensive CT scan, there doesn't appear to be anything wrong. Still, because there is obviously something wrong the doctor suggests whatever it is must be "physical" and invites you to stay at the hospital for a few days while more tests are run.

You are not bothered by all this either as you know you'll never have to pay a dime of the medical bill which will run into the thousands. As you think about being admitted a man introduces himself as a psychiatrist. You waste no time telling the stranger all about your problem showing him too the scrapes and bruises on your hand and arm which the quack failed to notice. As the head shrink bandages your wounds he suggests - that based on what little he knows - you may have been in, or are in, a "fugue state."

This state causes people to lose their memory for untold amounts of time. People do things - like kill people - and have no recollection because the brain is malfunctioning. In other words, you are suffering from memory loss.

And because you are just so stupid and never watch TV or read books you are totally surprised to learn that there are people out there right now doing things they can't remember.

Is this not the dumbest thing you ever did hear? Can you believe that any doctor anywhere on the planet would give you free medical advice like this?

Only in Genoa City can crazies like Christine 'Bug' Williams plagued by selective memory loss obtain free health care. The creature has lost interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities like knitting or obsessive nail biting or watching porn with her man of the week. She is tired, fatigued, bitchy like Nikki Newman, yet these stern-faced doctors and the industry at whose teat they suckle very, very much want the Bug to know that if she's feels the slightest bit of stress, asks wacky eternal questions like, why the hell am I here and what's the point anyway and what's it all for, there is an expensive test they can perform. They never once suggest holistic remedies, or long hot baths and maybe getting out of the city and away from the freaks more often.

These doctors have a job to do. They have a certain perspective, a rather simplistic, non-holistic, black-and-white sickness/cure worldview, all coupled with a capitalistic industry-backed motive. And that motive is certainly not based on the idea that if you can't remember how to go to the toilet perhaps it's all that pesticide people are spraying on you.

All the Bug needs is to turn off the damn cell phone and the TV and really learn to breathe. Take a long trip on a, um, boat! In a few days she'll be fine.

Nah. That takes, you know, work. Practice. Serious life change. A rejection of the norm. A rejection of these stern-faced quacks and the sterner still private eyes and lawyers doing work the police should be doing and if she would just mind her own damn business for a change and stop trying to solve an apparent crime she wouldn't be suffering from memory loss.

Bug suffering from memory loss, suspects stress, stroke!
by Brent Kellogg
July 3, 2003

If it weren't so tragically funny, Christine 'Bug' Blair's pronouncement here Thursday that one moment she was fine and the next she couldn't remember anything was enough to make grown men scream or just cry.

"I can't remember what happened to me last night," the critter sniveled, certifying that indeed the stress of knowing your husband cheated on you, married another woman, had the woman's baby and then had sex with you again even before divorcing his current wife is enough to make anyone stress out.

Claiming that she woke up in her car near Lake Michigan with no idea how she got there and managed to find her way back home, the Bug wrote the problem off as a case of temporary memory loss. Worried sick and now shacking up with the Bug, detective Paul 'Clueless' Williams suggested the slime be examined by a doctor.

Forget too about going to the emergency room and waiting in line like normal patients. Clueless placed a call to General Practitioner Olivia Winters hoping the butcher would be able to "squeeze" the Bug in.

In less time then it took to wash the grime and blood off her tentacles and tiny little paws, the Bug was at the God Have Mercy Medical Center being examined. As usual, a blood sample was taken as the Bug complained about memory loss and then - of all things - suggested she may have suffered a stroke!

Of course the Bug wouldn't know the effects of a stroke because - while Katherine Sterling was once her prime confidant - the critter not once visited Sterling at the hospital or at her home since the old woman suffered a real stroke.

True to her butchering persona, Dr. Winters said it was unlikely the Bug had a stroke and immediately pushed for the patient to have an expensive CAT scan. Wondering how long she would have to wait as if maybe she has more people to kill, the Bug seemed somewhat steamed that she might actually have to wait longer than five minutes for the test results.

"I asked radiology to put a rush on it," the butcher kowtowed, noting the result would take two hours and because she had no other patients suggested the Bug have lunch with her! In fact, Dr. Winters was so bored she offered to call somebody to bug-sit which is what detective Clueless should have been doing but couldn't be bothered to even take the creature to the hospital.

And totally unaware of what the Bug may have experienced or not, told the slime, "You've had a very frightening experience" and that she fully expected the test results to come back negative for trauma but very positive for a fat medical bill which the Bug would never see.

Truly, it will indeed be years at this rate before the Case of the Missing Victim has its full impact, as little by little, clue by clue, the walls break down and the prejudices evaporate and the hatred is squelched like a hissing cockroach.

Draconian bullies theory; might makes terrorism right
June 18, 2003

It was the creepy, slimy crusader Bug's turn Wednesday to attack the already besieged dizzy Izzy Williams with verbal sludge missiles filled with warnings not to contest any divorce her former husband might file should he ever pull his head out of his butt, stop letting women fight his battles and be a man.

Deathly afraid of Christine 'Bug' Blair for having once tried to strangle her and noting that to this day she can still feel the long tentacles around her throat, Mrs. Williams agreed to speak with the Bug but cautioned that every word was being recorded. One false move and Izzy would go straight to the police.

The smirking little Bug squealed that having lost her temper once and physically attacking another person was "no big deal" and wouldn't happen again because, well, she is one truly loving bug poorly disguised as a human.

Besides not contesting a divorce, the Bug advised Izzy not to depend on Michael Baldwin because the shyster could lose his law license if he were drawn into a perceived "trial" as a co-conspirator. Furthermore, all the smut Baldwin and Williams had been trying to hide would become public information and come back to "haunt" Izzy.

That Izzy did not breakout in a fit of laughter at the absurdity of the Bug's contentions was a miracle. She did tell the Bug that nothing the creature had regurgitated had influenced her in any way, however.

Admiring her own antics, the Bug tried another lie. After a year of marriage and a baby to show for it not to mention divorce papers from a previous marriage on the grounds of infidelity, detective Paul 'Clueless' Williams would seek an annulment. That would teach Izzy a lesson - wouldn't it? With no divorce Izzy would end up with nothing.

Compounding the unbelievable crap she was spewing, the Bug went on to say that Clueless has pledged that he will not waver in his determination to push for custody of the child he and Izzy brought into the world. To think that a self-righteous Bug would for a moment consider raising another woman's baby was laughable.

Perhaps sensing that Izzy wasn't buying any of her lies the Bug made a move toward her victim. As Izzy cried out there was a knock at the door. Baldwin had come to save the dame.

"She had that look in her eyes," Izzy said, pointing out how evil and utterly shameless the Bug is.

"I was giving her a reality check," the Bug squeaked, and for that statement alone should have been stepped on and ground into nothingness. And for having the gall to see herself as anything more than one of Satan's boil popping helpers a swarm of angry crickets should have marched over the Bug leaving the disgruntled mutant reek blob as something to be scraped off the highway and served as today's special at the RoadKill Cafe.

Told to leave, the Bug slithered away leaving Izzy behind to shudder and sigh and ask Baldwin if he could get a restraining order against the crazies. Nice as an RO may sound it would be worthless when there are bitter enemies out there strutting around thinking they're literally God's gift to mankind when they're really just draconian impotent bullies.

It is sad indeed that Izzy must play the victim when it is the Bug and her cronies who should pay for their brutish dictator, despot, pseudo-fascist war-pigging ways.

Creepy Bug keeps job!
May 13, 2003

In the realm of stupidity it doesn't get much worse. Within hours of informing attorney Michael Baldwin how much she loathes and despises him and that he's lower than a snake in a rut, Christine 'Bug' Blair on Wednesday told Baldwin that because she owns half of the Baldwin & Williams law firm she fully intends to continue working in the same office with a man she hates.

"I know what happened between us was ugly, but we work well together," Blair actually said of her law partner.

Alarmed and confused and aware that it's all rather hilarious and sad and such a moot point now it's not really even all that funny anymore, Baldwin refused at first to have anything more to do with the critter. But because this is just how toxically addicted he is to slithering slime, so long as the Bug stays out of his way and her rapist husband doesn't see their working relationship as a threat to his manliness, Baldwin was pleased to roll over.

Smirky Bug finds her man!

May 13, 2003

One and a half miles of California beach did not this week prevent Christine 'Bug' Blair from finding her man. The Bug simply followed her nose - and the stench of a man in need of a shower. That's exactly how easy it was to find detective Paul 'Clueless' Williams at the Leo Carrillo State Park some twenty-eight miles north of Santa Monica.

Par for the course, Williams - taken to sitting on jagged rocks and pondering what it might be like to be a crab - had to ask "what are you doing here?" when the creepy critter slithered into view.

"I had no choice," the Bug insisted and at the same time thinking it odd that Clueless was camped on a beach when he should be with his happy family.

Claiming again he needed space to sort things out in his mixed up head, Williams asked how the Bug had found him.

"Andy [Richards] called me and told me where you were," the Bug squeaked, which was just another lie as Richard didn't know where Clueless was. Had the Bug said that God told her where Clueless was or that she had asked some tourists if they had seen a freak on the beach throwing torn up photographs into the ocean it would have made more sense.

Not that it mattered because by now their idiotic oozing had reached a boil. Clueless made it worse by wondering if the Bug's new husband knew she had slipped out of the honeymoon bed and gone out for crackers.

Oh no! There was no husband. There was no wedding. It was all a hoax. Those slime - Baldwin and Brana - tricked them.

"You're sure about this? Baldwin set everything up? Are you absolutely sure?" Clueless asked, picking sand out of his crotch.

"I'm positive!" the Bug squawked.

"That bastard," was best Clueless could say before he started to bawl. His whole life is gone. His marriage. His family. It was all a lie.

"I feel so empty. I feel like I've been cheated," Clueless sniveled in a what is to become of me now rant.

And then, in full typical I'm the victim mode, Clueless sobbed how his "poor" boy hadn't asked for any of the mess that he - Clueless - wouldn't be in if he had been able to keep is pecker in his pants. But no! Clueless just had to screw a woman he didn't know from Eve while he was still married to the Bug.

Those damn evildoers! Always tricking us.

"Can you ever forgive me?" the Bug whined for surely this was all her fault. She made Clueless pork Izzy. If only she hadn't gone to Hong Kong. If only she weren't a snarling heavily shellacked pit-viper scum bucket who liked it when Clueless raped her in a snidely and vehemently fit of rage.

If this was not one of the sickest and most appalling and sad and nauseating scenes since that night of the rape nothing was. Clueless and the Bug have sunk to the depths to which sanctimonious bonk-jobs will sink. But then again, they are a wonderful argument for paganism and deserving of each other's misery.

April 11, 2003

Crusader Bug going for marriage #3
Local attorney and crusader for the downtrodden Christine Romalotti Williams Blair heartbreakingly agreed Friday to marry fellow attorney, law partner and former attacker Michael Baldwin.

Known in some circles as "the Bug", Ms. Blair walked a disbelieving Mr. Baldwin through the proposal steps, accepted his engagement ring, listened as he raved of being the happiest man on the planet but made no romantic overtures or uttered any words of joy other than the time had come and that Baldwin had "better get used" to the fact that he is now "stuck" with her.

No wedding date was set nor were parents and relatives notified as neither Baldwin or Blair have any known living spawners other than Blair's father, Dr. Jim Grainger, last seen in 1990 when he almost married Nikki Newman but was aced out by Jack Abbott. Ms. Blair's mother, Jessica died in 1988 from AIDS after a brief marriage to Jabot Cosmetics founder, John Abbott.

After Blair's hand in marriage for nearly three years and so desperate he'd marry her in a Fenmore's apparel aisle while Gina Roma sings "The Power of Love", not much is known of Baldwin's past. The attorney arrived in Genoa City during the winter of 1991, pulled strings to get the then Mrs. Romalotti into the prestigious law firm where he worked and in 1993 was sent to prison when he was convicted of sexually assaulting Romalotti in her apartment.

The entire state of Wisconsin and parts of neighboring Minnesota were reportedly in a state of shock when Romalotti divorced her rock star husband, later married Paul Williams - the private detective who had helped put Baldwin in prison - and eventually became Baldwin's law partner when he was released only to be subsequently raped by Williams.

Asked what she sees in Baldwin the Bug replied, "My future."

April 10, 2003

Grasping at straws
It has yet to become a major crusade but given time the creepy Christine 'Bug' Blair will twist and spin a simple refusing to pay case into a major how dare a company demand payment for services.

The first hint surfaced Friday when the Sears law school educated Bug ordered what was called a complaint file on the as yet unnamed funeral parlor her unidentified client hired to bury a dead body. Once the parlor performed its obligation the woman refused to pay and ran straight to a lawyer seeking liberation from her obligation when the parlor demanded payment.

Feeling sorry for the woman Ms. Blair took the case and apparently will use any consumer complaints filed against the funeral operator as justification to make the real victim in this case appear as the predator.  

Bug will take unpaid bill case!

April 8, 2003

She's at it again! Christine 'Bug' Blair has agreed to offer free legal services to a downtrodden woman being hounded by a funeral company for non-payment.

The pro bono case is noteworthy because for years in her position as a Legal Aid attorney Blair routinely took cases that do not qualify for such services. When the Bug eventually teamed up with the man who spent time in prison for assaulting her it was hoped that the last of such bogus cases had been seen.

During a stop at the law offices of Baldwin & Williams on Tuesday the Bug heard the tearful story of a poor woman who, after her husband died in a tragic accident, was being intimidated for not paying the bill for burial services. And because the woman was broke she decided to call an expensive law firm seeking its service and not because the woman had heard that the Bug had helped the downtrodden in the past and might be in need of an ego-inflating case.

Upon learning that her partner was too busy to take the case the Bug suggested referring the woman to Legal Aid and seemed stunned when she was told that the woman had already been to Legal Aid and turned down. Not because Legal Aid doesn't take cases in which persons cannot pay their bills but because Legal Aid was swamped with such cases!

Feeling an obligation to redeem herself and save the world from evil bill collectors the Bug agreed to take the case without discussing the matter with her partner who wouldn't have cared so long as it meant having the creature slithering around the office.

Critics are hoping that details of the Bug's case will not be revealed and that it is merely a vehicle to get the slimy critter back to work. The last thing needed in Genoa City at the moment is a Sears educated lawyer flapping its wings and spewing how any firm that dares seek payment for services will face the Bug's wrath.

It was hard to imagine why a funeral parlor would want to be paid for performing services it had been hired to do and should maybe roll over and forgive the woman's debt as some sort of guilt-ridden charity. If the parlor had, say, cremated the deceased and his ashes had turned up on a shelf in a K-mart store, alongside hair dyes and other beauty products that might be a different story.

March 29, 2003

Bug in denial; rape wasn't rape!
Christine - when does she ever work - 'Bug' Romalotti Williams Blair stated for the record again Friday that what her former husband did to her was "ugly and shameful" but could not be classified as rape.

"It wasn’t lovemaking," Blair said, but when asked if the sexual assault committed against her by Paul Williams was rape, added, "That's a loaded word. Why do you have to label it?"

Blair surmised that she and Williams have had sex "hundreds of times" over the years. It's just that the last time was rougher than usual.

THE DRIBBLE THEY SCRIBBLE.  A CLUELESS RETROSPECTIVE

February 10, 2003

Bug tossing in wig, sunglasses while a bored nation just tosses
That those closest to her stood within inches of the god-awful wig and sunglasses Christine 'Bug' Blair wore upon her return to Genoa City and listened to a bad Southern drawl that even the ripest of Southerners found hard to believe and did not know by the body odor that this was the original creepy crawling crusader Bug, has ruined whatever hope there may have been to make something out of a nothing plot.

The Bug is raped by her former husband, runs away to sort things out, concludes she liked being raped, returns incognito, tries to worm information out of her fiancée and former husband's current wife - that would mean nothing even if they sat her down and wrote it out in crayon - has since decided life really was good when she was married to her ex and might be again so concludes she better toss the wig and glasses and fess up that Kelly Simmons was really the Bug all along and woe, what is to become of us nonsense.

Meantime, the Bug's husband begs on bended knee for his current wife to take him back so that they can be a family again and move on but he needs one more chance to see the Bug and gets that golly, why would that upset you, look on his face when he's told to go to hell.

And all the while a nation shudders and cringes and wonders why these people don't fall off a cliff and die because we lost interest sometime last year when we fell asleep due to the boredom.

February 7, 2003

Inside the toxic Bug bubble

Genoa City News staff report

Convinced that not a single person, especially the two men closest to her, can see straight through that god-awful disguise she's wearing or the thickest of Southern accents, Christine 'Bug' Blair vowed Friday to press on with her dog and pony show.

The show, which has no real purpose, was thought to have been cancelled when the Bug, hiding out in the apartment she once shared with her former husband, detective Paul 'Clueless' Williams, who is said to be looking for her but never ever goes by the apartment since raping her, told her wicked-smart girlfriend, Lynne 'Yes-Boss' Bassett, of having run into Williams and her supposed fiancée Michael Baldwin at the Newman Rocks coffee shop where she is also well known but not detected as anything other than another customer willing to spend $3 for cheap coffee.

"Then they know you're here?" Bassett asked thinking the jig was up.

Oh heavens no, "I was in my disguise," the Bug squeaked before slithering off to find out what the connection is between Baldwin and Williams' estranged wife, dizzy Izzy.

The long, drawn out much ado about nothing facade is, of course, nothing more than a ruse to expose Baldwin and Izzy for what they did to breakup the Bug and Clueless and thereby provide a vehicle for Williams and the Bug to reunite after she forgives him for raping her and for having a baby with Izzy with said baby being maybe tucked away on some farm in Kansas never to be mentioned again.