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Ghosts of Christmas Past 2003

Christmas for Christ's Sake

Originally published December 22, 2003
by Brent Kellogg

On almost every corner in Genoa City, carolers are singing, trees are being trimmed, and shoppers are rushing home with their packages all purchased from either Fenmore's Department Store or the Fenmore little shop of horrors commonly known as the Glotique where male minimum wage earners employed by the shop drool over high-priced dresses they claim they'd like to purchase for their girlfriends while grumbling that even with an employee discount can't afford such garments and then turn right around and buy expensive "real" jewelry.

Also spotted at the Glotique purchasing a trinket for his former wife was washed up rock and roll singer Danny Romalotti. Perhaps fearful the bracelet Romalotti picked out may have been for a male admirer, Glotique owner Lauren Fenmore pressured him into revealing that the gift was for socialite Christine 'Bug' Blair, a woman Fenmore said she is worried may have a case of Christmas Blues.

No fool he, Romalotti guessed correctly that Fenmore really wanted him to continue his renewed love interest in Blair so that she, Fenmore, could go after Blair's former husband without impunity.

And because most residents of Genoa City are much like the stuff found clinging to the sides of shower drains, Blair's former husband was at that moment inside his mother's home decked out in a Santa's hat unloading a bag of gifts he too undoubtedly purchased from Fenmore's. Private Investigator Paul Williams - who hasn't been on a case since stealing the "smoking gun" last year from a doctor's office which tipped the scales in the Abbott poolhouse caper - was being asked if he had by chance remembered that the poor Bug had gone through a bad year and might be in need of a gift to lift her spirits.

Mary Williams also suggested that her son use the opportunity as a guise to get back into Blair's bed thereby cutting Lauren Fenmore out of the equation in that Fenmore is a slut who has never been in a lasting relationship.

As the two ungodly poor excuses for human beings patted themselves on the back there was no mention of the fact that Mr. Williams has never been in a relationship lasting much longer than a year, that he has committed rape and adultery and should have been arrested dozens of times for his unsavory detecting technique.

Nor was a word exchanged between mother and son about the godson Mrs. Williams so desperately wanted and the boy born to Mr. Williams by a previous wife he said he would cherish all the remaining days of his life. The same boy Williams abandoned in its infancy, dumped on its grandparents and has only spent all of an hour with since.

Not to be outdone as the only boy born to parents who have forgotten they have children, Ricky Williams is joined this Christmas by Victor Newman Jr., who lives with his mother in Kansas and won't be receiving gifts from his father. Not a card. Not a phone call. Nor Daniel Romalotti Jr., left alone at a boarding school somewhere in Europe to spend the holiday without hearing a word from his father or mother Phyllis Abbott who is again on the travel circuit visiting Japan with her estranged husband who also has forgotten he has a son in Genoa City who won't see its father this Christmas.

And too, there is the missing Nate Hastings whose mother Olivia Winters choose to attend her sister's wedding in Japan rather than spend Christmas with her son.

A staggeringly large and increasing amount of the Genoa City populace would not be the slightest bit disappointed and might be actually quite delighted were the children they've had suddenly be instantly afflicted with a deadly disease and die as they bounce around from bed to bed infecting each other with painful genital warts combined with inoperable earlobe worms that burrow into their smarmy little faces and make them all whimpery and pathetic and reveal their true natures as little more than rancid hunks of moldy cheese.

These people need to put their sexual endeavors on hold for a day or two, gather together with their families scattered as they may be and take a moment to remember, it's Christmas for Christ's sake!

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