The Best & Worst of 2005 - Part 5

December 7, 2005
by Michael Kelly

Biggest Loser - Jack Abbott

Here's a 50-something year old daddy's boy who still lives at home, hasn't seen either of his sons in a coon's age and wasn't content to nearly flush his father's company down the toilet due to his own mismanagement and ongoing feud with competitor Victor Newman.

Out of the kindness of her heart or perhaps due to an irreversible and advanced state of dementia, Katherine Chancellor appointed Jackie CEO of Chancellor Industries. She's kept him in the position despite the fact he never shows up for work and is more concerned with using his ex-wife and current squeeze to sabotage Newman Enterprises' website than with functioning at CI.

The guy is pure slime, has a "clucked up" set of priorities and cares only about himself and his single-minded, childish quest for revenge against Victor Newman. That Newman crushes Abbott into a fine powder whenever the two men do battle has taught Jack nothing. This sneering snake needs to learn the definition of an idiot is someone who repeats the same behavior innumerable times and expects a different result.

Couple Most Overdue To Permanently Call It Quits: Jack Abbott and Phyllis Summers

These two have betrayed each other personally or professionally so many times over the years one needs a score card to keep track.

The straw that should have broken this relationship for keeps should have occurred when Phyllis testified on Victor's behalf when Newman was charged with committing commercial bribery at Jabot's expense. I'm not saying what Summers did was wrong but it was certainly out of character for Jack to forgive her considering he believes Victor to be the devil incarnate.

Summers and Abbott both need to cut their losses, move on and find mates they don't work or compete with professionally who can provide the stabilizing influence these two screwed up individuals need.

Biggest Waste of Talent - Jeanne Cooper (Katherine) and Jess Walton (Jill)

Ever since the long-running feud between these two strong-willed dames that put Y&R on the map and provided decades worth of dramatic and comedic fireworks came to an end in 2003 (when Chancellor and Abbott discovered they're mother and daughter), the writers have had a difficult time knowing what to do with them.

The introduction of Katherine's old flame and Jill's biological father Arthur Hendricks in 2004 was promising but ended abruptly with Hendricks leaving town.

This year, the writers really gave Cooper and Walton the shaft by giving them precious little airtime and turning Kay and Jill into mother hens by opening their home to geeky J.T. Hellstrom, married to the mob new mom Brittany Marsino and her little cherub Joshua (who the far from maternal Ms. Abbott inexplicably fawned over).

I was expecting Jill to kick serious ass once she became Jabot's CEO but she was rarely seen at the office. I also hated the way she humbled herself around that empty suit Brad Carlton when she begged him to be her right hand man and let him belittle her abilities. Jill should have reminded Bradski she was breaking balls at that company when he was clipping hedges.

Fortunately, Kay and Jill were given a beautifully written scene in which Chancellor apologized to her daughter for dragging Jill into court in order to deny Abbott's son Phillip his birthright as well as the Chancellor name.

Just as enjoyable was the recent scathing scolding Katherine gave Jack when she discovered he intended to commit corporate espionage by having Phyllis mess with the NE website.

It was so great to hear her threaten to strip him of his CEO position and hang him from the nearest tree if he indulged in any more unethical hanky panky but a couple of entertaining scenes don't change the fact Kay and Jill were shamefully underused and taken for granted this year.

Most Deceitful Woman - Gloria Abbott

She didn't tell her husband who her sons were. She didn't tell him her ex-husband was in town. She also neglected to mention to Yawn that due to legal incompetence she failed to obtain a divorce from Tom Fisher.

She kept her mouth shut about Tom blackmailing her into giving him large sums of money and providing the dough to bail him out of the slammer. She thought nothing of asking her dim-witted, impressionable son to do some clever accounting in order to keep Yawn in the dark and cover her tracks. Until recently, the old man was under the impression his money was being spent on his step-son's lavish wedding.

The GCN gave Yawn a lot of flack for giving Gloria the cold shoulder upon learning Michael and Kevin were her sons but now that we know the woman is a constantly fibbing and secretive sack of crap, it's safe to say Mr. Abbott made a big mistake by forgiving her.

Most Dangerous Man - Yawn Abbott

The old codger can't even walk down the stairs without taking a great fall, stabbing himself in the nuts with a letter opener and breaking his hip yet Paul Williams thinks nothing of giving him a gun. There's something wrong with this picture.

Fortunately, there's nothing wrong with the performances of veteran thespian Jerry Douglas (Yawn), who's particularly impressive when his character is distant to his wife, feeling betrayed by her or blowing his top.

His confrontations with Roscoe Born (Tom) have been really first-rate and both actors would both be worthy Emmy nominees next year. It's been great seeing Yawn take his turn on the front burner and I hope it continues.

Most Unholy Alliance - Michael Baldwin and Ashley Carlton

Forget Sheila and Tom. Baldwin and Carlton are the true Boris and Natasha of Genoa City. What's even more infuriating than these two crumbs framing a man for possession of meth is the fact they'll likely get away with it. They're also too self-righteous and hypocritical to understand they're the last two cretins who should look down on Tom or anyone else.

Baldwin once sexually harassed and later tried to rape one woman and likely murdered another (that Rebecca chick) and Carlton's a lowdown sperm thief. I understand Tom threatened their loved ones but Ashley and Michael should have been smart enough to find a legal way of dealing with him.

Baldwin should have his law license (not that he's set foot in court in well over a year and hasn't even visited his office in months) revoked and it's absolutely revolting that Paul Williams sees Ashley as this sweet, innocent, unwilling participant in this sick stunt when she's anything but.

Kid Most Likely To Become A Limousine Liberal - Abby Carlton

Maybe I'm naive or behind the times but I think it's unlikely and inappropriate for poor little rich girl Abby to even know about AIDS let alone raise money for it. Furthermore, the pasty-faced, gap-toothed Village of the Damned reject thankfully doesn't know anyone who has the disease and has never been to Africa (the child was collecting funds for African AIDS victims).

I'm sure the writers meant well and intended to impress us with how enlightened and progressive they are, but if they can't find a way to smoothly and believably integrate social issues into the storyline they shouldn't bother at all. These little public service segments trivialize an important subject, inspire viewers to roll their eyes and makes the characters as well as the writers come off as shallow, self-important simpletons.