2005 News Archives
Bobby Marsino
See also: J.T. Hellstrom

Dead Men Tell No Lies

October 19, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

You gotta wonder how anyone in the Witness Protection Program under the careful eye of the FBI could end up dead. Hell, Bobby Marsino was better off with J.T. Hellstrom protecting him. But now, he's dead. That was the word coming out of the Chancellor Mausoleum on Wednesday when a telephone call came in for house guest Mrs. Marsino.

The call, sad as it was, disrupted an otherwise happy event. So early in the morning the birds still had sand in their eyes, mausoleum co-owner Jill Abbott and guest J.T. Hellstrom had just returned from a shopping spree. With Brittany Marsino so depressed over the ten minute visit by her husband the day previous, Jill and J.T. wanted to lift her spirits by showering Brittany with gifts.

Jill was especially giddy because, thanks to Bobby's hit and run, the K-Mart baby she's become infatuated with didn't appear to be leaving the mausoleum after all. Jill was careful to make it sound as if she likes that Brittany will be sticking around too, although anyone who knows Jill knows better.

"I'm so lucky to have friends like you," a goofy Brittany said, adding that when the day does come that Bobby comes back for her, "I promise I'll never forget you."

Before the gifts could be opened, Brittany felt the need for some green tea. While she was off in the kitchen the phone rang. Jill answered sternly. "Who wants to know?" she barked when the voice asked for Brittany. Apparently identifying himself as an agent for the FBI, Jill was about to take a message when the caller expressed an urgency to speak with Brittany in person. Claiming to be Brittany's mother, Jill got the agent to spill the bad news whereupon she promptly hung up without asking for any identification and immediately blabbed to J.T that Bobby is dead without noticing Brittany had returned.

It was truly stunning indeed that after all they've been through with fake FBI agents, Jill would for a moment believe a word of what she'd just heard much less repeat it. It is ludicrous that the FBI would not come in person to report such tragic news. But then, this is Genoa City.

As the story goes, Bobby was killed by a hit and run driver outside the home where he was being held under wraps. Not the 'regular' home, the underground bunker somewhere, but the temporary home the Feds had stashed Bobby while awaiting for a flight out of the city's massive international airport. While walking to the car that would take them to the airport, Bobby was run down, the car spend off and much like those fake agents who tried to kidnap the Marsino baby doll, the driver got away.

Skeptics hearing the news burst out laughing. How in the hell does a man walking out the front door of a home get killed by a car as he's getting into another vehicle unless, maybe, the car he was about to get into was parked on the other side of the street or the car that hit him drove up on the sidewalk?

Brittany didn't laugh. She dropped the I'm-so-lucky BS like a bad habit, and again accused Jill of lying so that Jill can get her baby, which is probably true.

J.T., being the typical hunkmonkey he is, came up with a brilliant suggestion. Why not call the FBI back? The number was on the mausoleum's Caller-ID, wasn't it? Jill wanted to go one step better. Call the number the FBI had given them earlier. Brittany upstaged them both by hitting *69.

After hearing with her own ears from what sounded like the same person who had called earlier from the same unverifiable number, Brittany fainted. Snapping out of it seconds later didn't help. She was still sure Jill had faked the calls to get her hands on the baby. To test her theory, Brittany called the real FBI and yes, it's true. Bobby is deader than a doornail.

The shock and awe that swept over Brittany like a cluster bomb was much like that which had eventually slammed Ashley Carlton subsequent to Carlton's killing her own baby. But instead of falling into a pit of blue blanket hell, Brittany began singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star to her baby.

Rumors swirling that Bobby isn't really dead are probably a good bet. If it's part of the government's plan to protect Bobby, what does it say about a government so cruel it would destroy an entire family? What does it say about Bobby? That he never really loved his wife? That he doesn't give a crap about his baby? That he'll toss his family to the wolves if it means saving his own ass?

Will Brittany ever figure it out? Will she wander around for days in a fog like Ashley did? Will she be in a Fugue state and show up at a Newman party? Isn't it about time she enter a home for single mothers? If Mary Williams was Brittany's mother-in-law, there'd already be a room reserved for her at St. Agatha's. That's the place Mary wanted Izzy Brana to go when Izzy got knocked up by her son, Paul. Wherever Brittany goes, it can't be soon enough.

One thing's for sure. Whatever Bobby knew about the Mob we'll never know because dead men tell no lies.

Complications Derail Entry into Protection Program For Former Stripper, Baby

October 15, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

Try as I might, I still don't understand how a man taken into the Witness Protection Plan can come and go as he pleases. Even as Brittany Marsino says she and her baby are going away to join her husband at some location so secret even she doesn't know its whereabouts, I'm not getting how Bobby Marsino was able to return to Genoa City late this week to say he didn't come to fetch Brittany, he came to visit!

While it was nice that rent-a-cops took the time to verify the identity of an FBI agent who escorted Bobby into the Chancellor Mausoleum on Friday, and that mausoleum residents have learned from two previous mistakes of accepting people at face value, it still isn't clear of what importance to the US Government Bobby is that it's willing to spend better-used-elsewhere taxpayer dollars to relocate an entire family only to have the head of that family return to the one place the Government wants him out of. Not that those at the top of the food chain knew.

As a "special favor" to Bobby, and thinking nothing of putting the lives of at least three people in harm's way, the agents arranged for Bobby to spend all of ten minutes with his brood.

When Brittany found out she and the baby aren't going into the program she had a cow which Bobby flicked off as a mere bump in the road.

"It's complicated," he said repeatedly, noting that the time will come for Brittany to join him once the appeals process runs out. No, really. He said this.

Brittany, dumb as a skunk when it comes to such legal complications, had no idea the process can take years. She was unable to question Bobby further as he didn't want to waste time discussing something they can't change. "I want to spend as much time as I can with you and the baby," Bobby quipped.

Ten minutes later he was gone.

Brittany did get one reassurance out of Bobby, however. He still wants them to be a family.

It remains a mystery what dirt a small time hood, a former female meat market purveyor, a former strip club owner could have on the local mob, what he testified to before a grand jury, whether the grand jury actually indicted anyone, the names of those people or when, as Bobby implied, the trial was held, what the charges were, who was found guilty and what sentence, if any, was handed down.

The GCN has long trumpeted the right of Genoa City taxpayers to know. If, as we have been told, there is a Mob operating out of this city who are they and what is being done about them? Why are local police wasting their time arresting small fry drug users in the name of the 'War on Drugs' when nothing is being done about the source of those drugs? If the Mob isn't behind the drug problem in Genoa City, if it isn't laundering money, skimming bar receipts and bootlegging booze, who is?

What does Bobby know and when did he know it? We need to know this because otherwise it makes Bobby's sudden emergence in 2003 as a Genoa City playa incredible.

Remember when Bobby blew into the Little Shop of Horrors and seeing teenager Brittany Hodges sprinkled pixie dust over her and said he expected a hot babe to have more than a Hitachi in her bed at night? Recall how he told this total stranger, "I'm a person who can make all your dreams come true" and Brittany got all giddy because she'd been dreaming about becoming a songbird?

Remember how the so-called big Mob bosses were taken down and sent to jail when an attempt was made on Brittany's life and then all was one with the world as Bobby went on to marry Brittany, found his dead brother and Nikki Newman and then - gasp - fell into massive debt?

It was all downhill from there. Without any explanation the Mob was suddenly after Bobby again. The lives of his family were at stake until - thanks to Victor Newman - the bad guys were sent to jail, Bobby went North to retrieve easily accessible evidence certain to put Mob leadership away and from there the way paved for Bobby to enter the Witness Protection Program.

Is this what Brittany bargained for? Was this part of her dream? Is this not entirely one-dimensional and pointless and serves as nothing more than a vehicle in which Bobby and Brittany can flee Genoa City? Is that they'll all be gone soon the only thing that matters?

For all the idiocy surrounding Bobby's status, one person came forward to say she smelled a rat. Jill Abbott couldn't put her finger on it, but something wasn't right. She did, however, make the mistake of telling pretend private investigator J.T. Hellstrom of her concern.

"He's here to see Brittany and the baby," J.T. burped.

Too bad, Jill didn't whack the hunkmonkey upside his empty head. No, you fool. Wrong. As in something's wrong about the way Bobby acted. Couldn't J.T. see? Is J.T. a freak? Never mind. Jill had it right. The government is not to be trusted. Well, almost. Jill, as close as she came to saying the government is as corrupt and sleazy as it gets and if no-bid contracts are not proof enough J.T. should turn in his PI license [oh, that's right, he doesn't have one], said the Government doesn't always get it right.

Jill's suspicions were put on hold when Bobby returned just long enough to tell J.T. that whatever is going on it's "complicated" and for J.T. to keep watch over the little woman while he's gone. If there's one thing J.T. does well, it's watch babes.

Desperate House Wives

July 22, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

Did Bobby Marsino get the memo? Did he quit his job as bartender at the posh Athletic Club? Did he and Vinny Trabuco finally remember - after being seen together again and again at the club when they said repeatedly they couldn't be seen together - they shouldn't be seen together?

So how does moving to the local strip club change anything? Is it common knowledge that because thugs own and operate the place it's okay for Bobby and Vinny to do their business there? Doesn't Angelo own the club outright since Bobby sold out? Or is this another branch on Bobby's tree of deception to fool the Mob into thinking he's dumped his wife? Is that why Bobby told Angelo he's over Brittany the skanky bitch and Angelo said he knew all along that once Bobby became a gangster he'd always be a gangster and for the first time confirmed that Vinny operates whatever he operates out of the club now?

If there's a method to this madness is it that when anyone thinks Mob in Genoa City they should think Sopranos and Bada Bing? If so these thugs are living in a fog. Yeah, Vinny works out of the strip club now because he likes the action. Bobby isn't surprised. He liked the fast cash and loose women too. Now that he's back, Bobby says "It's going to be like old times."

So it must be true - right? Bobby is back at his old digs. Did he quit the AC or will he be working at both locations? Does AC Manager Gina Roma know? Shouldn't she? It's hard to figure these guys out. Maybe it's that New Jersey slang. Maybe it's Bobby asking Angelo if he could hang around the joint right after he'd said being back was going to be like old times and Angelo had welcomed him into the "family" that made Bobby feel unwanted. If that's the case why did Angelo not trust leaving Bobby there alone? After all, Bobby messed up that J.T. Hellstrom real good, gave him the black eye but it... well, Bobby could have done better, but still Angelo didn't know if this meant he could leave Bobby alone. Hell, even Bobby got tired of the flip-flopping. "You either trust me or you don't" he grunted just before telling Angelo, "I can run this place even better than you can."

How soon they forget in this crazy mixed up town. And they call themselves gangsters. It's a well-known fact that under Bobby's management the club was near bankruptcy when - in his lust for former stripper Brittany Hodges - Bobby turned the place into a cabaret. Nevertheless, Angelo agreed with Bobby. "You got me there" he said, noting that while he can't trust Bobby, "I owe you one."

That Bobby's return to the meat market is part of his plan to take down the Mob became clear when, alone, Bobby began rifling through the filing cabinet looking for photographs that Angelo was stupid enough to keep around the office. Too bad that whatever Bobby was looking for he didn't get because just then a delivery person came in to ask where packages are delivered because there's no sign DELIVERIES IN THE REAR sign out front.

The delivery person turned out to be the always moronic Mrs. Marsino in disguise. Believe it or not Brittany couldn't stand being away from her man according to their master plan. Yeah, Baby. Soon as the Mob is outta the way we'll have the baby and the white picket fence around the house we've always dreamed of. Still, Brittany's worried. If their ruse goes on for much longer that kid she's lugging around in her belly will eventually pop and sob, sob, Bobby might miss witnessing the bloody mess.

As inane as this loopy game they're playing is, for all the people who already know about it, Bobby did not tell Brittany that when her water breaks to just dress up like a deliveryman, get over to the God Have Mercy Medical Center and have one of the nurses call him. Hell, if Tom Fisher can be in town for weeks and not be seen surely nobody will notice them. If Vinny bought the Hellstrom beating surely the Mob has better things to do then tail the Marsinos. If Nikki Newman can walk into the strip joint and not be seen who'd be the wiser?

They do have to keep an eye out for sudden changes, however. For example, who knew Vinny's decided to take over Angelo's office? Not Angelo. Not Bobby. Why is that? Because, Lord have mercy, Vinny, little weasel he is, is Angelo's boss! This too is true. Vinny said it himself. Said the bootleg booze business is so booming, but he's got more important matters on his mind right now. Like who Bobby is screwing physically. Can't have a gangster going home to a cold bed. Of all the young stripper chicks emulating sex with a metal pole for Bobby to choose from, who does Vinny think Bobby should be putting the pork too?

Old, dried up, Nikki!

Yeah, Baby. That Nikki is one hot babe. Vinny's seen the way Nikki lusts after Bobby. Only a fool would pass up an old cow like that regardless of whether Bobby considers Nikki, "A desperate housewife."

Man With a Gun Disrupts Athletic Club, Daytime Outburst Cracks Funny Bones

July 15, 2005

Okay, I'll bite. The GCN did report that the big showdown between J.T. Hellstrom and Bobby Marsino would take place at the busy Athletic Supporter Club right in front of all the patrons, but God have mercy! Does the little hunkmonkey have a brain? It's a rhetorical question. Understandably this wasn't meant to be a sequel to the St. Valentine's Day massacre. It was to impress Vinny Trabuco. Whether the small-fry hood bought it is questionable given that Vinny - again discussing matters of a criminal nature with club bartender Bobby Marsino when they'd spoken about not being seen together - had seen J.T's so-called employer chatting up a storm with Bobby earlier. Vinny knows damn well who Paul 'Clueless' Williams is yet Clueless tried hiding his head up his butt in a foolish attempt not to recognized.

So, you might be asking right now if you stopped watching this nonsense long ago and have come to get your news of Genoa City here in these pages, what happened? Before we get to that some background may help soften the blow to your funny bone.

Keep in mind that for as super-secret as the Marsino/Hellstrom ruse was supposed to be, for all the skits Bobby put on at his apartment to benefit members of the mob lurking in the halls, Clueless knows what's going on. He promised to help Bobby take the mob down and for all we know put J.T. up to making an ass of himself. If it's one thing Clueless is good at, it's being a fool.

While Bobby's wife was saying she and hubby are making contingency plans to leave the city and change their names so the Mob will never find them, Bobby was telling Vinny the deed Vinny wanted to see with his own eyes had been done. Now that Bobby has had his way with the hunkmonkey J.T. will be eating "strained peas" and wearing "dirty diapers" for the "next couple of years".

Even if he hadn't actually seen any proof it wasn't good enough for Vinny. He wanted J.T. dead and Bobby indicated he'd take care of that too. Only moments later J.T. walked into the club. For someone beaten within an inch of his life, for someone who would have to have had his jaw wired shut and eat peas for two years, J.T. had no problem speaking. While he had supposedly been whipped good J.T. was not in the hospital. Perched on a pair of crutches J.T. pulled a gun and shouting at Bobby asked, "Do you think this is funny now?"

Why, yes, J.T. We do. It's the funniest damn thing we've seen since Victor Newman took out the Frito Banditos.

We also think this second dog and pony show in as many weeks would have much more impact had you actually shot Bobby dead. Is that too much to ask? Is there still time for this to happen? Not only would you get the girl, J.T., you'd get the baby. What hunkmonkey wouldn't appreciate a ready made family? The father of your former girlfriend, the girl you swore would be the only life of your meaningless life, does. Brad Carlton loves other men's babies so why shouldn't you J.T.? Oh, stop it. Don't worry about being charged with murder. Just say you were protecting the life of an unborn child and the conservative prosecuting adulterers in this town won't dare bring you up on charges. Better yet, Marsino doesn't have a family so you won't have to worry about the dead man's father stomping about demanding you pay. Go for it J.T. Shoot the bastard so we can be rid of this two-bit Starsky and Hutch crime drama once and for all.

Dead Man Walking

July 6, 2005

With the LA Connection part of The Fugitive saga coming to an end, and considering he didn't participate in it much except to illegally check for credit card activity, Genoa City's most inept private detective needs something to do. There must be something to justify the existence of Paul 'Clueless' Williams. There must be something better he can do then stand around with his thumb up his butt in an office he shares with former wife Christine 'Bug' Blair and nemesis Michael Baldwin. It therefore stands to reason Clueless would inject himself directly into the Bobby Marsino is in trouble with the Mob dilemma. How it came to be is questionable.

There's something a little queer about a man who follows another man into the men's locker room and into the sauna especially without checking to see if it's occupied by a hunkmonkey and a chick. That females can gain access to the male facilities at local gyms in this city is germane to this report insomuch as that problem is more up to Clueless' speed than helping a bartender take a few gangsters off the street.

Not that Clueless doesn't have experience in this area. In 1986, with the help of Andy Richards and a character named "Jazz", he rescued Lauren Fenmore from Shawn Garrett and a hit man named "Turk".

Hooking up this week at the Athletic Supporter with an old flower child Clueless learned from Nikki Newman that club employee Bobby Marsino wasn't acting bubbly. Clueless couldn't comprehend why a man who'd sold his profitable - when it wasn't a cabaret - strip club without having a new job lined up beforehand and then had to settle for a minimum wage job slinging booze and beer nuts wasn't jumping for joy. Doesn't Marsino have a baby on the way?

If Clueless knows anything it's that nothing is finer than the birth of a child. With two children of his own Clueless knows better than anyone what it's like to boast of being unable to wait until he can take said baby fishing and promptly ditching the kid when the mother attempts to kill one of his many former wives.

Nikki was surprised. Hadn't Clueless heard? Didn't the entire city know Marsino kicked his wife to the curb when Brittany Marsino confessed the father of her baby is none other than Clueless' protégé J.T. Hellstrom? Why is it that people around here never seem to be up on the latest news?

Rather than blame his in-training PI for porking a married woman without wearing a condom Clueless jumped right on Brittany. She'd known all along yet led Bobby on? The bitch. Nikki agreed. Brittany has always been selfish and always will be unlike the lily-white Nikki who shot her own father and a five-year-boy to death. And in the event Clueless didn't know Nikki made sure to tell him about those "anonymous gifts" the Marsinos had been getting came from the shady character Bobby was speaking with right that moment at the bar.

Recognizing Vinny Trabuco as a "smalltime hood" Clueless surmised he and Bobby "looks like" they were "going into business" and as such Bobby wouldn't be able to just walk away "from a gang like that".

Meanwhile at the bar, despite the shades covering his sunken eyes, regardless that club manager Gina Roma knows him and that he's been told a number of times he and Bobby can't risk being seen together, Vinny was regurgitating Bobby's own words. Was Bobby not happy to have that "lying bitch" out of his life?

When Bobby said he didn't want to talk about it Vinny, forgetting that Bobby has said a number of times he's back on the mob's payroll, asked again. Is Bobby ready to "go back to work?" So Bobby told him again. Yes, he's in like Flint. Vinny was especially pleased in that his partners are moving Bobby into a "new area" where he'll be able to "let off some steam". And in case Bobby didn't know - he's "playing with big boys now."

Because fiction is fact in Genoa City, Bobby said it's all good so long as the Mob understands he'll only do certain dirty work. Vinnny's work there complete he split leaving behind a reminder he'll most likely be back even if Bobby remembers they're not supposed to be seen together.

Moments later Clueless walked up to offer his condolences. How sad for Bobby to have kicked the woman he swore up and down he most wanted to live the American dream with. How pathetic that his student was involved. Trying out his best Victor Newman impression Bobby grunted for Clueless to stay out of his personal life. For good measure he added, "You got that?" then headed straight for the Mens locker room only to find Clueless trailing behind him.

What caused Clueless to tag along? Was it a secret fetish to see naked men? Was it a desire to see how Bobby's penis measures up and if large enough show Bobby that men can best sexually satisfy other men? Apparently not this time. For now the burning question Clueless needed Bobby to answer was "How did that thing with Brittany and JT happen?"

There was no way of knowing whether this was not the dumbest thing Bobby ever did hear. How did Clueless think it happened? Presuming J.T. put the pork to Brittany couldn't a simpleton like Clueless figure it out?

As for all his questions - and having been told outright that Bobby is working with the gangsters - Clueless said he makes it his "business" to poke around in the affairs of others. It's what he does. Moreover he often helps those in trouble and has a gut feeling Bobby could use the services of a good mob-busting private dick.

While Bobby makes up his mind Clueless left him with a prime example of his expertise at throwing overbearing evildoers who may have been overhearing their conversation off guard. Opening the door wide, and with his voice raised, Clueless told Bobby he'd be sure to get back to him regarding an alarm system.

Anybody who may have known Clueless poses as a PI, but unaware he dabbles in alarm systems on the side, might have wondered. What the hell? What PI anywhere in the world sells alarms systems?

God help Bobby. If he teams up with Clueless it'll be hard to tell which of them is the real dead man walking.

Beast in the Belly!

June 21, 2005

Poor Bobby Marsino. He used to be so smart, so cool and restrained. He used to have a good rapport with, and never let himself get pushed around by, the mobsters who had, and still do apparently, a controlling interest in what was Marsino's Gentlemen's Club which was nothing but a cheap strip joint, a shell of its former Bayou self.

It would seem that because Bobby had found his dead brother, married one of his best strippers and wanted to go straight so as to give his soon to be born son and wife a taste of the American dream, he sold his controlling interest in the club.

After wasting the money on a trip to Cleveland and a condominium remodeling project Bobby discovered there wasn't enough left over to pay rent or medical bills. Things got so financially bad Bobby and his wife moved onto the Newman Ponderosa for a spell before managing to find and afford another apartment. He took a low-paying bartender's job at the all-everything Athletic Club and when hounded by what he thought was a bill collector paid the bill off with money earned by holding hot diamonds for an old mob pal named Vinny Trabuco. Bobby said he'd only help Vinny once and wanted half the money Vinny was paying him up front. Vinny complied but later Bobby reneged on the deal when his wife found the jewels in a dresser drawer. At his wife's urging Bobby eventually returned the ice to Vinny minus the upfront money.

Vinny never forgot. He had long been sending the Marsinos secret gifts like baby blankets, a bassinet and a Styrofoam baby coffin as subtle hints. When Bobby didn't take the hints Vinny finally spat it out. He wanted his money and he wanted it last April. Problem was and still is: Bobby's doesn't have the money. He spent it all on lavish gifts and fancy nights out on the town.

And still, for all the veiled and gift wrapped threats Vinny said this week he wants to cut a deal with Bobby. As a bartender Bobby is in the perfect position to benefit the mob. Why, he can tap the till - or something. Gangsters in Genoa City are desperate. If Bobby doesn't comply the little mommy-to-be could get hurt. She might get pushed down a flight of stairs, slip on some cold ice or trip on the carpet.

Bobby's sudden reaction? His once liquid connection to the Godfather dried up, Bobby wants to run! Too bad. The little woman said she won't do it. Mrs. Marsino is no Lily Winters. She knows nothing good can come from being on the lam especially when nobody escapes the mob.

Genoa City Wisconsin is no Newark New Jersey. The mob here is disorganized. It spends hundreds on hints. It gives those holding out third and forth chances to redeem themselves. Unlike Newark, Bobby won't be killed in a heartbeat. He won't start the car one day and have it blow up. He won't be taken for a drive to see a sick friend and into the woods to take delivery of two bullets into his thick head.

That must explain why Bobby told Vinny on Tuesday he's no longer welcome at the Athletic Club. It wouldn't look good for them to be seen together especially if club receipts start coming up short. Bobby isn't scared. He'll beat Vinny to a bloody pulp if need be. Without his goons to protect him Vinny seems to know this. So before going about his business Vinny needed to know one thing. Would Bobby go back to his mobster ways without being influence by more gifts for the baby? Bobby wasn't sure. Well, yes, he is. On second thought Bobby knows how insistent gangsters can be. Only one thing to do, really.

Pleased with how easy getting dorks like Marsino to waffle and flip-flop all over themselves Vinny was on his way out of the club when manager Gina Roma stopped him. In the event Vinny wasn't aware she let him know she runs the club and thanks to her beady eyes had seen Vinny at least one of the many times he's been there before.

In fact, Roma let it be known that she knows what Vinny likes and dislikes. For example, celery. Vinny hates celery in his drinks. Vinny exchanged the busybody's prying into his personal affairs with a general compliment of his own about Roma's infamous past. Despite that customers rarely eat it, she serves up some of the best Italian food this side of Rome. Plus, in the event she didn't already know, which she should have considering Roma said she knows everything, Vinny said he's one of Bobby's pals.

This caused Roma some great concern. Gosh, where was her bartender?

Vinny pointed Bobby out. See? He's right over there speaking with his very pregnant wife.

It was at that very instance a pin could be heard falling on the carpet. People in the club stopped eating. They held their breath. Bobby was making a scene. He was screaming at his wife. How could she?

Whatever the little woman said it wasn't good as Bobby hauled off and whacked her upside the head. Big man Bobby. For all his concern about pregnant women, for all the talk about becoming a loving and caring family, the only thing Bobby proved this day is that there is a beast in his wife's belly and that the spawn of J.T. Hellstrom is enough to scare any man's man out of a marriage and probably out of Genoa City for good.

Strange Gifts & Unpaid Bills

May 3, 2005

Feel that numbness? That strange chill like a cold wind blowing through your blood stream?

Fear not. It's just the dark clouds of sadness moving in again over Bobby Marsino. The mob-connected, former female meat market purveyor doesn't really have bill collectors after him for the massive bills he and his pregnant wife have ran up across Genoa City like a wild elephant charging up the national debt.

Not a single dunning notice arrived in the mail from the electric or phone company, the credit card companies or the rental agency representing the new condominium Bobby now rents because he manages somehow to keep all the bills paid on the bartender's wages he brings home from the Athletic Supporter where he works.

Yet up until Tuesday of this week Bobby was worried. At least one creditor was bugging him over the phone about an unpaid hospital bill. A bill his wife slipped under the local Dollar Store newspaper ad hoping he wouldn't notice. Yes, in Genoa City they do, apparently, have a Wal-Mart. Patriotism in a giant tin bucket. The glorious consumer mecca, the epic wasteland of prefab landfill merchandise where Bobby can spend what little money he has on such things as training bras and pink blankets for a child yet born of which he knows not the sex.

These are the Marsinos. So dumb the little woman thinks by hiding the bills they'll go away. So stupid as to spend money on baby junk when things their little hearts desire are being delivered right to their door.

Thinks like a green baby blanket and a bassinet. Oh, they don't know who sent the stuff. Some kind stranger. Someone who knows Bobby's wife is expecting. They've racked their tiny brains. Who could this nice person be? Whoever it is has good taste. The gifts are not cheap. They didn't come from an overlit Wal-Mart.

They come from Fenmore's Department Store. That atrocious labor practices, reliance on foreign sweatshop slave labor, anti-union stance, happy-place marketer where toxic cosmetics can be placed on store shelves at eyelevel - for a price.

So what if these gifts from the unknown fairy godmother/father have been causing Bobby to fret and lose sleepy? What if Bobby says, damn, he wishes he knew who to thank? No problem. He'll call Fenmore's!

It's true. It's been done before. Christine 'Bug' Blair did it when someone sent her a surprise gift with no identification other than it came from Fenmore's. All it took was a call. Fenmore's keeps a computer log of all sales. Who bought those garter belts? Simply type in 'garter' and the computer spews out a listing complete with name and address of the purchaser.

Posing as a reporter, Tricia Dennison was able to obtain information about her former husband's upcoming wedding to Victoria Newman from a Fenmore store clerk in 2001. On January 2, 2002 the GCN reported:

One of Genoa City's oldest department stores has put in place a revolutionary new service for its customers. Unsurpassed by its nearest competitor the service dubbed Consumer Connect makes it possible for instantaneous matching of gifts to the persons who purchased them.

The service is especially useful for recipients of gifts from persons wishing to remain anonymous. In such cases, all a recipient need do is contact Fenmore's and thanks to meticulous record keeping a friendly clerk will give out the name of the person who purchased the gift.

So you see? It can be done. Bobby thinks it's a great idea. Knowing who their benefactor is will sure help him sleep nights, but finding out will have to wait for another day. Right now Bobby must get to the God Have Mercy Center billing department and pay off that ugly bill.

Bobby's wife was confused. Doesn't Bobby know billing departments are closed this time of night? Why was he intent on paying a bill so late at night?

But Bobby's got it covered. He's got a wad of cash right in his pocket. Shows it to his wife. Says somebody paid back a loan. Somebody like Tony Soprano who keeps spending money in the backyard for rainy days - or nights as the case may be. Sure, it's late at night but when has lateness of the hour ever stopped anyone in this city from accomplishing anything?

"Gosh, Honey. This is like the second time you've flashed around big bucks and I've asked where you got it and you've come up with some lame excuse. What's your story this time?" Mrs. Marsino did not say exactly, but you know, should have as it's hard to fathom a woman like Brittany - who once lugged around piles of cash from her stripping days - not to become suspicious when hubby says, oh, "I didn't expect to get it back."

It's crazy when Brittany tells Bobby to put the money in the bank and write the hospital a check and Bobby says "it'll take too long" because he wants to pay the bill right then. It's even nuttier than a fruitcake when Bobby later finds the hospital billing department is actually open.

At least Bobby had the good sense to get a receipt from a guy named Greg who in a church roof caving in sort of way said correctly that hospitals don't harass patients who owe money. They let bill collectors do it!

Newlyweds Slapped With Huge Bill

April 8, 2005

No, we didn't miss it. GCN reporter Michael Kelly covered it briefly earlier this week but before splashing a big headline on the front page we wanted to be absolutely sure. So we went to the videotape and ran it back and forth again and again.

Sure enough! Unemployed Bobby Marsino was checking his mail and looking at the bill he'd received from the God Have Mercy Medical Center for his wife's recent care.

And you know, that because neither Marsino or his wife Brittany has health insurance, the bill was huge. You know the hospital slapped every conceivable charge on the Marsinos and they'll have to pay full bore. No discounts for these people. No rejected as an excessive charge $40 Band-Aids.

It's important to note that Marsino got a bill because it marks the first time in Genoa City that the elite and notable here have ever received a bill. The GCN has complained of this oversight for years so it was comforting to see the slightest bit of reality slipping into an otherwise torrent of unbelievably brutally written slop.

Not that Marsino intends paying the bill. He tossed it aside saying something to the effect that the hospital will have to wait for payment. Marsino must not know. Hospitals don't wait. For the next 90-days the GHM will send the bill and if no sizeable payment is forthcoming will turn it over for collection.

Now a part-time bartender Marsino's $7 per hour job won't go far toward paying off what has to be at least a $4,000 bill. Maybe when the manager job he was promised comes through it'll help but not much given all the other bills Marsino must have piled up.

That the Marsinos are in debt need not be a bad thing. It would be interesting to see how the newlyweds deal with what about 50 percent of all families must when medical expenses force them into bankruptcy given that soon it will be almost impossible to file for debt relief. With a baby on the way how will the Marsinos deal with not having health insurance? If Bobby's new employer is like many in America part-timers do not get health benefits. Even those in managerial positions are excluded.

So how will the Marsinos deal with going without medical care they need but can't afford? How will they cope with being unable to afford to have prescriptions filled? What will they do it their utilities are shut off? How will they like getting called late at night by bill collectors?

Will we get to see how being in debt eats away at families like a bad cancer? If we're going to get anywhere with this increasingly desperate and fractured social experiment that is Genoa City we need to.

Movers & Shakers

March 2, 2005

Like driving on a pothole-filled highway it's nice when the City comes along every now and then to fill in the holes. As the Genoa City News asked in a previous report: how can newlyweds Bobby and Brittany Marsino just up and leave town when they are so broke? The question was answered on Wednesday not with the usual answering of a question with a question but by the female meat market purveyor himself when Bobby said he's selling his share of the former strip club to a mob-connected partner.

Using only the down payment of the apparent mob-approved sale the newlyweds will move to Chicago where they plan renting a small apartment much like Mrs. Marsino has dreamed of. According to classified ads in Illinois newspapers readily available in Genoa City one bedroom pads run in the range of $1500 per month. With his vast underworld connections Marsino indicated it shouldn't take long for him to find a job in the Windy City although his new bride wasn't so sure the same could be said about finding good medical care.

While she hasn't actually been seen by a doctor for prenatal care, or anything else since returning from Cleveland, Mrs. Marsino voiced apprehension about OB/GYN doctors in Chicago being as good as Genoa City's Dr. Nora Thompson.

Yes, it's going to be hard to find someone like Dr. Thompson. The same Dr. Thompson who in 2002 was in the running to dethrone Dr. Olivia Winters as Genoa City's most inept medical practitioner. To this day nobody knows what Dr. Thompson's specialty is. In the past she has seen patients for a variety of reasons. Mrs. Ashley Carlton saw Thompson for breast cancer even though the doctor told her she was "a little young to have a mammogram."

Prior to the discovery of a lump on Carlton's breast Thompson didn't believe much in mammograms. "A woman should do what she feels is best for her," Thompson said, then urged Carlton to have an immediate biopsy following the discovery of a lump on her breast.

Citing her "star patient" role Thompson reminded Carlton that because she sat as the chairperson on a local breast cancer awareness committee any and all medical information about her case would be made public. "It will be quite a story," Thompson said, without giving Carlton a choice to opt out, then bumped the patient up on the list of persons waiting to have a biopsy. The peons could wait.

When asked the odds Carlton had cancer Thompson replied, "In the majority of these cases. Nothing is wrong."

Yes, it's going to be hard to find quality care such as this in Chicago.

Often said to have the finest doctors anywhere except during those extreme emergencies when the best of the best are flown in from Europe, it's said that Genoa City is the business hub of the Midwest. It has the tallest buildings, the finest everything a mini-megalopolis could expect including a Fenmore's Department Store. Thus, the GC Visitor's Bureau might have raised its eyebrows had it heard Mrs. Marsino say, "I've wanted to live in a big city all of my life" and that she's looking forward to the Chicago move.

Despite leaving their many friends behind the Marsinos have concluded that leaving the godforsaken pipsqueak Genoa City can't happen soon enough. For sure, the one thing they won't miss, the one thing they won't find in Chicago, are snarly people with bad attitudes.

Hello? We Must be Going

February 28, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

They always threaten to move on with their meaningless lives, to put the past behind them and in some cases just leave town. But few Genoa City residents ever do so. They're stuck in a rut. They wallow in grief and self-pity. Sure, a few have followed through, done the right thing, like Diego Guittierez and his brother, Raul.

Billy Abbott, Brock Reynolds, Traci Connelly and a number of others have left town and rarely visit even when members of their family are clinging to death. Not when the family business is near bankruptcy. Not when book tours or building homes for the homeless are more important. Recent case in point: where were Neil Winters parents when it was thought he might die? Doesn't Winters have people who are just as proud to have him as a son as he is to have a daughter like Lily? Just asking.

Often the people leaving just pack up and go. Doesn't matter that they have no money. They hitchhike along the highway until reaching cattle ranches in Texas or pig farms in Kansas where they join the hired help roping and branding wild bulls or washing eggs.

Maybe that's why Bobby Marsino had no qualms about confirming this week that he and his new bride are leaving Genoa City without so much as taking the pot they pee in because, well, they don't have a pot. They are so broke they've had to accept charity by moving onto the Newman ponderosa with the woman who shot Mr. Marsino's brother dead.

They do have a condo still in the remodeling stage and he owns part of a failing strip club turned cabaret. While he hasn't mentioned to his partners that he's thinking of bailing out, and the mobsters who were at one time so concerned the club wasn't turning a profit repeatedly threatened to have him fitted for a pair of cement shoes, Marsino hasn't told anyone of his intent to move except the woman he lusts after.

Nor did Nikki Newman express concern that the man she'd like nothing more than to lay some pipe with is leaving despite that she's paying for the remodeling. There was no question like, are you going to sell the condo? Are you going to wait until a buyer is found and wait for escrow to close? Are you just going to up and leave me holding the bag for the remodeling costs?

For a woman who bitched and moaned this week that she'd lost half her investment in a broken down cosmetics company Mrs. Newman's only concern was that Bobby might be leaving because of something she'd done. Had her adulterous sexual innuendos pricked Bobby's conscience? Was he feeling just a little guilty that he'd taken marriage vows and no sooner had said "I do" but what he was having sexual fantasies about another woman? Was Bobby not slightly ashamed that fetus in his wife's womb is already at risk of growing up without a father?

There were no such concerns from Mrs. Newman. She could only say how she hadn't expected to see him swilling booze at the Athletic Club when they've only run into each other here repeatedly during the past weeks. How laughable it was to hear Bobby say "I was just in the neighborhood". How disgusting to hear Nikki ask if Bobby wasn't happy to see her when he can't keep his mind off this old cow? How condescending of her to offer him a job if that's what he needs to stay with a new baby on the way. Did she forget they are partners? Don't they run the cabaret? If not, who does? What kind of job can she get Bobby? Selling lipstick to the male prostitutes at Jabot Cosmetics? Is this what it's come to? Apparently.

Nikki said she can understand Bobby having to do what's best for his family. What with Brittany having brought so much joy into her life she's going to miss their squatting on her property. As for getting the unwanted guests out of their lives she's not certain it will give Victor Newman reason to come home at night. She plays second fiddle to that nasty businessman who makes living the lavish life possible.

As nice as it would be to see the Marsinos leave town it'll be a cold day in Hell if they actually do. They simply don't believe they are allowed to enjoy life in such a way. Genoa City is the place to be. It condones their disgusting shameful ways. Life here is merely a miserable purgatory where they scratch and claw for money and power and survival while eagerly awaiting ... what was it again? Oh right. Their loving spouses to come home at night. So on they go, degrading marriage and giving a middle finger to what monogamy is all about.

The Garden of Travesty

January 27, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

A travesty of justice or just a travesty? This is a multiple choice question for which both answers are correct and probably didn't need asking given how things in Genoa City work, or don't work, depending on your perspective.

Aside from the fact that Bobby Marsino told his wife on Thursday he can't wait to put the big boner behind him and move on with his meaningless life, and how Brittany Marsino said her hubby should really really drag out the grief, milk it for all its worth, was Nikki Newman's wasted trip from her sprawling ponderosa to ask a private detective for legal advice prior to meeting with police detective Hank 'KGB' Weber.

It must have something to do with driving their big manly SUVs. Something to do with burning as much expensive gasoline as possible that make Newman and her ilk drive the one hour bumpy road back and forth to the city. After agreeing to speak with the police concerning the bones thought to be those of Marsino's dead brother, Newman sped into town from her home to ask Paul 'Clueless' Williams what legal trouble she might be getting into when a telephone call would have accomplished the same goal.

To his credit Williams suggested Newman speak with an attorney and summoned Michael Baldwin away from the hot sex he was having with Lauren Fenmore in celebration of his role in putting an end to the seemingly would never-end Summers/Porter case. Arriving at the law offices Baldwin proclaimed with a straight face and with no sense of irony that for him to be present while Newman was questioned by the cops would not be necessary. He did say that should Newman get a sense she was being entrapped to give him a call, however.

From there Newman made the long drive back to the ponderosa with Williams and Weber either in tow or already there waiting. Hearing her tale of woe Weber concluded nothing she said was sufficient to make a case until it was suggested he watch the infamous, professionally made some forty odd years ago home movie of Joshua Casein's birthday party.

After watching the flick Weber declared there is no question that the boy seen in the video was at a party. Furthermore, the boy is, or was as the case may be, Mr. Marsino's brother. Despite the positive identification Weber said again nothing he'd seen had convinced him that bones presently stored in the police department evidence room are those of Casein. Nor did he ask about the last name mismatch.

When it seemed no closure would be forthcoming Williams told of the earring found by his apprentice when the skeletal remains were unearthed. Weber threw a fit. How dare Williams withhold evidence? Williams said it weren't no big deal. Hell, he does it all the time. In this case a "new investigator" had actually found the earring and without mentioning J.T. Hellstrom's name or that Hellstrom is unlicensed, Williams snarled, "Cut him some slack."

Throwing up his hands, Weber gave up. He did not charge Williams for willfully being an accessory to a crime but was so hot only days ago to bust a woman posing as a reporter. And, told there is a matching earring Weber did not ask for it choosing instead to have it brought to the police station at Mr. Marsino's convenience. It would furthermore be pointless to charge Mrs. Newman with a crime and if Marsino wants the bones they're his.

Justice in Genoa City is strange at best but did not compare to the jubilation Newman and Marsino broke into following Weber's departure. Hugging each other like the hyperactive none-too-bright short-attention-spanned spazzballs they are, the two exclaimed, "We did it! We finally did it!"

They did it? What did they do? Didn't Weber say there's no conclusive evidence? No reason Marsino should be given the bones? By what stretch of the imagination was anything done? Do they mean to say they've totally embarrassed themselves and soiled the clean white sheets of debauchery and perversion? Are they so pleased to have jammed another seed of dread into the tired Genoa City garden of travesty?

What? You say those bones are yours? Fine, take the damn things. They're stinking up the evidence room anyway.

No Interview With Killer? No Bones!

January 26, 2005

Let's see if we understand this. Bobby Marsino goes to the police to say he wants his brother's bones that have been stashed all this time in the department's evidence room.

The cops say it's not that simple. You can't walk in off the street, say you want someone's bones and expect they'll be given to you especially when the bones are germane to a 40-year-old unsolved missing persons case. A case that will be reopened so long as Marsino sticks to his allegation that Nikki Newman killed his brother. The cops, keystone as they are, want to be sure. Is Mrs. Newman is responsible for a death?

"As responsible as a five-year-old kid can be," Marsino says, as the cops say they'll have to interview Newman before 'dem bones will move one inch.

Hearing with his own yellow-wax buildup ears that the cops want to speak with Newman, Marsino asks, "Are you going to talk to Nikki?"

The cops don't say, "Are you deaf? Did you not hear us just say we'll know more after we interview Mrs. Newman?", but do ask Marsino if talking with Newman will be a problem for Marsino. Marsino says, um, well, sort of since he'd hope to keep Newman's nose out of it. The cops say, fine. They won't contact the only known person who might corroborate Marsino's story and possibly solve the case. Of course, this would mean Marsino won't be able to give his brother a proper burial. Marsino thinks for a moment then gives his permission for the cops to interview Newman.

How nice is that? Isn't it wonderful that the police in Genoa City leave cases open or closed based on the whims of demigods? What a sad epitaph. Here lies Joshua Casein who had it not been for his brother's granting police permission to interview Nikki Newman might still be but a bag of unidentified bones.

This insanity is compounded when Marsino later tells Newman that in order for him to get possession of the bones she'll have to talk to the cops. Newman balks, of course, causing Marsino to wonder if her reasoning, or lack thereof, has anything to do with her "high profile" husband and known throughout the city as a convicted criminal, Victor Newman.

Mrs. Newman thinks for a moment then says, oh, to hell with it. There was a time when she didn't care what people thought of the Newmans, herself in particular, but Marsino's need to get those bones has changed all that. She's now willing to tell the cops what she knows, but they'll have to come to her. She won't go to them.

Marsino is so pleased. As he reminds Newman, "We're in this together" people who stopped caring about this big boner long ago wonder what's next? Will Marsino and Newman become members of the Skull & Bones Club? The one that is right now running the city via an insane network of corporate wars, bogus lawsuits and who loves J.T. Hellstrom triangles?

Maybe it ain't so silly. These people, they have a point. They are indeed onto something and it has to do with the ghosts from the past walking among them and secretly controlling their tiny minds. OK, maybe not. But try not to cringe if the police and District Attorney decide to bring charges against Newman. You thought the Summers/Porter case was bad? You ain't seen nothing yet.

The Big Boner

January 24, 2005

Please believe it's not happening. Please ignore the actual data. They're going to virtually dig up the bones of Joshua Casein, again. That is, if they are Casein's bones. If they aren't, God help us. Bobby Marsino's endless search to find his brother will go on another year.

It became a real possibility this week when Marsino and his owner, um, fairy god mother Nikki Newman met at what has become a sort of happy hunting ground and meditation center, the Athletic Supporter Club fireplace.

Without any mention of what may be going on with the financial-strapped strip club turned cabaret Marsino owns and Newman has an interest in, or why they don't put their little heads together at what once was a female meat market, Marsino announced that the time has come to give his brother a proper burial. To get the pallbearers rolling - so to speak - Marsino said he'll need to contact the police.

Newman was taken aback. Isn't it too early to be thinking about a funeral? Shouldn't Bobby stew another week or so? Joshua's bones have been rotting for 40+ years. What would a few more days matter? And what about the implications? If Bobby goes to claim 'dem bones there will be many questions. Eyebrows will be raised. Bobby will have to relive the nightmare and maybe run off again without telling anybody. And worst of all? The one ghastly thing that will send their already upside down lives into further turmoil?

The Press will be all over the story and all over Bobby and who knows where it will end!

And there will be pictures. True images of the bones. Viewers will need a steel stomach and hardened nerves to view them, something almost everyone should see, especially those who think for a moment the Press will have any interest in this story given when the bones were originally unearthed the story was all but ignored. There was no report on CNN, or on hysterical-lickin' Fox News, or even the little watched MSNBC. No reporters beamed in from Georgia. Not a single inquiry was made of the District Attorney and never once did a local reporter go to the Police Department for the story.

The Police? Oh, yes! That's where the bones are being kept.

Weird you say? Not in Genoa City. Not when Marsino's wife can go directly to police detective Hank 'KGB' Weber and ask if he can maybe help her get the bones out of the evidence room. Not when Weber is too busy trying to bust Phyllis Summers. Not when Detective Lacerra is covering for Weber like a doctor covers for the attending physician off on a weekend ski trip.

"Bones? Um, sure. They must be around here somewhere," Lacerra as much told Mrs. Marsino. He'd have to check, but assuming the bones aren't at the morgue or the Medical Examiners Office where they should be in normal cities, Lacerra said he'd need a reason for releasing them.

Marsino's best reason was that the bones "belong" to her husband. Flipping through a manila folder Lacerra grunted. Yep. A child-sized skeleton dug up last summer was brought to the pig house, but never identified. Signs of trauma led police to think there had been a violent death, but what made Marsino so sure the remains were those of her husband's brother? She had some 'splaining to do and better damn well have a good story.

If anything, it should be the cops explaining why they are again sitting on their collective ass. Why was this case - like all they supposedly investigate - never solved? Why are the bones not in the custody of the coroner? How does Mrs. Marsino think they'll be turned over just by asking? If they are, will Mr. Marsino attend the burial service? Didn't he say last year he doesn't believe in God? Yes, he did.

Will there be an investigation of Mrs. Newman? Does any law enforcement on the planet believe for a moment she could be charged with murder? So why bother? Because, Silly. An excuse is needed for more painful split-ups and unexpected horrors and tears tears tears galore, depression and inexplicable personal phenomena, a cold shock of sadness here, a hammer blow of grief there and much melodramatic shaking of heads and oh-no-I-can't-believe-its.

As everyone goes (or has just gone) through something dramatic or traumatic or just plain unexpected, some sort of philosophical distortion throwing subhuman souls off track, the one thing missing, the one thing to put it all into perspective? The biggest boner of all? PI apprentice J.T. Hellstrom looking at the bags of bones and asking, "Shouldn't the thigh bone be connected to the knee bone?"

If It Bleeds, It Leads. Film @11

January 14, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

Remember when Bobby Marsino was lamenting how bad business is at his strip club/female meat market turned cabaret? Remember how Nikki Newman said she wanted to buy the club for $100,000 because it had sentimental value and hinted that with her past experience as a stripper she'd be able to turn the club around?

How long as it been since another failed Genoa City business loomed on the horizon? How is it that these companies can struggle for years without going under? These are rhetorical questions. But they must be asked as there's no better lead-in to what has become the latest in the endless pit that is the Bobby Marsino, my brother is out there somewhere, oh wait, he's dead, saga.

Just when it was thought that Marsino's hypnotic gawking at his dead brother's photo would be the end of it, just when it was hoped that Marsino had accepted that the dead should bury the dead, move on with his life and get on with the business of dumping his too young to be married to an old Sopranos-like gangster, damn but what he didn't scrape the bottom of the pit late this week.

There's still that professionally made Super 8 Movie to be seen!

On July 30, 2004, private detective in-training J.T. Hellstrom reported that the movie found in a locked cabinet at the Newman Wreck Center was dated April 18, 1965. He knew this because with the help of twelve-year-old Cassie Newman and Charlie's Angels members Sierra NoLastName and Lily Winters they'd broken into the cabinet.

Also inside was the ruby earring little Newman said she wanted Winters to help find its owner.

This is important because after viewing the movie Marsino will still have the earring to fondle and gawk at. And that won't end it either. There is still the matching earring Hellstrom removed from the gravesite where what is thought to be Joshua Casein's skeleton was found.

Step away for just a short period of time, break away from the almost daily grind of Newman going on and on about how she's responsible for Marsino's suffering, Marsino's difficulty with dealing with the alarmism, Victor Newman's bonehead statements to wit: he knows "how concerned" his wife is but can't understand why she won't let it go, the overall unrest, the wagging fingers and general hissing and then come back. You can see it clearly.

The missing parts. The missing wife. The constant request by Marsino of the Newmans as to whether they've seen Brittany Marsino. Isn't she his wife? Shouldn't he know where she is? Then, when he's told the wife hasn't been seen, Marsino says he got a voicemail message wherein the Mrs. said she would be staying at the Sugar Shack until he summoned her to the Newman ponderosa.

So it this what happened? Did Marsino call? Is this why Mrs. Marsino returned? Is this why she snarled at Mrs. Newman, "Is Bobby here?" If he called and told her to come home wouldn't he be there? Did she forget that he told her about his brother? Did he tell her on the phone? Is this why she told Newman she knows about Joshua Casein because, "I'm his wife" and all good husbands tell their wives everything? Is this why the little bitch told Newman not to lecture her when all Newman said was that learning of the death is taking a toll on hubby and all Newman is trying to do is help Marsino cope?

"That's my job!" Mrs. Marsino grumped.

If it's her job why isn't she doing it? Why is she off with her boyfriend at the movies? Why is Mrs. Marsino flapping her mouth like some crusty macho hawk? Why is she being allowed to remain at the ponderosa after getting into a brawl with the hostess? Why didn't Newman kick her ass out right then and there?

Because Mr. Marsino needed another reason to drag out what should have ended long ago. He needed to ask Newman if there's something more she isn't telling him and for her to say she has nothing more while the look in her sunken eyes screams she's hiding something. Yes, she's hiding the professionally made home movie of her fifth birthday party but can't show it to Marsino because she, a self-made psychologist, can tell he's not "emotionally ready".

Maybe after they've dragged this nonsense a few more weeks he'll be ready. You think?

You think these are not violent money-addled people with far too little perspective and too much time on their hands? You think watching the movie will put an end to Marsino's incessant nagging? Think again.

As Marsino, his wife and Newman watched the little film clip they all broke down bawling. A regular pity party it was which only makes thing worse than ever before. Now Marsino wants his brother's remains. Like everything else so far this will be no easy task. Marsino will have to go to the Keystone Kops for help which, don't you know, will somehow put Newman in jeopardy. Thus, the spin cycle begins.

This is essentially the same as it ever was. It's a tragic cliché: crisis after crisis. Violence and hatred and injustice and cruelty. Angry women and sad, little, bawling men. If it bleeds, it leads. Film at 11.

Forget Your Troubles, Be Happy!

January 6, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

Who gave Gina Roma her job? Who was the person old man John 'Yawn' Abbott put a good word in with following the torching of Roma's RoadKill Cafe and within the hour Roma had a new job managing not only a restaurant, but a day-care center, a motel and a gym? Who was the manager Roma's hiring replaced and why hasn't the owner of Genoa City's Athletic Supporter Club ever stopped by to see how Roma is running the place?

Just who is the boss that allows anyone to use the ASC facilities whether they have a paid membership or not? Who allows teenagers to hang out at this upscale club doing homework and generally taking up space without purchasing anything? Who gave Roma permission to take young kids into the kitchen to be fed bowls of ice cream after they've just eaten the club's world famous quiche?

More importantly, who in their right mind would want customers sitting by the club's blazing fireplace looking as if they're about to commit suicide?

This is the question of the day. This was the real concern Thursday as Roma, rather than approach Nikki Newman and maybe say, "Look here. It's bad for business having you sitting her in a hysterical daze. If you don't move on or at least tell me why you're acting so strange I'll have to ask you to leave. If you refuse I'll have security show you the door", summoned old lady Katherine Sterling to the club.

After informing Sterling she didn't know what to do but did know to call her, Roma went off to peddle the soup of the day when she was assured Sterling would take care of the rift-raft. This was accomplished as it so often is: by asking the afflicted why they seem "a million miles away."

Incoherent, Newman began babbling. "Where can he be?"

An equally confused Sterling soon learned that Newman was blathering on again about the now gone missing Bobby Marsino for whom Newman blames herself for having split the Genoa City scene without notice. Yes, by killing Marsino's brother 40 odd years ago and only recently having Marsino learn of this tragedy - via her husband who had grown sick and tired of the cat and mouse game she was playing - it's classic Nikki Newman mass hysteria all over again.

Now Marsino is "off somewhere alone" although by Newman's only admission, "He's vanished" which is an impossibility as one cannot be somewhere alone if one has vanished unless of course, your name is Marsino.

And while she had previously asked Marsino "do you hate me" for not telling him the truth, Newman asked Sterling, "Do you think he's going to hate me now?"

How in hell would Sterling know what Marsino does or doesn't hate? She didn't. But she did know that with Newman acting suicidal she had best have Ponderosa security, at the sprawling ranch where she resides with a pack of other mentally deranged family members, keep an eye on her.

How out of the loop Sterling is was apparent. Ponderosa security can't prevent Kevin Fisher or Cameron Kirsten or any number of psychos off the ranch much less keep an eye on those it's paid to protect. Freaks come and go from the Ponderosa at all hours of the day without question.

In addition to this Looney Tunes scene was the one being played out at that very moment at the Newman Jitter Joint by Marsino's wife.

Upset that her husband is missing, Brittany Marsino found private eye in-training J.T Hellstrom punching up some tunes on the jukebox. She told him again how convinced she is that the disappearance has something to do with Mrs. Newman and Hellstrom asked again what the secret could be. Mrs. Marsino said she only knows that her husband is gone. She doesn't know when or if he'll be coming back and could be dead in a ditch. Forget Newman's secret. Forget that she's worried. The only reason she wants to see hubby again is so she can find out what secrets he's keeping from her and whether she made a mistake marrying him.

For all her feel sorry for me antics. For all her faux concern, Mrs. Marsino not once asked Hellstrom if he'd done what she'd asked. Had he checked to see if the missing man has been using his credit cards? If he was wouldn't that remove one piece of the puzzle? Wouldn't it tell her he's alive?

Hellstrom didn't mention what progress in the case he's made either. Probably because he's been too busy listening to Colleen Carlton say for the umpteenth time that she graduated from high school early. He did suggest one sure thing to make any concerned for his husband's well-being forget her troubles. He invited Mrs. Marsino to a picture show! A real talkie with popcorn and Jelly Bellies.

And for all her woe Mrs. Marsino trotted off with Hellstrom to do just that. Forget your troubles, be happy!