Brad Carlton
News Archives - 2005
See also: Ashley Carlton  Business News  Gloria Fisher  John Abbott

Marrying Into Money

October 25, 2005
by Brent Kellogg 

Note: Since its publication this article has been corrected to remove the incorrect statement that Cole Howard was married to Nina Webster.

Before I'd heard that Victoria Newman planned telling her mother what a catch Brad Carlton is, my skin was crawling. You know the drill. Reasonably young, rich, hard up woman seeks older man with multiple previous marriages preferably related to half-sister.

Based on existing incestuous relationships it's a wonder Genoa City isn't inhabited by mutants. Victoria does what she wants when she wants without regard to consequence. She falls in love with guys her father doesn't approve of and often offers money to get them out her life. Guys like Ryan McNeil and Diego Guittierez. She's fallen in love and married Cole Howard who, for awhile, was thought to be her brother.

In two instances men who have married Victoria have dumped her. Ryan kicked her out because she was colder than the icebox in the one-bedroom shanty they lived in, and then Cole dumped her because he found Nina Webster more desirable. Following a fleeting interest in Nina, Cole fell for Ashley Abbott, married her, eventually found out what a skank Ashley is and dumped her too. In both cases Victoria was forced to do battle with the women one of whom had been her step-mother.

So here Victoria is again going after a man at least ten years her senior, the father "in every way that matters" of her half-sister, someone her mother almost married and someone her former step-mother is currently married to.

The complexity of this in-breeding is astounding. If she weren't too old, Nikki Newman should take Victoria over her knee for a good spanking or out to the woodshed for a whipping. She should explain to her little girl that Brad thinks with his penis and if Victoria can't see that he's a slug, rattle off Brad's long list of female conquests and failures starting with Traci Abbott. Nikki should tell Victoria to look into Brad's past; ask about his family. Not the ones he made with Traci and Ashley, but before that. Who are Brad's parents? Why doesn't he speak of them? Why, if they're alive, do Brad's parents not live in Genoa City, call or write him?

Alas, of all the pertinent questions Nikki could have raised, the best she could muster this week was a rhetorical one. What will people say? What will the businesses world think? Like investors haven't already sold their stock options? Like screaming Jim at CNBC wouldn't issue a warning to potential investors about a company being run by two kids?

As for Victoria's statement, "You know I've had trouble getting close to anyone since Ryan," it flew right over Nikki's head. She did not remind Victoria of the closeness she and Cole shared, or that they were once married probably because to do so would have been too "complicated."

That it's complicated is what Victoria said of the "new" man in her life. Without hesitation Nikki knew she was talking about Brad. While pleased to hear that Victoria is "moving on", Nikki implied she wished it was with anyone but Brad. Still, if Victoria could "get past" the "ancient history", she can too.

When Ashley caught Brad and Victoria swapping spit the best she could do was snort like a pregnant pig. Responding to Victoria's demand to know "what the hell are you doing here?" Ashley said she'd come by to acknowledge delivery of divorce papers Brad's lawyer (whomever that might be) had served on her. Unable to discuss the matter beyond giving Victoria the green light to keep after Brad, Ashley told Brad they'd have to discuss the situation on "neutral" ground. Not at, say, a park, or a restaurant outside town, they went straight to the Jitter Joint formerly owned by Victoria's brother and a place where the new owners strive to please Nick Newman.

At the JJ, Brad was caught off guard when Ashley said she objects to sharing their daughter after the divorce. Unlike the past, when Brad called the shots as to visitation rights where Abby Carlton is concerned, Ashley said that since the kid now lives with her most of the time she won't have Abby subjected to what is at best an incestuous affair. Brad's lifestyle is not one Ashley approves of. It's okay for her to slut around as a married woman, but not for Brad. Nor does she want Abby getting to know her half-sister and damn it, that's sure to happen.

Brad seemed confused. The last time Abby had been near Victoria the seven-year-old developed a case of bad vibes; said she didn't think Victoria liked her and herself doesn't like those who won't drop what they're doing to take her horseback riding. If Abby doesn't want to "bond" with Victoria, Brad said he wouldn't force her.

Ashley wanted it in writing. Brad smirked. What the hell? What if Victoria wants to be part of Abby's life? Wouldn't that change everything? He doesn't want to force Abby, unless it's what Victoria wants just like Victor wants to be a part of Abby's life and given how Ashley is still in love with Victor, oh, hell.

The conversation became so convoluted the only thing Brad knew for sure was that his honey, whoever she may be, will get whatever she wants and that he's "moving on with my life". Therefore, a divorce is in everyone's best interest. Ashley agreed, but at the same time wondered what the hurry is when just last week it was she looking for a lawyer to file divorce papers on her behalf.

Exhausted, Brad could only add that he won't delay the divorce and for Ashley to call ahead next time she wants to see him like she'd actually do that. The sooner Brad is legally divorced the sooner he can marry into the Newman fortune.

Mole Burrows Inside Newman Empire

July 18, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

Whenever I write that something in Genoa City made me laugh I mean it. I really burst out laughing when Phyllis Summers told Nick Newman she can't be fired because her expertise as a webmaster is too valuable an assert for a Fortune 500 company like Newman Enterprises to do without. Like webmasters are not a dime a dozen. Like NE doesn't have thousands of job applications tucked away in some filing cabinet. Like Phyllis has worked more than an hour at the company during the time she took off searching for her son, when she herself was whiling away the hours in a jail cell, or when she took time off to forget her troubles following the news she'll never again be able to spawn children.

I doubled over when Phyllis said she can't be fired because she quit and damn if Nick's decision is overruled by that incompetent sister of his I will laugh again. I will scream too because of Phyllis' close ties with Jack Abbott who wants nothing more than to see the demise of NE. I find it incredible that NE buys into Phyllis' propaganda she can keep her personal and business lives separate and that it lets Brad Carlton work there too even though he claims wife Ashley doesn't mean much to him anymore yet hasn't legally divorced the sperm stealing bitch.

It's obvious Brad has an agenda. Like a bad CIA agent he's infiltrated NE so as to get something on it or its many despicable, shady executives so as to help Jack reach his goal. Notice that for as tight as Brad and Jack were at one time Jack never offered him a job at Chancellor Industries. It's likely Brad is Jack's mole and already Brad has given away company secrets to the competition. Not that a summer ad campaign pushing toxic cosmetic products is any secret. Thrown together at the last minute just where is this "Seasons" line of goop NE Cosmetics Division head Dru Winters talks about? Who created it? Why doesn't NE have a lab rat whipping them up deep inside a dank laboratory like Jabot once did? Why was Damon Porter of such value he wasn't replaced following his last minute return to milk the stallions on his Georgia horse farm?

Barely active NE President Victor Newman knows what Brad is up to. Having approved his hiring the great man even asked Brad what's the "real reason" he took the job and appeared to snicker when Brad said he needed a challenge and that he hates Jack. Victor did think it odd that Brad, a major stock holder in Jabot, didn't sell his stock and therefore has a conflict of interest. But when has conflict been a problem in a city where nepotism runs rampant? Since other stockholders won't object to NE having a well-connected former Jabot employee on staff why should anyone else? And what of those infamous non-compete clauses? Did Jabot forget to place one in Brad's contract? To top it off, as if to prove his employment is the biggest joke since Sharon Newman was hired by Jabot, Brad questioned Victor's suspicion. Me? A corporate spy? Whatever would make Victor think that? As usual, Victor said his motto is to keep ones enemies close where he can keep an eye on them. And thus, Brad was welcomed to Newman Enterprises with open arms.

So you see why I laugh? Are you not laughing too? Can you see through this rice paper? Can you foretell of a time in the near future when Victor will be wondering why his company got sold out? Bad enough the mustache allows his two most inept, undereducated kids to run the show, letting Brad into the mix is like inviting al-Qaeda to national security meetings

Feeding the Blame Beast

by Michael Kelly
June 6, 2005

Let's give unemployed cosmetics executive Brad Carlton an enthusiastic round of applause not only for proving he's a crackerjack marriage and grief counselor adept at sticking his big beak where it doesn't belong but also for giving Sharon Newman the inspiration to imply hubby Nick is culpable yet again for the death of one of their children.

Because he supposedly just happened to be in the neighborhood, Carlton ambled into the office of Newman Enterprises CEO Nick Newman and made it known Newman's place during this trying, tragic time is home with his wife.

Rude and abrupt as usual but completely justified this once for being a butt hole, Nick pretty much told pretty boy buttinski Brad to stick his unsolicited, out of line marital advice up his ass.

After finally getting the message his mission to repair the emotionally distant and strained state of the Newman union had been a complete flop, Carlton departed Newman's inner sanctum, drove home to change out of his black T-shirt and into a powder blue one (because he's nothing but a shallow clotheshorse) and made the one hour drive to the Newman ponderosa to provide a broad shoulder on which Sharon could lean.

Quite receptive to spilling her guts to a good looking guy while her nipples and vagina tingle with longing and anticipation at the opportunity to have yet another extramarital romp, Sharon predictably bitched to Brad that Nick isn't sharing his feelings with her.

Upon learning from chatterbox Sharon that Nick had convinced her to let Cassie go out the night of her accident rather than remain at home as Mrs. Newman thought was best, Brad the amateur shrink suggested Nick was "wrestling with guilt" over the child's untimely demise which caused a light bulb to go on in Sharon's otherwise empty head.

Thanking Bradski for dropping by, Sharon assured Carlton he had helped her more than he realized and before one could say it's 2001 (the last time Sharon all but accused Nick of being a child killer) all over again, Brad was gone, Nick had come home and Mrs. Newman wasted no time reminding her husband Cassie wouldn't be deader than a doornail had Nick not talked her into letting Cassie leave the house that fateful night.

Turning uglier than a junkyard dog, Nick came out and inquired if the little woman was blaming him for their little girl's demise as Genoa City observers such as yours truly shook our heads and wondered how the already lonely and miserable Sharon could be so stupid as to further endanger her fragile marriage by going down Blame Avenue when doing so nearly destroyed her marriage the last time she and Nick lost a child.

As for Brad, he should spend his considerable free time doing something constructive like shaving his chest so that he looks smooth and mannequin-esque for his upcoming male bonding with Paul Williams in The Athletic Supporter steam room session during which the two dudes can see who has the smaller salami.

For failing to mind his own damn bees wax, Brad the bronzed bozo deserves to have fire ants crawling in and out of every orifice.

What's Brad's Problem?

March 9, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

Oh, come on. Like anyone worth their intellect didn't have, during that entire, cute little selling of Jabot Cosmetics scandal, in their mind's eye a slightly oozing picture of Jack Abbott's overfed pit bull Brad Carlton, sitting there all puffed up and wheezing and hunched over, writing in his diary everything the master was doing?

Is there anyone who didn't hear the heavy breathing? Smell the vodka? Could this scenario be very far from the truth? Because if it ain't the truth, it's hovering over it like a giant toxic cloud.

And who can't clearly see Brad vigorously scrubbing off his spots, the ruthless conspirator and COO grinning like a troll on ether, orchestrating the next hanging ol' smiling Jack out to dry?

It's the new spin: a total and shockingly distraction of all attention away from the obvious fact that Jack Abbott is, and was, and forever will be an incompetent while Brad ignores the brutal fact that he signed off on the new deal like a slimy congressman signs off on a bad law because it was better than no law at all.

And do you hear that cackling? That sucking sound? It's Brad kissing Victor Newman's ass. It's Brad saying he didn't know the great man was still in the building even though Jack had just ordered all male species of the Newman kind to leave Jabot and never come back. Victor was back because the plane he was on headed for Detroit developed mechanical problems. With so many important things weighing on his mind Victor returned to fetch from the trashcan a clay horse his daughter had given him. The same horse Jack tossed out when Victor failed to take it the first time subsequent to being dismissed as Jabot's savoir.

"Howzit going Victor? The world treating you well? Can I kiss your ass some more?" Brad did not say, but should have given how he was as giddy as a greased pig and so effortlessly switched the attack from Victor to Jack. This traitor, his absolutely miserable weak little character, changing sides like Nick Newman changes diapers.

Suddenly Brad disapproves of what Jack is doing. Doesn't like that Jack is "pretending" to be doing the greater good for Jabot's sake. Sure, he voted to go along, but it was "a mistake"; an error in judgment to let Victor go.

My, but how Brad flips and flops. For months this creep spewed how nothing would please him more than to read of Victor's death. Blamed him for killing his unborn baby. Hurled endless empty threats. Now Brad is on his knees; ready to put their personal differences aside as Victor smiles and probably thinks what an embarrassment Brad is; the typical passive/aggressive and hollow personality.

What a lapdog Brad is. One minute licking Victor all over and the next licking Jack's hairy armpits as Jack asks, "What are you doing here this late?" and not saying, "What are you doing here this late?" since the question is, like these people, pointless and meaningless.

But let's not be too hard on the least articulate, least intellectual COO in Jabot history. Brad's the prefect embodiment of human waste what with his telling Jack that the new Jabot plan is a "solid approach" as Jack asks after the fact whether Brad is with him or against him and standing shoulder to shoulder Brad wonders if Jack thinks a handshake and a smile will make him forget what Jack has done.

This lack of perspective, of the gruesome complexity of business in Genoa City, keeps us stupid. It makes us compliant. It makes us all go, well sure, I know the cosmetics industry is ruthless and all, but didn't the good guys win? Wasn't the goal to protect their corporate interests? Wasn't it all to assure that Abby Carlton takes her rightful place as Jabot's heir apparent? What is Brad's problem? Why is he becoming a traitor? Why is he making a pact with Osama bin Victor?

Because the war must go on. The battle to get Gloria Abbott out of Jabot is heating up. What's that? Didn't the gold-digger's husband tell Gloria to forget about working? Yes, old man Yawn Abbott said it was out of the question, but that doesn't mean Gloria won't weasel her way in. If Sharon Newman can get a job at Newman Enterprises surely Gloria can get one at Jabot. The GCN asked last week what a hoot it would be were Gloria to become CEO.

The upshot: The Carltons, the Newmans, the Abbotts need something to justify their continued existence. Lacking any creativity the fight for Jabot is as good as it gets.

Debt & Worry Free

March 1, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

Is Brad Carlton smoking crack? Is he taking Vioxx or some other mind altering drug? The question arose again this week when the Jabot Cosmetics COO told his estranged wife that he had no idea Jack Abbott planned to buy out the company using Chancellor Industries money. For the many times Jack told him what was going on Brad said he didn't have a clue Jack "was up to something" and now he's flabbergasted.

Who, besides Ashley Carlton, isn't? Can't they see how all the dots connect? CI purchased a broken down cosmetics company without board of directors approval. Twenty-percent Jabot shareholder Jill Abbott will have no say in a company where she sits on the board of directors. Why, Jill will be lucky to have a job doing anything more than scrubbing toilets. Victor Newman purchased the "bulk" of Jabot debt yet Jabot is now debt free.

It is? Yep. Ashley said so when she made this stunning statement: "Do you realize that for first time in years Jabot is debt free?"

So what's the problem? It's hard to fathom.

Unable to stay away from the woman he couldn't stand living under the same roof with so they broke up the family, Brad was at his own home on Tuesday telling his estranged wife that after all is said and done he now finds himself trusting Victor Newman. Quite a change from a week ago when he was calling for Victor's head on a platter.

With less than half of what they had before both Brad and Ashley are satisfied. To these nitwits 49% of Jabot is "a big piece of company" and it's Ashley's intent to do "everything in my power" to make it more valuable than ever. She's got big plans. Better smelling skunk oil will turn the beat around. She'll "dedicate my life" to be a productive and happy little worker bee.

As previously stated, Brad is confused. How can Ashley let bygones be bygones, he wonders. Well, she isn't. While she hasn't gotten over that the family business is now owned by outsiders she's going to live with it. She's going to go along to get along. For now, until she can figure out, if anyone can, where this contrived business acquisition is going.

Sensing the contradictions in terms Brad said he doesn't know if he can wake up each morning thinking of Jack as their dictator. Doesn't like that he'll be a slave to Jack's beck and call. A real man wouldn't rollover.

A baby-killing, sperm-thieving bitch would, however, as evidenced by Ashley's sudden declaration that Brad should just forget about it! Forget that they've agonized over saving Jabot for years. Do what she did. Throw in the towel.

Incredibly, Ashley went on to say that what matters most is that their daughter needs a happy daddy! In order to keep Abby Carlton content they'll have to start putting their noses to the grind stone. That it might help were Abby to be living with her parents under one roof was not a consideration.

It may be true that Newman won't foreclose but it doesn't mean Jabot is debt free. Whatever is this woman thinking? Don't ask because she doesn't want to talk about it anymore. She wants to move on. If Ashley says Jabot is debt free, then it must be.