Daniel Romalotti - News Archives 2005
See also: The Fugitive Epic  Justice  Phyllis Summers  Lily Winters  Nick Newman

Where the Boys Are

November 28, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

Occasionally I get mail from those new to the GCN asking why I hate Y&R so much. Don't I know it's just a soap opera? It seems I've answered this question a million times, but what happened this Monday in Genoa City answered the question for me and pretty much says it all.

First, there's Kevin Fisher.

Everyone knows by now of Kevin's many crimes. Everyone knows Kevin is psychotic. He jumped bail twice and in each instance criminal charges against him for specifically running from the law were either dropped or not brought at all. Charges of skipping out are often overlooked except in the case of Daniel Romalotti, the high school senior was found guilty and ordered to perform community service. More on Romalotti in a moment.

A few days ago Kevin's mother asked him to cook her checkbook. Forgetting what a laugh it is that a checking account has to be cooked at all, Kevin, now that he's found God, balked at doing something unethical to say the least. But he did it anyway. On Monday, when he found out he'd botched the job, Kevin squealed, "I could have gone to jail."

Gloria Abbott told him not to sweat the small stuff. Now that John Abbott has forgiven her, now that the old man understands she had to pay Tom Fisher's bail, the checkbook matter was closed. Kevin should not worry because nobody had any intention of filing charges. In fact, Gloria said she was so "blessed" to have a husband like John apparently because the geezer didn't think to ask why she paid Tom's bail.

Sure, Gloria didn't get a chance to give Kevin all the details, but to make the scene slightly credible she could have told Kevin, "Look. You've got a rap list longer than my arm. You've jumped bail, burned down a restaurant, tried to murder a young girl and gave another girl a case of the clap. Did you go to jail for any of those crimes? Then shut the hell up about something so minor as cooking my checkbook."

Now, back to Daniel. It could be that I had water in my ear that day, but I'm sure I heard either Nick or Sharon Newman or both say how their son Noah hasn't gotten over Cassie Newman's death. I'm sure I heard Sharon say she's been there for Noah because he's still grieving. I'm sure I heard Nick say that Noah is playing softball now which is a step up from T-ball. So when, I must ask, did Noah move up to basketball? When did Noah get over his grief? Why did Noah so insist that Daniel and his mother join the family for Thanksgiving dinner? Is this something a kid Noah's age would do?

Moreover, why did Phyllis Summers accept the invite on her son's behalf? Wouldn't Phyllis think that Thanksgiving - a day when memories fill their otherwise meaningless lives - be an inappropriate day to spend with the Newman family? When she saw that Daniel wanted to give the Newmans a pie shouldn't Phyllis have told Daniel, "Honey, I know you mean well. But a store bought pie isn't cool. I'll bake one and we'll give it to them when their emotions aren't running so high."

Okay, as Michael Baldwin would say, what's done is done, but here's the dumb part. The day after Thanksgiving damn but what Daniel didn't haul his ass all the way back to the Newman Ponderosa. He didn't call ahead before making the one hour drive. He just showed up and then asked if Nick and Sharon minded that he just stopped by. What could they say? Yeah, we mind? Get the hell out? Leave us alone?

And what was Daniel's reason for going all that way? To give Noah a magazine about basketball! Not just any magazine, but one with a poster and a website URL where Noah can register to win a basketball jersey? Has Daniel forgotten? These are the Newmans. They are filthy rich. They don't need to register to win anything.

Plus, Nick, so dumb, so want to overuse the nation's biggest crutch word after awesome, said it was "cool" for Daniel to have driven all that way. Driven? Since when does Daniel drive? Didn't Cassie wreck his car? Is he driving his mother's car? He didn't, as he's done before, take a taxi at $50 a pop. He didn't take the bus because the bus doesn't run that far with the exception of the school bus. He didn't take his mother's car because Phyllis was in town at that moment and later, drove herself to the ponderosa.

Okay, forget that it was physically impossible for Daniel to have driven unless he's been given a new car. It can't be that he used a friend's car because Daniel doesn't have any friends except for Lily Winters who is cooling her jets in a New Hampshire reform school. Then again, maybe Daniel found Lily's SUV they ditched outside St. Louis at the onset of their summer crime spree.

That the whole thing, this reunion of former enemies, the bonding with the man who withheld evidence that could have sent him to prison, is convoluted goes without saying. It's the can I kiss your ass Mr. Newman mentality that is now just plain annoying. It's that Daniel, with community service time to work off, has time to be an assistant basketball coach. Yes, Daniel is going to be Nick's assistant since Nick is never sure when he'll show for Noah's games. It doesn't matter that Daniel knows nothing of basketball much less teach it to others. Noah thinks it's just the greatest damn idea he's ever heard.

"You're hired!" Nick sputtered, as if Daniel will be paid a dime as Noah and Daniel slapped hands and have now become best buds. Oh, and it couldn't be that Daniel just said thanks. It couldn't be that Daniel would say he could serve some of his time by informing 10-year-olds never, ever aspire to be like him, Daniel had to get on his knees before Nick and said how glad he is that Nick is "letting" him be a coach. Who the hell is letting Nick be a coach might be a better question. Adding injury to this insult, this kissing of the ass, Daniel spewed how much it means that Nick is being so nice to him.

Call me crazy, but why is it that Daniel must always have a close relationship to the men in his mother's life? First it was Damon Porter, then it was Jack Abbott to a certain degree and now, since Nick and Phyllis will be humping like dogs in heat soon, Daniel must be close to Nick - and Noah? Is there something going on between the boys we aren't being told? It sure seems that way.

These are but a few of the reasons I so despise these rich bastards and bitches. I love a soap as much as anyone, but I like my soaps to have a pinch of reality and I can't understand why it's so hard to find any in Genoa City.

"My Summer as a Fugitive" Essay Earns High School Senior High Test Grade, Crime Pays!

November 15, 2005

Let this be a lesson kids. If you are ever in doubt as to whether Yale or Harvard will admit you, go on a crime spree and then write an essay about it. That's what Genoa City high school student Daniel Romalotti did and now he's looking forward to wowing college admission officials with it.

"I'm not going to feel sorry for myself. I made some stupid choices now I have to live with consequences," says Romalotti this week as his mother, webmaster Phyllis Summers, with a criminal rap sheet longer than Tom Fisher, said she's certain her boy will get into any college he wants.

Teen Shirks Court Order

November 8, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

I get up from my chair at the computer to go out to the mailbox. I need a break from writing for the GCN, requiring me as it does to delve continuously into the moral darkness that has overtaken Genoa City in recent years. I am weary of looking at the corruption and injustice that postures as righteousness among the city's present elite and connected.

Looking through the stack of mail I spy a letter holding promise of a bit of juicy reading to distract me from my labors in the moral sewer. Sitting down, I begin to read.

"Dear Genoa City News, This is to inform you that Jabot Cosmetics is not the least bit worried that Newman Enterprises will, by the time you read this, be on the verge of launching its newest line of cosmetics. Jabot stockholders should take comfort in knowing that in 2006 we will present to the consuming public, women of color, and anyone who appreciates the benefit of applying chemicals directly to their skin, a new line of our own. If that doesn't knock the socks off our competition, Jabot's parent company CEO, Jack Abbott has, what we like to call, 'Plan B'. We'd also like to recommend that if you don't already own Jabot stock, you buy some now. We fully expect that next year JAB stock will at least double what IBM is today."

What kind of juicy reading, you may wonder, was I expecting?

A letter from Genoa City's Probation Department answering my inquiry as to why Daniel Romalotti, sentenced recently by the court to perform 500 hours of community service, and spread the word to other teenagers and young children about the dangers of drinking, has yet to devote a minute to completing terms of his probation.

Found 'not guilty' in connection with the death of Cassie Newman, Daniel was convicted of jumping bail. The sentence set a precedent as others charged with the same crime were let off with a verbal scolding. A remorseful Daniel said at the time he felt it only fair to serve the community, but hasn't lifted a finger to fulfill his obligation. Instead, Daniel whiles away the hours at a local coffee shop searching for a way to communicate with his lover and partner in crime, Lily Winters.

Last week Daniel scored big time. Thanks to Lily's pal, the Oreo-eating Sierra Hoffman, Daniel was able to get around restrictions prohibiting Lily from having contact with the outside world. Incarcerated at a reform school, Lily is allowed Internet access through what is called a "study web site" with those it is assumed are taking the same high school classes. School officials do not, apparently, verify who students "study" with. The site, by all appearances, appears to be on the up and up. (See for yourself and try not to get overwhelmed by all those incoming messages)

So, while there is no evidence Daniel is fulfilling his obligation to society, his mother says quite the opposite. Phyllis Summers said this week Daniel is "giving lots of talks" but didn't say where or how he manages this when he's been working so hard at getting accepted at a new school. Plus, with so many new friends, Phyllis added she's letting Daniel hang with them on school nights long after popular hangouts have closed for the night.

Go Tell It On the Mountain

October 20, 2005
by Brent Kellogg 

The e-mail this week from disgruntled readers who have added their names to the list of those who have stopped actually watching with their own eyes the people and events in Genoa City, and get their news via reports here at the GCN, was the most we've ever received. 20 e-mail in 2 days represents a conservative 1% of those who tuned in, got turned off and dropped out. Readers say the Sheila Carter/Lauren Fenmore, Bobby/Brittany Marsino and Tom/Gloria Fisher sagas, followed closely by anything happening at Newman Enterprises and Jabot Cosmetics, are the biggest, most offensive slaps to their intelligence.

Is it wrong to be this judgmental? Wrong to suggest that Gloria Fisher's bailing her ex-husband out of the gulag is exactly the kind of weird pathological family ennoblement making readers groan and cry? Does this explain why Gloria allowed Tom to keep their son locked in a closet most of his life?

Is it wrong to notice how Sheila and Lauren just can't get over their hatred? Is this the message: in real life people carry around chips on their shoulders and do nothing for years but wait for the day they can extract a pound of flesh from those who did them wrong. Are we being told getting mad is not the answer; getting even is?

Are we getting too close to people like Nick and Victoria and Sharon Newman we must look up at them as icons of the business world? Are things happening on the top floors of Jabot and NE similar to those happening at Wal-Mart? Are executives at General Motors waiting until the last moment to rollout the 2006 models? Are executives at AVON holding auditions for aging two-kid mothers hoping one of them will best represent the company as its young, sexy spokesgeek/model who might best prance around in a swimsuit with the boobs hanging out during the commercials on Everybody Loves Raymond?

Have we learned that joining the Witness Protection Program is dangerous to one's health? Have we gotten through our heads to ask men claiming to be FBI agents for identification? Has it sunk in never to hire a hunkmonkey to do employee background checks because said hunk would rather live in a tent and play nursemaid to a married woman than do his job?

Let's look closer at just one of the mindless scenes Thursday in Genoa City.

There's Daniel Romalotti in court with his mouthpiece, Christine 'Bug' Blair. Her knowledge of the law so vast, the Bug says Daniel is "being sentenced as a juvenile" for jumping bail and that as they wait for the judge to stroll in, "we have some serious preparing to do for this hearing."

Heard enough? No? The Bug is worried Daniel may be stressed and therefore didn't tell his mother about the hearing except that Phyllis Summers already knew and showed up at the last minute to hear the verdict. The Bug is certain the crusty judge will be "lenient" given the circumstances, but can't make any promises. Daniel fears not. If he gets sent away he'll deal with it. The Bug swears she'll do everything within her "power" to make sure that doesn't happen. It's the least she can do considering how miserably she represented Daniel last time.

Rather than accept the judge's plan to set a trial date so that she might prepare her case, the Bug pleads Daniel guilty. Daniel does his little song and dance about being "sorry" and is rewarded with one year probation and 500 hours community service whereas he is to tell other teens of his experience in the hope that it will save a few of the others his age who drink themselves into drunken stupors to calm their neglected nerves due to complete loss of having the slightest clue as to who they actually are.

Where is, in other words, the intellectual, deeply positive message? Verily I say unto thee, it ain't lookin' good. There is none. This is Genoa City where people are allowed to do whatever the hell they want because they've got lots of money and power and hey, this is how the rich live. This is what they do. Doesn't matter if it's within the law so long as they aren't gay or having sex with animals.

Brad Carlton can screw his bitches, Ashley Carlton can steal sperm and say how her daughter is doing so well now that she and Brad aren't living under the same roof when a year ago she was spewing the importance of the family unit. Sheila Carter can play the role of three women and only one person catch on because the others who should see Sheila for what she is are so blinded by their own deviance and no one says, oh my freaking God, stop it now, you thoughtless, selfish, revenge-drunk asses.

So yes, Daniel must go tell it on the mountain, but if anyone thinks he'll tell anyone other than Kevin Fisher or Sierra Hoffman, that the judge will ever ask for a report from the probation department or that Daniel will ever see a probation officer, they are sadly mistaken.

Legally Binding Promises

October 17, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

There's no need for the videotape. There's no question that all charges, and we do mean all, were dropped against Lily Winters and Daniel Romalotti following their summer crime spree east of St. Louis and in Los Angeles. There is no doubt that the charge of jumping bail against Daniel was the least of his worries and what should still be of some concern is the whereabouts of the gas-guzzling SUV Lily abandoned.

There has never been a repercussion for running from the law in Genoa City. Kevin Fisher, who ran twice, was let off the hook both times and to this day hasn't paid for burning down the RoadKill Cafe or attempting to kill Colleen Carlton. That is not to say Kevin's past criminal activity should come back to haunt him. Blame the inept GCPD for that.

That is not to say Daniel should not have to do some penance for breaking the law either except that that judge presiding over his case dismissed the charges; said Daniel was free to go; didn't so much as hint that some bails bondman may have been ripped off because, well, no bail was ever posted. Nobody got hurt. The courts could give a rip as bail is set only to insure that suspected criminals show up for their day of reckoning

So what's the problem?

According to lawyer Christine 'Bug' Blair there's a big problem. One so big she had to track Daniel down late at night at the F&B Jitter Joint. That it was late was evidenced by the fact revelers at Michael Baldwin's bachelor party were wrapping up a night of playing poker, smoking Cuban cigars, drinking martinis by the gallon and thinking about going to the Jitter Joint for the "free" coffee. The evening was so far along it was thought Michael's bride-to-be was at a movie. But then again, all that was happening on the other side of Genoa City's infamous time warp.

At the JJ the night had just begun. Daniel was there with a few of his buds from Genoa City High, the public school he chose over the private Walnut Grove Academy to finish out his school year. His pals were so impressed with the new kid they'd just asked him to join the swimming team, but Daniel turned them down as he didn't want swimming to interfere with his plan to ski this Winter.

As for Daniel's worry just the day before, that the kids were treating him like Freddy Kruger for his role in Cassie Newman's death, that the harassment was so severe he'd skipped a few classes, Daniel said that was all behind him.

"Things are cool now. I feel like I got my life back," he told the Bug, which oddly, were the same words he'd used following the dismissal of his court trial.

Sensing that Daniel was flying high on life, the Bug said she hated to "bring you down" but that she'd gotten word Daniel will have to go back to court. Daniel was stunned. What on earth for? Jumping bail?

"When you're not guilty, and you feel the walls closing in, you run," he smirked, as if to say that when life gets you down, when the cops nail you for a crime you didn't commit, it's okay to run. Daniel did not, of course, bring up the fact that Nick Newman withheld critical evidence in the case yet was never charged.

And the Bug, knowledgeable of the law and Newman's role in what could have sunk her case, didn't mention it either. She was more concerned that Daniel had made a promise to the court and hadn't lived up to it. If it's one thing the justice system in this city doesn't appreciate, it's punk-ass kids breaking what the Bug called, "Legally binding promises."

"I guess I was pretty stupid," Daniel confessed.

Was? How about still is? What about the Bug flicking off the seriousness of Daniel's action when she said, "What's done is done"? What of the Bug's notion that all Daniel needs to do is show the judge a sign of remorse?" Is this not the dumbest thing you ever did hear the Bug say?

The question is rhetorical. Of course it's not the dumbest. Just when you think you've heard and seen it all someone comes along to trump it. Someone like Nick shows up at Michael's party to rub elbows with three of the people he should most despise and one he doesn't even know. Someone gets it into their head that Daniel still owes a debt to society, but thinks nothing of Nick and Kevin. Someone thinks Devon Hamilton should get a part-time job, but forgets he already has a part-time job. Someone thinks a message should be sent about the dangers of alcohol abuse, but thinks nothing of glamorizing the smoking of tobacco.

Daniel has a moral obligation to kiss some judge's ass; a legal responsibility to atone for his rudeness. What's good for the goose is not for the gander.

Bait & Switch

October 12, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

How many times has it been said? Daniel Romalotti can swoon over Lily Winters all he wants but it doesn't change the fact: he's a sissy boy. A senior at Walnut Grove Academy, Daniel is acting more like a freshman on hazing day.

Hazing of students is a thing of the past only old geezers will remember. Male freshman were made to wear 'Kick Me' signs made of cardboard, ragged clothes and lipstick, kiss the ground and obey the commands of seniors as if they were peasants before the king, on their first day of school.

While hazing was humiliating and degrading I can't recall any student suffering long-term emotional damage as a result. Then again, I can't recall during my four years of high school any student getting arrested for attempted murder. Few of my classmates drank beer and those who did didn't get it from some pedophile standing outside the liquor store or drink it in the park.

It must be a changing of the times that has Daniel so upset he couldn't stay in school on Wednesday. A change that has resulted in 17-year-old boys whimpering like babies and generally changed them into passive/aggressive trolls. They get all mean and nasty, but poke them in the tummy and they wilt like starved for water pansies.

When Daniel's mother found him at the F&B Jitter Joint she was astounded. Hadn't Daniel learned anything from his run-in with the law? Didn't he know the importance of staying in school and that others schools - like the one Devon Hamilton attends - expel students who skip too much? Exactly why was Daniel out of school?

Phyllis Summers should have known. Daniel's classmates are, at this late date, sniping at him. They blame him for Cassie Newman's death and treat him like Ted Bundy or John Dillinger. Sticks and stone may break bones, but the bad words are killing Daniel. He can't go to school. Phyllis, dork that she is, thinks for a moment. Has Daniel complained to the school staff? Hasn't the principal been holding Daniel's hand, walking with him through the hallowed halls and protecting him from those nasty students with nothing better to do?

"I'm not a kid anymore," Daniel squealed, as Phyllis, reminding Daniel she'll always be there for him, went about her business without further concern. That's okay, Daniel. You skip school as much as you want.

Ungrateful Snots
September 7, 2005

When Daniel Romalotti allowed Damon Porter to kiss him this past January there were some who thought Daniel might come to have a real family for the first since he was a diaper-wearing baby. But Daniel never fully understood that brief period in his early life, so how he could say this week that the Abbotts "are not our family", like everything else in the crazy world of the upper class, boggled a few minds.

What does Daniel know about family? The queer eye for the straight guy lesson Porter gave him? The fully grown black man telling a white teenage boy he felt like part of Daniel's family? What stretch of the imagination does Romalotti think he represents family when he, nor his mother, so much as asked where his father was on Christmas the previous year? Not that Danny Romalotti is Daniel's biological father; he isn't. But after all the fuss they made about being father and son it was odd that on Christmas Daniel didn't make the slightest inquiry as to why Danny made no contact with him during the holiday.

Thanks to the generosity of others, Daniel and his mother were allowed to stay at the Newman Ponderosa for a spell when Phyllis Summers decided to stop sleeping with Porter. Despite having been cut off, Porter dropped by the tackyroom rental to tell Daniel how highly he thought of the boy and that regardless he might be going to prison, would "always be there" for Daniel. Gushing like the intake pipe at a sewage treatment plant, Porter went on to say that being close to Daniel at a time when the kid was entering manhood made him feel like part of the family.

"It's been a gift and a pleasure," Porter actually said, and as Daniel fought back tears kissed his hand then put it on Daniel's forehead. The smile on Daniel's face said it all. This man who had done nothing except screw his mother was like the Pa he never had.

So when Daniel and Phyllis got bad-vibed out of the tackyroom they moved into the rent-free Abbott Hotel with what technically is Daniel's step-father, Jack Abbott. Daniel was given his own room, protected by Jack from a pack of media whores that descended on him following his release from jail, and now he wants Phyllis to move out because the Abbotts are not family?

Will Daniel offer to get a job to help his mother pay the something like $2,000 rent on a new apartment? Does Daniel assume Phyllis gets a big, fat paycheck for not working? Does money grow on trees? Does Phyllis have the common sense to sit this kid down and explain that, as a rule, people don't look gift horses in the mouth? They don't give up free room and board and Daniel should be thankful because but for the grace of God he could be right now living at the Astrodome?

What an ungrateful, spoiled snot Daniel is.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

September 1, 2005

When a man has gone out of his way in an attempt to have me locked up for something like fifteen years for something I didn't do the last thing I think of when he doesn't succeed is to ask if we might become friends. Not that by any stretch of the imagination Nick Newman is a man. Chronologically he may have the body of one, but deep inside his empty soul Nick is but a diaper-wearing adult.

Agreeing to meet Daniel Romalotti at the Newman Jitter Joint this week Nick's face was twisted and contorted when he stomped in. Looking around the tiny place his beady eyes were unable at first to pick Daniel out of the crowd. Typical, Nick snorted he should have known Daniel wouldn't show up. Then he heard the whimper.

"Mr. Newman?"

Looking Nick straight in the eye Daniel started to say it wasn't easy confronting one of the many people who hate him when Nick interrupted to say he couldn't imagine that they had anything to talk about. He wasn't about to apologize for withholding evidence that almost sent an innocent kid to prison and by the way, wasn't it nice of the District Attorney not to press charges against me?

Daniel wasn't concerned about this aspect of Genoa City injustice. Since he'd escaped a prison sentence by the skin of his teeth let someone else worry about laws that apply to some but not all. Daniel had more important things on his mind like, thanking Nick for saving his sorry ass. And now, more than anything, Daniel wanted to know what he could do to repay Nick. Shine his shoes? Oral sex? Nick need only snap his fingers and Daniel will be at his beck and call.

Nick snarled. He didn't do anything for that punk; that bad seed; that menace to society. Before giving Daniel the real reason he'd come forward Nick asked what Daniel thought the reason was he'd been so kind as to let him "go free".

Daniel surmised Nick had come to his senses at the eleventh-hour because it was the right thing to do; it was what his dead, adopted daughter would have wanted him to do. In a roundabout way Nick said it was true although he may never know what "hold" Daniel had on his precious Cassie.

Daniel couldn't understand it either. He barely knew Cassie or that she liked him in that special way little girls who carry condoms around in their purse do. Nick said this was also true. While Nick knew Daniel didn't know Cassie from a hole in the ground what happened would have made sense had the kids been having sex - or something. Worse, Nick couldn't comprehend why Cassie walked out of her hospital room knowing she'd find Daniel at the Jitter Joint. Daniel said he never did figure that out either. He never once thought it might be Cassie's dying wish that the truth be told. So now that he knew Cassie had confessed to driving his prized automobile on that fateful night leading up to her death how did Daniel feel?

"Better".

Better? Not great? Not elated? Not pissed that Nick knew all this time but let him rot in a dingy jail cell? Nope. Just better. But not better because Cassie is dead. If Cassie were still alive today who knows what could have become of them? With his loving Lily Winters on the deportation roster and no other girls remotely interested in him, he and Cassie might have gone on to hit those soiled sheets at the Abbott playhouse.

Sighing how nice it is that Daniel and Cassie have attained closure, but that he never will until, well, give it six months or so when he's worried about who his wife is sleeping with again, Nick broke down and accepted Daniel's apology. For who knew all it would take was a brief convoluted chat with Daniel to snap Nick out of his funk? Now, about that oral sex...

Teens Expelled From School
by Brent Kellogg

Oh Christ! Lame as he is, Daniel Romalotti really should sit his equally lame-brain mother down and say something like, "Look, Mom. Things are getting out of control. Can't you please get me a real lawyer?"

The reason Daniel needs a real lawyer now more than ever is because he's been expelled from school! At first why Daniel got booted out of Walnut Grove Academy wasn't clear. The expulsion could have come as a result of some new school policy which states that students who miss more than a week are automatically out. This would come a surprise because WGA has never cared before how many days students miss, however.

More than likely Daniel got kicked because of his trouble with the law, but even this doesn't sound right as surely missing school because one was attending one's manslaughter trial would come under the heading of extenuating circumstance. If the hammer fell on Daniel's empty head for this reason he needs to get a lawyer and file a discrimination suit. At a time in America when the emphasis is on staying in school and getting an education to be ousted by WGA only adds insult to injury.

Then again WGA, supposedly a private school, is probably like the Boy Scouts in that it can legally discriminate. No sissy boys, no trust fund girls or boys who have been charged with a crime may attend Walnut Grove Academy unless their last name is Winters or Abbott or Newman.

Learning of her son's dismissal this week Phyllis Summers said only that Daniel won't be allowed to complete his senior year at WGA. She did not say whether it's too late, or whether she would seek to get Daniel into Genoa City High or the private Parker School Devon Hamilton and other troubled youth apparently attend. At Parker, students routinely skip school after repeated warnings without fear of expulsion. In the event of a rare expulsion it only requires a promise never to skip again from the expelled student's parents for reinstatement.

At last Phyllis finally blurt it out. The reasons Daniel got the axe are many. First, he was drinking off campus. Second, he fled the state. More importantly he's "not a good example for other students" and "a lot of parents are angry" and therefore, because a few parents might have complained that some student is doing drugs and drinking and having sex when drugs can be purchased right on school property that student must go?

"We should have anticipated this," Phyllis actually said, but of course she didn't anticipate anything other than getting Daniel back under her skirt. It's not over either. Phyllis added "there is going to be a lot of fall out" to which Daniel could only quote from the Danny Romalotti Guide for Washed-Up Rock Stars.

"With actions come consequences."

What the hell? What is wrong with these people? Besides the insane notion that parents can get kids kicked out of school for something they may have done - for which said students were found not guilty "on all charges" - Daniel is only now remembering something Danny may have said? Did Daniel think about this fatherly advice the day he ran from the law or the night he put the pork to Lily Winters?

As crazy as it sounds these two kids had sex and Lily, for one, liked it. It doesn't matter that she's only 17 and got expelled from Walnut Grove too. Nobody can tell Lily anything. So screw WGA. She'll just go to Genoa City High where she thinks Devon goes although it was never made clear Devon was able to transfer from Parker. The move was only something Lily had mentioned to Devon in passing. Not that it matters. Not that Lily thinks she's still in some so-called "Honors Program". Neil and Dru Winters have something better in mind for their more trouble than she's worth daughter. They are sick of worrying about Lily doing whatever she wants when she wants and the lies. As they called Lily on the carpet for her latest lie the kid thought she could worm her way out of it by promising to be a good little girl. Neil and Dru can ground her for life it they want so long as it doesn't interfere with her love life.

As for being out on bail with a criminal trial just around the corner, smarter than everyone Lily said, Who? Me? When all the charges against Daniel were dropped didn't that mean charges against her were dropped too?

What planet is this kid from? The Winters should forget about sending this numbskull to boarding school. Seriously, Lily should be made to start grade school all over from grade one. Maybe kindergarten and even then it's doubtful she'd learn anything. This kid has a serious learning disability.

When pressed on having sex and didn't she say after Kevin Fisher porked her she'd never do it again, Lily said Daniel went easy on her. Shoved his tiny pole right in there ever so gentle like. Yum. It's was so good. "Like my first time and it was perfect," Lily confirmed.

Again, aware her daughter isn't a virgin, Dru couldn't stop herself from saying Lily's a not ready for sex child only to have Lily rip into her. Lily is going to do what she wants. Nobody can stop her.

As Lily went to wash away the dried sperm and grime Neil and Dru unveiled their latest we are so unconnected from reality line of thinking. If they take a "proactive approach", if they can convince the Judge and the District Attorney that Lily is really the sweetest girl, they'll drop the charges! Once those political strings have been pulled all they'd have to worry about would be keeping Lily and Daniel apart.

"How do we keep them from continuing?" a wimpy Neil asked.

How? By putting a chastity belt on your daughter, locking it and throwing the key away, you fool!

"We can't keep Lily locked up in her room," Dru whimpered in unison as Neil added they can't be Lily's jailer.

Why the hell not? If they don't want to play jailer Ms. Davis looks like she enjoys doing that. Turn Lily over to the State of Wisconsin and let it place her in one of its level-12 Green Bay facilities. If Lily's freedom was taken away she'd get it through that thick skull just how privileged she is. Granted, it would take some time.

Alas, Dru and Neil will take the rich person's way out. They'll spend thousands to keep Lily in a boarding home. Not that it's a bad thing. It's just too good for Lily.

Who Will Save the Children?

August 29, 2005

There was a time oh so long ago that whenever something really strange happened in Genoa City I'd write, "Just when we thought we'd seen it all" followed by a description of the event. It finally sunk into my head there's no way to see all of the bizarre things because there is an endless supply. It's like a landfill. A bottomless pit of mind-numbing swill.

When I first heard Phyllis Summers say she had no idea where her son was on the night following his acquittal in court on charges of vehicular manslaughter, driving under the influence, flight to avoid persecution and jumping bail it made me sick to my stomach. Not the list of crimes Daniel got away with, but that he didn't go home straight from the courthouse! Phyllis actually let this high school kid, this admitted drunk who obtained beer illegally, go out on the town with his "friends." Not that Daniel has any friends. Except for Lily Winters he has none. If he did why wasn't a single one of them at his trial?

Maybe Phyllis' reasoning for not checking to see if Daniel was tucked in bed at the Abbott Hotel was because Jack Abbott had berated her for not allowing him to be with her in the courtroom. God knows, Jack said, how much he "cares" about her and Daniel which might explain too why Jack didn't find it odd Daniel wasn't home. Even as Phyllis rambled on that her son's "future was at stake" and she needed someone "positive" around her it didn't dawn on Jack to ask if maybe it wasn't a good idea allowing Daniel to stay out so late his first night as a "free" man considering Daniel's history and all. It's apparent that what Jack really cared about was getting Phyllis into bed and to hell with Daniel.

A prudent person might think, well, it's understandable for this to happen in one family - but two - on the same night? Yes, two. For at the same time Neil and Dru Winters were too busy with other matters to notice Lily hadn't come home. The last Dru knew was that Lily had gone out to clear her head and assumed Lily was off spending time with her adopted brother. But when Devon Hamilton said he hadn't seen Lily Dru got all panicky. Still, she didn't wait up, she didn't go looking or call the police as these people are so want to do if their children so much as miss the bus.

Considering all the trouble Lily has been in lately, that she has a trial coming up for aiding and abetting Daniel's run from the law, what possessed Dru and her blockhead husband to go to bed that night? It wasn't until the following morning and Lily still hadn't come home that prompted Dru to call the hotel. She didn't call to say have you seen my daughter, but to blame Phyllis. Picking up the phone Jack said he thought Daniel was in bed. To be sure he went to check and sure enough, Daniel's bed hadn't been slept in. As extra fodder for Dru's rage Jack told her Daniel's conviction had been overturned which, or course, Dru took to mean that Lily knew too and that the two kids were somewhere together.

As Dru hung up the phone Neil said he'd just heard on the radio that Daniel's conviction had been overturned. Strange as it might be, but not really considering the media and the whores who peddle misinformation, that a court decision overruled almost as soon as it had been delivered would have been reported that way on the radio. But that's just this reporter.

And so it came to pass that indeed Daniel and Lily had stayed the night at the one place they'd sure to be found. The Abbott Playhouse. Not only was this stupid beyond words, but Lily was fully prepared to have sex with Daniel knowing the danger. When they got busted by Dru, Neil and Phyllis, Lily swore nothing happened, but knowing this lying little bitch she probably screwed Daniel's brain out. Not that he has one. And while Lily and Daniel should be grounded for, like, ever, and Lily should be sent to reform school, and that's assuming she'll ever go to trial and be found not guilty as most trust fund babes are, those really to blame are the parents.

So it must be asked again. What parent doesn't keep their troubled kid on a short leash? What was Phyllis thinking? What was Dru thinking? Why didn't one adult bother to ask where the children are when supposedly, especially in Genoa City, the big concern has always been, "Who will save the children?"

Media Whores Descend on Abbott Hotel

May 24, 2005

As I sat tapping away on the keyboard and waiting to see what atrocities the most progressive peoples the world over would come up with next I couldn't help but think what a world of hurt Daniel Romalotti is in. I couldn't help but laugh again as the creepy Christine 'Bug' Blair said Daniel needs to be watched "24/7" and thus she's moving the teen into her love bunker. I shuddered at the thought that if Daniel doesn't go on the run, as he's threatened, it won't be long until he's hanging out at the one place he should avoid like the plague as it's owned by the people who hate him most.

But, like Kevin Fisher, misery loves company. Like all persons on the monthly hate list Daniel will spend a great deal of time at the Newman Jitter Joint. He'll be confronted by those who without a shred of evidence have prejudged him guilty of killing Cassie Newman. The hypocrites will tell Daniel he shouldn't be allowed out in public and while wringing their hands won't be able to understand why Daniel isn't behind bars.

Poor sap that he is Daniel won't know any better. He'll keep coming back for more. He might be told by any number of people to get "professional help" or get out of town. Even if evidence exonerating Daniel finally surfaces there will be those hoping said evidence is suppressed.

As Phyllis Summers becomes more aware that she is equally hated for spawning a "punk" like Daniel she too will make frequent stops at the Jitter Joint knowing the place is crawling with people wanting to bash her.

And lo, long before Tuesday's news had developed, damn but what my prediction came true.

Told that mouthpiece Christine 'Bug' Blair should be trusted, that a lawyer with not much more than some Legal Aid experience can get him cleared of a murder rap because she has "magic", Daniel and his mother sat comfortably at the Jitter Joint as if nothing had happened. What's important now is that Daniel stay away from troublemaker Lily Winters and avoid the Press.

To accomplish his goal Daniel has flipped again on hiding in plain sight at the Abbott playhouse and is in direct opposition of the plan's moronic creator, Lily Winters, who now thinks going on the run is a bad idea. Regardless of what Daniel does Lily won't abandon him, however.

"I don't want anything bad to happen to you," Lily stated again this week as if, like Kevin, Daniel will only receive a slap on the wrist once he's eventually captured.

"You're unbelievable," Daniel exclaimed, before confessing that without Lily's guidance and clear thinking he wouldn't know what he'd do. Besides, Daniel says, "I don't think I have any other choice."

Being told in plain English by Phyllis to stay away from Daniel doesn't mean squat to Lily either. Being told by her biological father, um, uncle that if she goes on the run with Daniel they'll be tracked down and brought back to face charges is merely Malfunction Winters' parental instinct talking. Lily will do what she wants, when she wants and with who she wants for she knows there are never any repercussions.

So, you may be saying to yourself, this isn't quite as convoluted as it was last week. Nobody at the Jitter Joint jumped on Phyllis or Daniel and the manager practically rolled out the red carpet when Malfunction said it's no big deal if the most wanted man in Genoa City hangs out at a Newman-owned coffee house.

But wait. There's more. Are you ready? Have you taken your pain medication?

Escorted to the Abbott Hotel by Jack Abbott himself, the three were pounced upon by members of the Press and local National Enquirer types. The buzzards seemed to jump out of the bushes taking their victims completely by surprise. When he was driving up Abbott did not notice all the cars parked on the street. He did not see the huge media trucks or the glaring lights and satellite dishes.

With flashbulbs going off around them what appeared to be a reporter from CNN asked, "Is it true Cassie Newman is in hospital and she may die?"

"Gosh, you media whores. Why you asking us? Why haven't you noticed the entire Newman family is right now holding a vigil at the God Have Mercy Medical Center? Why don't you know Cassie was found collapsed at the Newman Jitter Joint? Too busy covering the runaway bride? Michael Jackson?" nobody asked, but you know, should have given the level of absurdity this saga has reached.

Sadly, always so sad and weak and spineless, Jack perked up. The Abbott Hotel is private property. If the whores don't leave he'll call the cops and have them arrested. Where's Hank Weber when you need him?

Safely inside and with Daniel off to bed there was only one thing left to make the day complete. Only one thing for a mother of a child facing a life in prison to do. Have sex with her estranged husband!

The Scourge of Paul Williams

May 18, 2005

Bad news travels fast in Genoa City. Those who previously had no idea where Phyllis Summers and her son are in the process of moving to suddenly know exactly where to locate Daniel Romalotti.

Such was the case Wednesday as Nick Newman - having to be told by his daughter's newest pal that the missing Cassie Newman may have gone to see Daniel - scurried right over to the Abbott Hotel where he bulldozed his way in and immediately began an intense grilling of the kid most often blamed for Cassie's predicament.

Standing by her man, Lily Winters had to ask: "What does this mean" when she heard Cassie is missing and so confused by all that's happening Daniel could only muster up a "I don't know" reply. Be he did know that whatever it meant couldn't be good for him. Then, right after she'd said she didn't know what it meant, Lily stated it could be good if it means Cassie is up and around and maybe laying on a park bench somewhere in a feverish daze.

Pondering Lily's latest demonstration as perhaps the World's Biggest Idiot unless J.T. Hellstrom hadn't already been labeled such by Mac Browning, Daniel agreed. Maybe Lily was right.

Asked by Nick if he's seen Cassie, Daniel said no before answering a question with a question. Had Cassie said she was coming to see him? Had Cassie maybe informed everyone before going missing from the God Have Mercy Medical Center where she was going? If so, why is everyone looking for her? Moreover, how would Cassie know where to find him?

Nick said it didn't matter how. He had, after all, found Daniel so it was, apparently, quite easy for Cassie to find him too.

"How?" Daniel asked, of Nick's amazing GPS-like tracking skill.

Nick refused to answer. Suffice it was that he'd found his boy. Now he wanted answers. What is going on between Daniel and Cassie? And don't like you little bitch boy.

Daniel was more confused than ever. "I'm not sure what you're asking me," he told Nick who did not say, "Listen you freak. It's a straight forward question."

Finally, Daniel said there's nothing going on between him and Cassie he knows about. Nick was enraged.

"Don't lie to me!" Nick bellowed, revealing that Cassie's weird friend had told him Cassie has a case of puppy love and was probably looking for him as they spoke.

"Why?" Daniel said, only to be told by Nick, "You tell me."

And you, reading this right now, opening the window, sticking your head outside and screaming again, please make it stop," could only shudder and clench your colon as the mindless dialog seemed would never end.

Daniel knew Nick was "freaking" but he had no idea where Cassie could be. Running low on stupid, Nick went back in time. Why had Daniel been at the hospital that day in Cassie's room? Why had he not heard Daniel say repeatedly he was there to see how Cassie was doing? Because he was too busy calling Daniel a punk? Why would a boy claiming to hardly know his daughter, who goes to the same school as Cassie and who attended the same party Cassie did offer a girl a ride home?

Based on the advice of his lawyer Daniel refused to answer.

"Because you have something to hide?" Nick spat, as if anyone interrogated by a venom spewing Newman are expected to cower in fear. At his wit's end, Nick could only muster another hate ball.

"Listen to me, punk," he snorted, then undoubtedly wondered why Daniel had zipped his lip.

Preying on his victim's emotions Nick warned that Cassie could die if she didn't get back to the hospital before stomping off like a gorilla on meth.

Lily was stunned. Did Nick say die? Daniel was still confused. Did Lily know Cassie has a crush on him? Why, yes. She did. Lily never mentioned it because, well, she's a jealous little bitch. It's teenybopper girls want the famous rock star's son week. Didn't Daniel know?

Well then. If Cassie has the hots for him "why would she want to see me" Daniel actually asked before reaching a milestone in this latest mind numbing saga. Only one thing to do. Over Lily's objection to hide in plain sight until things blow over, Daniel is going in search of Cassie! Why? Because. "Cassie wouldn't be in this fix if it wasn't for me."

But wait! It gets better - or worse as the case may be. Reach for the pain killers. The barf-bags. Whichever suits your immediate need.

Hank 'KGB' Weber is calling the World's most clueless private detective in to solve the case! Yes, with an entire police force at his disposal, with his atrocious success rate at something like 0-4, Weber has failed again. The scourge of Paul Williams is upon us.

Hide in Plain Sight

May 17, 2005

She was on the verge of something very dangerous and irreversible. You could hear Lily Winters breathing heavy, just aching to put her plan into motion. This human nutjob capable of staggering atrocities and deadly choices and the pencil-necked geek boy in her charge were about to make up what would be the most laughable stunt ever had it not been for the events simultaneously unfolding at the God Have Mercy Medical Center.

At the Abbott Hotel on Tuesday, Lily told Daniel Romalotti, "I know a place where nobody will be able to find you."

The reference to aiding and abetting a criminal followed Daniel Romalotti's intent to flee the jurisdiction subsequent to his conclusion there is no justice in Genoa City. Since the pitchfork-wielding Newman family and others had already found him guilty of being drunk behind the wheel of a car in which Cassie Newman was allegedly riding, Daniel's only hope was to locate his washed up rock star father last thought to be in Canada.

Daniel doesn't know exactly where Danny Romalotti is but seemed confident that armed with a passport he'd have no trouble crossing the Canadian border. Furthermore, to make it easier on those looking for him, Daniel said he wanted them to know where he was headed.

That this wasn't about as dumb as it gets, that those in this city who skip town can never get it right, was only exceeded by Lily's insane plan. But before outlining the sinister plot, so craftily designed the CIA would find itself baffled, it may help to zoom back in time for a moment.

The playhouse is a little shack behind the Abbott Hotel where the likes of Billy Abbott, Mac Browning, J.T. Hellstrom and Colleen Carlton used to play out their puppy love problems. It's the same place where Victoria Newman was once held captive and became well known as the shanty troubled teens use to hide in.

Except that Lily has never known about the playhouse. Not when her friend Colleen was seeing J.T. there. Not when Billy and Mac played there. Never.

That Lily knows "it's where JT and CC used to meet" can only be reconciled by her having spent some time going through news archives. Either that or history was rewritten especially so that Lily can once again prove to the world how freaking stupid she is. As if more proof is needed that she has learned nothing from all the trouble she's gotten into during the short time this little snot has been back from Paris.

Truly, it boggles the mind. It makes the skin crawl. The stomach turn. Why would a teenage girl who's parents keep saying what a bright child Lily is, do something like tell Daniel, "If you disappear everyone will automatically think you went off to be with your dad"?

Why would anyone think this? Why would anyone think that someone who is breaking the law would go to one of the first places anyone would look? And why would Daniel want anyone to know where he's going?

Need more proof these two are the purest form of nitwits?

"It will never occur to them to look for you right here in town," Lily said of those who will be tracking Daniel down like a male dog tracks down a female in heat.

Daniel pondered using the playhouse as a place to hide in plain sight before asking Lily, "What if one of Abbott see me coming or going?"

Well, duh, sissy boy. When you're playing the fugitive, when you're on the lam, you don't let people see you. That's the whole point of hiding. Don't believe it? Look it up in the dictionary. See the meaning of the word hide?

Besides the obvious, Daniel said he didn't want to stay anywhere "day and night". Better to walk around in the open with a KICK ME HARD sign on his back.

Lily was baffled. Why couldn't Daniel hold up in a one room shack? It's not like she wouldn't be forging his food. It's not like anyone would ever see her coming and going from the playhouse. For Lily it was "the perfect solution". Not only wouldn't Daniel have to leave town, she wouldn't have to lose him! Like she won't lose him when Daniel is eventually captured and sent away to prison until he's a old 25-year-old man and she at the Wisconsin Women's Correctional Facility for harboring a fugitive.

Just when it was thought Daniel might go along with what has to be dumbest thing Lily has done since spreading her legs for Kevin Fisher he woke up from his nap. Sorry baby girl. Can't do it. Can't hide in plain sight. Wouldn't be prudent. Wouldn't want to put his babe at risk.

Then, as if going on the run within city limits is not against the law and that the dirty coppers will never catch him, Lily warned Daniel that if he goes to Canada, if he goes to France or Iraq for that matter, he'll be on the run for the rest of his life. "You won't see your mom or dad or me. Can you live like that?" she actually asked.

And that sound? That laugher heard under the Abbott Hotel shag carpeting? Why, of course. It was Satan laughing his ass off. When he picked Lily to do his dirty work he never thought it would be so much fun.

Guilty Until Proven Innocent

May 10, 2005

You see? These are the things that make us ask why we subject ourselves to such idiocy. Why did police detective Hank Weber bother arresting a 17-year-old? Didn't he know Daniel Romalotti would be bailed out within an hour? Didn't he know that a class 4 felony has no meaning in Genoa City? Didn't Weber know that he can't keep minors locked up?

We know it's true because Phyllis Summers said so. Even though Phyllis didn't get to the jail until the next morning she ragged on the jailers for keeping "a minor" overnight. If, as she seemed to be, Phyllis was so concerned why wasn't she at the jail within moments of Daniel's arrest? Why didn't Daniel's lawyer call her? Why didn't the cops let Daniel make his one phone call? Why didn't Daniel call his mother?

How, if the crime Daniel is charge with is so egregious, was he allowed bail? When was the bail hearing held? Did the creepy Christine 'Bug' Blair attend said hearing? We know the charge is serious because the Bug said so. She told Phyllis "Daniel is in terrible trouble."

And for someone in such trouble why is Daniel so worried about Cassie Newman? Sure, he doesn't want her to die because it would escalate the charge against him, but why be so concerned as to ignore what the Bug and his mother told him: stay away from Cassie. Do not go to the God Have Mercy Medical Center for as sure as there is fire in Hell the Newmans will roast his ass if they catch him anywhere near Cassie.

For someone so concerned about losing his freedom why did Daniel do exactly that? Why, when Phyllis told the Bug she'd keep an eye on him, did Phyllis return alone to the Ponderosa knowing in advance that Daniel had no intention of doing as he's told? Did Phyllis not hear Daniel say he'd think" about it? Did she not know that when Daniel promised not to do anything stupid he planned on doing just that? Wouldn't a normal mother have grabbed her long-haired son by the ear and maybe say, "You're coming home with me"?

Why is it that everyone who has ever been charged with a crime in this godforsaken city and told to keep their mouths shut about their cases do exactly the opposite?

Why does the Bug keep saying "let me do my job" when clearly she's not doing her job? Why, when the Bug went to see the City Prosecutor or whatever the hell Glenn Richards is supposed to be, did the Bug not ask what evidence Richards has against Daniel?

And shouldn't Richards have been stunned to learn the Bug is on the Romalotti case because the critter is not a criminal defense lawyer? Give Richards a round of applause for speaking some truth, however. The political pressure is on him. Gotta lock up as many people as possible to show he's tough on crime. Doesn't matter that the people might be innocent.

What was up with Richard's contention that because Daniel is the son of a "rock star" it won't grease the skids? Doesn't Richards know? Danny Romalotti is a washed-up has-been. A third-rate one-hit singer only slightly more famous than J.T. Hellstrom. For a prosecutor Richards isn't very bright. If he was he'd know Danny isn't Daniel's father.

And what of the press these freaks keep talking about? What of the phone calls the Bug says are ringing off the hook at her office? What are the people calling about? Are they, like the rest of us, demanding to see the evidence?

Even when Richards told the Bug that Daniel will "be prosecuted to the full extent of the law" why didn't the Bug ask for some proof?

"We have this kid dead to rights," Richards oozed, to which the slimy Bug could only say Richards is trying to get even because they were never able to put Phyllis away. Not that they didn't try. Not that they let the confessed Diane Jenkins case fall through the cracks.

On top of all the trampling he'd already done on the rights of the accused, Richards went in for the kill, the poke in the eye of Justice with a sharp stick. Now it doesn't matter whether Cassie lives or dies. Romalotti will be "doing time" regardless.

What more is there to say? How much more time is there to waste? Just lock Daniel up already. There's no need for a trial. No need to manufacture some evidence. In Genoa City, as in America these days, those charged with a crime are guilty until proven innocent.

Why Fight It?

May 9, 2005

Maybe it was the stress of knowing that at age 17 he could be going away to the big house for a very long time. Maybe it was knowing that at age 17 the State of Wisconsin sends its juveniles straight to prison on trumped up, first offense DUI charges. Maybe it's that somewhere in the past year Daniel Romalotti went from age 16 to 18 that had him so freaked out this week.

Perhaps one, or all three, of those reasons could explain why Romalotti asked his self-appointed mouth piece Christine 'Bug' Blair to rattle off what might happen to him if the girl riding in the vehicle he was allegedly operating and crashed while under the influence kicks the bucket.

Although Blair has consistently said that she is one of Genoa City's smartest lawyers and that she "knows the law" the Bug could only peep, "it's hard to say."

While it can be callous and unbecoming to dispute whatever the Bug says when she's talking law, Daniel nevertheless asked her to explain police detective Hank 'KGB' Weber's contention that a conviction would mean "jail time".

Law goddess that she is the Bug chirped that aggravated DUI is a class 4 felony worth 1-12 years in the pen. On the off-chance the victim of such aggravation dies the charge is elevated to vehicular homicide, a class 3 felony with a mandatory 2 year minimum, or, as the Bug elaborated, a maximum "several years, maybe."

Daniel began shaking in his boots. Gosh, by the time he gets out of the big house he'll be an old man. A whopping twenty-five-years old provided he doesn't become a Larry Warton-like bitch forced to kill other inmates thus adding even more time to his sentence.

"And I haven't even graduated from high school," Daniel added for emphasis.

As for her client's options the Bug said there's a slim chance she can cut a deal. Given that a conviction would be Daniel's first he might get probation and community service much the way Victor Newman pleaded out a charge of "Commercial Bribery." With any luck at all Daniel would only have to build a local recreation center and be scot-free after one year.

His mind distracted by all the possibilities, and the negativity of a lawyer already planning a cop out to something he didn't do, Daniel couldn't help but ask, "Is there any chance I'll get probation?"

Cautioning that what happens depends on the Newman kid the Bug assured Daniel she'll do her best. As for Cassie walking away with not much more than a spackled over hole in her head the Bug said it wouldn't make a difference. The Newmans will come after Daniel anyway.

Even if she assumes he's 18 and not 17, as Daniel might very well be given that he was just 16 last year at this time, that the Bug would alarm Daniel is this manner was stunning. As a minor it would be his mother, Phyllis Summers, the Newmans would have to go after. If, on the other hand, Daniel is of legal age the Bug should have told him to let the Newmans come after him. It's impossible to get blood out of a turnip. Daniel has no assets. Nothing the Newmans would want except for maybe his long hair they could spin into fine bedding - or something.

But to hear the Bug tell it the law doesn't matter. It's that the people in Genoa City "don't have much sympathy for drunk drivers". It's people like Dru and Neil Winters who want people they don't like locked up without a trial. Without any constitutional rights afforded them slugs like Daniel and Kevin Fisher are to be banned from Genoa City.

It's no wonder Daniel threw up his hands and tossed in the towel. "Why fight it?" he resolved, ready to sign a confession right then and there.

"No! Let me do my job!" the Bug squealed just as Weber arrived to arrest Daniel. Without a peep, with no objection, with no "show me the evidence" that convinced anyone there's probable cause to arrest Romalotti, the Bug just let the cops take him away.

Not that the Bug could have done much. When overzealous, corrupt cops get out of hand like Weber does, there is no stopping them. What the Bug should done immediately was to find a judge yet to join the Gestapo willing to order Romalotti's release on his own recognizance.

While there is no excuse for this travesty of justice, it's Weber's modus operandi. When there isn't any credible evidence he manufactures it. When he couldn't get anything on Fisher he went back to the corrupted crime scene days after the fact and miraculously found new evidence resulting in Fisher's arrest. It boggled the minds of legal experts who shuddered then and are doing so now.

Who can forget when in plain view of Weber strip club operator Bobby Marsino told his partner to stop purchasing bootleg liquor? Who can forget Weber said he wasn't interested in illegal liquor sales because he had bigger fish to fry?

Weber's arrest of Romalotti only proves again that the law in Genoa City is consistently mangled. The GCPD, its officers, detectives and investigators are the most inept on the planet. They walk all over the Constitution. They think Miranda Rights is some town in eastern Texas.

Sadly, when Romalotti is cleared, when his good name has been restored, he won't sue the bastards. His mother won't sue Genoa City for all it's worth which probably isn't much if Weber is any indication of the best cops it can afford.

Those accused of crimes in Genoa City should be very afraid. Hank Weber, the draconian, Himmler-like cop, has popped up again like an agitated gofer. He's out to lock up the evildoers without a shred of evidence as Paul Williams, J.T. Hellstrom, the pitchfork-wielding teens and others stand behind him muttering and making cute little explosion noises with their mouths. Kaboom!

We're going to get you bitches. No! No! No! We don't need no stinking proof. We don't need to interview potential witnesses. We don't need to ask if anyone might have seen the accident. Might have seen Cassie behind the wheel. No need to dust for prints on the steering wheel or the ignition key.

Oh but never mind. One forgets that Weber is a very nice fellow. Charming. Doing the right thing, he is. Do not question the detective. This is what Weber wants. Lots of mean evil people out there. Weber is merely trying to protect Genoa City the best way he knows how: by denying suspects their basic rights.

Weber's a disgrace to his profession. To mankind. The sanctimonious self-righteous laughingstock brat child of the entire law enforcement community.

Case Dismissed!

May 4, 2005

It's incredible. The remarkable timing Christine 'Bug' Blair had early Wednesday morning when she blew into the home of Mrs. Phyllis Summers just as police detective Hank 'KGB' Weber did before breakfast trying to interrogate Daniel Romalotti without a lawyer present.

Released from the God Have Mercy Medical Center the previous evening, following what was described as a "terrible" accident, Daniel suffered only a few minor scrapes and bruises. As to why he was drinking beer at a party in Cary Park and why Cassie Newman was in "his" vehicle, Daniel said he couldn't remember "any of this" but does have bouts of selective memory recall.

For example, he does remember drinking a six-pack, having Sam the hookup man purchase the booze for him from a liquor store and that the car seatbelt is automatic. Phyllis didn't notice Daniel's selective memory but was shocked that in America today adults willingly purchase booze and cigarettes for minors.

"That's incredible," she actually said.

Daniel's memory was also sharp enough to know he was drinking alone at the party, but not clear enough to know if he'd been drinking because he isn't allowed to date Lily Winters.

After her questioning Phyllis greeted Weber with the standard "what are you doing here" line as if she couldn't remember the night before Weber had accused her son of being behind the wheel and could very well face criminal charges. She did do the smart thing by refusing to let Daniel answer any of Weber's questions without a lawyer present.

Speak of the Devil and attorney Christine 'Bug' Blair usually appears as she did to squeal how law partner Michael Baldwin had informed her of the accident. Rather than place a phone call to see how her former lover's son was doing the Bug chose to make the one hour drive to the Newman Ponderosa on the off chance that Daniel would be there and not in the hospital.

Since it takes a slime to know a slime the Bug assumed Weber had been trying to grill Daniel without a lawyer present and there, on the spot, without asking if Phyllis needed a lawyer, declared herself to be representing Daniel.

Without knowing a single fact of the case, without speaking with her client to get his side of the story first so she'd know where Weber was coming from, the Bug gave the cop permission to grill away. Other than remembering that he was at the party Daniel said he couldn't remember anything. It was then the Bug woke up to stop the questioning because as she squeaked, "I haven't had a chance to talk to my client."

With a sigh, Weber stopped. But as to get even, as if to say he's a big bad ass cop, Weber announced that charges would be forthcoming later that day against Daniel based on an "over the limit" blood alcohol test. Furthermore, Weber declared again that Daniel was behind the wheel when there is not an iota of proof to support his contention. That the Prosecutor's Office would even look at the case much less file charges is stunning to say the least.

Adding insult to the injury Phyllis believed Weber's notion that Daniel will be charged with "aggravated driving under the influence."

"It's a felony," she said declared.

And, don't forget, Weber reminded her. If Cassie dies the charge will be bumped up to "vehicular homicide" which means if convicted, Daniel would face "prison time." Until that happens Weber instructed Daniel he better hope Cassie makes it.

Again waking up from her stupor, and right after Weber had Daniel crapping in his pants, the Bug said, "There's no need to intimidate my client."

On his way out the door Weber warned Daniel again. "Don't even think about leaving town." Worried, Daniel asked the Bug if what Weber had said was true. Could he really go to jail for a long time?

Oh, no, sweet boy. You've only be scared out of your mind for several weeks how you'd go to jail if Lily Winters finds out what your role was in her attempted Wreck Center rape a year ago. Hell, a little vehicular homicide charge is nothing compared to something which has probably exceeded the statute of limitations.

It's really sad how stupid these sheep are.

Promising to work her bugass off to prevent Daniel from going to prison the Bug cautioned both Phyllis and Daniel not to talk with anyone except her about the case. Odds makers in Vegas immediately placed their bets that one, if not both, will be blabbing to anyone who'll listen within 24 hours. As for informing his long-lost Pa, Daniel objected to informing Danny Romalotti about his situation. No reason to get the old rocker out of the dark hole he fell into something like a year ago when Danny's presence might be just the thing to save Daniel. The case might be thrown out of for lack of evidence when the Judge, noting Danny in the courtroom, stops the proceedings to say, "Hey! I remember you. You're Danny Romalotti. I've got a copy of your hit single. Case dismissed!"

The Replaceable Son

January 31, 2005

How many times has Daniel Romalotti asked who his real father is? Why is it that the very white teenager is, apparently, prepared to play the replacement son to a black man he's only known a few months?

This is not about race. This is about reality. The reality is that before playing daddy's boy to a black man a "normal" fatherless white kid would want to know whatever happened to his Pa. Okay, so Romalotti is not normal but let's pretend he is.

Let's further pretend that a normal white kid like Romalotti would at least throw a minor tantrum when told by his own mother he'll have to takeover the role of her former black boy toy's dead son. Romalotti might say, "I've already got a daddy. He's a rock star on a Canadian tour. Been gone for months, never called or sent email to me or anyone at Christmas or New Year's, but I know daddy is coming back so why would I want another father?"

Mommy might say, "Now, Daniel. You know Damon Porter really meant it when he said he wanted to be part of our lives. So why can't you play along? You know how much Damon likes you. You know that slime you call Pa ain't never coming back. Why not go along with this lame salt and pepper routine by replacing the child Damon lost? Can't you do that? If not for Damon, for me?"

Daniel won't stand his ground. He won't say, "If Danny isn't coming back to be my Pa why don't you tell me who my real father is? I know I've never asked about Brian Hamilton before. But since I've got to play the prodigal son shouldn't it be to my biological father? True, I've come to like Damon and had you married him I'd accept him as a step-dad, but why must I have a father-son relationship with him? Unlike so many kids who hate their step-dads, wouldn't it suffice if Damon and me were just friends?"

Daniel has said he knows how hard it is to lose a kid, although how he could possibly know this on a personal level remains to be seen. Moreover, for a kid who told his mother, "every child should be with his mom" shouldn't this also apply to his real father?

It is strange and sort of funny and understandable on the shallower Freudian pop-psychology level, the procreative reflex kicking in at a time of a perceived threat to the species. An automatic increased need for closeness and intimacy, a sudden craving for soft squishy things to bind people together and make them feel needed and necessary and happy and perfectly able to maneuver through life.

Of course there are many good and beautiful things about this need to bond. Of course there is nothing wrong with Romalotti and his mother hunkering down and getting all nesty after the truly staggering tragedy his mother has just been through.

But something seems to ring a little hollow. Something slightly false and disingenuous and a little too pat. If Porter sees himself as a real man so hopelessly not over the death of his son why not drop these honkies like a bad crack habit, find himself a sexy, black woman - the mother of his dead child if he's desperate - and have another child since, apparently, any replacement will take away the pain that only recently became a matter of life and death?

Maybe it's the sense that simply having a baby as a reaction to a death that happened nearly 9 years ago would be a cop-out, a distraction from the reality of what's really going on in Genoa City, a detour from facing the truth. Porter is getting his intellect dirty. Black men don't want white children. Period.

Or maybe it's just this: There is no good emotional or spiritual mechanisms to cope with death in this city. Except for the occasional claim of having prayed for a miracle only during times of crisis, when they want God to do something for them and not the other way around, there are no traditional rituals or sacred rites allowing these people to see that the death of a child does not necessarily mean they have to respond by getting a replacement child.

Likewise, a real kid, tagged as a replacement son, would say, "To hell with this. I want to know who my real father is and I'm not playing Uncle Tom's white boy. Not now. Not ever."

Oh, but that's too deep and psychobabbly. After all, these are all just honest folk who got a little scared and saw the world burning and decided they wanted to be parents and sons, ready or not, never mind that queasy feeling of wrongness.