News Archives - 2005
See also: Daniel Romalotti  Cassie Newman  Lily Winters

The Fugitive

Romalotti, Winters Detained in L.A.

July 11, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

Maybe Nick Newman doesn't know so much about the law as he claims. Maybe those who answered Phyllis Summers' repeated question as to what would happen to her son once he was caught don't either. For as many times as it was stated fugitive Daniel Romalotti would be extradited from California to Wisconsin it became apparent this week that is not to be the case.

Unlike Kevin Fisher who jumped bail, fled to Detroit and within hours of his capture was returned to Genoa City, Daniel and Lily Winters are being detained in Los Angeles despite Nick's contention that there's a "cold jail cell" waiting for Daniel presumably back home where Nick also said a jury will determine Daniel's fate.

Daniel's defense attorney, Christine 'Bug' Blair, was even nice enough to provide the name of a lawyer in Los Angeles to represent Lily when Neil Winters requested the Bug be of service to his daughter who had since reverted back to her lapdog passive self promising to do as she's told.

Reconnected to a phone she'd been ignoring prior to her daughter's bust an excited Dru Winters was pleased to hear Lily's voice and warned there will be hell to pay when she gets home. Then, the righteous God-fearing Christian she is, Dru thanked God that Lily is safe than began spewing her special brand of hate for Daniel. Thanks to the "punk", that "bad seed", Lily may go to jail. Nothing will please Dru more than to see Daniel get what's coming to him.

Dru's adopted puppy nearby, Devon Hamilton couldn't understand why on earth Lily would go to jail? Dru had the definitive answer: Police take things like aiding and abetting a fugitive from the law very "seriously".

Devon wasn't the only one confused. Told the police were coming to take him away Daniel flipped. Had somebody actually called the cops? Whatever the hell for? It's not like he jumped bail. It's not like the LAPD suspect he and Lily had something to do with the shooting death of a store clerk. It was so like the damn justice system to nitpick.

Within moments of promising she'd do as she's told Lily raced to the warmth of her man's arms only to be stopped by Neil and told Daniel is "off limits". But did Lily listen? Hell no! Pushing Neil away she ran to Daniel to ask how he felt to sustain a beating by Nick. Daniel was grateful. That nice "Mr. Newman" hadn't bashed in his pretty face. The boys at the jail would appreciate that.

Read their rights the suspects were hauled off to the city jail but not before Phyllis informed her son that not only had the Bug obtained a lawyer for Lily but one had been retained for Daniel too. In the meantime Daniel was to speak only with his mouthpiece. More importantly, Phyllis wanted Daniel to "hold on". Hold on? "Isn't that what moms say at baseball games?" Daniel asked, then, on second thought understood. It's what his mom says when her son gets arrested. It's what the boys at the jail will be telling the others when they get a load of girlie-boy.

Force of Habit, Stupidity, Runaway Teens Caught in Sandy Beach Trap!

July 8, 2005

The pain that the latest episode of The Fugitive epic inflicted on me is so severe today I had to take a double dose of morphine to numb it and the insanity. Here's why. Having returned to Malibu beach without being seen outside the door of musician Brendan Marshall's home, a home that was supposed to have been under police surveillance, fugitives Daniel Romalotti pondered their next move.

So low on money they took jobs as the Smoothie Twins, so desperate for cash they couldn't afford a long-distant call to Genoa City, so suspected by the LAPD of having killed a store clerk and therefore must be wanted for murder, the teens proposed they flee the country. That was Lily's brilliant idea until Daniel said he'd be going alone - to Mexico! What with the deficient border inspections there was no apparent doubt in Daniel's warped mind he'd be able to slip into the country without being noticed.

As for Lily it was Daniel's continued theory that she turn herself in while there's still a chance all charges against her will be dropped. That is until Lily reminded him she could be arrested for murder insomuch as both she and Daniel were seen leaving the scene of a crime. Daniel flicked off such preposterous nonsense. They didn't kill nobody and besides, the LAPD have "other leads".

That Daniel's brain, assuming he's got one, is warped was further evidenced by his declaration that Lily stay "positive". What the hell was wrong with her thinking they might be the only suspects? All the talk of parting company made Lily realize that once the umbilical cord between them is cut they wouldn't be able to see each other. She didn't, of course, take into consideration their sorry little asses would be seated next to each other in a court of law because it's a given Lily will be exonerated. Daniel did, did he not, brainwash her?

And like he's done on at least one previous occasion when Lily has refused to leave, Daniel said, well, that's that. He ain't going anywhere either only to have Lily say, "You can't do that."

So what was it? Inquiring minds wanted to know. If they can't be together and they can't be apart what will they do? Only one thing, really. Call Malfunction Winters! Check to see what progress the Genoa City Police have made in this tragic excuse for drama. Oops. Daniel said they can't do that. The moment Lily makes the call the police will swarm in on them like flies on a dead horse. Besides, if Lily calls again from the cafe at which they were once employed for a day she'd be spotted by the manager. Can't have that.

So what then? Only one thing, really. Stop a passing surfer dude and ask to borrow his cellphone! Don't all surfers carry phones? Of course they do! And don't all surfers willingly agree to let strangers use their phones for a fee? Of course they do! This is California. The land of sand of sun and loving people just waiting to go out of their way to be kind to strange people.

What were the odds that when Lily reached Malfunction he was in a heated discussion with GCPD detective Hank Weber? What was the amazement to learn "things are in motion" and that Weber has finally gotten off his ass when it became clear the runaway children weren't going to turn themselves in? What was the point of Lily calling to say she had no intention of turning herself in and then for Daniel to say she could call the LAPD from the payphone near the cafe which was less likely to be swarmed over by the LAPD in that Lily was going to turn herself in anyway?

Forgetting about the conflicting statements and the happy to be of help surfers and trusting souls that prowl the beaches of California for a moment, the action going on back in Genoa City had a greater laugh quotient. There, in the law office of Baldwin & Blair, Hank had been summoned so as to be asked if it would be okay for defective private dick Paul 'Clueless' Williams to go over the evidence that without a doubt proves Daniel killed Cassie Newman.

Weber was taken aback. How dare anyone question his ability? His people had already gone over the evidence with a fine tooth comb. The one Hank uses on his teeth to keep the dog hair free of cooties. Clueless insisted it was of the utmost importance he be allowed to see the vehicle Daniel was "supposedly" driving that fateful night because a crack CSI squad would have surely "overlooked" the obvious. Again Hank balked. Didn't Clueless know the car was totaled and impounded since the day of crash? Didn't the dick know it was a waste of time to comb a car "that has been gone over to the extent justified by other factors in the case"?

"What the hell does that mumbo-jumbo mean?" Clueless did not ask, because, frankly, Clueless is an idiot. Like he always does Hank had the perfect comeback. Damn those criminal defenders. Always looking for something to get their clients off the hook. But, okay. Look at the damn car if you want but only after Daniel is in custody.

Back in Los Angeles the man hunters were at a fork in the road. The store clerk shooting meant Daniel is now armed and dangerous and wasn't that what Nick Newman had said all along? Seizing the opportunity Phyllis Summers got in another my son is "not dangerous" snit allowing Neil Winters to say there can be no doubt Daniel has become "quite erratic" and for Nick to say for the umpteenth time Daniel must "pay" for his evil ways especially since Daniel is an "underage drunk" unlike Neil who was once a falling down drunk and to this day a recovering alcoholic.

Then the stunning call came in for Neil. His half-wit brother reported that something in the way Lily had said goodbye was reason to believe the kids were on the run again. And again, as they've said so many times, the hunters vowed to get them before the cops do.

So where did the hunters go? Where was the most logical place two teenagers would return knowing damn well their cover had been blown? The very same beach near the very same cafe. A place where Nick wanted to take time out to have breakfast. And lo, but what Daniel didn't spot Neil spotting Lily and Neil immediately jumped on his phone to spread the good news that Lily is safe and sound. Damn, what a time to get voicemail. Dru Winters, said to be so concerned for her daughter's welfare, had turned her phone off.

That this was already some predicament indeed Neil exacerbated it by asking Malfunction whether he should call Dru! Maybe it was all the confusion or the booze that had rotted his brain cells. For whatever reason Neil tried to cover his blunder by saying he'd rather tell Dru in person so he could "hear her voice" as if trying to get her on the phone at some later time wouldn't be the same.

Weird does not justify Malfunction's next statement. In an effort to defuse an already complicated situation he's going to leave town! He won't be around to welcome his daughter/niece back to safety after being so concerned about Lily's wellbeing.

Surprise, surprise! Nick and Phyllis were shocked to see Daniel had returned to the scene too. Shouting for him to run as fast as his skinny legs would carry him Phyllis watched in horror as old Nick easily caught the young stud and pounded him into submission.

And so, as expected, thanks to Romalotti's and Winters' own stupidity, The Fugitive (The LA Connection) came to a mind-bending conclusion. Now it's on to phase three. The Criminal Justice System.

Rotten to the Core

July 7, 2005

Let it begin now. Let it start with a clueless detective telling those who care he may have a way to prove Daniel Romalotti's innocence and evolve into full-fledged annoyance and then move into raging hell-bent okay that's quite enough now please stop before we slap you silly.

Note to Paul Williams: You are maxed out. You cannot come into the game at this late date and solve what those more powerful than you should have solved long ago but were too busy doing nothing. You are but an itchy boil on the deranged ass of Genoa City in need of lancing.

The signs are all in place. The crazy cheering, the jumping up and down, the crazed grins, the enormous piles of legal resources in a justice system that dares declare criminal suspects felons long before said suspects have been adjudicated as such by a court of law.

Clueless, whose only claim in The Fugitive epic so far was to illegally check for activity on Romalotti's credit card, and his former wife are now fully prepared to help Phyllis Summers despite that not so long ago they both hated her guts and were nearly killed by the murdering bitch when she tried running them down with a Ford Taurus.

C'mon, Clueless. Reveal your true lizard identity. Tell the populace there is no freaking way you can be operating an alarm company on the side. Admit that if your alarm systems were all the rage the local sperm lab would have had one the night Jack Abbott and Nikki Newman got in and out without being seen.

Talk about nightmares. If Daniel thinks he's having them he ain't seen nothing yet. He hasn't seen a PI stumble and bumble his way around and take credit for work others do for him like when puppy-dog Lynne 'Yes-Boss' Bassett searched through hours and hours of videotapes to find Diane Jenkins buying turpentine at a hardware store. He hasn't heard his lawyer, the Bug, say she can't prove the boy she loves like a son is innocent.

Yes, Clueless is getting weirder, more annoying than ever. Following men into saunas and telling them it's his job to help those who have openly confessed to be working members of the local syndicate. Telling them it's his duty to suddenly want the small time hoods taken off the street when he hasn't given a rip about crime in this city since Kevin Fisher was its most "dangerous" man.

We've known for some time that Clueless is deeply weird and never much of a deep thinker and wasn't all that articulate when he tried rescuing Christine 'Bug' Blair from the evil MariJo Mason and what a joke that was. No one really paid much attention back them because, well, nobody really cared whether the Bug lived or died and a poll taken at the time overwhelming favored death.

There are reports Clueless will inspect the vehicle Romalotti was thought to be operating the night of Cassie Newman's death, but we're betting he won't check for DNA evidence. He will, somehow, discern that seatbelt-less Daniel was in the backseat and thrown clear of the vehicle when it wrecked. Clueless will not interview anyone at the park that night who might testify Cassie was driving because in a stunning re-writing of history the Bug claims to have already done this. Yet, for all the time wasted, the Bug said as of Thursday she doesn't have enough information upon which to build a defense.

Isn't this the way? Totally silly? But somehow, in an age of commonplace deceptions, weirdly believable? Isn't it predicable that when Daniel is cleared of all charges and the cops say oh, it's okay that he jumped bail, think nothing of it, Phyllis and her son will praise Clueless and the Bug and thank God what would they have done without crusaders. Which is not to say Daniel has bothered to pray for divine intervention. His mother is doing all the praying for them. She said so herself this week when the subject of prayer came up inside the home of musician Brendan Marshall. Only Phyllis is praying to the wrong god. She's asking Satan not to let anyone find the stash of cash and a plane ticket to Genoa City in her purse.

And did we mention that right then Daniel and his counterpart Lily Winters were outside listening at the door? Did we mention that the cops had supposedly staked the place out since the fugitives were expected at any moment yet did not see them wander onto the property? Did we mention that when Lily and Daniel are not charged for failing to render aid to a shooting victim - the latest crime they're suspected of - they'll eventually return to Genoa City where Lily will be forgiven her trespasses and maybe given a new SUV to replace the one she ditched east of St. Louis? Will Daniel and Lily go on to get married and have lots of babies or will Lily need to have her brain washed again this time with Holy water to counter the effects of the Drano Daniel used on it? Just a thought. Lily is, after all, an impressionable kid.

Should we be worried? Should anyone care? Should it at all matter beyond shaking our heads and laughing it all off as within a matter of months Lily and/or Daniel will get themselves into another mess? Were we not warned? Did we not notice the man hunters say again they need to find the teens before the cops do? Why then did they bother calling the cops? So Nick Newman could thump his chest and say what a control freak he is?

Remember, won't you, the savage message this case is supposed to be sending? The public service announcements coming out of the blue and slapping our faces with blood-drenched versions of How Could This Happen to Me? How terrible and wrong it is to drink and drive but damn, not a mention about how nothing is done to drunk drivers who are arrested multiple times for DUI and then slapped with 5-years probation when they are eventually convicted of manslaughter. A small price to pay, really. Their victims dead forever the drunks must merely wait a few years to regain total freedom and often go back to their drinking and driving ways long before that.

Call it spiritual enlightenment. Rich kids caught up in pseudo-religious events can be dangerous indeed, if for no other reason than they annoy the living hell out of us with their leave the praying to others agenda.

It just feels like Clueless and the man hunters are gearing up for something shocking, doesn't it? Like it's no longer about the cute kids from creepy Wisconsin, but now it will be the evil drunks who ruin innocent lives and cause glazed-eyed women like Sharon Newman to act out like chipmunks who've lost their nuts. Her poor, dinkwad, husband only calls to ask how their all-star baseball playing, but too weak to swim in a pool, son is doing and so sorry, daddy can't come home because he's got to capture the "punk" who killed his adopted daughter as a means to makeup for not giving a crap about the biological son who died at birth.

It feels like this is all some sort of bizarre precursor to, say, 2020, when a rebelling Noah Newman blames his parents for not having taught him to swim and had he known might have saved his friend who didn't know how to swim either because they were both too stupid to know swimming is not something that must be taught.

So anyway. Please, Clueless. Before you get any weirder, would you maybe consider telling us again how it came to be that Andy Richards gave your alarm and detecting business back within weeks of you having sold it to him? Where did you say Andy went? Away with Diane Jenkins and the Abbott kid? Would you please explain how you operate said alarm company with just one part-time employee? Is it too late to ask? Are your systems really just those battery operated gizmos people put on their doors and windows and if we all buy one or two will you go away and leave us alone? Will you maybe go visit the son you claimed was the apple of your eye and dumped before he could walk because you are so rotten to the core? Damn, didn't think so.

Gunshots Delay Fugitives Getaway

July 6, 2005

That fugitives Daniel Romalotti and Lily Winters have a few screws loose was never more apparent than on Wednesday when the two dorks admitted they've known where musician Brendan Marshall lives all along! So why didn't they go directly to Marshall's home instead of repeatedly calling him? Because, as Daniel stated earlier, Marshall was probably on tour. But that all changed when Daniel announced he's tired of running now that the very dead Cassie Newman has spoken to him from beyond the great divide.

Yes, Daniel remembers now that he was "in the back seat" of the vehicle Cassie was driving on the night of her death. Yes, both passengers were ejected from the vehicle which just goes to show Detroit ain't building them like they used to. Regardless of these new revelations Daniel he couldn't quite understand how Cassie could have been driving because, "She wasn't old enough to drive."

The more Daniel thinks about it the more confused he gets. Is his mind playing tricks on him? Is that why he's been having nightmares each night since the accident yet seems perfectly normal during his waking hours? And just who in hell is editing those nightmares? Whoever is doing it has yet to show his hands on the sterling wheel. Until he sees this with his own eyeballs Daniel will never know for sure. Unless, that is, he couldn't reach the wheel from the back seat. Yeah, that's the ticket. Cassie had to be driving. Neither of them were wearing seatbelts which explains why they both got tossed from the vehicle.

Thrilled to death that Daniel had come to his senses Lily gathered Cassie was trying to tell him as much that night she walked right out of the God Have Mercy Medical Center and stumbled into the Newman Jitter Joint. Thank God they can go home now as if nothing happened. Back in Genoa City Daniel can get the help he needs to further figure out how to convince his persecutors to take the word of a dead person that he didn't do it.

Further complicating matters, however, was how to get home. Having wasted all their quarters on fruitless calls to Marshall's home, and with only a few hours under their belts as the Smoothie twins, they hadn't earned enough to cover the cost of a long-distance call. As for making a collect call from the many pay phones on the street forget about it. They needed to use one inside a store just about to close for the night and one less likely to be used by drug dealers and pimps.

How lucky the teens were to find just such a store. A quick call to Lily's father/uncle and bam! They'd be home in no time. Following an explanation of current events Malfunction Winters agreed to contact Daniel's lawyer. As for sending the kids money Malfunction was told they didn't need any. It therefore made sense for Malfunction to instruct the wanted ones to go directly to Marshall's home since it was obvious they knew the address. Additionally, Lily's father would be there waiting.

Waiting Neil Winters was. Why was that? To hear Neil tell it he and fellow man hunters Phyllis Summers and Nick Newman fully expected the kids to show up there "at any moment." Neil even told officers of the LAPD who had returned once again to Marshall's home to say a warrant had been issued for Lily's arrest. The charge? Aiding and abetting a "felon" who has yet to be found guilty of anything.

Par for the course, Neil had to rant that his precious daughter was brain washed, and Phyllis raved that her son is just the sweetest boy even a guy like J.T. Hellstrom could love.

It was then fickle fate stepped in to hook its crooked finger around the murkiness that has been dragged through the mud so many times it's hard to tell anymore where it began or where it will end. Gun shots rang out, the store clerk went down and Lily let out a blood curdling, foiled again scream.

Drama Series Goes Candid

By Brent Kellogg
July 5, 2005

I'm sorry, no, really. I am. I'm sorry for revealing details in The Fugitive saga that haven't happened yet. But when word came into the GCNews I couldn't help myself. I shuddered. I smashed my head with a brick. So if you find the plight of Daniel Romalotti and Lily Winters of any redeeming social value you may not want to read beyond this paragraph.

Detective Paul 'Clueless' Williams wants to inspect the vehicle thought to have been driven by Cassie Newman on the night of her fateful death. How many weeks has it been? At least 10. The accident happened on May 2. As far as anyone knows the vehicle was never checked for DNA evidence. Had it been there would be conclusive proof Cassie was behind the wheel. While a warrant was issued for Daniel's arrest, and the teen charged with vehicular homicide, his lawyer never asked to see the evidence used by some sleepy judge as a basis for the warrant.

That the City Prosecutor took as face value police detective Hank Weber's assertion Daniel is guilty just because Weber said so further reduced this case to a Kevin Fisher/Cameron Kirsten-grade level of absurdity. No substantial evidence? No questioning of witnesses at the scene? No problem. They'll make it up as they go along. It's happened before. Weber did it in the who fried stripper Brittany Hodges case. He returned to the strip club weeks later and found bags of tainted evidence. This is, apparently, similar to what Clueless will do. This is, without a doubt, why criminal investigations in Genoa City are such a joke. It's why Weber can sit on his ass waiting for a homicide suspect and a runaway to turn themselves in.

It is further proof that Daniel and Lily can go to Los Angeles and get jobs without filling out employment applications or have their backgrounds checked. It's why parents can easily find the exact spot on the beach where their wanted ones are when, that is, Lily isn't sightseeing. It's why Daniel and Lily will soon wonder how Phyllis Summers managed to find them and lo but what Daniel's memory is coming back. He can see in his dreams who was really driving the car that night and Lily will probably personally deliver this information to her father/uncle so that Malfunction Winters can tell Daniel's attorney.

Out of some sick loyalty to the man she worries day and night will do evil things to her son, Phyllis will tell man hunter Nick Newman where she last saw Daniel so that Nick can chase Daniel down a sandy beach while hurling fiery balls of "punk" and "bad seed" and you're going to "pay" at him.

Except for the actual chain of events it's a given. It's a good bet Clueless will break the case wide open when he finds valuable evidence overlooked by the cops because the cops didn't look. It's Nick not getting his revenge because, damn, Daniel's innocent and ain't that a bitch? It's Nick returning home to learn his slutty wife is trying to get into Brad Carlton's pants and a cushy job for Brad at Newman Enterprises. It's Nick and Sharon Newman's marriage falling apart for the umpteenth time as Victor and Nikki Newman fret over what is to become of the diaper-wearing adults.

It's Lily avoiding all culpability. Running away, putting her family through hell. Aiding and abetting a fugitive isn't a crime when it's committed by a child of the elite. Lily was, after all, vulnerable at the time. She was distraught, brainwashed. She'd fallen in love overnight with a long hair white boy. Bad girl, Lily. Go to your room.

What a deep and pathetic shameful message this is to the millions of other teens on the run and thinking about going on the run. Let this be a lesson. You can run but you can't hide. Somewhere, somehow, when you least expect it, someone will say, smile. You're on Genoa City's candid camera!

In Strangers We Trust

July 5, 2005

It's pretty much a foregone conclusion as to how The Fugitive (The LA Connection) will wrap up so there's no point beating a dead horse. But for as lame as they are the events Tuesday were good for a few laughs.

As the burnt out stars of the show huddled around a fire on the beach they wondered how Phyllis Summers could have tracked them all the way to California. It wasn't like they'd left glaring clues all over the place. Daniel Romalotti didn't call his father's musician friend and Brendan Marshall didn't call Danny Romalotti and Danny didn't call Phyllis. But wait! That's exactly what happened. Daniel said so himself. Told his runaway sidekick, Lily Winters, as much as if he knew all along they'd be found.

The questions Lily had were many. Did Phyllis come alone? Will she turn her own son into the cops? Will Phyllis help them escape the long arm of the law? Are the cops waiting for Phyllis to solve the case so they won't have to? Gosh, Lily never thought about the last part. Maybe next time she'll think long and hard before going on the lam. It does get complicated. Alas, what's done is done so they might as well stick to their original, albeit it slightly modified, plan.

They'll keep working under the table at the beach cafe until they've saved enough money so they both can afford to go home. Before they could elaborate the potential masterminds for the Genoa City Mob were interrupted when a trusting Los Angeles soul walked up and asked if they'd mind watching his stuff including the radio. Lily and Daniel were more than happy to. It's not often total strangers get asked to be so trusting.

It just so happened the radio was blaring. It was dedication night on KLAX. Teenybopper 'Tyler' wanted to send the next song out to Jana who, sadly, had been the victim of a drunk driver. In the million to one chance she was listening Tyler wanted Jana to know her friends and family are pulling for her. Like, you know, they wouldn't otherwise be. What a coincidence it was too that instead of the Shirelles, or the Mamas and Papas, singing Dedicated to the One I Love, the hip group Simple Plan sang How Could This Happen to Me which was so awe inspiring as to cause Daniel to hear the very dead Cassie Newman speaking to him as she flew overhead dressed in Guardian Angel garb.

And what was it that Cassie apparently told Daniel in passing? Why, of course. He wasn't driving the car that night she died. Cassie was!

So there you go. You knew this way back on May 2. You knew then a convoluted, easy to solve auto accident would drag on and on throughout the Summer. But did you know it would all come down to Cassie speaking from beyond the grave? That she would be protecting her brother from the evils of swimming in the Abbott pool? That Daniel might now be able to go to the police and tell them he's innocent because Cassie said so? Hey! Don't laugh. Stranger things have happened. Trust us.

Runaways for Hire

July 1, 2005

After another day away from what is Genoa City's version of The Fugitive it was easier on Friday getting back into it without my stomach going into convulsions and as usual good for a few laughs.

Still in Los Angeles man hunter Nick Newman phoned home to check up on his lonely wife. Told by the little woman he's missed, that he missed his son's All-star baseball game and Jesus, would he please stop acting like Tommy Lee Jones and come home before she sleeps with another man, Nick said he's too close now to capturing Daniel Romalotti. The teenager wanted in connection with the death of his daughter is "somewhere" in the vast county of Los Angeles and by all that is Holy Nick is going to find the punk.

But Sharon Newman had a better idea. Why not let the cops handle it? Certainly resources of the LAPD are much more skilled than those of the Newman empire in situations like this. Nick agreed, but said he's determined to see this through to the end regardless of what it might do to his family. Besides, as Nick would say for the umpteenth time, Daniel must "pay" for what he's done.

Meanwhile Phyllis Summers was shocked when the LAPD showed up at her hotel room. Hadn't Nick promised the police were not to get involved? Hadn't he given his word as a gentlemen to musician Brendan Marshall? So why were the cops there? Why hadn't Nick told anyone?

"I don't clear my decisions with you," Nick snarled, as he gave the cops photographs of the wanted teens Romalotti and Lily Winters. Noting that they'd confirmed Nick's story with GCPD detective Hank Weber, but that Weber hadn't FAXed them a copy of the arrest warrant or photos, the cops said they'd make a copy of the documents and presumably let Nick know when they get their man.

And because she hasn't been arrested enough times in her life, hasn't been told by Nick repeatedly what will happen when her son is caught, Phyllis asked the cops what they'll do when they catch Daniel and was told again that suspects like Daniel are taken into custody and returned to Wisconsin to, um, face the music.

Phyllis pleaded with the cops not to hurt her precious son. Don't beat the poor boy within an inch of his life of ram a nightstick up his butt. Daniel is a good boy. The cops gone Phyllis asked Nick why he'd lied about calling the cops only to learn that rocks for a brain Sharon had told him to! Phyllis did not burst out laughing. She did not say Nick better get his ass back home before Sharon starts screwing the stable boy again.

Learning for the first time too, that Nick has brought the cops into this mess, Neil Winters didn't mind so long as the capture of that bad seed results in locating his on the run daughter, Lily, preferably not in Romalotti's company. Having Lily associated with anything criminal just wouldn't do. Might ruin Lily's life don't you know. Nick said no, he didn't know. He hadn't been thinking about what capturing Daniel would do to anyone else to which Neil hacked it was perfectly understandable in that "what's done is done."

The bizarre cat and mouse game shifted again to the seashore where Daniel and Lily were nibbling on another fancy meal. As she stuffed her face a bored Lily wondered how they might spend the day. Could they maybe go sightseeing? She's always wanted to see Tom Cruise's hand and foot prints on Hollywood Boulevard.

Daniel's sheepish reply made him sound intelligent by comparison. Had Lily forgotten it was her idea to get a job so they could earn money to pay for her ticket home? Lily got pissed. Why did Daniel have to keep harping about it? It's not like they're running out of money. Can't they work and sightsee too?

Why, sure they could. In fact, the soap gods willing, there might be an opening at some Tasty Freeze right on the beach. If they played their cards right not only would they get paid but free meals too. Wasn't that just the damnedest thing they ever did think of? All it took was a request of the Tasty manager who just happened to be looking for two kids willing to do anything and who wouldn't waste time filling out employment applications or W-4 forms or get checked for rabies.

A split second later the teens were on the job as Strawberry and Banana Smoothie pushing drinks on the beach at a discount. Oh, what fun it was until what were the odds, Phyllis appeared at that moment in time in that place to ask if the Smoothie twins had seen two runaways. Nope. Never seen them before, the Smoothies said rushing off with their designer jeans flapping in the breeze. And, as always, leaving observers laughing their collective ass off and asking God to please, make it stop!

Runaways Will Work for Bus Fare

June 29, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

It was another one of those days when covering Genoa City's version of The Fugitive made my stomach turn. We may never know why the mere mention of cops makes musician Brendan Marshall so paranoid. Is he a drug dealer? Growing pot in the backyard? Stupid? Yes, stupid, for Brendan spit out today that his pal, washed up rock star Danny Romalotti, told him Nick Newman is "nothing but trouble." Yet despite this knowledge, despite he has something to hide, Brendan allowed Newman and the man hunters into his home going so far as to allow Neil Winters access to the messages on his answering machine even after ordering the pack of neurotics to leave.

Brendan changed his mind, however, when Phyllis Summers said they're desperate to find the runaways and Neil assured Brendan that while they'd lied about calling the cops they didn't really call the cops. Additionally, Brendan caved when the hunters promised to be good. The freaks can stay for as long as they want so long as there won't be any cops poking around. Neil and Phyllis agreed, but Nick, always the ranging ass, sneered, "Got something to hide?"

A prudent person would have right then slapped Nick silly. But not Brendan. He listened intently as Nick went on to sputter he has no intention of just waiting for fugitive Daniel Romalotti to show up when that had been the whole point of their going to Brendan's pod. It occurred to Brendan then that the teens might have become infatuated with the Pacific Ocean inasmuch as they're land-locked Genoaians. Don't all kids on the lam take time out to stroll up and down the beach? Why not check it out, Brendan suggested. Phyllis thought it was a marvelous idea. Nick too! Neil would stay at the pod just in case.

As it just so coincidentally happened the first place Nick and Phyllis stopped at was a little cafe on the beach where wonder of wonders an employee recognized a photo of Daniel's brain washed companion. Lily Winters had been there earlier with a guy who had since had his hair cut. Inquisitive as always Nick asked if the teens hadn't struck up a conversation with total strangers and maybe told them they're running from the law and where they're going. Told no, Nick was about to alert Neil when Phyllis told him to go home to his wife and family.

Nick turned up the rage. If only Phyllis would stop telling him what to do! If only he'd stop saying how Daniel will "pay" for what he's done and Phyllis would stop saying she's worried what Nick will do when he sees Daniel they might actually make some headway in this lame saga. But no, for those yet to experience the joy of hearing people say and do the same things over and over, Nick said it again. "All I want is for Daniel to pay for what he's done."

Meanwhile on the beach where all good runaways congregate Daniel and Lily were gathering stones for a fireplace. If nothing else, California beaches have plenty of stones. And firewood too! No boy scout he, Daniel was unable to get the fire lit without Lily's help who again suggested they contact Brendan. After all the messages they'd already left something in Daniel's warped mind snapped.

"He's a rocker. He could be on tour," Daniel said of Brendan and then, in a shuddering, colon clenching way, added they could try calling again in the morning. This what you mean 'we' paleface remark caused Lily to pause. Had Daniel forgotten he was ditching her? Not at all. Daniel said he alone would be calling Brendan because Lily will be on her way home. Her mission accomplished, her work done, there's no reason to go on ruining her life when she can go back home as if nothing has happened. This neurotic statement caused the voices in Daniel's thick head to speak out. Damn, he's responsible for Cassie Newman's death. Damn, he'll be facing "the music" (Nick's) and thus will need to call Lily's parents so they can send money for her ticket home.

Oops! That won't work. It'll be a dead giveaway as to where they are. Hell, the cops will have the general delivery window at the post office staked out. Only one thing to do then.

They'll get jobs and save their money for Lily's ticket! Jesus with a savings account at Wells Fargo Bank! If they're lucky they can find an employer willing to pay them under the table so as not to wait two weeks for the first paycheck. Isn't that how illegal aliens do it? And if nothing else, aren't Lily and Daniel about as illegal as it gets?

Milking the Dog

June 28, 2005

That the fugitive saga will drag on throughout the Summer was further evidenced on Tuesday when man hunters Nick Newman, Phyllis Summers and Neil Winters made contact with musician Brendan Marshall who called the trio within moments of his arrival at LAX. Like flies on a dead horse the band of misfits swarmed over Marshall's pod again but not before more bickering among themselves.

Like an 8-track tape on endless loop Nick bitched at Phyllis. Why can't she admit her son killed an innocent child? Why can't she grasp the fact that he intends to make Daniel "pay" for his dastardly deeds? Why can't Neil understand that dead Cassie Newman will never grow up to know what being in love is all about?

Oh, but Neil does understand. He knows that if it weren't for that bad seed Daniel his daughter wouldn't be in the mess she's in. Lily Winters was taken on the run against her will. That bastard spawn Daniel "brain washed" Lily just like Kevin Fisher did.

Because there can't be two intelligent words uttered between these half-baked neurotics Phyllis had to ask again what Nick intends to do should they find Daniel at Brendan's. His flat head bobbing back and force Neil hacked, "she's got a point" as Nick repeated what he's said at least a hundred times so far. "He'll get a police escort back to Genoa City to stand charges. This is the end for Daniel."

In the event Neil couldn't comprehend what this meant Nick asked if he was in agreement and that said, asked Phyllis if she planned to go with them to Brendan's pod. Like, Duh. She wouldn't want to after all the fuss and phone calls and general belly aching?

At the pod Brendan was amazed. Danny Romalotti has told him what a hot babe Phyllis is, but damn. He had no idea a woman in her 40s could look so good for her age. Either that or Brendan had been hanging with the groupies much too much.

Asked what he knows about the fugitive Brendan balked. Jesus! He'd just got home. Give him a chance to check his messages. It's not like this was a matter of such urgency Brendan had called the hunters from the airport. Pressed, however, to say where the teens are, Brendan's lack of pertinent information sent Nick into a rage that had to be broken up by Phyllis who cooed these immortal words.

"Give him a break. He just lost his daughter."

Well, hell! That explains it then. That's reason enough for Brendan to get on his knees before the great Nick Newman and kowtow to his dictatorial demands. Yes Sir, Mr. Newman, Sir. Make yourself right at home. Barge right in here and order me around why don't you?

Later, at a dead end, Neil and Nick, without consulting Phyllis, announced their decision to call the police and in fact had already done so.

Meanwhile, at a nondescript beachfront restaurant, the wanted ones were spending their few remaining dollars on food for their empty bellies when Daniel got it into his head that Lily will ruin her life if she keeps hanging around with him. That Lily is not already guilty of aiding and abetting a fugitive won't matter much given Lily is a minor and Wisconsin law dictates underage teens should not be punished for their illegal acts. A few slaps on the wrist will be Lily's payment to a society where kids get, as Nick Newman will undoubtedly say once Daniel is absolved of his perceived wrong-doings, away with murder - if that. Most likely Lily will be rewarded for her part in the spree with a new SUV should the one she ditched outside Genoa City not be recovered.

Daniel warned Lily that failure to go back home would result in his having to call her parents. But Lily, so overpowering Daniel asks how high when she says jump, will easily talk Daniel out of such nonsense. Besides, with the money running out, how will they eat? How will they keep shoving quarters into those payphones? Only one way, really. Get themselves jobs! Jobs at the same establishment like maybe a cafe where they won't be recognized because they'll be wearing disguises probably purchased at some sleazy tattoo parlor.

See it coming? We know this. It is written. Cheesy props shall not be wasted. Tired old lines dreamt up for Phyllis to chant like a mantra as she continues leading Nick directly to Daniel shall be milked for all they're worth.

California Dreaming, the LA Connection

June 27, 2005

Thank God I haven't had to report on the fugitives for a few days and was about to skip another when I got to thinking. How close is this Los Angeles musician (Brendon Marshall) to endlessly touring in Europe washed up rocker Danny Romalotti? Tight enough Danny would want Brendon playing in his band? No. Close enough Brendon would call Danny long-distance to say his "son" had "tried" to contact him? Yes. Could it be Brendon is the reason Danny stays away from Genoa City for years on end? Might it be that Danny, with no new recorded music in a decade, isn't really on tour all that much but rather spends most of his time in Brendon's bed? Where is this Brendon guy and why can't anyone reach him?

We'll probably never know just like we won't know why Daniel tried calling Brendon. What good could it have done? Did Daniel think Brendon would harbor two teenage runaways? If Daniel needed to speak with Danny why didn't he call him? Didn't Daniel say he knows Danny's schedule? His mother said he did.

Be this as loony as it is, the reality, if it can be called that, is that Phyllis Summers and Nick Newman have assumed that because Brendon lives in Los Angeles and that Daniel and Lily Winters purchased two bus tickets to where, they didn't know, the prudent thing would be to get to smog city fast. And because money is no object the man hunters checked into a hotel room where Phyllis, her cellphone battery still charged up, was calling Brendon unsuccessfully when Neil Winters suggested they stop wasting time on the phone when all along Phyllis had Brendon's address. So how did Johnny-Come-Lately Neil know where Phyllis and Nick were? Easy.

Neil said he was on his way to St. Louis when Nick's daddy called to say Nick had scheduled a trip to California. Armed with this information Neil called the Newman jet where pilot Wally Ramjet apparently confirmed the plane's destination. Nick didn't dispute this for if he had it wouldn't have mattered as Neil said himself, "It doesn't matter how I got here." The point being that since Neil was there they might as well get on with the search.

Wanting to be the one to get his paws on Daniel first Nick nevertheless made a deal somewhere east of St. Louis whereby Phyllis got to tag along with him. Yet when they'd settled into Los Angeles it occurred to Nick that Phyllis might be lying to him about the musician. Phyllis assured Nick she'd never lie. Still, Nick said until Daniel is found, "I'm keeping my eye on you."

It dawned on Neil that Phyllis hadn't checked in with his wife concerning her every move - and knowing damn well Dru Winters would kill "bad seed" Daniel with her own hands if she could - as she was expected to do. Before Phyllis could ask why Neil hadn't brought the bitch along with him Nick interjected to say Phyllis can't be trusted which is, of course, why they aren't right now in Mexico. Because Phyllis is a lying sack of horse manure they're in California following the only hot tip to the teens whereabouts since Kevin Fisher tracked the kids down in Illinois.

Maybe Neil's refereeing the two boneheads was a good thing for if he hadn't suggested they go to the musician's address they'd still be sitting in a hotel room arguing. Even though Neil said they could wait at Brendon's home for the teens to show up it wasn't long before they were back at the hotel. As Neil told the story they went to the address, the housekeeper said nobody was home, so they left. Now Neil couldn't help but wonder if what the housekeeper had told them was the truth and Nick assumed she'd been tipped off by Phyllis. Phyllis was stunned. How could Nick say that when she hadn't been out of his sight?

"Beats me," Nick sneered, adding he wouldn't put anything past Phyllis.

Just because there can't be more than two words of intelligent dialog anywhere in this entire saga Neil then asked Phyllis where she thought the musician could be.

"He could be anywhere," Phyllis said.

Sitting in the back of a turnip truck meantime Daniel was dreaming about the dearly departed Cassie Newman when the truck stopped. Getting out, Lily looked around. Did Daniel know where they were? Daniel, having never spent a day in California, said nothing looked familiar. Thinking they should contact the musician Lily called from a pay phone. Brendon wasn't home so Lily left a message of some sort which to the imagination must have been a whopper.

"Hello? Brendon? You don't know me. I'm Daniel's girl and we're on the run. We don't know where we are, but could you come get us or at least call this pay phone number back? If nobody answers right away let it ring. Daniel and me will be walking on the beach. 'Kay?"

As it turned out there was plenty of time to watch the surfer dudes frolic in the water and build a sand castle while they waited for the phone to ring. It didn't. Or if it did, they didn't hear it.

Join us next time on The Fugitive when we learn whether a hungry Lily and Daniel go searching for sand crabs, whether Daniel is carrying around a photo of Cassie in his backpack or whether he will whisper in Lily's ear that they are the lovers and dreamers as alluded to in a song made famous by a frog and a pig.

California on High Alert!
Los Angeles Residents be Very Afraid

June 22, 2005

After a day off from watching Genoa City's version of The Fugitive I was halfway expecting just the slightest hint of credibility when I tuned in again today. Sadly, I was disappointed. There were a few laughs, however.

Laugh #1 came from the always bound to be something hilarious happening Athletic Supporter Club where Victor and Nikki Newman were discussing their halfwit son, Nick. For the umpteenth time Victor reminded his wife that Nick is out looking for Daniel Romalotti and it really disturbs the great man that Nick might do something "he'll regret for the rest of his life."

For her part Nikki was confused. How on earth could Nick track anyone down? It's not like just a year ago when superman Nick, not counting his rocks for brain wife, single-handedly captured Cameron Kirsten. Victor remarked their son was pulling off another miraculous feat thanks in part to the vast "resources" available to the Newman Empire. Still, worried as he was, Victor said he fully understood why Nick is doing what he does. This in turn made Nikki say she understands too although she hopes Nick "doesn't take the law into his own hands."

Victor's muttering how he warned Nick about such things convinced Nikki that if Nick had washed behind his ears that day he might have heard his father and thus wouldn't have gone out chasing that kid. Victor said again he can't fault Nick because if the situation was reversed he'd be doing the same thing.

Nikki knew this. She's well aware Nick gets his "passion and determination" from daddy. Nick is, after all, his father's son. The more Nikki thought about it the more she remembered their daughter has those same traits in that Victoria is her father's daughter. Moreover, Abby Newman-Carlton will "probably get them too" except that age 7 is way too early for genes to kick in where Abby is concerned. Bottom line: the Neanderthal idiocy that make up the entire Newman family is in Victor's genes.

Laugh #2 came when Neil Winters interrupted to say he needs time off from running the empire to find his daughter, who, in the event Victor didn't know, is on the run with Romalotti. Neil couldn't stress enough that he wouldn't be asking for time off unless it was a matter of great importance. Instead of suggesting Neil keep his nose to the grind stone and let the police find the runaways, or that Nick and the wealthy empire resources are at work and too many cooks spoil the broth, Victor said sure. Neil can take as much time off as he needs.

Laugh #3 came when Victor indicated he's not at all worried about not having a CEO at the helm at what is supposed to be the Midwest's busiest business hub. The reason is Victoria has agreed to take the reins and dedicate herself "150%" at a time when the Newman family is "in crisis" which is, of course, always. That there cannot be 150% of anything did not count as a laugh.

Laugh #4 came from wherever the hell Nick and Phyllis Summers are. Somewhere east of St. Louis. Is that vague enough? At an obscure diner the hunters compared notes. The bus depot they'd checked out was a dead end. That a Trailways clerk identified Lily as a teenager who'd apparently purchased two bus tickets did not count as for whatever reason the clerk did not know the teen's destination. Phyllis said she was just so confused because, gasp, "there were buses going in all directions".

Laugh #5 came when Nick said it doesn't matter that they don't know where the teens are because wherever they're going he'll head them off by himself! Phyllis was stunned. Say what? After all she's done to help Nick is kicking her off the case? No way! Nick said way. It wasn't like Phyllis volunteered to help and since before leaving he knew he couldn't trust Phyllis had her phone tapped! Yes, what Nick did was illegal and Phyllis told him as much but when you're a Newman breaking the law is incidental unless it's your father and you want to knife him in the back for arranging to have toxic cosmetics placed at eye-level on store shelves.

Laugh #6 came when Phyllis received a call from 'Mr. Rock On' Danny Romalotti! Yes, the aging rock star on tour somewhere in Europe had taken the time to tell Phyllis that a musician friend of his called to say Daniel had "tried" to reach him and that he's headed for Los Angeles! Better yet, Daniel provided a phone number where he can be reached.

Amazing, is it not? That Daniel apparently made this call from a phone booth? That he knew this musician's phone number by heart? That for someone on the run not wanting to be caught he'd tell anyone where he can be reached?

So there you go. Determined to go it alone Nick changed his mind when Phyllis alerted him to this staggering piece of the puzzle. Patiently waiting at an obscure airport in an obscure town east of the vagueness that is St. Louis, Newman pilot Wally Ramjet would soon be told to fire up the jet as Nick led the let's roll charge. California, be very afraid! Los Angeles, hide the kids! Nick Newman is headed your way.

The Fugitive
In the Air and on the Road Again

June 20, 2005

As the Fugitive saga drags along into a new week the question is: how in hell do Daniel Romalotti and Lily Winters make their way to Malibu? Didn't they ditch Lily's expensive car? Won't her parents be pleased to learn the vehicle was abandoned and could have been stolen and if they ever file an insurance claim their rates will go even higher? Not that the Winters clan worries about such things. Knowing Dru and Neil they'll probably reward Lily when this is all over by getting her a new one. After all, Daniel made Lily do all this bad stuff. He made her check into a sleazy motel called an inn where the water isn't safe for consumption.

Imagine too all the money being wasted on the search for these runaways. Not to mention the waste of taxpayer dollars there's the expense of operating the Newman jet and whatever Nick Newman is paying his "team" of bloodhounds. There's the loss of income from Phyllis Summers' time off from work, the legal fees spent on a lawyer not doing much to help her son, and whatever price private detectives working the case tack onto that.

Not that the elite in Genoa City ever worry about minor things like money which is no object when it comes to bailing themselves or loved ones out of legal/medical/horror-stricken dung piles.

We found the most wanted ones still holed up Monday at Archer's Inn somewhere in Illinois which is, you know, "East of St. Louis". His hair so badly cut Daniel complained of being unrecognizable it was by sheer accident anyone who might know Daniel is a wanted man would be confused. Certain her abandoned car will be returned in one piece to its rightful owner Daniel scooped Lily up and away they went to catch a bus without officially checking out.

With the Newman jet on final approach to a nearby airfield Phyllis was at the law office of Baldwin & Blair late this stormy night attempting to extract a promise from lawbug Christine Blair that she won't - as the Bug so often does - violate lawyer/client confidentially. Without committing herself the Bug demanded Phyllis explain what had her so concerned about privacy. Without thinking Phyllis blurt out she knows where the teens are and was intent of going to the location to convince her son to come home. Before the Bug could react Sharon Newman burst into the office and without thinking blurt out that her husband knows where Daniel and Lily are too. Panicked, Phyllis took off without further ado leaving Sharon to ask, "What was Phyllis doing here?"

Unfortunately the Bug did not say to Sharon, "I'm representing her son. What do you think she was doing here you freak? If anyone should be asking your moronic questions it should be me. What are you doing here when you know damn well I'm Daniel's lawyer?"

Dumb as the rocks in her head, always the nitwit, apparently unaware the Bug hadn't seen Phyllis leave, Sharon said, "When I mentioned Nick knew where the kids are she took off."

Maybe the Bug knew not to waste her time with an imbecile. She told Sharon not to worry about Phyllis. What mattered most was Sharon's mad husband. Was Nick doing something stupid? Sharon wasn't sure. He did take the Newman Jet out for a spin. Gosh, what did the Bug think?

When the Bug finished saying she fully expects Nick will take the law into his own hands and that will only result in serious consequences Sharon asked, "What if he does something impulsive?"

And again the Bug did not say, "Are you taking drugs? Screwing the hired help so hard your ear drums burst? Have you not heard a word I've said?" She did, however, right after saying Nick is apt to take the law into his own hands, squeak she doesn't think mad as hell, wants to kill someone, Nick will do anything stupid.

Meanwhile back at the Inn Nick had made his way to the manager's office where he greased the man's hand with some slimy Newman hush money in exchange for information on the young girl in room 116. With the manager's help Nick was allowed entry only to find the room empty.

"They must have slipped out," the manager quipped.

Nobody knows for sure how warped minds process information except that in Nick's case he must have thought two kids who had obviously fled the scene would return. That's why Nick said he'd wait. Oh, in case the manager didn't know, Nick reminded him that if the kids came back not to mention they have a visitor waiting.

And lo. Because she is just so much smarter than Nick, because she managed to get to the Inn in a tenth of the time it took Nick to fly there directly aboard a private jet, because she didn't have to waste gallons of jet fuel, because there's always a We Fly You Anywhere plane ready to leave Genoa City International in about an hour and because she didn't have to ask no stinking manager what room Lily was in or that he open the door, Phyllis walked in moments later to ask Nick, "What are you doing here?'

Sure, we don't know yet that she actually said this, but with all that has happened so far it wouldn't come as any surprise for this is how it is when people can bail out of airplanes traveling at twice the speed of sound. This is how it is when cellphones can be traced when the reality is experts say the technology is not in place. This is how creeps like Kevin Fisher with tracking software on their laptops do just this sort of thing.

It's enough to make you forget your own troubles and contemplate your belly button. But no matter. Let us love the Fugitive anyway. Let us not criticize just because Lily and Daniel choose Malibu when they said the Grand Canyon and/or the Rocky Mountains were the places they'd most like to eke out their meager lives on the lam. Let us not question what they'll do when the money runs out because it's a weird and sad situation indeed when we can't cut the lost in love teens a little slack and a general sense of just-give-me-a-hug you devils at least made the Summer of 2005 slightly more interesting than watching a pack of Glow Worms anoint their pimply bods with toxic skunk oils.

Cellphone Madness

June 17, 2005

As another strange and bizarre week in Genoa City came to an end there was little proof to the contrary that indeed the long tunnel is very bleak. Is there any light? Not if Friday is any indicator.

In a remote, poverty-stricken region of Illinois just east of St. Louis the numbness could be felt like Gitta Hendrickson felt the Abbott Hotel is haunted. And alongside that was the insipid case of two teenagers on the run and their brain-dead, sad and tormented parents who can't face reality doing the unreal.

Like Phyllis Summers who couldn't understand why Kevin Fisher's "tracking software" hadn't yet pinpointed the exact location of her son and Lily Winters. Was it even installed on Kevin's laptop? Why, yes. It is. Doesn't everyone have tracking software on their computers? Kevin explained the problem was that Lily's cellphone must be turned on in order to find her. It wasn't. So that, was that.

Because of the storm Kevin felt lightening might strike his wireless connection and not only fry the laptop but him as well. As Kevin was about to turn the machine off Phyllis let out a yelp. How dare he? He better damn well turn the computer back on and find those runaways. Didn't Kevin know? Nick Newman is also looking and if that madman finds the teens first Kevin will have more to worry about than getting fried.

Later, much to the amusement of intelligent people everywhere (see the Daze) Kevin proudly reported he had located a signal coming from Lily's phone. Thank the soap gods. Daniel Romalotti had turned the phone on.

At the same time - and keep in mind it's a dark and stormy night complete with thunder and lightening - freaky Nick was at the Ponderosa receiving a report - from what Victor Newman would describe as Nick's "team" - that the teen's exact location had been found. Not only was the team able to discern the location as east of St. Louis, but the name of the motel (Archer's Inn) and the room number! (116)

Regardless that Victor had denied his request to use the company jet for vigilante justice, Nick ordered pilot Wally RamJet to gas the bird up. By the time he arrived at the airport Nick said he'd have information the pilot needed to file a flight plan.

At Archer's Inn meantime Lily was learning from the online GC newspapers that not only had a description of her car been made public but its license number too. Daniel was again impressed that in the 21st Century the news was spreading so fast over the Internet. He was relieved they had a "head start", however. So much lead time in fact Daniel did not object when Lily said she wanted to give him a hair cut. Once a bowl could be found that fit over his thick head Daniel would implement his next action plan. He and Lily will get on the highway and drive through the night until daybreak at which time Lily's car will be ditched.

And the cellphone? Why, of course. It was still on. Its never-die battery purring like a kitten.

Teens Get Their Kicks on Route 66

June 16, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

Nothing, I mean, there was zero news about The Fugitive on Thursday that could trump Wednesday's insanity - right?

Wrong.

As I've done so often since the daze began I put the above words together long before I actually knew. I knew that as the Daniel Romalotti saga drags out there would be at least one development sure to grope me like Jack Abbott gropes the name of the Abbott playhouse. Think about that for a moment. What rich people refer to anything on their property as a "gardener's shack"? Aren't shacks those things peasants live in? What's a shack doing on the Abbott estate?

But I digress. Let's look at the most recent addition to the long list of Fugitive blunders.

It helps to understand that the headline in at least one Internet edition of a Genoa City newspaper reads as follows: Police are looking for Daniel Romalotti

Readers who only get their in-depth news from headlines might have asked themselves, "Who's Daniel Romalotti?" For others, like the intellectual Kevin Fisher who has been too busy scaring off physical therapists, they undoubtedly hadn't heard Romalotti is a fugitive from justice which would therefore explain why Phyllis Summers found Kevin this stormy day at the Newman Jitter Joint.

Of all the resources at the fingertips of all the people in this city looking for Romalotti only Phyllis was savvy enough to know when you want someone found use Kevin's computer skills. Hard to fathom, but it's true! Phyllis told Kevin she needs to find her boy and the girl Kevin once gave an STD. Was he up for it?

Do trees fall in the forest? Kevin said he'd need a few things like, Daniel's credit cards numbers, and with a little miracle he'll be able to find out exactly where Daniel and Lily Winters are. Actually, with all the shopping Daniel has taken time out to do while on the lam it might not be that hard.

In two related developments Neil Winters announced today his desire to hire the city's, nay, the world's most clueless private detective to find his daughter. Unfortunately, Paul Williams was said to be out of town. Meantime, PI in-training J.T. Hellstrom was patting himself on the back for his excellent work on the Romalotti case. Moreover, the hunkmonkey suggested that since he and girlfriend Mac Browning make such a "good team" and because Mac was so turned on by having gone with him to find Daniel and Lily, she should become his official sidekick. True, it was unfortunate their prey had long since flown the coop, but what the hell. Failure is all in a days work for a bumbling Genoa City PI.

Meanwhile, still holed up in a sleazy motel room on the outskirts of Genoa City, the stars of this nightmare were looking at maps following Daniel's shopping spree at a nearby thrift store. Loaded down with "tons" of threads for the finicky fugitive, Daniel presented Lily with a garb sure to get her arrested on sight. An Indian sari! For those special occasions when they're not swapping out license plates Lily could wear the cocktail dress. For himself Daniel would look his absolute debonair best in a pair of plaid shorts.

As for where they might live out their golden years Lily and Daniel pondered camping in the Grand Canyon during the winter months and the Rockies in summer. If those two locations don't float their boat they could always get their kicks on Route 66. Along they way they'd consult MapQuest on the convenient laptop for those ever popular back roads not shown on the average AAA map. Getting off the beaten path would further hamper those looking for them in Canada.

Their itinerary nearly complete the fugitives might have changed their evil ways had they known. At that very moment in Genoa City Nick Newman was huffing and puffing. That Romalotti "punk" was not only "evading the law" but had - gasp - "dragged" Lily along and was in the process of destroying another girl's life.

"I'm going to do everything I can to find Daniel and personally see that he gets what's coming to him," Nick grunted for the umpteenth time while, of course, sitting on his fat ass doing nothing but bitch and moan.

Tune in again to see if Lily notices, damn, she left the cell phone with the never-dies battery on and the connection to her last call was not automatically terminated after inactivity.

The Fugitive

June 15, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

I really don't know how much more I can take. The insanity the hunt for Daniel Romalotti has turned into is making me question my own sanity. Only the laughter is preventing me from going off the deep end.

As is always the case when bad things happen in Genoa City those affected start having nightmares. If it's not the Newman kids, it's Sharon Newman. If it's not Lily Winters, it's Phyllis Summers who said this week she could see Daniel behind bars, crying and carrying on and maybe getting dolled up for 'Moose' later on in the dream. Poor Phyllis. In the dream she couldn't do anything for Daniel and in reality he's really, really going to prison.

Meanwhile Jack Abbott was surprised to learn Daniel and his babe had been hiding out right on Abbott Hotel property. He couldn't believe the boy and Lily Winters were in the "gardeners' shack the whole time" as if anyone could fit into that little broom closet next to the Abbott poolhouse where Phyllis once kept her gardening gloves as if she ever in her life worked in a garden. Okay, so Jack meant the Abbott playhouse. Still, this was another in a series of blunders made in this case from the outset.

While we're tabulating let's factor in that practically everyone knows about Romalotti and Winters. They know about the dead Cassie Newman and that Nick Newman is calling for Daniel's head on a platter and blah, blah. Why then was Ashley Carlton so surprised to see police cars in the driveway? With Phyllis and her son living under the same roof Ashley hasn't noticed Daniel's not showing up at the breakfast table? She hasn't heard Phyllis going on and on about her son going to prison?

And what the hell was Jack doing telling Ashley that the old man doesn't know yet? What doesn't John 'Yawn' Abbott know? That Daniel is missing? That he's wanted for killing Cassie? That he was hiding in the gardener's shack? That there are cops combing the place for clues? For all the concern about this tragedy how funny that Yawn was upstairs at the time putting the pork to his estranged wife.

The madness didn't end there. Rather than get off his lazy ass and actually do some police work for a change, police detective Hank Weber was at the Winters' family wooden box telling them not to sweat the small stuff. Hell, most fugitives, or as Weber is calling them now, "runaways" come home on their own! Therefore there's no reason for him to be, you know, looking when he can be sitting around stuffing donuts in his face.

As to Malfunction Winters' admission - of withholding evidence from the police concerning Lily's aiding and abetting a wanted fugitive because Winters thought Lily was "a better judge than that" - Weber didn't give it a second thought. Would you pass the donuts please?

Always outraged that the police never get their man, even when under direct orders by her to do so, Dru Winters got in on the act too by declaring she'll damn well find Lily if the cops won't. Then, as the last drop of foam dribbled down her chin, Dru pointed a crooked finger at Weber, hurled a "find my baby!" at him then went to the Abbott hotel where she puked all over Phyllis.

"I understand you've been hiding Daniel it back of this property. Want to tell me about that?"

Phyllis and Jack nearly burst out laughing. Like it matters at this point? Like Dru calling Phyllis a bad mother when she can't keep her own daughter under control made any sense other than to make Dru out as the hypocritical bitch she is?

It gets worse. No longer in the lime light. No longer on the run himself, no longer putting the lives of others in danger, Winter's adopted puppy Devon Hamilton stepped into the dung too. Boo, freaking, hoo. With all the attention being focused on Lily he no longer feels he's a part of the Winters clan.

In all the confusion, Victoria Newman suddenly remembered she's been back in Genoa City for three months and only now has noticed Malfunction isn't dead. So she finds him at the Jitter Joint, tells him it's a "miracle" he didn't die and that's that.

At about the same time Victoria's equally devoid of a brain brother is telling the creepy Christine 'Bug' Blair, who made the long, one-hour each way, journey to the Newman Ponderosa just to get an apology, she's got until morning to produce Daniel. Baring a Bug miracle Nick says he'll "take the music" to Daniel himself as if he knows where Daniel is.

Out on the highway, holed up in a motel, Lily knows she shouldn't use her cellphone, but does anyway! She calls Devon to ask how the family is. How does she think they are? Later, when Dru demands Devon repeat what Lily said word for word, Devon throws a hissy fit. He won't say and stomps off an angry, unwanted clan member.

Daniel returns again from the convenience store across from the motel and notices Lily doesn't seem herself. Did she call someone? Oops. The cops can trace cell calls - can't they? Time to head back out on the highway. That is, if Lily is absolutely certain she still wants to play along. Oh yes, Lily does. This show of solidarity, right after Daniel had said earlier he didn't think it was a good idea, gives Daniel the strength to go on. After all, "I don't know what I'd do without you," he says.

Have you had enough for one day? Are you on the edge of your seat waiting for the next exciting chapter in this dramatic saga? Are you thinking of calling Dr. Richard Kimball and telling the one-armed fugitive where he went wrong? That if he ever goes on the run again to contact Daniel and Lily first for some expert advice? Take your time. They'll be plenty of it as the 2005 version of The Fugitive drags on through the summer.
 

Teen Sticks Runny Foot in ATM
June 14, 2005

In the never-ending quest to comprehend why things happen as they do in Genoa City let's try to understand how two teenagers can be so stupid. Her parents keep saying what a bright young woman she is. She read all 10 books on the Walnut Grove Academy Summer School reading program for extra credit last year. She taught adopted brother Devon Hamilton how to read beyond the 4th grade level and write reports on books he'd find time to browse whenever he wasn't running away from something or trapped at the city Zoo. She understood the necessity of not being seen and not making phone calls when helping fugitives from justice escape the law, so why did Lily Winters check into a motel this week?

Sure, the dump wasn't exactly the posh Genoa City Hotel. Sure, it closely resembled an upstairs sperm-stained room at Genoa City's Lodge Restaurant & Brothel, but aren't even the slimiest motels required to know who they're renting rooms to? The manager did think to ask Lily her age. He did buy that she's 18. But wouldn't he have wanted to know before showing her to a room how long she planned on staying? Given the manager's suspicion of a young girl traveling alone wouldn't he wonder why Lily parked her car behind a dumpster?

Think? The word around these parts is blasphemy. Never, ever, question a young girl who looks like she's 13. It's the general Motel 6 rule. Never get nosy or peek out the window when moments later a boy Lily's age carrying a backpack goes into the same room. Never notice when the boy swaps out the license plates on the girl's car or wonder where the plates came from.

Not that Lily's story wasn't a good one. She's on her way to a graduation. She wants to get there in plenty of time which is why she's about 3 weeks early for commencement ceremonies and some schools like those in Genoa City haven't let out for the summer yet.

Then there's Daniel Romalotti. His mother certain he's so smart he'll easily outfox the cops, a creepy critter so impressed she considers him "the son" she never had, would Phyllis Summers or Christine Blair be impressed with Daniel's intelligence level if they knew the first thing he did after going on the lam with Lily was to stop at a motel and withdraw cash from an ATM? Is this what a bright teenager still in high school would do?

And why, oh why, now that they've crossed the line between good and evil, would Daniel tell Lily it's not a good idea for her to stay with him. What the...? Without her how does Daniel think he'll get to Europe? Hitchhike? Catch a bus? Make Lily hoof it back to Genoa City and take her car?

Do we understand the logic? Are we supposed to think two kids who so carefully plotted their escape from Genoa City, not that it wouldn't be a good idea under different circumstances, would not know better than to use an ATM? Would not know better than to stop at a motel when they could have pulled off the highway?

Where do babies come from? Why does the sun go away at night? Does Nick Newman really deserve a pile of painful hemorrhoids? Why isn't Paul Williams' connection at the credit card company right now calling him? Is Katherine Sterling actually alive? And why does Hank Weber look like he just swallowed a slimy slug?

Why are Genoa City teenagers so stupid? These are the questions we need to know. Future generations will want to know. But of course, we can't know. Isn't that silly? Isn't it just like Genoa City? Of course it is. We never seem to understand this. But it doesn't matter. Remember, they don't care what you think, so long as you don't think too much.

A Most Brutal Attack
June 10, 2005

Oh, Lord. Please make it stop! That's all I could say after watching the latest events in the Daniel Romalotti case unfold late this week. Who among us didn't know it would only get worse? Who doesn't know that nothing about this case can redeem itself? From the outset it was, like so many crime dramas before it, a gut-wrenching joke.

It is truly amazing, but no surprise, that Christine 'Bug' Blair would let private detective Paul 'Clueless' Williams anywhere near this case. It might have been a chance for Clueless to atone for his past blunders had he actually gone out pounding the pavement in search of Daniel. But the best he could do was "trace" a cellphone call made between Daniel and Daniel's dream girl, Lily Winters, which only led Clueless to the "vicinity" from where the call originated.

Because cellphone users are not usually on the move and stay in one place Clueless knew he had time to go in person to the Sugar Shack where he knew too PI-in training J.T. Hellstrom would be waiting. No calling ahead to see if college student J.T. might actually be in class. No calling ahead to see if J.T. might otherwise be just about to put the pork to Mac Browning. Nope, just show up at J.T.'s pad and find him there in a partial state of undress.

C'mon, kid! Put away your pecker. Duty calls. Only you, J.T., can find Lily who knows where Daniel is. Only the pushing thirty-year-old J.T. understands that "crowd" of teenagers so shake a leg. And by the way, J.T. If you need help, call me!

And so it was that J.T. sprung into action. With Mac in tow he went to Walnut Grove Academy where he checked with Lily's "friends" all of which could be counted on one hand. Learning nothing from these so-called friends J.T. knew instinctively to check out the thought to be super-secret Abbott playhouse. But by the time they arrived Daniel and Lily were gone. Still, this didn't fool J.T. The smell of body order told him someone had been there recently.

As the hilarity intensified Daniel and Lily were on their way of out town in Lily's car. Good thing her parents had given her one after running down her father/uncle or Daniel might very well have had to catch a bus. With his backpack bulging at the seams Daniel was ready to flee when he remembered not having a car of his own. It wasn't a problem though as he said he'd "find a way".

Wanting a promise - that Lily would drop him off "an hour" outside city limits and then return to Genoa City so that she wouldn't "ruin" her life - and not getting it, Daniel realized living on the lam is not something he could do alone. After all, who would buy the gas for the car he didn't have? Who would buy food? Besides that, Daniel's mug shot was being faxed to every police station and motel in the state as they spoke. Only one thing to do, really. Take Lily with him!

As fate would have it, as they sped through the city, damn but what they didn't spot J.T. standing on a street corner and damn but what J.T. didn't see them as Daniel hunkered down in the back seat like something out of a bad Humphrey Bogart movie.

So, you might be saying, is that is? Weren't people besides Lily milling about today so worried about Daniel? Funny you should mention. "He's hurting so much," the very creepy Bug told a thumb up his butt Clueless. How the Bug could possibly know what Daniel is feeling was inconsequential as the critter was troubled more by what will happen if crazy Nick Newman finds Daniel before they do. Yes, the Bug actually said, "we have to find him before Nick does," yet neither she nor Clueless was out looking for Daniel. Not that it mattered. Clueless was certain J.T would "turn up something soon." This brilliant statement was exacerbated by the Bug's remark, "He [Daniel] seems to have vanished into thin air."

Well, if Daniel has vanished what chance is there of finding him? Don't ask.

Don't deny your pent up disbelief that anyone beyond the age of 2 wrote this crap either. As you read what happened during the Bug's phone conversation with Danny Romalotti try not laughing. As much as you need them by now, try not reaching for the pain meds.

At the law office of Baldwin & Blair the Bug assured Daniel's make-believe Pa, "We're going to find him." She told Danny that thanks to Clueless they know Daniel is still in the city and... oops. There's Nick peeking in the window again. Gotta go Danny. Click.

After the Bug asked "what are you doing here" Nick said he'd heard Daniel failed to show up in court and that he was "looking for Daniel Romalotti." Furthermore, Nick warned the Bug she "better hope you get your hands on him before I do," and despite knowing Lily knows where Daniel is, despite having untold resources at his disposal to find Daniel, had yet to lift a finger to do just that.

Told by the Bug, "We're using all of our resources to track him down" Nick burped, Why should I believe you" as they Bug replied, "I have no reason to lie."

Already off his rocker, Nick seemed confused. Gosh, if the Bug is looking for Daniel, "What am I going to do in the meantime?" Then it was more of Nick's persistent babbling about his daughter's killer walking around free followed by the Bug swearing now that once tried and convicted Daniel will get the "maximum sentence."

This wasn't good enough for Nick. At a loss for anything to say that might make the slightest sense, Nick could only ask again, "Where the hell is he?" And again, the Bug had to tell him, "I don't know."

Alas, it must be asked again. What in the hell is wrong with these people and why are we being such sadist masochists for allowing ourselves to be reamed day in and day out with some of the most brutal attacks on our intelligence ever?

The Hunt for Daniel Romalotti

May 30, 2005

In a city where it's a new world order and icky terrorists are afoot and the residents never know what sort of chaos looms and should be very very afraid you'd think Daniel Romalotti would have been arrested the moment word got around that his alleged victim died from wounds sustained in an automobile wreck. You'd think too that the medical examiner would have performed an autopsy on Cassie Newman to be sure she wasn't killed by the inept medical care she received, or didn't as the case may be, at the God Have Mercy Medical Center.

In many jurisdictions across this fine land any person presently out on bail for DUI which Romalotti is would have had his/her door kicked down, arrested on a warrant for vehicular homicide and taken into custody. Not so in Genoa City. Here, the 17-year-old Romalotti is, as far as some are concerned, merely staying out late, away from home, trying to clear his head.

Worried, as to what will become of her son if he goes to prison and becomes Denise Romalotti, Phyllis Summers reported on Monday that in an effort to see where Daniel may have gone she had managed to check his bank account, credit cards and email for activity since Newman's death and found nothing.

Looking into a person's personal accounts may sound Draconian to the non-GC resident but it happens so frequently in this town people take it for granted. If parents want to know what their kids are doing on the computer they need only look. There are no password-protected email accounts. There's no way kids can surf Internet porn sites late at night, unless that is, your name is Lily Winters. And because they are so filthy rich and spoiled all teenagers in Genoa City have checking accounts and credit cards easily accessed for activity by their parents.

As a rule, and until recently, the only person in this city with the capability of looking into personal bank records was private detective Paul 'Clueless' Williams. No, he doesn't actually commit what would be considered a crime in some states, Williams has an "operative" he calls for that purpose. Thus, it was no surprise to discover early this week Williams is already on the Romalotti case albeit no one is sure who hired him or if this is another case Williams will work on for free in that the person he shares an office with is Romalotti's lawyer.

Or it could be Summers siced Williams on her son's trail as it's been mentioned more than a few times Romalotti may try to contact the man he calls his father, Danny Romalotti. Last thought to be "on tour" in Canada, the washed up rock star is now said to have returned to Europe. Yet for all the talk nobody had called Danny until today when Phyllis told Christine 'Bug' Blair she reached him in Europe.

It might seem to the average person that one so anxious to learn where a missing person is might want to know the details of such a phone conversation but the Bug didn't ask and Phyllis didn't say.

Meanwhile, Williams has confirmed he is working on the case and one of the very first things he did, the most important thing all PIs worth their salt do, was to check the bus and train depots and airport passenger lists despite that getting Grey Hound or Amtrak or Delta to hand over such lists to anyone besides law enforcement is like pulling teeth. Williams also said he checked all forms of "public transportation" and not a single bus driver or taxi hack had seen Romalotti.

For Williams this meant only one thing. "There is good chance he hasn't gone far."

Aware that Lily Winters holds the key to Daniel's whereabouts, Williams expressed no interest in grilling the Bonnie Parker wannabe, but did suggest, "We need to check all leads."

To that end Williams proposed he be given the phone numbers of all Daniel's friends as if Daniel has more than two. There's Kevin Fisher and - ding, ding, ding - Lily Winters. Phyllis said all the numbers are on Daniel's cellphone which she doesn't have access to. And since Daniel is using the phone to make calls from his Abbott playhouse hideout it didn't dawn on anyone to call Singular for the call record.

Standing around with his head up his butt Jack Abbott finally let out a fart. "What happens if the authorities find out Daniel is missing," he asked. Gosh, Jack. What do you think? Maybe they'll roll over and wait until Daniel decides to turn himself in? Maybe they haven't heard Cassie Newman died? Maybe they aren't aware that Daniel's arraignment is tomorrow morning at 8AM sharp?

Right on cue, and because all cops working for the KGB want to know where those charged with a crime are on the evening of their arraignment, police detective Hank Weber strolled in to ask where Daniel is. Making every effort not to make a fool of herself the Bug hissed that her client will be where he's supposed to be thank you very much.

But Weber wasn't fooled. The Bug has to get up pretty early in the morning to get one over on him. Why was the Bug acting so "edgy", Weber asked. Did she know Romalotti is nowhere to be found?

Because she never knows how to keep her big mouth shut, Phyllis spat that Weber was trying to intimidate them and Williams made things worse by saying Daniel wasn't under house arrest. The more they talked the deeper in crap they got especially when Jack accused Weber of being no match for Phyllis and to "back off."

As much as he loves nothing more than stomping all over the Constitution and denying those in trouble with the law their rights, Weber played it cool. If all went as he expected, as if history is any indicator, he'd have the last laugh in the morning.

"Killer" Goes on the Lam!

May 26, 2005

I am forever asking myself if readers of my reports aren't getting sick of the negativity and often think I should put more effort into finding the positive things that are happening in Genoa City. To that end I wrote last week a piece on how much I'll miss Cassie Newman and even wrote something in support of Daniel Romalotti, what with Cassie having been the smartest of all GC residents, and Daniel having already been found guilty of murder in the court of public opinion.

Try as I might to find something positive, something good to report, damn but what every day there is always someone doing or saying the dumbest things I ever did hear. Take Phyllis Summers for example.

On Thursday, this, um, woman, this mother of a teenager facing a long prison term who was so not worried about Daniel she was able to have sex with her estranged husband the night before, [Or, so it was presumed in that Jack Abbott had hinted he wanted to help Phyllis "relax"] told the creepy Christine 'Bug' Blair she couldn't find Daniel. During the night, apparently quiet as a mouse, Daniel had packed up his stuff and taken off.

At the Abbott Hotel to take Daniel to her love bunker for safe keeping, and so as to keep an eye on him 24/7, the Bug presumed the worst. Had Daniel jumped bail? This couldn't be because the critter had something "important" to discuss with her client. A charge of vehicular homicide had been filed by the City Prosecutor's Office with not a shred of evidence to back it up.

Phyllis hit the panic button. Unless the Bug works her "magic" Daniel is going to prison! The Bug essentially told Phyllis to cool her jets. What needs to be done first is find the boy. Really, the Bug said this. But when Phyllis said Daniel had mentioned calling his "dad" the Bug flicked the clue as to where Daniel may have gone off like a pesky flea. They can call Danny Romalotti later.

For the time being, and moments after Phyllis had said that Daniel had taken all his stuff, the Bug asked if Phyllis could handover his passport. So what did Phyllis do? She trotted up to the guest room where Daniel was supposed to have stayed the night, looked around and reported back. No passport.

Aware that Daniel is in deep crap Phyllis began her 'my son is a killer' mantra. Then, incredibly, she said she hopes Daniel is on the lam. She hopes he's far, far away from Genoa City because if the police don't get him the Newman's will.

Now I ask you. What reasonable person with a functioning brain makes a statement like this? What woman can concentrate on sex at a time like this? Does Phyllis think a dimwitted kid like Daniel will be able to elude the authorities for more than a week or two? Does she have a secret desire to become Ma Barker as if Daniel will make it onto the FBI's Most Wanted list? Does she have a hankering to see her son's mug shot hung on every post office wall in the nation?

I've asked this before and I'll be asking again long before Daniel is captured:

What in the hell is wrong with these people?