2005 News Archives
Jack Abbott

Weasel of the Week

August 5, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

I'm sorry. No, take that back. I'm not sorry. Somebody's got to say it. Jack Abbott is one lying ass, hypocritical bastard!

Rolling in his own swill late this week Jack qualified as Weasel of the Week. It's an award the GCN does not give to just anyone. It takes a special sonofabitch to cast aside memories of the dead and past wives.

It is well documented that in 1994 when Jack first saw a photograph of Luan Volein he swore she was Mai Yun, the woman he'd fallen in love with twenty years before in Vietnam. When he realized Luan and Mai were one in the same and the two had been reunited, Jack said repeatedly he'd always been in love with Luan and that she would be the only woman he'd ever love.

That Jack made this statement there is no doubt.

When Luan kicked the bucket less than a year later Jack said then he'd never love anyone else. But it wasn't long until he was screwing, literally, his own step-mother and any other woman who'd have him, Phyllis Summers in particular. When Phyllis refused to go along with Jack's dictator-like orders not to work for the competition and finally ditched Jack he got so sleazy at one point it appeared he might get it on with his own step-daughter, Victoria Newman.

When Phyllis got tired of sleeping around, and couldn't find any man willing to put up with her Grade-A BS, she went crawling back to Jack. Now, in 2005, these two are back together as if nothing ever happened. And that's fine. Misery loves company, they say.

What's appalling, what's disgusting and makes skin crawl is that Jack told Phyllis today, "I can't remember anything about my love life before you."

The fact Phyllis knew Jack's previous screwing around was his way of "practicing the art of seduction" and that she told him to his face what a liar he is didn't mean Phyllis wasn't charmed. She was happy as a pig in a poke to be back living with Jack under his father's roof as she doesn't have a job or, apparently, the means to pay for her lavish lifestyle including the millions her son's law case will probably cost. When the financial bough breaks Phyllis will always run to the nearest money tree.

As it turns out Phyllis' return to Jack comes at a most opportune time. With Daniel Romalotti's trial about to start in "a couple of days" Jack is the only one willing to take time off from work to be at Phyllis' side in the courtroom. No matter how many days the trial takes Jack says he won't miss a minute. Chancellor Industries can go down the crapper for all he cares. After all, what mega-corporation in Genoa City needs its CEO showing up for work? Only one, apparently.

It was of conflicting interest to note that while Jack, and other CEOs, can take all the time they want handling personal matters, interim Newman Enterprises CEO Victoria Newman said Thursday she's so busy at the office she's doesn't have time to look for strange men who might want her brittle bones in bed. Her brother offered to find her a man, but if Nick Newman's last pick is any example Victoria would do well to stick with the Magic Hitachi.

And so, just because he's lower than a snake in a ditch, just because he's such a scum-sucking bastard and wouldn't know the meaning of love if it kicked him in the ass, Jack Abbott is hereby declared the GCN's Weasel of the Week.

The New Chief Executive Officers

April 20, 2005

Of course "hate" is too strong a word. You should not hate anyone. Especially not jittery cosmetics leaders who are striving to justify their existence and make it look all fierce and necessary.

Look, there he is, trying so hard. Jack Abbott. Look at that earnest, constipated, caught-in-the-headlights expression. Trying trying trying. Please do not hate him.

Please do not smack him in the head with a brick. His image is extremely carefully managed, probably more intensely than any CEO in recent history Nick Newman not withstanding because Nick isn't really a CEO. We know Jack is a real CEO because he's doing so much over at Chancellor Industries where he's yet to implement any changes or inform anyone what it is, exactly, Chancellor does that made it an industry.

A real, newly appointed CEO would be doing what Jill Abbott does. Just two days into her new role Jill is cracking the whip. She's kicking the competition out of the Jabot lab and ordering tighter security so that the likes of Victoria Newman just can't wander in whenever they please. She told Ms. Newman this week she had no business being in the Jabot building and that it doesn't matter whether she's the competition or not. That she's a Newman is reason enough.

Jill found Ashley Carlton's allowing Newman in the lab appalling too, but didn't think much of the fact that Jabot's high-priced lab rat Damon Porter wasn't on the job at a time when a recently financially reorganized company should be watching every dime.

Jill allowed herself to get distracted when Victoria patronized her new promotion. How had she climbed the corporate ladder so fast? It's not like she's the boss' daughter. Jill had to explain she wasn't handed the job on a silver platter. Unlike Victoria, with no experience or college education, she wasn't given a cosmetics company to play with like a toy. She crawled her way to the top the old fashioned way. She worked hard. She earned it. Of course, a little divorce settlement to the tune of 20% ownership of the company didn't hurt.

Speaking of hard work, Jill ordered Ashley to stop fraternizing with the enemy, get to work on the budget and make an appointment when she's ready to discuss it. The thought of actually having to work made Ashley shudder. Damn, what a mistake it was for Jack to have made Jill CEO.

But that's exactly what Jack confirmed he's done. He "hired" Jill. Unfortunately, like so many others who demand and get three year employment contracts, Jill didn't. It'll be her downfall as Jack, while again accusing his former wife of betrayal, told Phyllis Summers that given the chance he'd hire Victoria for the CEO position in a heartbeat.

Odd, is it not? Not that Jack is squawking how Phyllis didn't tell him Victoria is in town, or that Phyllis used their personal life to get a "competitive advantage" when they really don't have a personal life and she has no moral obligation to help him, but that suddenly Jack sees what Phyllis did as betrayal when he's the one who betrayed her. Jack lied to Phyllis. But that's okay. As we already know, in Genoa City lying is called putting one's best foot forward.

Is it not odd that when he had the chance to hire Victoria, and she practically begged for the job, Jack strung her along by avoiding her question as to whether there was an opening?

It is a bizarre duality, a cleverly wrought irony: Jack is spun so he appears rather plain and simpleminded and not really mentally agile enough to be openly complicit in reaching any decision on matters of great urgency. He's still Jackie. His daddy's good ol' boy who don't know no better and how dare you accuse this CEO of lying. Besides, that's Victor Newman's job.

Need proof? Didn't think so. Yet consider the great man's latest dilemma. Victor is again blaming himself for the turmoil his family is in. He's fallen into such a pitiful hole it breaks his heart. His own kids are fighting amongst themselves. Nick and Victoria are "destined to a contentious relationship" so who best to turn to during these what is to become of us times?

Sharon Newman!

Oh yes. Mrs. Nitwit Factory between her legs Sharon. Asking his daughter-in-law to tell Nick to get along with his sister will surely make a difference coming from Sharon's phallic covering lips. The town whore who Nick wants teaching their daughter how to properly apply makeup so that fifteen/sixteen/thirty-year-old Cassie will look just like her "hot" mother. How yummy. If only Sharon can bond with Cassie in this manner it'll be a mother/daughter relationship made in Heaven.

"I want our family to heal it's wounds," says Victor with a straight melodramatic face you immediately want to slap as this is supposed to be such a tightly wound clan. This is supposed to be a family whereas whatever decisions the great man makes should be supported without question because Victor is God and the kiddies and the little woman are the patriots and that's that.

And there it is. Ignorance is bliss. We don't want to believe the Newmans can't prevent the back-biting and in-fighting, can't imagine the Newmans as the powerful nothing can do them under corporate giants they claim to be. It's just too painful. Better that they wallow in misery.

So then, please do not openly hate Jack Abbott or call him names or believe his decisions are all too often terribly detrimental to the progress of anything. He is too nice. He is too dumb in a really smart way. Clever, isn't it? Quite by accident he's got the Newmans under his thumb.

Swindled

February 22, 2005

Watching the who will save Jabot from itself story unfold is like watching paint dry, but it's interesting from the standpoint that the players involved can't keep their stories straight.

How many times Nick Newman said he purchased the "bulk" of Jabot debt is significant because on Tuesday Brad Carlton, idiot that he is, told Victor Newman, "I'm not comfortable with you owning all of our debt."

Carlton does not know, apparently, that Newman didn't buy all the debt. Nor does it come as any surprise that Jack Abbott doesn't know who, exactly, holds the axe over the family business given his statement this week that once Chancellor Industries owns Jabot Cosmetics "whoever is holding our debt" will be paid in full.

For an astute businessman as Abbott claims to be, that he doesn't know who Jabot's creditors are, is astounding. But this is what happens when a company has taken out the amount of loans Jabot has.

For all his swearing up and down that he's not out to bury the Abbotts, Newman blew it again by not tossing the loan agreements he's purchased with his own money in their laps. Of course, it could be that Newman didn't have a U-Haul truck handy. The great man did bring out an important fact, however. He asked whether CI's owner - or whatever the hell Katherine Sterling is - approved the Abbott deal to purchase 51% of Jabot.

Sterling's power at CI is of some concern in that years ago she sold her interest in the company. A check of the official history record notwithstanding Abbott's claim, that he and Sterling are "in lockstep", is another boldface lie. Sterling did say she didn't want to be involved in the daily operations at CI but this doesn't mean she wouldn't expect to be consulted before her CEO made an independent decision to buy a broken down company like Jabot. Common courtesy is not one of Abbott's strong points.

UPDATE: Katherine Chancellor Sterling Retains Chancellor Industries

As he so often does when he can't see that he's well on his way to becoming a three-time loser, Abbott sneered that Newman's verbal promise not to rip the Abbotts off and $2 might buy them a cup of coffee. Obviously, he meant a regular cup of Joe at the local greasy spoon as everyone knows latte in Genoa City can easily run into the $5 range. Abbott also noted that even if Newman was to put his promise in writing, the paper wouldn't be worth wiping their collective ass with. This was the upshot of the pregnant pause following the word wipe whereupon the word nose was inserted in the event this meeting between the corporate whores should ever be broadcast over the public airwaves in which case they'd incur the wrath of the FCC. But that's another story.

Newman's contention that if he were out to get Jabot he would have already foreclosed drew old man John 'Yawn' Abbott's attention. Sifting the fast moving events through his slow moving brain Yawn said he's not about to trust anyone but his son. Besides, how nice it will be having Mrs. Sterling own a majority of the company he founded.

How strange that the old fart hadn't thought to call his friend to ask if she's aware of what's going on? No, by golly, for all the times Jack has stuck it to him, reamed him good by having sex with his wife, lost Jabot once before to Newman, Yawn is going along with Jack.

As they'd done so many times in the past when they can't accept responsibility for having driven Jabot deeper into the ground than it's ever been before the weasels started screeching. It's all Victor Newman's fault! Victor didn't play fair during the recent cosmetics war, sob, sob, whine, whine, belch, burp.

Smacking himself like a bad watch loses time Brad woke up for a moment. Doh! Could it be? Did Jack screw them all? Who stands most to gain from the sellout? Why, surprise, surprise. Jack!

Anyone who will feel sorry for old geezer Abbott raise their hand. Who will shed a tear when he's on the outside of his own company looking in? Only a fool would vote to sell a company he invested his life in without checking where the money was coming from. And that's just the first item on a long To-Do list Yawn should have done first.

That Jack swindled his own family also begs the question: what is Jill Abbott's role in this? Is she so desperate for power she'd handcuff her own mother to a bed to prevent Sterling from stopping Jack? The answer is: yes!

The Electric Chair

February 8, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

Like many GCN readers, I was concentrating on the many other devastated areas of Genoa City when Jack Abbott threw a chair out a 12-floor window at Jabot Cosmetics.

And like many, I was horrified and utterly stunned by the raw power and random predisposition of Abbott. Victor Newman sitting in his chair? Abbott would fix that. He'd throw the chair out the window while Newman looked on in equal horror quickly confirming what Newman has known all along. Like his son, Jackabbott is a diaper-wearing adult. A charred and black little boil on the ass of life.

Who in their right mind would do such a thing? Who would without an iota of compassion throw an object capable of inflicting serious injury on the passerby's below? Unless you're a hunk of something found at the bottom of a shower drain you don't put others at risk to satisfy your little temper tantrums.

Until now, and except for the Newsbrief, the GCN made nothing of Abbott's idiocy. No explanation, no manner of verbiage could possibly do it justice. We simply sat back and took it all in. Abbott threw a chair out the window. It was so typical of his wreaking random faux havoc across the city for mad, inexplicable reasons he calls his nasty, violent, deadly, vendetta against Newman he keeps losing.

Asked later why he did such a dumb thing Abbott said, "I had to make a statement" and to prove he didn't learn anything added next time it'll be Newman he throws out the window.

And what of those windows? How do they break so easy when high-rise concrete monstrosities are required by law to withstand 100 MPH winds and earthquakes? Recall that last year Abbott, the company he was running into the ground in dire financial crisis, authorized the mother of his son to replace all the windows as part of an overall remodeling project. Obviously, Diane Jenkins found a way to cut corners and save money and had a building inspector in her back pocket. Otherwise the windows would have been at least double-paned and at best made of tempered glass.

Consequently Victor Newman has not added this to a list of charges he could take directly to law enforcement and maybe say, "See? You think Commercial Bribery is bad? What about this? What about charging Abbott with reckless endangering? What about charging Abbott with defrauding the government? What about looking into why Brad Carlton, my back-stabbing son and Abbott paid Sharon Newman under the table?"

Primeval comes to mind to describe these events that only seems to point up the fact that we know far less than we think we know about Abbott and even less about why we have to witness his antics. Take the gist of his master plan. It's nothing but an attempt to have the Board of Directors overrule the Founder's decision to allow Newman to continue riding roughshod over Jabot. Not that there's anything wrong with that, or Newman's continued presence, but why on God's green earth would Traci Abbott Connelly give - as she did this week - her proxy to Abbott without first asking her biological father what her brother might be up to?

And just who sits on the board? This question has been asked many times and has never been fully answered as it seems just anybody can become a board member. Nor should we forget how asinine Abbott's scheme is in general. Working from what he calls a "powerbase" - which is nothing more than his duties as CEO at Chancellor Industries - Abbott wants board member Nikki Newman to help oust her own husband. Implying that she'd like nothing more because the great man spends way too much time at the office, Mrs. Newman does not think it strange that Abbott can wage his war right on Jabot property or that anyone, some political hack at CI lusting for power him or herself would not have gone straight to powerbroker Katherine Sterling by now and told her what's going on with her new protégé. Nor has it occurred to Sterling to take it upon herself to check on Abbott for undoubtedly she's too busy arranging emergency head shrinking for her granddaughter's friends in crisis.

That Abbott's plan, his amazing and heartwarming reassurance it won't be the last time he throws something out the window, has proceeded this far speaks volumes to the bitter sense of just how far away from reality Genoa City has devolved. Abbott should be so lucky to get another chair - the electric chair.