2005 News Archives
Katherine Sterling
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Dinosaur Owned First Computer!

November 14, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

I swear, these people, these freaks in Genoa City are either drunk or on some serious meds and/or they just aren't thinking before they speak. I mean, Jesus with an ENIAC! Katherine Sterling owned the first home computer ever built? Who knew? No, really. She said this today. Said she had the first "prototype" which would mean Katherine goes back to at least the early Steve Jobs and Bill Gates days. Hell, to hear Katherine boast of her computer knowledge you'd think she bought the first Apple.

Only she didn't.

Problem is, we here at the GCN remember when Katherine and her ditzy maid got their first computer. It was September, 2000. Anxious to see what the Glow by Jabot website looked like before it shut down, Katherine ordered her long-time live in slave, Ether Valentine, to purchase a computer from a local computer store.

"The darn thing won't work. The salesman said it would be easy as pie - that a monkey could do it blindfolded - but it wasn't," Sterling grumbled, as she shook her finger at Valentine and scolded her for not finding out how it works.

So, if Katherine can't remember what happened only five years ago, is it any surprise to hear her say that in just the few days Phyllis Summers has been working at Jabot Cosmetics the company has an entirely new, "state of the art" web site? And what, exactly does state of the art mean when it comes to web sites?

"Some of my finest work, if I do say so myself," Phyllis said proudly, as she woke up the flying monkeys sleeping in the corner nearly causing them to bust out laughing when she told of a "secret code" in the Jabot site allowing only "certain producers" in. Then, as if to add insult to the joke she's become, Phyllis said trying to explain in detail to a layperson would be a waste of time because it's "very technical".

If it's one thing boobs like Phyllis don't want it's technicalities. Otherwise, she might remember that also in 2000, Victor Newman took away her access to the Newman computer system. To think that since she's been in and out of NE as an employee more often than an addict snorts coke, Victor would not have taken away her access each time she quit, and that idiot Nick Newman gave it back to her last week without being complicit himself in this latest case of computer espionage, one would have to be a fool to believe anything Phyllis says.

"I'm more computer savvy than you realize," Katherine snorted, but got sidetracked when Phyllis noted that if she owns, and still uses, the first home computer ever made, she might want to know that computers have evolved since the dinosaur age. Katherine, aware that she's older than the hills, accused Phyllis of calling her old.

Forgetting what she'd been talking about, Katherine changed the topic to the recent Beauty of Nature launch. Newman Enterprises' latest entry in the race to see who can sell the most toxic cosmetics, Katherine, who's never before been interested in anything Jabot does, said she wants the 2006 Jabot launch to be "original and unique" as if there's anything original about putting a new product on the market. From the way Katherine rambled on about having the best "team" in the business, it sounded like she'd been at every NE war room conference.

And from the way Jill Abbott yapped like a lost puppy about having "nothing to fear from the competition" it was pretty obvious they're all on drugs because like clockwork, the moment Jabot is ready to launch, there will be much talk of how afraid they are that Newman might get a leg up on them. But, for all the mindless chit-chat about computers, the bust of the day came when Brad Carlton walked into the conversation. With Victoria Newman hanging off his arm again Brad thanked Jack for having Phyllis sabotage the Newman computer system.

Call me crazy, call me a fool for thinking Nick was in cahoots with Phyllis and that had the computer system not crashed due to a hardware problem it would have crashed when the "bomb" Phyllis set went off, but why would Brad make such a statement? Didn't Nick tell the former poolboy that he asked Phyllis to help before the launch? If, Brad was suspicious of Phyllis, why didn't he bring in some experts to check Phyllis' work before the launch? Because Brad is powerless? He can hijack the Beauty of Nature project and pretty much run the show, but when Nick shows up at the office becomes nothing more than a bump on a log?

Sure, Brad planted seeds of doubt in Katherine's mind, but we're talking about an old woman who thinks she owns the first home computer ever made. What's Katherine gonna do? Ask Jack and Phyllis if they threw a monkey wrench into the computer? And what are they gonna say? Of course they didn't. Not the sweetest little angels since before Cassie Newman starting watching over the Newman family.

So, it must be asked again, what the hell is the point to all this computer sabotage after the fact? If Brad, or anyone at Newman Enterprises is the least bit concerned, they'd have the system checked by now and taken steps to prevent outsiders from getting into it. But, you might be saying, steps have been taken. Victor Newman has his people on it. J.T. Hellstrom and Kevin Fisher! The two most useless teats on a bull.

Imagination Run Amok
October 7, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

While Katherine Sterling had been stumbling around in an alcoholic stupor for no good reason for going on a year, the good stuff started to unfold on June 30, 2004. That's when those concerned about the old woman announced the intervention.

This grand event was best summoned up by Sterling's like-a-daughter best pal and drunk herself, Nikki Newman who'd been summoned to the Chancellor mausoleum by Sterling's biological daughter, Jill Abbott. Told by Jill that Katherine was drinking herself to death and that the only way to save her would be to round up friends and family members to maybe sit around a Ouija board conjuring up ghosts from the past, Nikki could only ask Jill, "How do you feel about this?"

Just how did Jill feel about it? Apparently so strongly she called in the reserves. Brock Reynolds was to fly in from Louisiana at a moments notice, Liz Foster would zoom in all the way from London and Gina Roma, who only sees Katherine on rare occasions, said she'd be there too along with Lauren Fenmore. The veritable who's who would also include Katherine's granddaughter, the then evil Mac Browning who Jill said the entire intervention would hinge on.

"You are the key," Jill told Mac, adding that if Mac refused the plan would fail. Mac wasn't completely convinced. She felt certain an intervention would do more harm than good.

Nobody seemed to know what, exactly, an intervention was. Was it like when wayward Christians turn to people like Jim Jones and happily drink the Kool-Aid? Is it like the Man With the Golden Arm or the Days of Wine and Roses? Would Katherine's caring family take turns dogging her every attempt to hit the bottle? They didn't know. For then it sounded cool to say intervention so intervention it was to be.

As GCN reporter Michael Kelly put it, "Since the eavesdropping imbiber herself [Katherine] is aware of the intervention and is determined to derail it, a prolonged discussion of who will be present and why is almost moot. Let these buttinsky boobs learn the hard way that separating an ancient woman from the fire water she values above all else is an exercise in futility."

By July 6 the intervention was ready to rock. Imaginations flared as to Katherine's possible reaction: "Thank you for coming to my intervention. The city's in massive reeling mind-bending moral decline. Greed and flagrant cronyism and corporate chemical profiteering is booming. Our city is gasping and surgical procedures on demand have become commonplace. We've mauled credibility beyond recognition, we're plundering the living hell out of socially accepted family values, urging people to lie and decrying the truth as cruel and what's to be done? What could rally my friends and family during a time of humiliated need and force-fed ignorance? What could turn my troubled life around in the face of toxic chemical addiction at a time when my disposal income is at an all-time high? Intervention!"

Thusly, it was Katherine's day to shine.

Gathered together at the mausoleum with her friends and family - not counting John 'Yawn' Abbott who Katherine has said is one of her most "dear" friends, Victor Newman, Jack and Billy Abbott to name a few of those who couldn't be bothered to show up - Katherine picked Mac as the VIP. As for her newly-discovered biological daughter, and the son who put up with her crap since birth, Brock and Jill played second and third fiddle respectively.

Told what a "strong" woman she is and that she doesn't need a crutch to hobble through life's little ups and down, Katherine cried out in pain. Damn it, she's hooked! She's addicted to America's legal drug sleazy corporate slugs profit billions from each year while cheering that the "war on drugs" is working and must go on.

It was so sad everyone attending the intervention began bawling at the same time. A sniveling Brock couldn't understand why his mother was choosing booze over those who love her. He couldn't comprehend that alcohol and tobacco are deadly addictive drugs and that millions of people world-wide are hooked like helpless fish.

While former booze-hound, pill-popping Nikki hacked that Katherine had made a bad choice, Arthur Hendricks oozed that if Katherine wouldn't stop drinking then and there, by god, he'd walk out on her like the others had threatened. That would show Katherine what a worthless bastard he is with all his useless nostalgic balm of lost love.

What a time of desperate hopelessness it was. Standing on the sideline with the rest of the hypocrites was Gina saying "so long". Croaking like an old frog, Liz shook her head and wondered how Katherine could do this. How could she let those liquor stores sell their poison to her?

Puking senseless dialog along with the rest of them was Katherine's slave, Ether Valentine. Oh my, it was so tragic. What was happening to her employer wasn't covered in the 8-hour course she'd taken to become an accredited drug counselor and subsequently, Ether was giving up on Katherine too.

Oh yes, they all loved Katherine so much. That's why they were walking out. But Katherine was told not to worry when Nikki said she'd pray and that Katherine would be in her prayers "forever." The old woman was reassured when Brock said it was his desire that God be with the Duchess.

And for all the months she moaned and groaned about wanting to find her mother, Jill said it was curtains. Sure, they'd had some "good time together" and she wished "it could be longer" but now Jill was so outta there.

But the most pathetic of good-byes foamed from Mac's vile mouth.

"You've obviously made the choice to die," she puked.

Still in a collective bawling fit everyone left including members of Katherine's otherwise invisible staff. To hell with their paychecks.

If anything, Katherine should have said good riddance to bad rubbish. With friends like those hypocritical weasels who needs enemies?

Thank God for drug-induced dreams. Alone, Katherine began nodding out and soon, there they were! Rex Sterling and Phillip Chancellor #3 sputtering that this could have been - drum roll please to enhance the oldest cliché in the book - the first day of the rest of Katherine's life!

At that moment, thanks to a divine intervention, Katherine made her decision to quit.

Nineteen days later on July 27, common alcoholics in Genoa City were demanding to know; just where is that miracle rehab center the elite in this city get to go to when they've decided to stop drinking? Wherever it is, the likes of Neil Winters and Katherine Sterling weren't saying. Suffice it was to know that the center could cure the most severely addicted drunk in about two weeks. That's how long it had been since Katherine had entered detox. Seemingly overnight the old woman was back at the mausoleum sputtering about how nice it was being home albeit the place seemed "different" somehow.

With trusty slave Ether at her side muttering how going through rehab makes everything fresh and clean, Katherine couldn't help but recall how badly she'd treated those who had tried to help before she found God. What a time of desperate hopelessness it was. And where were all of Katherine's so-called friends during this homecoming? Not a one was there to welcome her home.

Yes, this was the message that informs, educates and motivates others to make choices for healthier and safer lives - or else. If you're rich you can go through addiction after addiction without worry of losing your job or your liver. If you believe in God you can pickle your kidneys without worrying about who will pay the medical bills or that you'll lose your home and everything you own. In Genoa City this is imagination run amok.

Chancellor President Charged with Sending Invites to Social Event
September 26, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

I'd like to say I'm amazed or stunned or shocked, but there's no adjective than can adequately describe my reaction to the latest developments in Genoa City. It's almost like you can't hardly believe some of the things and it feels like a nasty trick, a scam, daring you to question such things as the $5 charge for a latte at the Browning/Fisher Jitter Joint when the damn things aren't worth much more than a buck, or why Victor Newman would ask Katherine Sterling to send out invitations to his last minute dinner party.

I can appreciate that Victor is this powerful man who gets what he wants, but why in God's name would he wait until the last minute to throw a party? Maybe I heard wrong. Maybe the party isn't tonight. Maybe Katherine didn't say she'd handle everything and see him "tonight". Maybe Katherine didn't get a call from the manager of her London operation while Victor was discussing the party with her. Isn't that what Jack Abbott is for? Why must the President of these massive Genoa City conglomerates oversee day to day activities?

The Newman party is a going away one as the great man and his bride prepare to bid the fine people of Genoa City a bon voyage and set sail aboard the love boat. It'll be held at the Newman Ponderosa and will, from the sound of it, be big. Anyone who is anyone will be there. While I don't begrudge a man for throwing his money around at a time when Americans are displaced and eating C-rations, why can't Victor give more than a few hours notice? Why must his man servant be slapped with the chore of preparing the food? Why can't Victor do the inviting? And who are these people who can show up on a moments notice?

Most of the guests will be family. Sharon Newman will gather her brood together as confirmed by Victor who drove all the way from the city to the Ponderosa to put his daughter-in-law on notice. He also explained the reason for the party is to help his wife snap out of her funk. Generally acting strange since an encounter with two small time hoods, the elder Mrs. Nikki Newman is reportedly having "panic attacks".

"She's really been withdrawn lately," Sharon quipped, as Victor mumbled, "You noticed?"

It would require a review of the videotape to be sure, but if memory serves Sharon was one of the first to notice and in fact, may have been the one who told Victor. Then again, at his age, Victor's memory may be going so we can overlook this little lapse. It's understandable that the Newmans, tight family they claim to be, within walking distance of each others homes, wouldn't be aware of Nikki's condition. It also makes sense that Sharon would tell Victor again how badly she wants her husband and son to "heal" so they might get their lives "back to normal" and for Victor not to have thought about throwing a party for them. At any rate, Victor confirmed the party's time and date when Sharon said she'd be there this night with bells on.

From there Victor made the one hour drive back to the city without giving any thought to the $3 gallons of gasoline his massive SUV was burning. Prior to visiting with Katherine, he made a deal with employee Brad Carlton wherein Victor got an equal amount of Jabot stock in exchange for Newman Enterprises stock. While good for Brad, Victor got the short end of the stick from a financial standpoint. From a power standpoint, Victor made out like a bandit.

But at a time when much has been made concerning the ethics of a Newman employee holding stock in Jabot Cosmetics and vice-versa, it wasn't immediately clear how Victor holding stock in Jabot is not a conflict of interest. What's done is done. The important thing is that Victor has a significant interest in Jabot. As such Victor can rub the stock in Jack's nose and that's exactly what he did. Victor also drove a spike into Jack's stone cold heart by telling him not only does he own Jabot stock, but he owns Brad too, albeit for breaking family tradition when he allowed an outsider to own Newman stock. In the event anyone, especially Jack, doesn't believe what amounts to another Newman coup, Victor said they can read about it in "The Wall Street Journal".

In other business news, private detective and alarm company owner Paul Williams announced today business is booming. "I have clients coming out of my ears," Williams actually said, which was odd, given that Williams operates his business from a broom closet at the law offices of Baldwin & Blair. With business so good, Williams was asked what he'll do now that J.T. Hellstrom is working for Mr. Newman.

"He'll still be working with me when he isn't busy with Victor," the PI said of his college dropout protégé, J.T. Hellstrom.

In a related development, Nikki said she has less than glowing expectations in that, among other things, Hellstrom is "not ready" to be on his own. This too was odd given that just last week the jittery woman said she's confident Hellstrom will do a fine job.

No Sustainable Happy Endings

August 19, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

The creative writing "artists" throwing dollops on the Genoa City canvas want us to think all is not dire and hopeless and cosmetically warmongering and Daniel Romalotti. I know, it's amazing, but it's true. You see, bright spots exist. Glimmers of possibility and progress are out there in Genoa City. We have but to look and wonder. Maybe it's me. I can't see it. Maybe it's the time warp that swipes across the middle of the mini-megalopolis so that you never really know what day or time it is. Maybe that explains why Katherine Sterling did not attend the entire Romalotti trial.

Didn't Katherine tell Nikki Newman she would be Nikki's eyes and ears at the trial and report back every tantalizing morsel of information? Why is it then that Katherine hasn't done this? Why is it that Nikki couldn't get the information from Sharon Newman who was there and even testified? Why wasn't Nikki there herself? Oh, that's right! She's suffering from PSS. Post traumatic stress syndrome! You know, it's like she was in the Vietnam War - or something - and should be slapped hard and would be if General Patton knew what a pussy she is.

I mean, Jesus! It's not like Nikki got hurt when gangster Vinny Trabuco and his goon roughed her up a little. Nikki has been through far worse like, the memory of Joshua Casein, the 5-year-old boy she shot to death. Nikki sure got over that trauma fast enough and it didn't prevent her from lusting after a married man or keeping up with her duties as one of the city's most noted socialites.

So where was Katherine? The old woman who lives in a shoe was dredging the cesspool for more children interested in moving in with her. In a sick sort of way it is understandable Katherine would want young people around her especially a hunkmonkey, like J.T. Hellstrom and the two girls fighting each other for J.T.'s affection, and in particular a young girl and her baby the Mob is said to have wanted snuffed out.

Or is that all forgotten? When Vinny and his goon were arrested was the Mob scared off? Were all those Rent-A-Cops and police guarding the God Have Mercy Medical Center nursery called off? Is that why Brittany felt safe leaving her baby alone while she tripped around the city chatting with J.T. and Katherine? Wouldn't a real Mob be right now looking for her and probing its FBI contacts to see where Brittany's husband was placed within the Witness Protection Program? Did we hear Katherine say security at the mausoleum is much better than had Brittany moved with her kid into J.T.'s Sugar Shack? Will J.T. keep paying rent at the shack even though he's not living there? And how, exactly, does J.T. earn money? It's not like his duties as private detective Paul Williams' gofer keep him busy. Will J.T. ever graduate from college?

Moreover, what security is Katherine talking about? Has she employed guards from the same service Victor Newman uses? Hasn't Katherine heard that despite the best security money can buy the bad guys always find a way to breach it? Is this to be another mini-phenomena happening right before our eyes? Is this the glimmer of progress we've been waiting for? Why is Katherine so infatuated with these overgrown teenagers? Why would she want a single one of them living under her roof? Why can't Brittany move in with her own parents? Where are Fred and Anita Hodges and why haven't they seen their grandson? Where are J.T.'s parents? Where is Brock Reynolds?

Do not back away and think yours is to not to question why. Do not accept that critical parts of the overall picture are missing because to fill in the holes would be intensely painful and frustrating for the creative artists throwing these characters onto the canvas and desperately hoping they stick. Do not accept that the three most boring persons will find their way out of the daze and live happily ever after as it's well known there are no sustainable happy endings in Genoa City.

Yearly Patronize the Homeless Drive

January 11, 2005

Oh Christ! She's at it again. All but forgotten this past Christmas and Thanksgiving and not a single one of Genoa City's pitchfork-wielding teens having a moment to volunteer at the Our Lady of the Worthless Miracle, filthy rich Katherine Sterling announced this week she's heading up a fund raising drive for the homeless.

It's a time when the likes of Nikki Newman paw through their boxes of decaying castaways. Surely there's a sweat-smelling black T-shirt or two Victor Newman grew tired of wearing. How about some old bras? Bet some bums in need of a hot meal could use those.

The last mention of the homeless in this city was in December, 2003 when on the outskirts of Genoa City's pop-culture perimeter a homeless person could be seen occasionally sleeping behind a dumpster outside places like the Newman Jitter Joint. Weird pains developed behind eyeballs and everyone looked away. Homeless in America? The richest, most powerful and compassionate nation in the World? Who knew?

In 1999 Our Lady of the Worthless Miracle homeless shelter was set up to help bring attention to the homeless plight when a dazed and confused Sterling ran off in search of herself following a court ruling that she must share the Chancellor Estate with Jill Abbott.

Unfortunately, there was very little room at the shelter for the really homeless. Bed space was taken up by spoiled kids who had run from their predatory step-fathers and mothers on the run hoping to be given money by shelter management to waste on expensive coffee while they waited for someone with connections at Jabot Cosmetics or Newman Enterprises or the local high-school to offer them well-paying jobs.

Privileged teens ordered by the courts to perform community service routinely hung out at Our Lady not really doing anything and had to be baby-sat by the shelter in lieu of probation officers. Other teens dropped by occasionally to offer tutoring services only to find they knew the underage runaway who, having just checked in, was asking the manager not to report them to authorities.

With all the commotion and favoritism the really needy people were shoved into the broom closet while shelter officials spent time urging the rich to move on with their lives.

Such was the case with Sterling. Once she found herself, the long-lost granddaughter she never knew she had, the woman her son had knocked up and was looking for a job cleaning mansions, she invited them all to move into the Chancellor estate.

For the unlucky not to have been saved by Sterling she would order her personal salve to cook a turkey once each year usually on Christmas. A big deal was made of how helping the less fortunate is so important but once the turkey was served the plight of the homeless was forgotten. Swept under the rug like so many other American plagues the rich like Sterling would rather not think about.

Even the always complaining that he didn't have enough money for health insurance but plenty to spend on expensive lattes Raul Guittierez once gave a buck to a homeless man. For the briefest of time much ado was made how terrible it must be having to push a shopping cart around but no long-term solution was offered.

Not Sterling, the Abbotts nor the Newmans made any attempt to offer the homeless jobs or, build homes for the homeless in Genoa City yet Sterling was always quick to praise her son, Brock Reynolds for building homes for the homeless in Louisiana.

Their token turkey trots and fund raisers complete, the rich here will pat themselves on the backs of their real fur coats as they lounge in the comfort of their warm and lavishly furnished homes. Out of sight, out of mind the homeless are except when thinking about the less fortunate serves to pacify the guilty conscience of the social elite.