Malcolm Winters

Malcolm Winters News Archives - 2005
See Also: Lily Winters

Justice System Jamboree

June 2, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

How crazy is the Justice System in Genoa City? Do we need to ask again what we've known for some time? Why, yes, we do. You hear that? That cheering and rejoicing and heavy exhausted sighing? It's coming from the massively law-happy Malfunction Winters and it's all about the fact that his daughter, who isn't supposed to be his daughter because the truth would kill his brother, is harboring a criminal.

And since Malfunction spotted Lily Winters' very own car parked in the Athletic Supporter parking lot he decided late this long night to remind Lily how very bad it is to keep covering Daniel Romalotti's ass. Sooner or later she'll have to tell the cops and...

"I'm not getting into this with you right now," Lily huffed, as she puffed from the grueling exertion of treadmill walking and was not immediately smacked across her foul smelling teenage mouth.

Told she's breaking the law and must do "what's right" even if Romalotti is her friend, Lily sneered, "Do you really expect me to turn him in?"

Thinking perhaps that telling Lily for the umpteenth time that she could very well end up being some she-man's bitch at Wisconsin's finest State Prison didn't faze Lily in the least.

"You're only trying to scare me," she oozed, as Malfunction with every fiber of his being impressed upon Lily there is no way in Hell he's going to let her ruin her life.

Because indeed, it's the kind of minor but still gratifying utterance you want to sort of dowse yourself with and rub all over your progressive brain and inject into your withered Winters-bashed spirit and say ah, finally, finally people are coming to their senses and finally the city is waking up and finally some enlightenment is peeking through, damn but what Malfunction didn't kowtow to the little weasel.

By insisting Lily tell what she knows and get her skinny ass out of boiling hot water would "betray" Lily's belief in Malfunction. He must therefore kiss this little runt's ass. So long as Lily promises "not to do anything stupid" Malfunction will continue along his enabling ways. It's not like Lily to do anything stupid. It's not like she didn't run his brother down with the family's massive roll and pollute and stomp the Earth like Nick Newman stomps those he hates SUV only to be rewarded with a car of her own. It's not like Lily had sex with an Internet predator after being told repeatedly to stay away from Kevin Fisher. It's not like she caught a deadly STD and now sucks around the Romalotti kid in lust for another. No, Lily is sweet and innocent and so trustworthy.

So long as Lily promised not to run off with Romalotti was all Malfunction wanted to hear. It's okay, Short Stuff. You keep on keeping on. God knows keeping Romalotti's whereabouts a secret won't make a bad situation worse.

In exchange for her promise Lily made Malfunction promise not to tell that he knows she knows and whether he knows it or not this makes him complicit. Yes, sweetie pie. Malfunction "has your back for now." But Lily, honey, the next time you see Daniel please get him to change his mind. And remember, "I'm looking out for your life."

See what we have here? More hypocrisy in its purest form. As Malfunction says he's looking out for Lily' life he lets her go headlong into danger. And should something bad happen, like the cops in this city would ever notice Lily's involvement and bring her up on charges and slap her on the wrist if they did and actually sent the little snot to a good level-12 group home in Green Bay at the very least, the Winters clan would be wringing their hands and wondering whatever will become of them? They'd be blaming themselves if Lily got gang raped so bad it killed her. They'd hold a memorial service at which those in attendance would say how tragic it all was that a nice kid like Lily died so young.

This is how it is in Genoa City. Its elite residents respond only to crisis, change their behavior only when absolutely forced to, or because creeps like Hank 'KGB' Weber has pumped them full of bogus fear. Same as it ever was.

And what does it say of comradery, of trust, when the person Phyllis Summers' once considered her "best" friend withholds the truth from her even after she bawled her eyes out before Malfunction that she was going crazy with grief and the ugly thought that Daniel might go to prison?

Speaking of prisons and gulag recruiters and things that make you ask how frigging stupid does it get, Weber and DA Glenn Richards wandered into the club right about then to find the not so creepy looking when she's with these two Christine 'Bug' Blair preparing Romalotti's case. As if they don't know that anyone in need of being found is almost always at the club or the Jitter Joint Richards said the Bug's secretary had told them where the Bug might be.

And the urgency? This thing that made a head of the District Attorney's Office come out from under his rock with the police department's most inept detective?

Despite that the Bug had told Weber earlier her client is aware of his court hearing both Weber and Richards wanted to know if Romalotti would be appearing in court the following morning as scheduled. Regardless that the Bug must know what her client is charged with Richards couldn't hold back the urge to tell her again. And like Weber had before, Richards said he'd see the Bug and her client in court and left after making a snide remark about bail forfeiture as if it mattered. As if forfeiting bail by anyone charged with a crime in this city has ever meant anything. Same as it ever was.

A River of Snot Runs Through It

January 24, 2005

They looked high, they looked low. They looked lower until there it was. Like a giant hell beast. The reason Malfunction Winters and his brother Neil do not see eye-to-eye.

They come from different worlds!

People gasped. Plants wilted. Small children burst into flame. The bandana-wearing Winters is afflicted with African jungle rot the likes of which has not been seen since Hope Adams Newman contracted postnatal depression aggravated by whimperitis!

And as if maybe he hadn't heard the first one hundred times his brother had told the story, Malfunction spelled it all out. Three years living in Africa changed him! Sure, practically everyone knew. What they didn't know was why. They didn't know that those good Africans struggling with AIDS had taken time out from their own horror stories to open their hearts to the 90's version of Dr. Livingston. Cared for him. Kept him alive.

But through it all Malfunction longed for one thing and one thing only.

His family!

The need to keep his promise to stunted nephew/step-son, Nate Hastings. The urgent need to return to the States to keep that promise. But there was one thing wrong. The Malfunction who went to Africa is not the same who came back to Genoa City. If only brother Neil can accept that the new Malfunction is angry and bitter and spiteful and his soul has become so infested with rat dung his third eye is yellow they just might be able to heal.

"We both crossed over to the dark side for awhile," a desperately trying to reconnect Neil confessed, flashing back to when he became a falling down drunk.

Still, for all the time that has passed, for no matter how many times he says he wants his family back, Malfunction couldn't let that time when Neil was hot for Alex Perez go. Oh, nothing ever happened. There was no slimy sex behind Malfunction's back. No real reason to get so bent out of shape he had to hitch a ride on a turnip truck destined to hit a bridge and crash into the raging river. It was wrong. Whatever Neil did.

And no matter how much he believes Neil when he says nothing happened with Perez, Malfunction says there was one overriding factor.

"I was alone in a strange country."

What the hell?

Yes, as he was swept down by the strong current, as the water filled his lungs and as he washed up on the shore he could think of only one thing: Where was hid brother? Why wasn't Neil on the shore that day?

So what's the problem? Why dredge up ancient history if it doesn't really matter as Malfunction eventually agreed this week?

"I need to know where I fit in this family," he actually said, as if he didn't know. As if every member of his family, with the exception of that evil bitch Dru, who shouldn't matter, hasn't begged him. Hasn't pleaded with him to come to the fold. Hasn't told him a million times that he's part of the clan.

What is it holding up the ebb and flow?

"We're worlds apart," Malfunction said, adding that he feels lost and so critically malfunctioning and warped he'd never "fit" into the Winters world again.

Unable to see he was being taken to the misinformation shed for a good licking, Neil's head seemingly spun all the way around. Damn, but what the bile spewed forth from what technically could still be called a member of the human species - but only biologically - didn't sound like the old brother Neil knew!

Enough with divisiveness. Enough with simplemindedness that only polarize and demean the complexities of the human drama into ignorance. Neil resolved to let it all hang out and stop quivering with unchecked dread each time he notices his wife acting strange and hysterical. He did not say, "My Brother, you are one sick puppy. You need professional help. It just so happens I know a good shrink in Paris. Maybe you've heard of him? Dr. Wesley Carter?"

Truly, it was a time for rejoicing. Forget that they are worlds apart. How about a cease-fire? How about a righteous river of snot running out their eyes and noses? How about they shake hands and hug each other like two fairy boys making up after a spat over who gets to be top?

"Why, sure 'nuff! We be buds again!" Malfunction should have said as moments later, with his full knowledge and behind her husband's back, Dru Winters would wipe the inside of her dead to the world daughter's mouth with a cotton swab stealing the DNA that will determine whether Malfunction porked his brother's wife.

See the hypocrisy. Ain't it grand?

Experts Fear: Volcanic Clan Could Erupt

January 21, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

The one thing people cannot stand, besides the lies and frequent sexual partner swapping, is a flip-flopper. One need not bother going to the videotape to verify that Malfunction Winters not so long ago berated his brother for working for the white man in the generally sleazy Ken Lay-type corporate world. Since his return from Africa Winters has done nothing but whine. How hard life is, how much Nate Hastings means to him. How much Lily Winters means more because she was created using his hot, sticky sperm, or at least that's what he thinks some eighteen years after the fact.

Forget that Winters not once voiced any concern for his brother's daughter immediately following the birth or subsequently wondered how Lily and her mother were doing in Paris. Having been pulled from a raging river and coddled for three years by African head-hunters changed all that. Now it's all about Malfunction.

Now it's flip-flopping and summoning Neil Winters from his busy work at Newman Enterprises to congratulate the very white Nick Newman lackey for going back to a company for which Malfunction himself works indirectly.

"You and unemployment didn't mix too well," Winters actually says, when in fact being without a job suits his brother just fine. Who can forget Neil Winters saying so himself? He loves being unemployed. Gives him time to spend with his family, cook the meals and buy expensive Christmas presents albeit on a budget. Unemployment suits Neil so fine he never once considers applying for unemployment. He loved the idea of having free time to "mend fences" with his grumpy half-brother.

That is, until Malfunction pushed Lily away and drove his wife into hysterics. And the gods help him, Neil cannot understand why Dru Winters gets all freaky at the mere mention of Malfunction's name. What could possibly cause Dru to act strange; do things behind his back? It wasn't because she had sex with Malfunction before he was thought to have been killed. Neil says he knew all about the cold medicine plop-plop, fizz-fizz. And it was okay by him given Dru wasn't married at the time. Or was she? My, how easily they forget.

History? What we said today doesn't match what we said yesterday or years ago? Not a problem. We just change history to suit our current lies.

So what is making Malfunction so bitter? How many times has Neil asked? How often did he say pretty please dear brother tell me what makes you so hateful and narrow minded only to have Malfunction sneer and grunt how he loathes just about the entire world but wouldn't say why?

Damn but what Malfunction didn't flip-flop again late this week. Said Neil doesn't know what he's been through and Neil said he no longer cares beyond what everyone already knows concerning Malfunction's misguided and falsely pious agenda. Leave the past in the past. It cannot be changed. Just get on with it. Why can't Malfunction do this?

Because, silly. Life sucks. Oh yes it does. Just ask Bobby Marsino. Ask Damon Porter. The stories they tell rank. Holes in hearts. Wounds that won't heal. Days without end sitting around feeling depressed and faint and damn if we only knew our parents we could blame them for bringing us into this cataclysmic hypocrisy.

Did you hear the one about a guy who got lost in Africa? Well, he wasn't really lost, but saying so helps embellish the spin. That poor boy all alone in the jungle, without a family, without the brother who had been "making moves on his fiancée" and oh please, don't look up the history for it wasn't like Alex Perez had any interest in brother Neil. Besides, if Alex is the focus of Malfunction's reasoning why hasn't he told her he's alive? Why has he been screwing a woman he met at a bus stop and his former wife? Why has he been making incestuous moves on his own niece who could be his daughter?

Just the perceived threat is apparently cause for Malfunction's snippiness. The fear factor has been known to do that. It can cause otherwise peaceful nations to launch wars on totally harmless nations and innocent people.

But here's the good news: This bilious wart is growing. The cracks are appearing. A painful zit is about to be popped. Malfunction seems anxious to tell his brother about Lily. Why is this good? The pent up whining, the fear and hate will all come gushing out. Like volcanologists who've been watching the volcano and have said it could explode at any moment, the entire Winters clan will blow up. And then, when things have calmed down, it'll be over. Until the next massive hate buildup. In about a year.

Smell That Rich Aroma?
While his alleged partner in crime was working this week to save his worthless ass where was Damon Porter? Sipping on an expensive latte at the Newman Jitter Joint. Not just any latte either. But the new, just in from Africa, Kenyon Roast!

Forget Juan Valdez and that bitter Columbian crap. Kenyon roast is all the rage in Africa and now, thanks to JJ's high-profile daytime coffee shop manager, is being served right in Genoa City.

"I like it!" Porter told Malfunction Winters who said he decided the coffeehouse by day, club for all ages by night, should carry it because, "It has extra meaning for me."

Lust! It's In Their Blood

January 3, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

There's something that just doesn't feel right about a teenage girl who invites her Uncle over to her parents home to show him photographs of pictures he took of her using a digital camera.

There's something that just doesn't set right when the uncle arrives as summoned at a time when the girl's parents just happen to be out of the house.

There's something kinky when the girl tell Uncle that the photos make her "hot" and something just reeks of incest when the uncle says he wants every single copy of the photos his niece printed out so that he'll have something to remind him of what a "beauty" she is.

If Malfunction Winter's past in any indication he wants those photos for more than remembering Lily Winters. Unspeakable acts best left to the imagination come to mind.

But before flashing back to July, 2000, it may be appropriate to note that Winters isn't the only one in Genoa City to have more than a paternal interest in members of his own family.

Roll the videotape.

Look! There's Phyllis Abbott at the Abbott Hotel. It's July, 2002. Having convinced herself that another woman's son had found a place in her heart, the baron Mrs. Abbott assured her husband that efforts to bond with his son were serious. She confessed that for a time she had doubts about her ability to be a good mother, but said that after only one bonding session her motherly skills were returning. In fact, she was so certain she proclaimed that Kyle Newman Jenkins Abbott "is my son."

Wearing not much more than a bra and helping Jack Abbott get his pants off, she began fantasizing that Kyle had aged to "between ten and thirteen" years and they were all living as one big happy family. Pretending that they needed to be quiet because the boy was in his room just down the hall, Mrs. Abbott whispered that her sexual antics might be disturbing for a kid at a "difficult age" and worried that his not knowing about the birds and the bees might be confusing.

Joining in on the fantasy, Mr. Abbott boasted that his son might be brighter than mommy dearest thinks and suddenly realized that his wife was serious about having sex while the boy listened from afar.

"You bet!" Mrs. Abbott confirmed as she took the fantasy to the next level by imagining that while fixing the kid's school lunch he called her "mom."

While there's is nothing wrong with sexual fantasies, inserting an underage family member into the fantasy is just plain repulsive. There was no doubt - based on Mrs. Abbott's description - that knowing a young boy is listening to her have sex was an incredible turn on.

Such an event might be a turn on for a boy of that age provided the adults were unaware of his listening. But to suggest the opposite is nothing less than incest and Mr. Abbott should have been very concerned. He could only think how wonderful it was that his wife thought of Kyle as her son, however.

The Winters event that caused much consternation began when Malfunction asked his former sister-in-law, "How did two fine people like us end up alone?" He also told Dru Winters that he couldn't help but admit he had "feelings" for her and wondered if she didn't have the same feelings for him.

Dru wasn't ready at first to admit her feelings and wrote the whole thing off on "confusion" and "stress" during a time when her sister and Malfunction's former wife, Olivia was drifting between life and death. She nearly succumbed to his attempt to exchange body fluids with her, however. She knew too that Malfunction had cheated on Olivia by committing adultery with Callie Rogers.

Also at that time the entire Winters clan had done nothing except exchange partners. While Dru was married to Malfunction's half-brother she "mistakenly" had sex with him while Neil Winters was having fantasies of being with Olivia who was married to Nathan Hastings and later married Malfunction.

Then there was the other incident later that month when Malfunction confessed to having "feelings" for another member of the family and urged the woman he found himself in love with to find it in her heart to share those feelings.

Again, that woman was Dru. She too admitted her feelings for Malfunction but said she wanted more time to think about acting on those feelings because of what she'd be doing to and with other members of the family.

Like now, the GCN was asking back in those days, "What is wrong with these people?" It also took the position, and still does, that incest is a scourge that commonly affects the likes of trailer park trash, the Abbott's and other dysfunctional families.

That their relationship is incestuous cannot yet describe what's going on with Malfunction and Lily Winters, but it's dangerously suspect given the Winters history and that swapping sex partners and inner family lusting is in their blood.