2005 News Archives
Nick Newman
See also: Daniel Romalotti

Something Deep Within His Pants

November 16, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

Isn't there a law in Genoa City? Isn't there some rule that Nick and Sharon Newman are not allowed to have anymore kids? If there isn't, there outta be. Because what we have now is Nick thinking about knocking Sharon up so that she'll stop thinking about crabby Abby Carlton.

Yes, it's all come down to this. Sharon has become so desperate to bond with a baby she's taken to making Abby, an angry child related to her by marriage, her own. If it were possible to dig beyond Sharon's one dimensional mindset, the problem would most likely go deeper. The real reason Sharon has this sick desire for Abby is because Abby was spawned using her father-in-law's sperm. Everyone knows how badly Sharon wanted Victor to poke her that night she tried jamming her tongue down Victor's throat. Now she wants Abby?

It's been obvious since Sharon's first child died. Instead of giving full attention to her son, Sharon began longing for Abby the day Cassie Newman kicked the bucket. The attraction escalated recently when Sharon's sister-in-law, Victoria Newman got it into her head that since she's dating Abby's adopted father, she should bond with Abby too. Only Abby doesn't like Victoria. The small fry said this again Wednesday when she told Sharon she doesn't like how Victoria sucks around daddy Brad. Victoria implied earlier this week she was going to break it off with Brad, but then today told her mother she's determined to get Brad - and Abby too.

Nikki Newman, weird as it may be given that she works for Jabot Cosmetics, was at Newman Enterprises prying information about the company's latest cosmetics out of Victoria when Victoria said she suspects Sharon is undermining her attempted bond with Abby. Nikki was lurking later when Sharon told Abby it's okay to dislike Victoria because in today's world, today's Genoa City, you can't like everyone. How Nikki will use this information to her advantage wasn't immediately clear, but it's well know she'll do anything to keep Victor and Abby apart.

Abby squealed to her biological father too. She told Victor her parents are fighting and Victor immediately summoned Brad to tell him Ashley should be given full custody. Not about to release Abby into the hands of a baby-killing sperm thief, not that it matters since Ashley pretty has full control of Abby, Brad said Victor has no say in the matter, which of course, isn't true.

The situation eating away at his feeble mind, Victor checked with his son to ask again within a 24 hour time span, how things between Nick and Sharon are going. As he said earlier, Nick reported tension in his marriage only this time ratcheted it up a notch to include constant fighting and that Sharon seems to be obsessed with Abby.

Despite bouts with senility, Victor was lucid enough to say Abby doesn't know who to trust and that the best way to stop Sharon's obsession is for Nick to give her another baby. Just the thought on boning Sharon perked Nick up. It made him recall that just before Cassie died she foretold of another girl in her parent's life subsequent to her death and damn, what a coincidence that Victor was suggesting a new and improved Cassie in the form of an infant. Victor agreed. It was almost as if Cassie knew something they didn't know; like Cassie really is up there watching over them. Nick didn't make a commitment, but it was clear. Something deep within his pants was stirring. Something that could make just what the Newman's don't need. Something what any fetus doesn't deserve. Life as a Newman.

Forgive, but Don't Forget

July 19, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

Oh my God. Nick Newman still has much guilt about his daughter's death? It's true. The diaper-wearing adult is so wrought he can't work. What some call "Nick the Prick" blames himself for setting Cassie Newman free from her grounding bondage so she could be with a friend on the night of the tragic accident which eventually led to her death. If only he'd been a man, if only Cassie hadn't lied about where she was really going that night, she'd probably still be grounded but very much alive.

Poor Nick just can't get over himself. He can't see that his wife, the biological mother of the girl he only adopted, is over Cassie's death. Sure, Sharon pretends to be in a grieving daze, but it's an excuse to get out of work. It's a ploy to make Brad Carlton feel sorry for her and maybe get her in bed while Sharon swears Brad is a "friend" and nothing more.

In a bid to cover her skanky ass Sharon's forked tongue now speaks of moving into a home of their own so Nick won't be exposed to Cassie's memories haunting the Newman ponderosa outhouse where they've lived since wedding bells first tolled for thee. Sharon doesn't see that memories of Cassie will follow them to the ends of the earth because, they've said it a hundred times, Cassie will always be with them. She floats on clouds and watches over brother Noah.

The blame game Nick now plays is nothing new. The archives are full of examples. If it's not Brad blaming Victor Newman for making his pregnant wife get behind the wheel, crash into another car and lose her unborn baby, it's old man John Abbott blaming Victor for causing his daughter, who really isn't his daughter, to lose her baby. If Kevin Fisher is not to blame for causing a blemish on Brittany Hodges' face it's Raul Guittierez who, had he not been such a sissy, would have prevented Brittany from becoming a stripper.

Nick can rant and rave and feel sorry for himself and pose 'What-If' scenarios until hell freezes over but it won't make him any more believable. It won't change the reality that when his own flesh and blood died, when Sharon lost baby Doe Newman, their combined grief lasted all of one week - if that. They were so not concerned about Doe's death they didn't bother giving the child a name.

So Nick gnashes his teeth and sighs his sighs and wonders what will become of him. It is simply unconscionable that a small and spoiled little man who has very little idea what he's doing now turns to his father, a man he stabbed in the back, for solace. It is the eternal Nick Newman conundrum. How to appear sort of sad and filled with guilt and yet still pretend to be a savvy, aware, tough-guy who takes no bull and launches unprovoked attacks on those he thinks may have caused Cassie's death.

It would be funny, in a Paul Williams, toilet-humored sort of way, were it not for Victor's hypocritical response to his son's dire depression. You go girl, um, my boy. It's okay that your tiny head is so stuck up your rectum you can't concentrate on running the empire right now. All CEOs and employees should be free to take off from work whenever the slightest pimple breaks the surface of their gold spoon-fed face. Only promise your Pa you'll do one thing. Find a way within your cold, black heart to "forgive a young teenager for making a horrible mistake".

No, the Black Knight wasn't talking about Daniel Romalotti. He spoke of the precious Cassie Newman. The young teen knew better than to lie to her parents but did so anyway and thus should be forgiven. But not Daniel. That young teen, that "bad seed" should be strung up by his testicles, denied his rights and tossed into a gulag for the rest of his natural life.

Nick 'The fixer' Demands Justice

June 8, 2005

After Nick Newman's outburst earlier this week at the law office of Baldwin & Blair I promised myself no more reports about this madman. But, given that he added another person to the list of those he'd like to kill Wednesday, it is my duty as a soap reporter to pass the information along. I'll try to be brief. Not just for my sake, but for yours as well.

Refusing to leave when asked Nick continued his rant if he didn't see Daniel Romalotti he'd huff and he'd puff and he'd blow himself up. What right did Christine 'Bug' Blair have refusing his demands? Didn't she know Daniel killed his daughter? And what right did Phyllis Summers have being there discussing her son's case with a lawyer? Didn't Phyllis know he'd like to "squeeze the life out of her" too sort of like what her son did to Cassie Newman? What was wrong with those women? Hadn't they heard how badly he wants to make Daniel "pay"? Why were they telling him two wrongs don't make a right? Don't they know the evil he wants to inflict "goes beyond the law?" Don't they know in Genoa City Nick Newman is the law? Where is that little bastard? Why isn't Daniel explaining how he used Cassie, forced her to get into that car with him?

He's what? Daniel isn't there? Is that what Phyllis said? Daniel isn't here? He's not hiding under Baldwin's desk, behind the potted plant or something? It's a freaking lie. Never lie to a Newman.

Running off at the mouth as she's so prone to do Phyllis blabbed that Daniel is on the lam. She doesn't know where he is and if she did wouldn't tell. Not with Nick acting like Charles Manson.

"He can't get away. If the police don't find him, I will!" Nick bellowed, noting too that ten years in a gulag isn't long enough for anyone who dares hurt a Newman.

Allowing her client to sink deeper the Bug didn't object when Phyllis said ruining her son's life won't bring Cassie back. So what if Phyllis doesn't know for absolute certain Daniel didn't do what he's accused of? There's no reason someone should have to pay for their deadly deeds.

Raving with lunacy Nick directed his rage at the Bug. When she's working so hard to get the boy she considers her son off the hook she better damn well remember Cassie's rotting in the ground. Justice will only be served if Nick 'The Fixer' Newman dishes it out.

CBS Cancels Y&R

By Brent Kellogg
June 7, 2005

Long before writing this report I was thinking about a special story with the headline: WRITERS RUN OUT OF IDEAS, EXHAUST RECYCLED PLOTS, CBS CANCELS Y&R. The idea may have been a premonition, it may have come from Gitta Hendrickson's omelette, or from the fact that you can only rehash certain events so many times before your audience catch on.

Let us again look at the undisputed evidence. Like so many times in the past Nick and Sharon Newman's marriage is on shaky ground. She's blaming him for the death of their daughter and he's blaming Daniel Romalotti for being behind the wheel of the vehicle in which Cassie Newman was riding.

Distraught that Nick won't talk about Cassie's death every minute of every hour of this longest day in Genoa City, that he won't allow her to turn back the hands of time so that she might still have Cassie to badger for carrying a condom in her purse, Sharon has turned to the conveniently available Brad Carlton.

While waiting to be discovered by Katherine Sterling [as the man who should rightfully be running Jabot Cosmetics (ha-ha)] the unemployed Brad tells Sharon he's surprised her husband isn't being supportive but he understands how Nick feels. If his daughter had been killed by that Romalotti kid he'd be - as Nick is - looking for answers from the boy too. Never mind that a couple of hours ago Brad told Nick he should be home with his wife.

As Sharon frets she's worried Nick might do something stupid Nick is doing exactly that. While he has no evidence upon which to base his hatred for Daniel, while Cassie with her own lips said Daniel isn't to blame, Nick has plenty of hearsay.

"He killed our daughter! He is totally responsible. I'm going to see he pays for that. I'll make sure of it. This kid should be rotting in jail instead of walking around free. They'll get him for homicide," Nick ranted for the umpteenth time this week, adding to his list of charges that Daniel "manipulated Cassie" in that he knew Cassie had a crush on him and "led her on."

When Sharon pointed out they have no concrete knowledge of the facts Nick wasn't dissuaded. "I know it!" Nick hurled, of his many allegations including the one where Cassie got out of her death bed and walked out of the hospital because she was influenced by Daniel. "I hate this kid for everything he's taken from us," Nick oozed for good measure before heading directly to the law office of Baldwin & Blair.

Aware that Christine 'Bug' Blair is representing Daniel, and he shouldn't be anywhere near the critter when she's working on a low profile case such that Daniel's is, Nick steamrolled into the office like his father owned the place. Told what he already knows Nick sneered at the Bug, "You're representing murderers now?"

The Bug did not - on the spot - call security or the police or order Nick out. She strongly suggested Daniel's mother, there discussing the case prior to the rude interruption, be the one who should leave, however. The Bug stooped to Nick's 2-year-old level pleading with him not to make the situation "awkward" even as Nick berated her for daring to show up at Cassie's funeral. The Bug did not remind Nick that despite appearances to the contrary this is still America and those charged with crimes are entitled to their day in court. The Bug did not tell Nick that in America defense lawyers often defend murderers and other scum of the earth much like Nick himself. She did not bring up the fact that Nick himself was once convicted of a crime he didn't commit or that as a Legal Aid lawyer she gave the Newman family free representation at taxpayers expense.

Foaming at the mouth Nick warned Phyllis Summers too of what she already knows. If Nick gets his way Daniel will be tossed into a gulag and on that day Nick will be waving the flag high atop his gas-guzzling SUV.

It was only then the Bug got around to asking Nick to leave and was brazenly ordered by him to produce Daniel.

"I want to see him now!" Nick snarled.

Need more proof Nick is a hypocrite? Need to understand why his character and others like him are no longer credible, used up, and should be tossed onto the pile of shame? Hearken back to February, 2000.

There's Nick at the then called Newman Rocks coffee shop bitching and moaning to the Bug and detective Paul 'Clueless' Williams about his sister Victoria and the alleged stalking of her by Larry 'Wartman' Warton. Crusaders in their prime at the time the Bug and Clueless told Nick the surveillance of Larry was being called off because there was no evidence Warton was stalking anyone.

"What's wrong with justice in this society?" Nick sniveled.

Know what real men do in times of great stress and strife and dead babies? They admit their mistakes. They seek help, understand they don't know all the answers, realize they might not have been asking the right questions in the first place.

But not Nick. This is the hilarious thing. This is the appalling thing, still. How can this diaper-wearing man-boy remain so blindly, staggeringly resolute? How can he be so appallingly ignorant of fact, of truth, of evidence, of deep thought? In short, what the hell is wrong with Nick Newman?

Here it is, another bumbling, barely articulate situation. Nick throwing fits. Wants to kills somebody. Doesn't care if an innocent man goes to prison so long as it isn't him, or his guilty as sin wife Sharon, who transported a dead body around in the trunk of her car with impunity, now looking for another man to confide in. Their lopsided myopic one-way black/white good/evil view of the world same as it ever was.

They are, in other words, our downfall. So long as we keep bending over, so long as we let them have their way with us, the longer it'll take for CBS to cancel this nonsense.

See also: The Unknown Baby

If the Queen had Balls she'd be King

May 9, 2005

It's safe to say that anyone following the Cassie Newman tragedy is aware of how tedious and seemingly never-ending it became from the outset. Another scene at the God Have Mercy Medical Center might have been tolerable had it not been for Nick Newman's outrageous, taking the intelligence level to a new low, behavior.

After asking his Pa whether he should tell the family about the danger of infection following any surgery, not just brain surgery, being told by Victor Newman that it was Nick's call and Nick opting not to tell, damn but there Nick was again early this week repeating the same, tired dialog and whining like a hemorrhoid-infested pig.

Despite that Cassie survived the operation Nick was astounded that modern medicine hasn't reached a point where doctors are so assured of successful recoveries they can issue written guarantees. While Cassie is getting the best medical care money can buy, Nick frets. "What if it's not enough?"

What if the sky falls? What if someone cracks Nick in the head with a 2x4 to snap him out of the fog? What if what's being done for Cassie isn't enough? Guess what, you fool. She dies. Why was this so hard for Nick to comprehend?

Sighing deeply, a positive thinking Victor told his idiot son to pray. The doctors had done all humanly possible. Not something Nick would know about since his humanity is questionable as evidenced by his next outburst.

If it hadn't been for some "stupid drunk teenager" Cassie wouldn't be in this mess.

If the Queen had balls she'd be King.

If Nick had a brain he wouldn't have said, "an infection could be taking over and we wouldn't know it".

Maybe Nick wouldn't but the doctors damn sure would.

Victor said it again. Cassie is a fighter. She'll almost certainly recover.

"And if she doesn't?" Nick oozed, then, incredibly, asked Victor again whether he should tell his wife about the possibility of infection.

At that moment Sharon Newman returned from seeing with her own eyes that Cassie was still alive to say she's keeping some information secret too. Rather than alarm Cassie's brother, instead of having Noah Newman on vigil with the rest of the clan, Victoria Newman had picked the boy up from a friend's house and taken him home. As for telling Noah anything about what happened, Sharon said she plans on telling him only that Cassie will be fine. Cassie is expected to recover so remarkably in fact Sharon said she's thinking of taking Cassie to Italy along with the other Newman women.

When Nick told Sharon that Cassie isn't out of the woods yet and there's a terrible infection waiting for any opportunity to eat the kid, Sharon took the negativity remarkably well. She's not giving up.

Good for Sharon. For once she showed some class. She didn't let that back-stabbing husband of hers drag her down. Maybe that's been Sharon's problem all these years. Maybe Nick's brain-gnawingly deadly attitude infected her. Maybe Sharon would do better without a stammering like a drunken chipmunk spewing doom and gloom, whiny, diaper-wearing man-boy for a husband

If He had a Brain He'd be Dangerous!

May 6, 2005

What a piece of work that back-stabbing Nick Newman is. If not for his rich father he'd be stuck with Genoa City's best surgeon to perform brain surgery on his ailing daughter. It isn't enough that Victor Newman sent for and within minutes the nation's best neurosurgeon had beamed into the city. Not only is Dr. Benson good with a knife, he's an old friend of Mr. Mumble's who came all the way from Podunk, Iowa, merely to give a second opinion.

After checking Cassie Newman's medical history Benson reached the conclusion that the decision by those lowly God Have Mercy Medical Center quacks was correct. Immediate surgery was called for.

Nick was dumbfounded.

"This operation. How dangerous is it?" big teeth snapped.

Nick's moronic question came as no surprise. He is, perhaps, one of the least articulate, uneducated cave people in this city Dru Winters notwithstanding. A child of four knows from watching ER that head trauma resulting in a cracked skull is a very precarious medical situation. Yet here Nick was asking dumb questions.

Why Dr. Benson wasted his time with this fool, God only knows. It's not so much the surgery it's the possibility of infection. If Nick had a brain he might know that. If Nick knew much more than how to put his pee pee into Sharon Newman he might know that infection in the human body is like a priest running loose at night in an all-male boarding school dormitory.

And should Cassie catch an infection what might the outcome be? Nick needed to know this. Unfortunately, just the thought of infection caused Dr. Benson to turn white. He didn't want to talk about it. He suggested Nick join him in prayer and hope infection wouldn't crop up.

Nick got snippier. Why hadn't the doctors told him this? Why hadn't he read on the authorization papers where it details in tiny print the risks and the dangers and the fact the hospital won't be held liable in the event a patient dies?

Because Nick didn't sign no stinking papers. Rocks rolling around in her otherwise empty head Sharon would do that later despite that Cassie was being prepped for surgery as they spoke.

Dr. Benson was confused. GHM quacks don't lie. Surely they were honest with Nick, not that Nick had spoken with a single doctor about his daughter's impending surgery. Benson further suggested Nick count his lucky stars, or fruit loops as the case may be. If this accident had happened in, say, Iraq, the best medical care Nick could hope for would be substandard at best. Regardless of the millions of America dollars pissed away there, Iraqis are lucky to get First Aid.

"They're not being straight with me," Nick oozed again for maximum gag effect.

It was then Dr. Benson got out of Nick that in fact he had been told of the risks.

"Just in passing," Nick belched.

Just in passing? What the hell is wrong with this dinkwad? Never mind. If Nick hadn't been so damn busy running around telling everyone that Cassie was "awake" he might have heard what the doctors were trying to tell him. Then again, what can be expected from an adult who still wears diapers?

Because he's been brainless since birth Nick had to be told what happens during brain surgery. Nick had to ask a second and a third time what happens if infection sets in. After Benson had practically given this nitwit a medical degree Nick still didn't get it.

"Are you telling me my little girl could die?" he hissed.

"No, you stinking piece of something I scraped off the bottom of my shoe. She won't die. Here, take this. It's a written guarantee nothing bad will happen to your precious baby. Now get out of my face," Benson did not say, but you know, should have given what an ass Nick is.

Still not satisfied, Nick needed to know when he'd know whether Cassie will live or die. Waiting until after the operation was more than could be expected from an intellectually devoid chimp.

Done with the interrogation, Nick dismissed Benson with a clammy handshake. Then, incredibly, told Victor he didn't think it wise to tell other family members for knowing the truth might upset them. Not that they weren't already itching with anxiety like flea-infested cockroaches. Jesus with a bloody scalpel if Nick didn't then ask Victor if the others had a right to know. And Victor, all too aware of his son's bad decisions, said it was Nick's call.

It's a wonder Victor's skin didn't start crawling. Nick could have asked, 'Hey, Dad! What's the matter? Why is your skin peeling back like that?" And Victor could have said, "I'm not sure you're my son. Maybe we should get a paternity test while we're here to be sure. How can I, a smart businessman and world traveler, have ever sired such a stupid son? You are one creepy son-of-a-bitch. If you had a brain you'd be dangerous."

Colons Clench and Blood Runs Cold

March 3, 2005

Things must be pretty bad when you have to track down your valued employees because they're never at work. Claiming to be busier than a one-arm paper hanger the CEO of Newman Enterprises took off from work Thursday to make the one-hour drive to his family's ponderosa. There Nick Newman found company webmaster Phyllis Summers waiting around for his other top-level executive, Dru Winters.

"I thought this was the best way to get you," Newman told an annoyed Summers who barked, "You got me. What do you need?"

Such is the violent march of employment in Genoa City where employees can flick the boss off like so much unwanted nose burger. And the boss bends over and takes it like a male prostitute takes on the White House.

"Well, Ms. Employee of the Month, it's like this. My inexperienced whorish wife is now working for us and since she doesn't have the slightest idea as to what goes on at Newman Enterprises I'd like you to set up a teleconference with a few of the buyers. Think you can handle that? It's not like I, the CEO of a major corporate whorehouse would know how, or that I'd have a team of computer geeks on staff solely for that purpose, you Phyllis have been selected," Nick might have said had only he owned a pair of balls.

Sure enough. Phyllis said if she ever goes by the office again in this decade she'll try to accommodate the boss. In fact, she'll be so kind as to make a mental note of it.

"Cool," Nick honked, like some kid who'd just been told SpongeBob is not a dire threat to his childhood, to keep on waxing his chest lest he be mistaken for a grown man and above all else it's perfectly okay to ask about his employees' love life. What with Phyllis having spent weeks away from the office fighting off criminal charges Nick presumed she hasn't been seeing much of her former husband.

Say what? Has diaper boy been spending time in Brad Carlton's fog? Did he not hear that Phyllis walked out on Jack a year ago? What would make him ask such a stupid question? Because, like his rocks for a brain wife, Nick is a numbskull.

Even when Phyllis said that she and her former husband are "doing just fine" Nick didn't get it. He didn't say, "Oh, that's right. You guys are divorced. You've been living out here on the ponderosa for the longest time and I never noticed. Silly me. I guess then you wouldn't know what Jack has been up to?"

Nick did say he's heard about the sale of Jabot Cosmetics and just naturally assumed that since Phyllis' marriage ended because of her loyalty to his father, Jack would be telling her every detail of his plan to make Jabot the cosmetics giant it once was. As for specifics Phyllis said she didn't know anything and let Nick know she didn't appreciated being trolled.

Nick was unfazed. If anything in Phyllis' vast database was to change, "I want to be the first to hear about it", he said as if she would leak insider information as his personal mole.

How quickly they forget: For all the backbiting over who went behind the Abbott's back during the Chancellor acquisition, for all the back stabbing Nick did to his own father, the treasonous bastard is now asking Phyllis to become a brutal insurgent in the name of more power and money. Not that Phyllis wouldn't do it so long as there's something in it for her.

Newman's dishonesty and misprision and outright ignorance regarding everything he comes into contact with are staggering examples. His motives were to oust a pip-squeak cosmetics company so he could get a pat on the head from daddy. When that plan backfired he pouted for awhile then went right back to his warmongering ways. Nick sees himself as the hammer and those he doesn't like as the nails to be pounded and damn the fiscal, emotional, spiritual and human costs.

So, you might be asking, does it matter?

Yes. It matters that Nick Newman pretends to be this big bad ass cowboy blazing a business trial to the 24th century when he can't even control when his top executives show up to work. It matters when Lily Winters is asked by her parents why she isn't in school yet for her smart mouth doesn't ask the adults why they aren't at work. It matters when slimy bitches like Ashley Carlton beg attorneys to stomp all over her father's right to die, then not only does she not know the meaning of the word no, she accuses Michael Baldwin of being too slick. It matters when this sperm stealing slut, while going behind her father's back says, "you don't do that to a family member" with regard to her brother working behind her back to sell the family business and she sought Victor Newman's help behind all their backs.

It matters when these creeps in Genoa City ask God to save their sorry asses while they continue committing the first sin. A little of this do as I say not as I do hypocrisy goes a long way when it comes to making colons clench and blood run cold.

Newman Buys Bag of Debt

February 17, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

It's difficult to imagine any businessperson would discuss anything with Newman Enterprises CEO Nick Newman, except perhaps where the back-stabbing bastard buys Huggies, least of all negotiate the purchase of Jabot Cosmetics' outstanding loans. Then again, when business people include Genoa City Savings & Loan manager Fred Hodges, it's easy to understand why Newman was able this week to buy up the outstanding debt at face value.

That any banker would so easily sell loans at this rate speaks volumes about how business is conducted in this city. At their hastily called meeting the bankers were impressed with young Newman's vision for the 24th Century. They swallowed his verbal vomit whole.

Without getting into specifics Newman said of his father's empire, "I intend to do big things with the company" This statement was met with one wide-eyed banker asking, "How big?" and when told big, as in Jabot big, another banker asked, "Jabot Cosmetics?"

Is there any other company in Genoa City named Jabot? Did the banker think maybe Newman was speaking of the Jabot Boutique in Hollywood?

Aware that various Genoa City's banks hold the "bulk" of Jabot's debt Newman didn't ask if it might be for sale. He stated point blank his intent to buy the debt based on his presumption a bank would want to cut its losses before Jabot went belly-up. He took it for granted that a bank wouldn't want to check with financial experts to ascertain for a fact there is no hope for the company even under his father's reorganization.

Somewhat suspicious, that Newman Enterprises would want to delve further into the cosmetics business when its own Rash & Sassy and Safra lines have not fared well over the years, one banker raised his eyebrows. But told the name Jabot would make NE a "power house" and that a prudent businessperson would run far, far away at the mere mention of owning a "broken down company", the banker did not think twice when Newman said he wanted to own the broken down Jabot.

"Hey, Fred! Pass me the bong," the banker did not add, but you know should have considering the mind-numbing dialog. Jabot be very, very bad. Jabot be very, very good. We be very, very stoned out of our minds.

Snapping out of his haze Mr. Hodges wondered if sonny-boy had checked with his Pa. What did Victor Newman think of this idiotic plan? Lying through his big teeth, dinkwad Newman said his father isn't much interested in Jabot since having had "basically retired." Besides, why would the banker want to dicker with an old man when they were looking "at the future" of Newman Enterprises.

Again, the only perky banker of the group thought it odd that for someone retired Mr. Newman was working his ass off day and night trying to save Jabot. But alas, none of the bankers thought to give the great man a call or otherwise check with the more experienced Newman.

Suddenly, all the bankers were hot to trot. 100-cents on the dollar (full price) was an offer they couldn't refuse and just like that - the deal was done. Little Nick the Prick would have his money by the end of the day.

So, what does this mean? Newman thinks it means he can foreclose and Jabot will become his! What a fool. No, take that back. Even a fool would know that buying up debt doesn't equal foreclosure unless the other parties holding the remaining debt agree to the foreclosure or sell their interest. And still Jabot would have an opportunity to pay off the debt. Furthermore, Victor Newman could step in to say the purchase of Jabot is not authorized and in a real business environment the matter would go before the Board of Directors.

For now, all Nick Newman has at best is a big loan to pay off - and egg on his face.

And God Did Not Strike Him Dead

February 16, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

That Nick Newman is one disgusting little worm there can be no doubt. The child-like creature has done some obnoxious, sickening things over the course of his miserable sub-human life. But what he did this week, in the presence of God no less, was blasphemous.

Stopping by the God Have Mercy Medical Center to check on his most valued employee the weasel at first said he'd heard that Neil Winters had been hit by a car but didn't know the specifics. Either Nick had merely scanned the headlines of CNN and thus didn't get the full story, or whomever told him about Winters' tragedy failed to mention that Lily Winters had mowed down her own father.

Worried that a drunk driver may have committed the deadly deed - and isn't it so tragic that drunks are allowed to do this over and over without losing the right to drive and if they do go back to driving drunk - Nick seemed relieved to hear that Ms. Winters was to blame. As a matter of fact the little "miracle" child was wandering the hospital halls with her adopted brother like walking dead people when she was flagged down to meet Mr. Newman.

Did Lily remember Nick? Sho' 'nuff! She and Devon Hamilton met him once during those rare times Nick showed up at the Newman Wreck Center where Devon and Lily whiled away the hours dusting and nearly getting raped in the elevator. Devon even knew that Lily's daddy worked for Mr. Nick. How awesome! A man reeking of such power in their presence.

Nick was quick to point out that Neil Winters doesn't work "for" him, but "with" him, except for those times when Neil doesn't toe the line in which case he becomes nothing but a peon to be squashed like a bug. When Neil is doing as he's told he's therefore "critical" to the company and as always, "an amazing man", however.

Without checking with the doctors, or asking about the prognosis of his loyal employee, Nick was presumptuous enough to tell the family he knew Neil would survive the ordeal. It might take some time to recuperate, but Neil would bounce back like he always does because, "God has a plan for him."

And God did not strike Nick dead on the spot.

The mention of the Lord's name caused Dru Winters to spasm. Had her daughter gone off to pray like she'd been told? No? What the hell was Lily doing there walking around like a zombie? Get your ass down to the chapel! "I want you to pray. It will make you feel better," she hissed, and maybe thought if nothing else the illusion of prayer would further propagandize Lily's warped thought process.

And if Nick has proven anything in the past four, honor-molesting, nearly unbearable years, it's that there ain't no commandment that can't be broken, no fear synapse that can't be hammered to death, no fraudulent power tactic that can't be abused when he walked Lily to the chapel and offered to stand-by rubbing his crotch - or something - while Lily prayed.

It must have been the vibe; the time she spent with the devilish Kevin Fisher that made Lily decline Nick's offer. Thank you very much, heathen. I'll pray alone to my god if you don't mind.

His adulterous feelings hurt, Nick offered Lily a few words of righteous indignation anyway. "Pray for your dad but don't be afraid to pray for yourself too," he wheezed. Above all, despite what happens, this was not Lily's cross to bare. So what if her father died? There was no reason for Lily to carry the burden. If anyone knew this, Nick did.

"Look at me! I stabbed my own father in the back. Got him a criminal record, yet daddy still lets me live rent free. Put me in control of the Newman empire. So you see, Lily? A little back-stabbing can be good for the soul," Nick did not say in so many words, but this was the underlying message.

And God did not strike Nick dead.