Scotty Grainger News Archives - 2005
See Also: Lauren Fenmore  Sheila Carter

One Stolen Heart, Or, You Are Such a Sucker For Buying This Book

November 11, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

Did you see it? That rare, ray of hope? It was over the Motor Arms Motel on Thursday. It was traced right to Sheila Carter's room where, as 'Brenda', Sheila was very upset. She wasn't breaking mirrors and throwing stuff around the room because Tom Fisher had asked if he could use her bed to have sex with Ashley Carlton on, she wasn't worried that motel management had noticed all the strange women coming out of her room, or had asked her to pay the bill. Sheila was bummed because soon to be best selling author Scotty Grainger was there. Here all this time she'd thought there was much work left to do on the book she's helping Scotty write, and here he was telling her the book is about to be published.

Did Sheila miss something? When two persons are collaborating on a project isn't it common courtesy for one to tell the other of something so important like the meeting with a publisher and signing a contract without the other and without consulting a lawyer or at the very least having an agent to handle such matters?

What the hell has Scotty done? Didn't he know from the outset that when Sheila began telling him her story and Scotty wrote it all down and they kept talking about working on "their" book, it was only meant to be a personal diary for Scotty to read alone at bedtime? Whoever said it would be a book on sale at Barnes & Nobel or Amazon?

"I don't want it out there for public consumption!" Sheila yelled at Scotty right as he told her too, that without consulting her, he'd titled the book, One Stolen Heart.

"One stolen heart?" What kinda title is that?" Sheila did not ask, but should have given the simplicity. Had she not been so mad, Sheila might have envisioned seeing the book on store shelves. Why not Stolen Heart, or two stolen hearts? Better still, why not Broken Heart? Isn't the book the biography of a woman who had her baby stolen? Wouldn't Broken Heart jump out at prospective readers and at least make them read the dust cover before tossing the book aside as they mumble, "Brenda who?"

"Mr. Wylie likes it," Scotty said of the publishing agent from Harwell Berg, Adrian Wylie, as he explained that if Sheila doesn't like the title not only can he change it, but the content too!

In it's present form, the book, to be passed off as non-fiction, is a mix of fact and fiction. To fix that, Scotty said he'd be happy to make it "pure fiction" and then, in a snit, ran off to tell Mommy.

Watching Lauren Fenmore could be so funny if it weren't so sad that Scotty's book is tied in with Brenda who is really Sheila who wants Lauren dead. What's so frighteningly cute in a slit-your-wrists sort of way about this whole who's trying to do Lauren in thing, and how astoundingly silly it is that for a person told there are "dangerous" people out there that would do her harm and so evil as to require she have a 27/7 body guard, Lauren keeps subjecting herself to danger.

When Scotty told her about Brenda, it suddenly occurred to Lauren he might have signed an agreement with his partner as what else could explain why Brenda would have any say as to whether the book gets published. But no, Scotty said their agreement was verbal. It was presumed everything would be "fifty-fifty". Well, that's all Lauren needed to hear. Since Brenda has no legal standing, Lauren said she'd marched right over there and have a word with that woman. Lauren has, after all, always thought there was something "quirky" about Brenda having met her once for all of three minutes. Besides, to Lauren's way of thinking, there's something "irrational" about a woman not wanting her life story exposed to the world.

Complaining that his "career is on the line," Scotty belched, "Brenda had a lot of emotional issues to deal with." When he refused to say what Brenda's "story" is, and that he won't stab Brenda in the back, Lauren pleaded with him to "make an exception for your mother ... this one time."

When that didn't work Lauren feigned being hungry, went to the Motor Arms Motel and right into Sheila's room where she found pages of the book. How could this happen? Hotels, motels, apartments, offices and homes in Genoa City are notorious for having doors left ajar. If the door happens to be locked there's always the doorman or the manager who can be easily tricked into unlocking them.

If situations like this stay true to their predictable conclusions, what should happen next is for Lauren to be reading and flashing, "Hey, this sounds like my story" when Brenda walks in and asks, "What are you doing here?"

As she did Friday while chatting with Michael Baldwin, Brenda will dump some cock and bull story on Lauren before sending her away in a state of confusion and through it all Lauren will never once notice that Brenda sounds and looks like Sheila. How long this will go on is anyone's guess.

Nobody knows for sure how Sheila's sick mind works, but it was well enough this day for her to figure out Scotty has no idea what he's doing. That Scotty is a child with delusions of grandeur was obvious the day a woman in his writing class, a woman old enough to be his mother, asked for his help. Other than her sad story, Scotty knows nothing about Brenda. He doesn't question why she can afford to stay for days on end at a motel, he doesn't ask if she has a family somewhere in Canada, whether that family expects her home for the holidays or if she ever intends going back to college. Even in Canada, the Fall semester started long ago.

The good news, the ray of hope, is that Sheila said she's going to put a stop to the book. Or, at the very least, get the title changed to something like, "Oh My God You Are Such a Sucker for Buying This Book."

Unknown Writer Shock

November 8, 2005

The publishing world was all a tizzy this week when Harwell Berg Publishers announced that not only have they purchased amateur writer Scotty Grainger's first novel, there could be a movie based on the book too!

"We've changed our entirely policy as to how we select books for publishing," said a shaken Elmer Penman, CEO of Double-Day books. "From now on, when anyone from Genoa City says they've written a book, long before we even know what the book is about or who co-wrote it, if that's the case, we're going to sign them on the spot. We do not like having some fly-by-night outfit like Harwell Berg outfoxing us."

Reaction across the country was equally stunning.

"Here I've worked for two years on a book and I still can't get so much as a publisher's butler to give me the time of day. Yet here's some dude, a mama's boy I hear, someone who has never been published, getting his book published? What sexual favors were exchanged for the deal. Can anyone tell me?" a perturbed, frequently published columnist for New Yorker Magazine asked.

"I'm getting on the next plane to Geneva City. Clearly, rubbing elbows with publishing agents here in Los Angeles for the past five years is getting me nowhere. What? That's what I meant, Genoa," said aspiring playwright Alex Mayer, heir to MGM's Louis B. Mayer.

Located in Greece working on his 52nd novel titled, "How I wrote 50 Best-Selling Novels in 25 years", infamous Genoa City author Cole Howard told the GCN, "Some people get all the breaks. It's not what you know, it's who you blow".

In town to sign Scotty personally and without a lawyer present for either side, HB representative Adrian Wylie confirmed the publishing company had only read a few chapters of Scotty's book, but based on what they'd seen are fairly certain the book, its title not yet revealed to the public, could be a "best seller".

"The heroine has been terribly wronged. To have her child taken away; it's a moving human story. I think people will really feel for her," Wylie said.

"That's incredible," echoed an ecstatic Lauren Fenmore when she heard that not only will her son become an overnight writing sensation, going on book tours and talks shows, but a movie deal could be in the works too.

Publishers Clearing House

November 2, 2005
by Brent Kellogg 

Have you heard that Scotty Grainger's book will be going to a publisher soon? Did you faint? Did you get a grip on yourself and start running the plausibility over in your head that an unknown, unpublished, never so much as written a short story in his life college boy would be getting a book published? There's been no mention of who the publisher is, but knowing the luck the unknowns and unskilled in Genoa City have, Double Day snapped Scotty's untitled book up long before it was finished.

Unlike so many struggling writers out there with their manuscripts rejected over and over and the constant checking with their agents to see if anyone has shown any interest in an author who's last name isn't Collins or King, Scotty has apparently gone straight to the top. No proofreading, no re-writes, nothing but a few "sessions" with the source of his novel, the evil Sheila Carter. Sessions, by the way, which have been repeatedly postponed lately due to Sheila's demon fighting.

But that's okay. As of this week Scotty is putting the finishing touches on the book. He's pondering. Should he change the plot line locale from Ontario to Genoa City? At this late stage it's important because Scotty feels now Genoa is his hometown. He was born here so it makes sense he'd want to wow readers with what a progressive and crazy place Genoa is. Travelers on I-85 who read his book and see the exit signs to Genoa City will pull off the freeway and stop at the big-box mega-hospital where Scotty did his research. If they're fortunate, Scotty will be at the God Have Mercy Medical Center working on his next book; asking nurses medical questions like he did Tuesday about the man whose portrait graces the nurses station wall.

When writing fiction it's important to know who founded the hospital and the coffee shop. It's vital that readers know Dr. Gary Reynolds started the hospital on a shoe string and that Charles Crimson opened the first jitter joint. It's insane that a nurse would mention Dr. Reynolds' portrait was "moved last year" during a remodeling, yet she wasn't sure, exactly, where the portrait hung prior to the move. The nurse was, however, curious as to why Scotty would be in interested and a wonder she didn't pull out a complete photo album of all employees past and present who've ever worked at GHM.

It's pure lunacy that Scotty's impending step daddy would happen by at that moment to say that if Scotty's looking for his mother the doctor's are running more tests to find out what's wrong with her when they've already said they don't know what "toxic agent" is running through Lauren Fenmore's veins.

It's freaky that Michael Baldwin would ask how the book is coming, for Scotty to say "it's complicated", for Michael to say he suspects Tom Fisher sneaked into Lauren's room the night she was "hallucinating" and then for Scotty to ask "why" and Michael reply he doesn't know why, but that he doesn't want Tom anywhere near Lauren.

And to that end Michael says he's instructed the hospital staff to keep a record of who comes and goes as if to say nurses have nothing better to do so they may as well post a nurse outside Lauren's room. Like there's no rent-a-cops on duty or that Michael - with all his money - can't pay someone to perform that task and that there aren't already surveillance cameras for this purpose which explains why PI Paul Williams will have to check the cameras outside the hospital so that they can see Tom drove up on his motorcycle at just the precise moment Lauren was saying she saw Tom in her room.

All this nonsensical dialog might have been ignored if not for the fact that Scotty, apparently having to prove he's not a sissy, puffed out his chest and said that bad man better not do anything to his mother or, "He'll answer to me."

What's up with this faux manliness? Is it sick humor we're supposed to laugh at? Can we envision Tom kicking Scotty's ass up and down GHM hallways? How much longer must this BS go on? How many more times will Michael call Tom "a dangerous man" before he says Tom is more dangerous that he ever imagined? If Tom's so dangerous, why didn't Michael warn Scotty? Why didn't Michael tell Scotty he's threatened to kill Tom so many times everyone's laughing at him now because, like Scotty, Michael doesn't have the balls to carry out his empty threats?

Note to Michael Baldwin: You are maxed out. You have worn out the welcome. You are becoming less the tolerable and moderately talented and mildly likable lawyer and more like an itchy boil. Please, if Tom is so terrible, why are you plotting against him in places where he can and does overhear you? Why don't you and that sperm thief bitch hatch your plots in a remote warehouse? Why have you decided not to get the police involved? Because the GCPD is inept and you are not? Why have you not asked an exorcist to cast the Devil out of Lauren? Hasn't it come to this? Wouldn't it save you time and restore at least some of your dignity? Wouldn't it be better than slapping us with your blood-drenched vision of a very miserable family being pulverized into raw veal?

Enough already with the unstoppable, outspoken cult-head with his glazed-eyed fiancée, proselytizing like a ferret and working hard to convert the masses; enough of the sissy-boy authors getting their first book published; the clueless PI trying to make sense of it all; the crazed woman who's supposed to be locked up but her victims so stunned they can't think to be sure and the kooky-rich elite with their never-ending tragedies that do nothing but annoy the living hell out of us.

Is it too late to ask, Michael? If we all buy a copy of Scotty's silly little book from Publishers Clearing House will you go away and leave us alone? Damn. I didn't think so.

Jeepers Creepers!
September 23, 2005
by Brent Kellogg

We already know hate thrives in Genoa City like a bad virus. We know the rich use hate as a tool to justify their sorry, personal and business relationships, but have we ever heard of them hating someone they don't even know? Think hard. Did Nick Newman hate Daniel Romalotti before he accused the teen of killing his daughter? No. Did anyone hate Kevin Fisher who wasn't in some way connected with Kevin's many victims? No. Try as we might, we can't recall any situation where someone has hated someone before having a reason. That is, until Scotty Grainger came along.

It happened Friday at the posh Motor Arms Motel where Scotty's college classmate 'Brenda' is staying. Learning the fictional story he's writing is really the true story of Brenda's life, that she was once a nurse, a "master manipulator", who had her baby stolen by an evil, conniving bitch, Scotty said, "I don't even know this person but I hate her guts."

Without so much as checking Brenda's story out, Scotty is hell-bent on accepting whatever she tells him as gospel. He condones Brenda's "right" to hate the woman who destroyed her life and wonders how she ever survived such a tragedy without going crazy. He has not been in Genoa City long enough to know yet that people here go through tragedies like Joshua Marsino go through Huggies. He does not know the worst that can happen as a result of a crisis is that the victim spends a few days in the hospital, has bouts of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome and then sail off to some exotic island for a romantic getaway.

Now that he knows his story is real Scotty will nevertheless fictionalize it. He knows too there's more to Brenda's story but will use his imagination to fill in the blanks because, as Scotty says, "That's what a writer does."

Furthermore, Brenda has nothing to fear. She can trust Scotty to keep her secret safe even when Brenda questions whether she can trust him. What Scotty doesn't understand is why Brenda gave him the story. As the writer, couldn't he have thought of something original to write about? Well, you see, Brenda saw from the git-go Scott is, "a caring sensitive person". She gave him the most intimate details of her meaningless life without knowing up front that somewhere along the line he'd tell the world the truth. Ah, there's that ugly word again. Truth. The one thing feared most in Genoa City. Still, Scott promises no one will ever know.

God help him, if only Scotty weren't so naive. If only he weren't so stupid he'd know the real crazy in his book should be his mother. What woman in her right mind tells a known arsonist and sexual predator she's proud of the progress he's made? What sane woman would praise Kevin Fisher and give him a trinket from her Little Shop of Horrors on the house?

Lauren Fenmore would.

"You've accomplished so much and I can hardly wait for you to become my brother-in-law" Lauren actually told the little freak on Friday, then, with a crazed look in her eyes like she'd seen a ghost, slammed a pair of scissors down on the counter. The incident was so eerie it scared Kevin. Was something wrong? Was Lauren not being herself? "You seem a little out of it," Kevin remarked, as Lauren said she'd been thinking of her son at the time.

"Hmmm, you're thinking of Scotty holding a pair of shears? Isn't that crazy?" Kevin did not ask, because crazy is as crazy does. In case there was any doubt, Lauren had to ask: how is Scotty doing under Kevin's sweaty wing? Kevin's reply, that Scotty is "cool", would have been downright creepy had Lauren not asked whether Scotty has mentioned anything to Kevin about the past. It even took Kevin aback. Why would Scotty do that? They've only be shacking up together for a few days. Sure, it's Genoa City custom to tell strangers the most intimate details of their lives, but Jesus! Who's the strange one here?

Speaking of pure lunacy, when Scotty arrived at the shop later Lauren told him one day the shop will be all his! If that didn't scare the crap out of Scotty, nothing would. Especially not Lauren's jeepers creepers statement that Scotty will soon be, "A best selling novelist."

The People Next Door
by Brent Kellogg
September 20, 2005

It's been quite some time since I've stayed at a motel or a hotel or a dive the likes of which Cameron Kirsten and Dominic Hughes have stayed during their visits to fabulous Genoa City. I have never been to the Genoa City Hotel or managed to slip into the many suites occupied by Diane Jenkins or Lauren Fenmore thanks to an open door policy maintained by housecleaning at this fine establishment.

And while I've never been to the Motor Arms where Sheila Carter is staying, something tells me the walls there can't be so thin that a person throwing something against a wall in one room can result in the breaking of a mirror in another.

Maybe it's just me, but when I approach a door and hear the person inside having a fit I think twice about knocking. I figure maybe coming back at another time would be best. Then again, I'm not a sissified college student from Canada. I'm not a frat boy who can't remember who I was named after. I'm not a ferret-faced, weasel-looking Brad Carlton-type who doesn't know much about his mother and when we finally come face to face question why she heaps piles of love and kisses on me.

I am not Scotty Grainger. I did not knock on Sheila's door this week and when she screamed "go away" go inside anyway when she opened the door looking like she'd just come from a bad meeting concerning the increasing cost of heating oil with Satan. I did not ask Sheila, "Are you okay?" when it was obvious she was in need of a good anger management course.

I did not question Shelia when she said, "I didn't think you'd be coming by" when she knows damn well Scotty can't get enough of her. Shelia knows too that Scotty is almost as twisted as the ring in his nose she drags him around by. She knows only too well that when Scotty saw the broken mirror he'd ask "what happened?", that he'd lap up her somebody-in-the-next-room-broke-it story and that finer Motels such that Scotty apparently thinks the Arms is, would allow a broken anything on the premises. "Maybe you should change hotels," Scotty suggested, as if a broken mirror is sufficient reason to check out, only to say moments later a call to the front desk would get the mirror replaced.

That Scotty is deprived, that he, like his mother, is a loner and doesn't get out in public very often, was evident when he told Sheila, who to Scotty is really some soccer-mom named Brenda taking time out of her fifty years on earth to attend a college writing class, he'd witnessed some real life "drama".

The drama that so opened Scotty's glass eyes was the performing by a waitress of the Heimlich maneuver on a woman at a restaurant. Moreover, this drama, this seeing another person naked for the first time, so intrigued Scotty he wanted to wave a flag. "She did something heroic," he beamed of the waitress and while seemingly trying to decide which flag, American or Canadian, he should wave did not notice Brenda kick a black wig on the floor out of sight. Sheila, um, Brenda, could feel Scotty's patriotism. "Are you okay?" she had to ask.

Well, no. Scotty's not okay. This much we know. Any school kid who, as he says, "we haven't known each other that long", cries on a stranger's shoulder has serious issues. Any teenager pushing 20, albeit having no right to be such age, who tells a stranger he needs to talk about his mother, who infers his mother abandoned him and then says, "It wasn't her fault" when the stranger understands why he feels neglected, should be seeking psychological counseling and not be then telling the stranger of his intent to stay in town for another month.

Another month in Genoa City and Scotty will be just like the other walking dead who call this place home. Then again, maybe the appeal is self-explanatory. Maybe Scotty wants to walk around like the zombies here with their heads up their butts looking all forcibly blissed out and numbly patriotic as they read copies of "How to Stab Your Father In the Back" by Nick Newman.

Is this the appeal? Is this why Scotty wants to stick around? So he might inhale the intoxicating caught-up-in-it-ness, the drug of mass self-righteousness and the seven years of bad luck that will surely rub off onto him if he keeps hanging around Shelia and the people next door?

An Open Letter to Scotty Grainger
September 16, 2005

Dear Scotty,

May I be frank? No, you fool. Not frank, as in Frank Barrett. Frank. Don't you know what the word means? Aren't you a writer? Aren't you penning a book with that woman old enough to be your mother, what's her name, Brenda? Or is it Jennifer? Never mind. Let me be candid. You are not Traci Abbott Connelly and have never had so much as a short story published. So please, just shut the hell up about this notion you have of becoming a best selling author.

I'm not saying you can't become an author or that you shouldn't have great aspirations, but there's more to becoming a published writer than taking Brenda's sad life story and making it into a book. Have you even researched Brenda's story? Had you taken the time you'd find the story has been told before by someone far more qualified than you. If you persist with Brenda's tale you will be guilty of plagiarism. You know what that is, Scotty?

Please tell me, Scotty. What do you know about Brenda? That she's in your college writing class? Don't you think it's a bit strange that she sucks around you so much? That she's old and has the means to follow you around like a puppy dog? Isn't it odd Brenda would go to Genoa City for your grand homecoming party and then not show up at it? Have you ever asked Brenda if she has a family or why, exactly, a woman like this is in college?

Didn't it strike you when Brenda said Genoa City "seems like a friendly town with interesting people"? Is this what you think too, Scotty? Are the people you've met so far really that interesting? Didn't you notice anything about Kevin Fisher? Didn't anyone stop you on the street and warn you? Kevin is a freak. He gave a minor an STD, tried to kill another young girl and burned the RoadKill Cafe to the ground. Kevin's mother, Gloria, is a lying sack of crap. Do you really want to know people like this, Scotty? Is that why you said Wednesday, "It's like I'm getting this whole new family"?

Let me tell you a little something about your "Aunt Christine". If Christine "Bug' Blair had her way she'd be your step-mother. She wanted so bad to marry your father and would have had she not learned Dr. Scott Grainger was her brother. You see how sick these people are, Scotty? And don't let the Bug snooker you. Since your mother took you away from Genoa City she's never once mentioned your name. She has never thought about, or asked your mother what happened to you. Hell, the Bug gives higher praise to Daniel Romalotti. Have you met Daniel yet? He's the bastard child washed up rock star Danny Romalotti stole from Phyllis Summers. Mr. Rock On was once married to the Bug, got tricked into thinking Daniel was his son and couldn't let go. Danny loves Daniel so much he couldn't be bothered to come to Daniel's criminal trial. The Bug says Daniel is like the son she never had, yet did all she could to help Daniel's alleged victims put him away. Aren't these people nice?

What about when you said the Bug is "more beautiful in person than pictures my mother showed me"? Did you really mean this, Scotty? Do you really think a stick person with mop hair is beautiful? Is a critter who did not shed a tear when your father died and instructed someone else to make the funeral arrangements what you consider nice?

Did Lauren really show you photos of this creature? C'mon, Scotty. Tell the truth. Lauren and the Bug aren't exactly best buds. Ask your father if you don't believe me. Oh, that's right. You can't because Scott is dead! And why is that Scotty? Do you really think a young man, a doctor, died from an unknown, mysterious disease? If I was you I'd look into what my mother may have done to contribute to that death. I'll bet there was more than buffalo in the burger the good doctor ate that day on Catalina Island. You never heard, Scotty. But here's what your mother said about your father in 1993 when she'd grown tired of him. "I am a woman of many needs and he simply cannot satisfy my desires."

Scotty, you did get one thing right, however. When you said you're not used to seeing your mother around other people you hit the nail on the head. Lauren Fenmore is a slut. She flies around like a witch on a broom, aloof, and avoiding people like a president avoids hurricane victims. When she is around people it's usually oily, pimple-ridden teens she hires to run her Little Shop of Horrors. Have you been to the shop, Scotty? Drop by sometime and look at the spot on the floor in front of the display window. That's where your mother screwed Paul Williams in plain view of passerby's.

And when your mother isn't getting porked by her former husbands she's ramming her tongue down her employee's throats. Did Lauren ever tell you about Raul Guittierez? Did she tell you during one of those many phone calls she claims to have made that she went out on a date with Kevin, paid his bail bond and got stiffed by Kevin? No, not that way, but give her a chance.

Brenda was right too, Scotty, when she told you Lauren didn't raise you right and must be a "cold" person. Face it, Scotty. Your mother is a bitch. Don't give me that "it's not like she ever abandoned me" crap. She stashed you away like so many unwanted Genoa City kids. Have you met Paul yet? Ask him when he last saw his young baby boy. Ask Jack Abbott where his son is. What? You don't know Jack? Ask Jack where Kyle Abbott is. Ask him what he knows about your mother. Don't believe me? Ask Brad Carlton. Ask Brad about the heart attack he had while he was screwing your mother. Still think Lauren is a "smart, talented, beautiful, stylish, funny person", Scotty? Is this someone you're proud to call Mom?

What about school, Scotty? Don't Fall college semesters in Canada start in, you know, the Fall? Shouldn't you be making a run for the border soon? Why in the hell would you have come all the way here for your mother's latest wedding when she hasn't even set a date? Are you just gonna skip classes like J.T. Hellstrom skips virginal school girls? Have you met J.T.? He's got a mother too, but you never hear him say much about her except when she and his father are off on some cruise. You never hear J.T. say what a smart, funny woman Mrs. Hellstrom is. Hell, nobody has ever seen the Hellstroms.

Did you really say this, Scotty? That you don't have to worry about finishing college because you're a "writer" and "a writer can work anywhere?" If I hear you say that again I'm gonna take you over my knee and give you a good spanking. If you are truly your mother's son, you'd probably enjoy that though, so I'll just slap you silly.

One more thing: Since you're so in touch with your mother tell her this. If I hear her say one more time how Sheila Carter kept you from her all those years I'm gonna kick her fat ass. Oh, you don't know Sheila do you? You don't know a lot of things. You don't know how Lauren zips around the globe, screws men in showcase windows and on their desks and lusts after teenage boys. She wasn't too worried about Sheila then, Scotty.

So you go, boy. Go to your homecoming party, but don't get too upset if most of the guests don't know who you are. Just tell them you're the next Cole Howard. Tell them next year at this time you'll have written fifty books, probably living at the Newman Tackyroom and getting it on with Victoria Newman, or the stable boy - or someone.

Yours for better recycling,

Brent Kellogg

Genoa City's Malignant Tumor
July 22, 2005

Like the Walton's gathered around the voice box listening to FDR preach that we have nothing to fear but fear itself those of us interested in what Scotty Grainger said to Michael Baldwin this week hunkered down with great anticipation. Is it true Scotty agreed to be banished from his mother's life? What kind of boy would do this? What was Lauren Fenmore so ashamed of she felt it best to send him away to a boarding school for all his formidable years? Does Scotty have a man somewhere he calls "dad"? Is there a man out there who calls Scotty "son"? When, exactly, was the last time Scotty saw his mother? Does she visit him in Canada? Did she take him to ball games when he was a kid? Are there really boarding schools out there taking in young children? Who raised Scotty? Where was he at age five? Was he five or did he skip those years going from infant to boarding school-age youngster? How many times has Scotty shared Christmas or Thanksgiving with his mother?

For all the questions those that need answering the most were carefully avoided Friday when Michael met with Scotty in Canada. A pity too, considering Michael took precious time off from wedding planning, representing his one client Lily Winters and overseeing the death declaration of his step-father to make the long trip.

From the moment Michael knocked on the door Scotty recognized him as "the boyfriend" yet couldn't make the connection. What was Michael doing there? Could it be he was looking for his girlfriend's son? Scotty confirmed what everyone already knows. He's a college kid living in a dump and working on a Master's degree in education with an emphasis on writing. Like those in Genoa City he keeps a fresh photo of himself and his mother close at hand in the event he's need comfort or a flashback to better times. As for whether he'll go on to become a famous author like Leanna Love, Traci Abbott Connelly or Cole Howard, Scotty wouldn't say. After giving a total stranger some of the most personal details of his life Scotty wasn't sure he should be flapping his gums. Besides, what business was it of Michael's? Did Michael need to see for himself that he's not some kind of "freak boy"?

Oops. Scotty said it. He opened the door to allegations that he's just another sissy like Raul Guittierez, Billy Abbott, J.T. Hellstrom and Brad Carlton. Mentally off-balance momentarily Scotty, aware that Michael is his mother's boy toy, or so Michael said, Scotty wondered just "how close" are Lauren and Michael?

Refusing to give up intimate details of his life Michael ignored the question by answering it with another. How close are Scotty and Lauren? When did they last speak? It was only last week, Scotty said, when they spoke on the phone. As for seeing his mother Scotty confessed the last time was when Lauren stopped by on her return to the States via Paris by way of Canada.

Had Michael only known he would have recalled Lauren saying she'd come "directly" from Paris, but who's nitpicking little white lies when there's a bigger lie to spin? Scotty spoke the truth when he said he hasn't been back to Genoa City since he was a baby which even Michael thought was odd given the mini-megalopolis is Lauren's home. This inconsistency was easily flicked off by Scotty who said his mother's home is "wherever I am" and that Genoa City is only Lauren's "work place".

None of this, of course, made any sense unless, as previously pointed out, Scotty is a delusional freak, Lauren has him on drugs, he's such a mama's boy he thinks it's perfectly normal Mama lives in another country, or all three. This speculation that Scotty is under some evil mind control, hell, that he might be a sleeper cell, was enhanced when Michael ordered him not to say a word of their chat to Lauren and Scotty said he learned as a child not to cross Ma.

It was of further interest to note that in Genoa City it had just sunk into Lauren's thick head who Tom Fisher is. She berated him for treating poor Kevin the way he did and blamed him for turning Kevin into the firebug freak so desperate for a woman the best Kevin can do is ogle Mac Browning. And because Kevin is such a sissy he can't stand up and be a man Lauren said she made a promise that if she ever met Tom she'd whack him across the face. After doing just that Lauren asked, "What kind of man tortures his own son?"

Had Tom only known of Lauren's past he might have asked what kind of woman deports her son to a life without a parent? A life without a role model? Not that the city's oldest slut is a good role model, there's something about pots calling kettles black. That something, as we've known all along, is the hypocrisy thriving in Genoa City.

Does it even really matter anymore, now that so much of the damage has been done? That is, if the cancer is already malignant and has spread to the bones and the chemo only causes more of credibility's hair to fall out, does it matter what happened to Scotty? Don't we know? Can't we see that reuniting Scotty and Lauren together will result in Scotty getting drunk, being accused of killing someone and that the cycle will go on? Almost everyone who has ever returned to Genoa City after years away has always found themselves on the wrong side of the law. Nick Newman, Billy Abbott, Colleen Carlton, Lily Winters and Daniel Romalotti to name a few.