See Also: Lily Winters  Devon Hamilton

Memo to Neil Winters

December 6, 2006
by Brent Kellogg

If your son, which I understand wasn't legally adopted when all this time you and your wife have been acting as if he had been so much so you had me convinced, and for whom you shelled out hundreds in tuition so that Devon Hamilton might attend the prestigious Genoa City University, refuses to go to school - like the spoiled brat has, take away his green card! Tell this kid: "No schoolie, no workie." Impress upon the child that he doesn't get to work as a mail clerk until he's back in school. Do not, Mr. Neil, get on your knees and thus live up to the nickname 'Kneel' some have given you. You, Neil, are supposed to be the adult.

In other words, get a freaking grip!

I know, it's hard when you can't help but bawl like a baby and say all the troubles your family goes through year in and year out are your fault, but do not let junior drag you around by that ring in your nose. Do not wallow in self-pity or say how there must be something more you can do to keep the boy happy. Haven't you done enough? Haven't you saved Devon's ass from a level-13 correctional facility? Haven't you gone out on enough limbs and spent enough money on this sad sack to last a lifetime? As they say in some circles, grow a pair! Show Devon who wears the pants in the family. Show him what it means to be a real man.

While you're at it Mr. Neil, get a real lawyer! Michael Baldwin is misrepresenting your interests. He should have told you that parents, not that you are legally, not yet anyway, don't have to testify against their own children even it it means said children might get a reduced sentenced. Speaking of which, did the prosecuting attorney promise in writing what Devon's sentence will be if he pleads guilty to killing Carmen Mesta? If he did, you best get a real lawyer to check it out. Prosecutors may only suggest a sentence. The decision, ultimately, is up to the judge.

Will you listen to me, Neil? Will you put your foot down where Devon is concerned, or will you grovel? Will you and that evil wife of yours suggest that Devon be legally adopted? I thought you did that already? If you didn't, why not? What were you waiting for? Will it make a difference? Will Devon do anything different than what he's doing now? He hasn't before. He sucks money out of you like an SUV sucks gasoline. He's eighteen, legally an adult, and yet you keep treating him, and he keeps acting, like a kid.

And would you please tell me how it is that you could find out about Devon's biological mother and Devon could not? Did Yolanda Hamilton leave a number with you where she could be reached? Did she slip it to you that day she was hoping you'd slip the pork to her and when you didn't split for Seattle? What's that? You've learned Yolanda has gone back to her crack-smoking ways? You don't know how to break the news to Devon for fear he might throw another tantrum or run away from home?

Just do it. Tell Devon in your usual condescending way. Tell him you love him and that he's become the son you never had. For the icing on the cake, offer to officially adopt him. Devon will swoon with giddiness. He'll be named in the will and boy won't that money come in handy some day. One caveat though, Neil. Do not, under any circumstance, require Devon to go back to school in exchange for his new heir to the Winters throne. Give him what he wants when he wants. That'll teach him. That'll reinforce the general consensus in Genoa City that rich kids don't need an education. Everything they have is given to them on a silver platter. Anything they want is but a temper tantrum away.

Big 'Ole Jet Airliner

May 31, 2006
by Brent Kellogg

Can you see it? Can you imagine Neil Winters in the garage polishing up the jetliner? You have to envision things like this because the question that first comes to mind after Victor Newman gave Neil the old Newman jet was: where's he gonna park that thing?

How many miles are on it? Will it pass DEQ? Who's gonna fly it? Not Neil. Far as I know Neil doesn't know the first thing about flying much less have a pilot's license. Maybe his wife has one. You think Dru took time out somewhere along the line? Maybe the Winters' daughter knows how. Lily's good at forging documents. I wouldn't be surprised, if she doesn't already have one, Lily will have her pilot's license soon. She'll be asking to use the jet on weekends to fly her to the Jitter Joint or wherever in the hell these people think a jet will come in handy.

Then there's the adopted son, Devon Hamilton. Maybe he too will get a license. Then he and Lily can squabble over who gets the jet. Of course, if none of them has a license they can always hire a pilot. Unless, that is, Wally Ramjet is staying on to fly the thing and be ready at a moment's notice to fly Dru to Paris, or Neil to that all-important business meeting.

I mean, Jesus! Forget about what Wally must cost, think of the maintenance alone. Jet fuel, hanger rental, oil, it must cost an arm and leg to keep that monstrosity in the air. This ain't no new jet Victor so willy-nilly gave Neil. It's got to be twenty years old if it's a day. I'd venture a guess to say it's ready for the scrape heap. Why else would Victor give away such a tank?

You gotta laugh because Neil actually thinks Victor did him a favor when he tossed him this latest bone. Poor Neil has been feeling neglected. He's been down in the dumps and thinking about quitting his fancy job at Newman Enterprises because Victor keeps passing him over for all the cherry positions. Neil knows that unless his name is Newman or Carlton he's never getting ahead, but still, like a dog, Neil is happy to take any scrap from Victor even if means having to spend thousands just to keep it parked.

Victor must be laughing too. Instead of having to trade the old jet in on a new one he just sticks Neil with the monster. Victor gets a tax write off in the process and Neil, well, Neil gets someone else's problem and like always, screwed. Good boy, Neil. Sit, stay, rollover. Victor's got you trained. Chump.

Hate is Not the Answer

May 9, 2006
by Brent Kellogg

I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I expect at any moment Neil Winters will tell his bow-wow wife what a skank she is for sleeping with his half-wit brother, the blowback and Neil taking her back. He always does. I fully expect Neil will be on his knees before too long, begging. Like he begged Dru Winters to take him back after he'd fallen into a bottle and put his pork to the Olive Pit bar babe.

Like when he wanted to screw Victoria Newman and she, coming to her senses, rejected him, Neil, unlike Dru when she did Malfunction Winters, wasn't married then. There was some question about Neil having the hots for Olivia Winters, but he never did Dru wrong like she done him. He never took the child he thought was his and fled to Paris. He didn't say anything when Dru took up with Wes Carter and except for saying what a disgusting act it was, didn't carry a grudge when he found Dru and Wes getting frisky on his sofa.

Neil didn't whine when Dru and Olivia started taking turns doing Wes like two whores sharing a Magic Hitachi or when his daughter said she wished Wes was her father or when Lily and prayed that Wes and Dru would get married so that they could be a real family.

"How could you do that?" Neil squawked today while asking Dru of her romp with Malfunction.

How? Like everything she does, Dru just does it. She, um, shoots first and asks questions later, presuming of course she isn't busy working like a slimy politician to cover up her crimes against humanity. For Dru, spreading her legs in a cold medication overdose stupor, was just sex. Like dead babies, it weren't no big deal. When Neil gets over it he'll come crawling back.

But before that can happen there must be the prescribed weeks of anguish. The wringing hands and broken heart transplants. The hateball hurling, the comparing of who did what to whom notes, the occasional let's have sex interlude to recall how much love they once shared followed by threats of separation and divorce and saying they were just having a disagreement when the kids ask why Mommy and Daddy are fighting.

Speaking of kids, there's always the possibility a warring faction will say that breaking up is hardest on the little ones and standing on the outside looking in fearful family members, will pray for a miracle to come down from the heavens to save their precious family.

And right on cue today damn but what it didn't begin. Despite knowing what Dru did, having said over and over he can't understand why she'd cheat on him or for that matter why his brother would, Neil, having walked the streets of Genoa City the night before to clear his empty head, told Dru he wants to believe.

"I swear on my grandmother's grave," Dru swore, as if to say she ever knew her grandmother or where the grave is located and that if she tells the lie enough times Neil, like the sheep he is, would believe it. The way Dru sees it, sleeping with Malfunction was okay because while she was rocking his world she was thinking of Neil and that's all that matters. Regardless of how many times she whores around, Neil will always be her main man.

His skin crawling, Neil back peddled. He wants to believe, but he can't. Dru done did to him what has been done to so many others in this godforsaken town. Maestro, drum roll please: "You betrayed me!"

Ah, yes. It's the old you betrayed me line.

How many times have these words been uttered in Genoa City over the years? How many times last week, or the week before when Sharon Newman was telling Nick how betrayed she felt, or when Nick was telling her before that or when Nick's mother hurled the line at his father?

"It meant absolutely nothing," Dru spat again, which was just another way of saying, "It was just sex", and is another crutch line heard a bazillion times before and so often it no longer has meaning.

How funny too, when Neil said, "I'm a big boy" and that he could have handled the truth had Dru told him from the outset.

Neil can't handle the truth. He never has, he never will and it's unlikely, from the way he carries on like a kid who can't get his way, that he ever will as evidenced again by his bellyaching. He can't understand why their daughter would say he's not her father. Gosh, why would Lily say such a thing?

Neil, my man, let's review. In the past 24-hours you've said a good twenty times that your wife slept with your brother. You know Lily has been acting strange for month. You know Dru has been keeping this a deep dark secret for years. Why do you think Lily said you're not her daddy? Could it be, gasp, that you're not her daddy?

For all the redundancy and failed attempts to make anyone give a damn about this family anymore, the punch line came when Neil said he tried reaching Malfunction - but guess what?

"It's like he [Malfunction] disappeared."

What? You've just noticed? You haven't been by the Jitter Joint in so long you haven't noticed that little brother isn't managing the place anymore? You haven't notice that he's not popping into your wooden box every other day so that you can catch him and your wife whispering and acting strange? Neil, you been drinking again? Doing crack at the office between board meetings? If you think Malfunction being incommunicado is a good thing because there's no telling what you might do to him, how's this for a shocker:

Your nephew, Nate Hastings disappeared years ago! Have you ever once asked about Nate? Have you not thought it strange that Nate's mother hasn't been around since November, 2004? Haven't you ever wondered why Olivia flew the coop right after treating another of Dru's men, Damon Porter? Oh, sure. Dru never got it on with Damon, but she would have had he not been into white chicks. And yes, Neil, it's true that Olivia and Nate are said to have moved to London, but did you think to call them at Thanksgiving? What about Christmas? Didn't think so. While we're at, what about Dru's Aunt Mamie? Isn't it odd you don't see PainMe Johnson around these days? Did the old maid sleep with some other rich dude and get paid off to leave town? Wouldn't you like to know these things? Here's the bottom line, Neil. Make it stop!

Stop the bitching and moaning. Stop saying how much you hate Malfunction. Haven't you learned by now? Hate is not the answer. Hate is a divider. It brings about world wars and needless death. Accept that Lily isn't your daughter. Accept that your wife is an evil dog. You'll never have a better excuse than now to rid yourself of this dysfunctional family so take some free advice: get out now!

Pearls Before Swine

May 8, 2006
by Brent Kellogg

It is so easy to let the resentment seethe. That feeling of taking pleasure in the suffering and failure of others especially when you believe that the failure is well deserved because the wild success that preceded it was totally undeserved. It is easy to let the all-American sense of sarcasm and bitterness prevail.

It happens to you, it happens to me, and it is apparently spreading like a nasty STD over at the Abbott "shed" - otherwise known as the home of newlyweds Daniel and Lily Romalotti - where ferocious and hyper-hatchet woman Dru Winters was taking glee with the shocking discovery that her daughter's school grades are in the toilet.

Lily's grades are so bad she may not get into Stanford University or any upscale college from whence her pretend daddy holds a degree in business and Dru finds this living in a shed so beneath a kid of Lily's upbringing.

"Is this the way you want to live?" Dru belched, and calling Lily's husband a "numbskull", added that Lily is throwing her future away.

For a woman who spent her teenage years on the street picking pockets, never went to college and couldn't read or write until Nathan Hastings took her under his wing, Dru's a good one to talk. It's the old do as I say, not as I do routine. It wasn't so long ago that, in exchange for Lily keeping the secret that Neil Winters isn't her biological father, in lieu of covering up the fact that she slept with her brother in law while married, Dru gave Lily's marriage to the dimwit Daniel Romalotti her blessing. Dru changed her mind about Daniel being a "bad seed" and even told Neil that Daniel wasn't such a bad kid after all.

But there she was at the shed spewing her hatred. Now Daniel's a "numbskull." Now she wants to have Lily's marriage annulled again so that Lily can come home and live happily ever after with mommy and daddy and become an old maid like Victoria Newman probably would have been had she not hooked up with Brad Carlton. Dru is spewing again that Lily only married Daniel to prove she could and since the point has been made Lily should stop "playing house."

Instead of reminding Dru of the deal they made, Lily puked up gobs of what "an amazing relationship" she has with Daniel and, unlike Dru and Neil, she and Daniel don't lie to each other. Lily likes her life the way it is and... she might have said how nice it is eating Abbott Hotel leftovers had Dru not disappeared in a cloud of disgust.

With the encounter still fresh in her mind, Lily jumped on the computer and sent an email to Daniel at the office telling him all about it. Problem was, in her haste, Lily sent the message to Neil. It was an honest mistake. It's happens all the time that when creating a new email message the author can't see who the mail is going to. With most email software the address book lists contacts in random order and thus the name Daniel comes next to Dad.

Unaware of her mistake, Lily, not at her fancy, 10% discount job at Fenmore's Little Shop of Horrors this day, was sitting around on her skinny ass and milling over what her mother had said when Daniel called. Happy to be wearing new shoes his boss had purchased for him to wear at his silver platter job, Daniel, prior to calling, told the boss man, who just happens to be his father-in-law, how pleased he was to hear that Neil had been put in charge of the Granville Global project and that he, Daniel, had read about Neil's coup in some magazine. On a power high, Neil, as his boss had told Daniel previously, said opportunities at Newman Enterprises are plentiful for the college-educated.

The subtle hint, Torture Chamber in Daniel's not out of high school head, had an impact as Daniel said he'd look into going to college and then went off to make a personal call. Noting that his bride seemed on a downer, Daniel listened as Lily told of having explained her rotten mood in an email.

Email? What email?

Realizing her error, Lily ordered Daniel to delete her message from Neil's computer and he, the loyal husband, the kid trying to beat all Peter Principal odds, went straight to Neil's office where he tried to get the email and would have had it not been password protected. With Lily still on the line, Daniel did what she told him next.

Break the computer!

In the time it took for Daniel to ponder how one breaks a computer, in the time it took for Neil to walk down the hall to his office and throw a justifiable fit, Lily had managed to leave the hotel, get to NE and up to the executive suites in time to see Neil holding a copy of her email.

What exactly Lily wrote that tipped Neil off may never been known, but whatever it was Neil got the distinct impression that his wife and brother did the nasty, Lily knows about it and has been in cahoots with her mother to keep it a secret.

Sure enough, when Dru arrived Neil laid it on her. Did she and Malfunction Winters get it on? After some hemming and hawing, Dru did what every cheater does when caught. She claimed having intercourse outside marriage is just sex, was so long ago when she spread her legs it doesn't matter now and for Neil not to get so bent. To further wash away her sins, Dru said she was under the influence of cold medication at the time and was so zoned she couldn't tell one man's penis from another.

Neil blasted the bitch. "You expect me to believe that fairy tale?"

There's nothing worse than a lying, cheating bitch and it doesn't matter whether they say oh, it's the truth, because that's the problem. It's true. Dru has always been a low-lying skank. As if further proof is needed to verify such a statement one need only remember how Dru pleaded with her sister to give Brad Carlton the best "F___" he'd ever had.

Predictably, Neil stomped his little feet, Lily told Daniel she fears daddy may walkout on the family and the stage was set for another marriage breakdown. It's way past the time for Neil to take a hard look at his family and say, "What a farce!" He's got the most pathetic excuse for a wife, a daughter who isn't his biologically, a son who isn't his either, a half-brother who thought nothing of screwing his brother's woman and they've all, at some point, have lied or are lying to him.

Who wants a family like that? Who wants to see Neil ditch the lot of them? Surely he can do better. It might be interesting so see Neil do just that were it not for the fact that Dru and Lily, Malfunction and Devon Hamilton take turns carrying Neil's balls around in a silk purse. Neil says he's opposed to Lily's marriage, Lily pulls the purse strings tighter and Neil caves in. Devon walks all over Neil, Neil says he won't stand for it, Devon pulls the purse strings tighter. Dru... well, you get the point. Neil's a pussy. Dru will pull his strings, or get shot by a carjacker, and Neil, like a good puppet, like pearls before swine, will dance to Dru's tune.

The Cesspool of Nasty Threats

April 25, 2006
by Brent Kellogg

There is nothing more heartwarming than an employer who rewards his or her loyal employees and nothing is more sweet, revengeful as it may be, than payback.

Within hours of having been knifed in the back by colleague Brad Carlton, who stole a major business acquisition right out from under his nose, Neil Winters on Tuesday not only managed to wedge that same nose deep into Victor Newman's butt, but he pulled the bloody knife out of his back and stuck it deep into Brad's cold, cold heart. Sweeter still, Neil arranged a meeting with billionaire George Granville, the owner of Granville Global with whom Brad had negotiated the acquisition.

In doing so, Neil seemed to end speculation that he would be leaving Newman Enterprises for the greener pastures of what this reporter thought would be an equally plush job working as Nikki Newman's partner at the up and coming NV Wellness Spas. Not that it couldn't still happen, if Neil doesn't put a muzzle on that rabid, helmet-headed, big mouth wife of his, he may discover that no amount of brown-nosing will save his ass next time push comes to shove.

Taken aback that Neil had met with Granville, and had said that he'll be in charge once the transition of Global is complete, Brad asked if he hadn't heard wrong. With a crap-eating grin on his face, Neil said no, Brad hadn't heard wrong. He, Neil Winter, is the big man on campus. The great man himself, Victor had made it so and Brad better not forget that Victor scratches the backs of those who scratch his.

With Brad right where he wanted him Neil could have twisted the knife a few times and laughed while he did it had it not been for the mouthy Dru Winters.

"Don't you feel foolish representing yourself as something you're not?" she spewed.

Brad could have thrown the hate ball right back at Dru by asking if she didn't feel like Fox News - or something. Passing herself off as a business executive when she's dumber than Sharon Newman is not something one should be proud of. But, trying to maintain some decorum, Brad held off. He tried to explain that snatching the acquisition away from Neil was no big deal. The iron was hot, so he struck. That he scored a touchdown doesn't mean Neil will be pushed aside.

"Just off a cliff," the bitch hurled again, as Brad assured Neil there will always be a place for him at Newman Enterprises.

That Brad, low man on the totem pole would say such a thing, was somewhat justified in that he does own shares of Newman stock and is about to marry the boss' daughter. But Dru couldn't let it go.

"Isn't that generous, Honey?" she asked Neil, as Brad finally told her to close her foul hole.

As Neil covered for the brown fungal mold that someone forgot to let evolve, damn but what Dru didn't regurgitate more crap.

"You tell him, Honey!"

The scene, reminiscent of a trailer park ho packing six unkempt kids at her side, with curlers in her hair, a cigarette in one hand and a warm beer in the other, was exacerbated when Dru accused Brad of being "a good Cub Scout for God."

Yes, it's self-righteous, born again Dru, stewing in her own juices, her IQ hovering right around 5, smelling vaguely of week old soiled diapers, invoking the name of God as she cheers the news that some woman in Green Bay was just sold into sex slavery. Her formerly enormous pile of crap down to the level it was when she encouraged sister Olivia to give Brad the best "F" he'd ever had, here Dru was again this week wallowing in the cesspool of nasty threats and demons who helped her crawl to where she is today.

Another Rat Threatens Bailout

April 21, 2006
by Brent Kellogg

You may have seen the headline before: Another Rat Threatens Bailout, Is Newman Ship Sinking? That the headline was repeated today is appropriate given that Neil Winters has said that an "up and coming" company may be looking to him to help it gain notoriety.

That Neil may leave Newman Enterprises shouldn't come as any surprise. After getting aced out this week by Brad Carlton, who scored a coup when he sealed some acquisition deal while Neil was playing with his pud, Neil threw a hissy fit, tattled to the boss when Brad said he would be in charge of running the acquisition, and for his brown-nosing ways got but a pat on the head from Victor Newman.

Neil's squealing like a pig was somewhat justified as it's the second time in recent memory he's been passed over by someone with less time on the job and with less knowledge of the day-to-day operation at Newman Enterprises. That Brad heads a "division" at the firm, that he once owned his own company and worked at Jabot Cosmetics, doesn't warrant his pulling the rug out from under Neil. But in the world of business and politics it makes sense Neil got the knife in his back. Besides that, Neil has the wrong color skin.

Neil knows this. He's all but said as much, yet he keeps licking Victor's boots.

It was September 29, 2005, when I last wrote that Neil, like Phyllis Summers, who begged Victor on at least two occasions to take her back only to quit NE again without notice, was talking about leaving the company. It wasn't exactly clear why Neil would quit when that past Christmas he'd whined about needing the money to pay for his lavish lifestyle, that of his wife, and two children Neil said at the time were college-bound. For all his years of devotion, Neil was bummed because he wasn't getting any respect. Victor did tell Neil he was "like a member of the family", but Neil complained to his wife that like Miguel Rodriguez, who the Newman's also consider family, he was being treated like a slave.

Neil was trapped. He knew he had to move on, only there wasn't anywhere he could go. He thought about going to Jabot where his nepotistic wife once worked along with a slew of other former NE employees, but when push came to shove slithered back to the protection provided by the great Victor Newman. In a way, it was a good move in that Neil hadn't joined the misinformed and poorly-educated executives bouncing around from employer to employer and biting the hands that feed them with their frequent accusations hurled at colleagues and owners they considered lower than a snake's belly in a mud puddle.

In 2005 it was asked why people like this kept making the same mistake. If they hated those people so much, why go back for more? If Neil wanted out, why not go into business for himself? Why not be like Paul Williams?

As a private eye who also operates a major alarm company, Williams doesn't have an endless supply of employees to recycle or have to deal with managers calling from London at all hours. Williams doesn't have a payroll either. The one person he pays under the table is but a helper who takes odd jobs when he isn't helping take down the Mob or pretending to be the father of some troubled woman's baby. Williams' overhead is so low his office consists of a broom closet inside a law office.

The GCN wrote in late 2005 that should Neil decide to open his own cosmetics firm it was hoped he'd hire well-trained scientists with genuine university degrees. We suggested that Neil's new company might even prepare ad campaigns long before its products hit the market and said products were FDA approved. We suggested Neil be ready when those damnable product designers and spokesgeeks march into his office with bad news of some upcoming lethal storm conjured up by the competition well before he has to wake up and scowl and pretend to care, lest some new employee has engaged in a conflict of interest in spite of his own incompetence for hiring employees without checking their backgrounds.

We imagined Neil running a company where the employees aren't related to, or having sex with, the enemy. A company where there's no in-fighting or back-stabbing and where Neil actually sits his ass down and listens as some marketing expert tells him to forget depending on a website for profits.

They say that the more things change, the more they stay the same. How ironic then that just a few months ago Neil was pissed off because Brad got NE stock and that he'd been passed over. Yet, when his wife assumed that Victor made the deal with Brad so as to get closer to Abby Carlton, Neil said, "Victor doesn't mix business with personal concerns". How funny that just this week Victor said, damn straight. He mixes business with pleasure when it comes to protecting his precious family.

So then, it must be Neil's destiny. He must be destined to be a low-lying hunk of social detritus, something to be ignored and spat upon and laughed at as he goes crawling to NVP, which is now NV, which could become NVN.

My Name is Neil and I'm a Drunk

March 30, 2006
by Brent Kellogg

Now what did I just say? I know, I know. If you read my Daze report you already knew that what we are seeing more often than not in Genoa City these daze is more of the same. At the time I wrote that report I didn't know about this. So therefore, I wasn't really surprised, nor should you be.

Neil Winters the drunk may be headed back to the bottle. Isn't that the way it is for most addicts? Haven't you ever said you quit smoking but secretly kept smoking? Wasn't there something that sent you over the edge, like a new computer from Dell that worked fine for 90-days and then the hard drive crashed and talking to Dell tech support in India drove you to light up a cigarette, and then another, and another?

So what will send Neil off that cliff? You had to ask? Lily! His precious daughter who really isn't his daughter. Not in the way that matters. Yes, Neil finds out Lily is really his niece. Given the incest that goes on in this city why should this shock him? Because it happened to him and not someone else?

We all know the story. Neil's wife, Dru, had sex with Neil's half brother and years later the truth has come back to haunt the entire family. That is, all but Malfunction Winters the, um, man who took advantage of Dru while she was zoned out on cough medicine given her by Olivia Winters, the doctor who has also since flown the coop.

Not that Neil didn't try to get Malfunction back, he did.

In a published report Kristoff St. John (Neil) says the last time he asked about getting Shemar Moore (Malfunction) back, the answer was no.

"I don't think they've been able to reach an agreement for Shemar to return for May sweeps. That's unfortunate because Malcolm is pivotal for the story line as Lily's real father. There's still a chance he'll come back for a few episodes, but right now it's looking pretty grim."

As for how to make the unbelievable believable, St. John says it's gonna be "tricky" for those gnarly writers.

"But it doesn't mean we can't continue the story. Neil will discover the truth about Lily's paternity and that will send him into a tailspin. We'd love to have Shemar on set to do a confrontation between the brothers, but if we can't, we may have to do a phone call," St. John laughed.

Oh my, isn't that just the funniest damn thing you ever did hear? Imagine the phone call. "So, Bro. You knocked up my wife?" blah, blah, gag, vomit.

St. John went on to say that he spoke with Moore. And what did Moore say?

"He told me he wanted to finish Malcolm's story for his own piece of mind. Some of it has to do with finances, I know that, and some of it has to do with his schedule."

For his piece of mind? Oh, please. I'm gonna be ill.

As for what happens when Neil gets the sad news, word is that it'll be back to the bottle, because, as I just said - Neil is a drunk. This is what drunks do. Of course, there will be a scene between Neil and Dru leading to what some speculate will be the end of yet another Genoa City marriage. Because, well, you know. This city just wasn't meant for married people. City leaders should hang a sign on the gates. Marriages destroyed here. Enter at your own risk

Speaking of bad habits that keep coming back, watch for the return of City Prosecutor Will Bardwell (Ted Shackelford) when criminal charges are filed against Jabot Cosmetics for pedaling the toxic goop known as Glow Again.