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News
Archives - 2007 - Clear Springs
See Also: Business News
Out of
their Asses
by Brent Kellogg
November 23, 2007
Under cover of concern for the less fortunate, local
businessman throws ticket-required last-minute fund
raising concert at hole in the wall jazz club.
Invited international singing star performs one song
at said concert. Event ends with no sign that anyone
from Clear Springs was invited or purchased tickets.
To show further concern for less fortunate, club
owner has sex with girlfriend at club; says much
money was donated, but does not make amount public
perhaps because approximatly ten guests present were
either stingy family members, or friends.
Great blame for cause of disaster is spread around,
then dismissed when disaster ruled an "accident."
All Genoa City victims recover from injuries, except
for comatose woman.
Woman's family, sans one-time mother-in-law and
hunkmonkey's parents, hover for days over lifeless
body.
Told decision must be reached yesterday or woman
could die, family members bicker for days.
End of recap.
The
Committee to Self-destruct
by Brent Kellogg
November 9, 2007
The Omen
by Night Watchman
November 8, 2007
It must have been my lucky day because when I got on
the GHMC elevator who should be going to the same
floor but the Professor and kiddie porn girl Colleen
Carlton.
"How's the leg, Professor? Cane helping any? Not
that Cane you fool. What's this I hear about you on
the committee to reconstruct? What do you know about
reconstruction? That's what I thought. Does Victor
Newman know? Didn't he have a big
enough fit when he found out Cane didn't have any
experience? Say, did you know Cane used to be a
bounty hunter? It's true alright. I heard him tell
Ms. Stevens. Kind of a kangaroo of all trades, that
Cane. Is that a meatball sandwich I smell? For the
pretend PI, huh. Figures. You got the hots for J.T.
again Barbie? I mean, Colleen. Put a sock in it
Professor. The girl's a slut. You know it, I know
it, she knows it."
By the time the elevator opened smoke was coming out
of their ears, but I didn't give a crap. If it's one
thing I can't stand, it's a child porn star and her
pedophile keeper. Working my way down the hall I
could hear the nurses buzzing. "What's shaking,
ladies? Monitor on the blink, eh? I thought Mr.
Newman was paying for the best care anywhere? What?
Sweet Jesus! Why is it each time I come here it's
like deju vu? Swelling hands! You know what that
means, right? I am so outta here."
"Brent! Night here. Listen bud, I'm calling it a
night. First I see God twice in one day, and now the
nurses are telling me the hands on Newman's daughter
are swelling. So? So your ass! That's the Sign of
the Claw! You ain't paying me enough. That woman is
possessed. I can feel the presence. Unless you got a
way to stab her with a silver spike... gold? I
thought it was silver. No matter, I'm not messing
with the omen - Jesus! That's it! Damien is in her
belly!"
Clear
Springs Comic Relief
by Brent Kellogg
November 7, 2007
by Brent Kellogg
October 29, 2007
I Saw
God!
by the Night
Watchman
October 25, 2007
When
Editor Brent asked if I could go to Clear Springs to report on
today's disaster relief, I flipped! For the first time he wasn't
calling me on my day off for such nonsense. Knowing the trip north
would require taking a plane, with my claustrophobia, there was no
way I was flying and told Brent to find someone else. That's when he
accused me of pulling a Lauren Baldwin.
"The Little Shop of Horrors owner is claustrophobic, but that's
never stopped her from flying back and forth to Paris. Get off your
ass and get up there!"
I was booking a flight with We Fly You Anywhere Air when the
travel agent suggested it would be cheaper to drive. Drive? You can
drive to Clear Springs? Since when? "Since they completed the
expressway. You can get there from Genoa City in about five
minutes," the agent said.
Out the door and in the Hummer, I pulled into the Clear Springs
Shopping Complex 4.5 minutes later. Quite the disaster scene, I
expected to be stopped by security or the cops, but the road leading
directly to what I'd learn was the hole to Hell was wide open and
there was no problem parking.
Stepping out of the Hummer, I lit a cigarette and looking around
caught a whiff of something that smelled like gas and at the same
time spotted Neil Winters briefing reporters. "So that's where the
gas is coming from," I muttered to myself strolling over to hear
Winters say that ten persons had been rescued so far and there were
no reports of death. For as crowded as the complex was said to have
been when it fell over, either it was a miracle or the rescue effort
was progressing slowly. It struck me as eerie that of all the
onlookers none were from outside Genoa City when a man carrying what
looked to be a purse began walking in my direction. Aware that
Dwayne was back home, I knew it couldn't be him, but from what I'd
heard the day before, how J.T. Hellstrom and Cane Ashby nearly had
sex in a busted elevator, I thought maybe J.T. had lost his.
Turning to look as the man swished past me, my heart skipped a beat
as he approached a foursome including none other than J.T and sweet
thang Daniel Romalotti. Forget covering the disaster, something told
me a bigger story was brewing; something the National Inquisitor
would pay twice what Brent was paying which was zero.
Any hope of getting a major sex scandal scoop was blown to hell when
the familiar sound of a woman bawling drowned out the helicopter
noise overheard. It could only be, and was, Nikki Newman having a
major meltdown. The purse was that of her trapped daughter,
Victoria, and without any proof that the pregnant woman was dead,
Nikki assumed the worse.
"You know those people?"
Spinning around, a hunk of a man wearing an orange hardhat was
standing so close I could smell his sweat.
"Yeah, I
know who they are. Who are you?"
"The name's Butch. Butch Jansen. My friends call me BJ."
"BJ, eh? What can I do for you, BJ?"
"Who's the dirty blonde?"
"Her? You don't want to mess with..."
"Not the old cow, Clyde. The stud."
"Oh, that's J.T. Say, don't you have people to rescue or something?
And the name ain't Clyde."
"Chill out dude, I was just..."
"I know what you just; people are dying and you're trolling for sex.
Get out of my face."
"Hey man, nobody's dying on my watch."
"No? What do you call that?"
Getting away from BJ before he tried to give me one, I wiggled into
a pack that had gathered near the hell hole to gawk at a body being
pulled out. Word spread quickly that it was the body of a white
male, and while none of the construction workers could identify him,
J.T. popped out to say it was construction foreman Joe Boddington.
The collective sigh that followed wasn't one I would have expected
from gawkers gasping over the loss of human life. The end of Nikki's
bawling jag was indicative of one who doesn't care who died so long
as it wasn't someone she knew.
That these creeps don't care about anyone outside their own personal
bubbles didn't come as any shocker, but I suddenly felt sick to my
stomach and in need of a few hits of oxygen. Reaching for a tank of
the stuff I'd seen hanging on a hook, when my hand slammed into the
hook I swore like a sailor. "Where's the goddamn tank? I just saw it
hanging here! Hey you! Give me some of your oxygen."
"Do you know who I am?" the voice said before I saw the face of the
great man himself.
"I'm Victor Newman. My daughter is down there in that hell hole, I
intend to see to it she gets out and I'm not giving a nobody like
you so much as the sweat off my ass. You got that? Have a nice day."
All I could do was stand there in awe as Newman, looking like
Aquaman on Geritol, dropped into the hell hole and out of sight.
Whipping out my cell, I called Brent to tell him this report was all
he was getting out of me for one day. Naturally, Brent was pissed
off until I told him why. "I've seen God! He's here! In Clear
Springs. I've seen God!"
Here I
Come to Save the Dame!
by Brent Kellogg
October 24, 2007
Is it
not amazing that for all the people there must have been on hand at
the Clear Springs Grand Opening, for all those who must have been
trapped and could be dead, the only ones to have been found by
rescue workers so far are members of the Genoa City elite? And why
is it that cars found in the rubble weren't parked next to other
cars? We know the parking garage was as big as a football field, but
was it so empty drivers could park without worry of getting their
cars dinged by shopping carts?
And what was up with all the helicopters flying overhead? What is
there to see? The occasional out-of-towner being pulled from a black
hole? Is Chopper 6 sending video to its viewers of all the strangers
standing around, on their phones leaving voice mail, clapping when
hero Cane Ashby comes out of the hole with two victims, but not
applauding when Sharon Abbott and Nick Newman emerged from the ruins
on their own?
It was nice that Victor Newman finally got around to giving free
lodging to those waiting for word on the victims, when so far the
only victims are the Genoa City rich and famous, but the really
generous thing to happen was Ashby, having just make his way out of
the ashes without a need for oxygen, over objections of the incident
commander, decked himself out like a certain president landing on an
aircraft carrier to declare "Mission Accomplished", gave thumbs up
to a worried to death about him mother he hasn't known for more than
a year, shook the hand of J.T. Hellstrom who had to help him out of
the hole earlier, and went back into the hole!
The logic for Ashby's return was astounding.
According to private defective Paul Williams, Ashby had an "edge"
that professional rescuers didn't. He had read all the blueprints
while the construction project was being built and had apparently
memorized every nook and cranny. That the place had since imploded,
that pieces of rubble were still falling, did not alter the original
design. Water sprinkler system #7? Ashby knew by heart where the
master valve was. Not that his rescue of wealthy grandmother
Katherine Chancellor depended on where anything was, the old woman
had been with Ashby and Hellstrom prior to their saving themselves.
The reason two young men would leave a woman behind had nothing to
do with the fact she already has one foot in the grave, but because
playing the martyr Chancellor had decreed the dire situation was no
time "to be heroic."
And while it was truly a time when normal people trapped would have
taken precautions to protect their bodies from the dust and falling
debris, Ashby had to take his shirt off before climbing through the
roof of an elevator car whereas Hellstrom above him had not. Ashby's
predictable slip occurring right on cue, the reaching to give him a
hand Hellstrom could have been a Goldilocks and Three Bears moment.
"My, what big muscles you have," Hellstrom might have said, his hand
running over Ashby's bicep before moving to his pecs and the two men
engaging in a passionate, we may never pass this way again, kiss.
How the boys missed the screaming, freaking out, sounding like a
chicken on Meth Amber Moore we may never know. Trapped in a car
parked next to no others, Amber sounded like a woman possessed,
talking to herself and squealing even as she figured out, hey, if I
roll the window down I can escape. And lo but what her journey led
directly to where Mrs. Chancellor was and they chatted it up like
long-lost friends when just a day ago it seems the near-death woman
couldn't stand the crazy bitch. After what seemed an hour of
pointless banter, Ashby literally dropped down from above and the
two women were rescued to great applause from the waiting on the
surface for signs of hope rubbernecking onlookers.
But if the crowd had only known what was happening down below, they
wouldn't have been so jubilant. Down in the ashes, coughing a
wheezing, Jack Abbott, having freed his trapped leg, was stumbling
around when he spotted would could have been a flyer for Fenmore's
Department Store. Armed with a pen, and a piece of wood subbing for
a clipboard, the senator wrote to his wife what sounded like a last
will and testament or, to be more specific, the script he'd read
from the last two times he was with Sharon.
With no mention of God, without thanking a higher power for keeping
him alive, Abbott wrote just before slumping over that thoughts of
the town whore that had given him strength to last just long enough
to write how "proud" and "lucky" he was to have been the whore's
husband.
God Help
Them
by
Brent Kellogg
October 23, 2007
Is it too early to say that the Clear Springs blame game has begun? Can it
be that Noah Newman will be taken to a local chop shop where he'll cling to
life while parents and family members hover over his immobile body? Will
Victoria Newman come out of her coma long enough to give birth before dying
and a major paternity suit spring forth as J.T. Hellstrom and Brad Carlton
squabble over who the daddy is? Will Genoa City dirty cop Maggie Sullivan
take over the investigation when she had no jurisdiction in Clear Springs,
will the Department of Homeland Security send agents to the scene, or the
FBI to investigate charges of "sabotage", and did the local TV station's
"chopper 6" ever arrive over the scene?
Answers to important questions took a backseat to the less important ones
today as the rescue continued and more people arrived on scene to
rubberneck. Not a soul dared question Victor Newman's presence. Seeing
Sharon Newman still laying on a gurney with a mangled leg, Victor did not
ask why she hadn't been transported to a hospital. Sharon's excuse for not
leaving was that she couldn't; not while her son's life could be at stake.
Victor did say repeatedly that rescuing is a job best left to professionals,
and for his nitwit son not to go back into the rubble. What the hell was
Nick trying to be, a hero?
Somehow knowing that his son was trapped with Paul Williams, Nick also knew
that Maggie Sullivan and Lauren Baldwin were in the ashes. He mentioned in
passing that Senator Abbott was still inside, but seemed to have forgotten
the man who saved his and Sharon's meaningless lives. In all the confusion
it could have been that Nick told Neil Winters what the senator did, but
immediately upon arrival and asked what he could do to do help, Neil was
named by Victor as official tragedy spokesman for the media.
Also rubbernecking, and acting as his mother's personal crisis emissary,
Daniel Romalotti put Nick on the phone with Phyllis Newman. "What took you
so long to call?" Nick actually asked his prison incarcerated wife, as if
he'd already forgotten that his cellphone was destroyed during the
implosion.
Of all the bizarre events that happened this day, perhaps the strangest was
when Daniel gave Sharon a blanket. It was odd because Sharon shouldn't have
been there at all unless paramedics had told her, "Listen lady, if you don't
go with us now, you don't go at all. This here ambulance ain't your personal
chariot. We've got another victims to save."
Granted, Sharon's son was out of his head, but what accident victim has ever
asked for pizza and soda as Noah did? Wouldn't that have been a good time
for Paul Williams, or playing nursemaids Lauren and Maggie to have told the
kid to stop putting such crap into his body? It was, however, at that moment
when one of the first important questions was answered as Lauren blamed
herself for their predicament. If only she hadn't this, if only she hadn't
that, if only she wasn't such a sniveling bitch suddenly afflicted with
claustrophobia when being trapped with Sheila Carter didn't seem to bother
her that much.
Neil's first press conference, broadcast on national TV like some mine
disaster, was to praise the heroics of Senator Abbott. The broadcast piped
directly into the Jackson State Prison, viewers were told that for the
latest updates check the clearspringsupdate.com website which did not exist
at the time of the broadcast just like Kevin Fisher's being at Clear Springs
too, in charge of updating the website, did nothing to lend credibility to
what is supposed to be a serious tragedy.
Who, exactly would want to check the website you might ask? Phyllis? She
doesn't have access to the Internet; only cellmate Jana Hawkes does. Abby
Carlton? Perhaps. She's about the only affected Genoa City resident not at
Clear Springs. And how are those there supposed to check the net? On their
cellphones? Oh, that's right, while it took someone to tell Daniel and
Michael Baldwin what's going on, they might still not know because they
don't watch TV. Plus, there's Devon Hamilton and Lily Winters. Did Neil tell
them where he was going and what had happened? Does Jill Abbott know that
her mother could be dead? Wouldn't Chancellor slave Ether Valentine be
interested? Maybe the website is for others in need of knowing like,
Lauren's mother and grown son - what's his name. What about Ashley Abbott or
the old man? Does John Abbott get Comcast in Heaven? Wouldn't Mary and Carl
Williams like to know? Or J.T.'s affluent parents? Do they have TVs? Does
Fen-Fen Baldwin have TV in his nursery? Someone better check on the boy, his
entire family left town without him!
Just when it was hoped that the entire crisis wouldn't go into the toilet,
Baldwin arrived to question the building structure's integrity. You think?
Someone sneezed and the building fell down? When did Baldwin become a
structural engineer, and when has anyone just looked at a pile of rubble and
ascertained such a notion? Couldn't terrorists unhappy with American
lifestyles have come to Clear Springs and blown up another building? What
about Nikki Newman? Wouldn't she have wanted to see her baby go up in smoke?
Why, yes, she would, and thus Baldwin was the second person to place blame.
Speaking of Nikki, it's a wonder God didn't strike her dead for standing
around appearing to be praying. He could have stuck Phyllis dead too for
saying that now, when it's too goddamn late, she wishes she had prayed. Memo
to the moronic adulterers: God can't help you now.
The Great
Escape
by Brent Kellogg
October 22, 2007
I'm a
little confused again. Here all this time I thought the Clear
Springs project, the entire shebang, was Nikki Newman's project. I
thought that Chancellor Industries and Newman Enterprises had
invested in the project, but when push comes to shove, it's Nikki's
company, NVP, that is the major developer.
Now, I'm learning that's not so. Nikki's only concern is that she
can't get one of her NVP stores, the health and wellness spa, into
the development because Victor Newman has cut her funding off. So
who then owns what is now a pile of rotten concrete? Apparently it's
CI and NE. Again, I could be wrong, but that's what I heard and it
could be true because otherwise wouldn't Katherine Chancellor be up
the creek if Victor cut the funding? Plus, there's the question of
what would have become of the construction if it hadn't already been
near completion and stores were preparing for the grand opening.
Once the money goes away does the project simply sit there, empty?
It would seem a moot point now that the place is a pile of rubble.
The best we can hope for is that those with an interest in the
project will pack up their junk and move on and except for the
expected blame game coming this week, and you know there will be
plenty of blame to go around, the name Clear Springs will never be
heard again.
If you're following the news coverage on CS Channel 6, did you laugh
when initial reports said there was no immediate indication that the
massive building collapse was the work of terrorists? What exactly
is the definition of terrorist? Slimy Americans building shoddy
resorts, using cheap construction materials, and pocketing money
meant for the good stuff? Shouldn't Chancellor Industries be held
liable for not having a better grip on who it, and its
subcontractors, employ? Are there not background checks to be run?
Did anyone think to check CI construction manager Cane Ashby's
qualifications to hold the position he does?
Does
anyone with a brain think foreign terrorists came all the way to
never heard of before Clear Springs to blow up a shopping resort?
Damn right they don't. The real terrorists, those destroying
America, are Americans like the thought to be evil construction
foreman Joe Boddington, and the suspected to be in cahoots with Joe,
David Chow.
Personally, I blame make-believe PI J.T. Hellstrom for the resort
collapse. If he hadn't been digging at the foundation with a
screwdriver, the place may have taken years to implode. Talk about
shoddy, even a sandcastle won't completely collapse when a section
of the foundation is compromised.
But, as they say, you can't cry over spilt milk, so let's consider
Victor's first reaction that this was an act of "sabotage." Dumb
stooge that he is, sabotage was the first thing to enter Neil
Winters' head too. With the Newman jet crash still semi-fresh in
their minds, it seems clear that someone wants Nikki dead. She was
supposed to be on the jet the day it crashed, and someone must have
known she'd be at the resort's grand opening too. At first, Jack
Abbott had the most to gain from Nikki's death as at the time of the
place crash he was in a heated senatorial race with her. Since Jack
was at the resort when it imploded however, it's unlikely he would
have placed himself in harm's way.
It's kinda funny when you think about how the now Senator Abbott's
handlers allowed him to go to Clear Springs alone. Oh, that's right!
Unlike most senators, Jack doesn't have a pack of goons traveling
with him to guard against assassination. Jack's the lone wolf. He
strolls down the streets of Genoa City without a care in the world
that someone will kill him, and his family.
And so it was then that today Jack found himself buried in the
rubble with his wife and her former husband, Nick Newman. It had to
be that their cellphones didn't work and that Sharon Newman Abbott
had a banged up, but not broken, leg as diagnosed by Dr. Nick. It
had to be that she screamed out in pain until Nick told the story of
how doctors in the caveman days repaired broken bones using hammers
and oh God, please, please let their rescuers be packing morphine.
It wouldn't have been a soap opera moment unless Sharon had said
she'd play the martyr by staying behind since only two of them could
escape their methane gas-leaking surroundings.
It would have been more fun watching Nick and Jack play Rock, Paper,
Scissors, but they chose to draw straws instead and thank God again
there were plenty of sticks strewn about the concrete rubble. Of
course Jack got the short end of the deal and before departing with
his wife, um, Jack's wife, no, his wife, um, the mother of his son,
Nick had to say that Jack "made me the man I am" and they hugged.
How sweet a scene it was when moments ago Nick had accused Jack of
being a murderer and a day or two before had said he didn't want his
son living with a criminal.
The sad part is that these creeps are so transparent. They always
have been. One day they can't stand each other, the next they're
practically gay lovers and the next they'll be at each other's
throat.
And that bitch, Phyllis Newman.
If it had been me and not Victor she called, I would have told her
this. "You want me to pull some strings to make the rescue operation
go faster? Who do you think I am - God? I'll pull some strings
alright. If you don't stop tying up the phone lines I'm gonna
arrange to have the warden strap you into the electric chair, then
I'm coming to the prison to personally flip the switch and fry your
skanky ass! Stay off the goddamn phone! You got that? Don't make me
come over there; it's right around the corner so you know I can be
there in five minutes."
Jesus, Phyllis is not only annoying, she's self-centered. Calling
Jack's voicemail, asking him to have Nick call her, and only as an
afterthought saying she hoped Jack was okay too. I mean, the bitch
is a danger to herself and society and they're gonna let her out?
Her mindset, and that of her girlie-boy son is astounding. Sure,
she's in a prison where the rules are unlike those at any prison on
the planet, but what would make her think she could escape, what
would make her think this 48-hours before she's gonna be let out on
work release, and why would that fool, Daniel Romalotti think she
could pull it off? Furthermore, what in God's name did Daniel think
he could do if she did escape? His conversation with crazy Jana
Hawkes was the dumbest damn thing. "Call me if she does anything
stupid."
You mean
like when she breaths? When she makes a hundred calls and says
during one of them that she's trying to reach her lawyer but doesn't
actually call Michael Baldwin? Or when she calls Jack's phone again
and says over and over to have Nick call her? Hasn't she heard on
the news? There's a freaking catastrophe going on! People have
better things to do right now than to brief her ass on every little
detail. Don't worry, Phyllis. If your man Nick is dead you'll know
soon enough; you won't give a rat's ass for very long either. You'll
shed a few crocodile tears and then start looking for another man to
take his place. Phyllis, honey, like Jana said, this not a movie. It
is not the Great Escape.
Hunkmonkey Pulls Thumb Out of Ass; Mall Implodes!
by
Brent Kellogg
October 19, 2007
Look into my eyes. Deeper, deeper, there! Do you see it? It's the biggest
damn shopping mall you ever did see! The parking garage alone is the size of
a football field. Know where it is? That's right! Clear Springs, Wisconsin.
Know where Clear Springs is besides Wisconsin? That's okay, not many people
do. But forget all that, when was the last time you went to a shopping
center grand opening and saw construction crews still working on the place?
Never? Do you say that because the dust and dirt kicked up by crews is not
conductive to spending money, or that the rich folk don't want their
Bentleys and BMWs getting covered with soot? And wouldn't you think on the
day of such a grand opening the mall would be crawling with shoppers and the
parking hard to find especially around noon? How is it then that GC business
woman Nikki Newman had no problem finding parking? Are there stalls reserved
for such important people?
We know it was almost noon because Victoria Newman, back again from GC, her
belly about to explode at any moment, said so. She and her boyfriend,
recently promoted to construction company supervisor J.T. Hellstrom, were
sitting around the CS hotel discussing names for her baby when other guests
were blinded by the light. Pulling the $50 engagement ring J.T. had given
her, Victoria slipped it onto her finger. Yes, it was a momentous occasion
signifying Victoria's near certainly that unlike her last baby - which never
saw the light of day - the new one will.
For those not familiar with the Genoa City elite, had they been sitting in
the lobby it must have looked like the circus had come to town. Strolling
around with an aluminum briefcase, private defective Paul Williams spoke of
having made adjustments to the security system at Fenmore's Department
Store. Perhaps aware that Paul's only employee was working undercover,
Lauren Fenmore Baldwin did not ask why whomever had installed the system
hadn't made the adjustments or what adjustment he'd made in the event she
ever needed to make readjustments.
So you may be saying, we know what a joke the Paul Williams Investigations &
Alarm Company is, tell those of us who weren't privy to these stunning
events something we don't know. Well, you know that Jack Abbott said he
wanted to take Noah Newman to Clear Springs for the excellent fishing, but
did you know that when the Abbotts got there it was Paul who took Noah
fishing, or that Noah had no clue that he was going fishing when what he
really wanted to do was go to a State Park? It's true! Jack and Sharon made
no mention of being there for the fishing and it was only when Noah thought
he'd get stuck holding Lauren's hand doing stuff women do, that Paul
suggested he take the boy fishing!
It was a wonder, because before the birth of the son he dumped in Los
Angeles, Paul said he was looking forward to taking Rickie Carl fishing, but
never did. Claiming to have had the foresight of packing a fishing pole in
the trunk of his car, Paul said all he needed was fishing license. That was
funny too, because I'm willing to bet Paul has never renewed his PI license
if he ever had one to begin with. God knows if he does, it should have been
yanked years ago.
Easily distracted, Noah went along with the fishing trip even when Lauren
said she'd come along too. Maybe it's just me, but as a kid growing up on
the farm who did his share of fishing, having a woman along would have been
out of the question. I mean, how's a guy gonna take a leak with a woman
watching? While something tells me they won't get out of the parking garage,
I'd pay to watch Noah bait a hook with his bare hands. I'd pay more to see
Lauren gut the fish and fry them for dinner.
As for Jack, is he losing his mind? Doesn't he remember throwing Nick out of
the Abbott home and Nick saying he didn't want Noah living with a criminal?
Why then would Jack volunteer that he's a murder suspect and give Nick more
ammo to fire at him which Nick wasted no time doing? Gluttons for
punishment?
Speaking of which, you can't help but feel sorry for Nikki when she goes to
the one woman claiming to be like a "mother" to her, begs for money, and
Katherine Chancellor Sterling says no. You gotta love it though, when Nick
finds out that daddy cut mommy off, when not so long ago Nick wanted nothing
to do with Nikki, he calls Victor to demand the great man stop being so mean
to mommy only be told to mind his own F'N business. It was almost as funny
as when Victoria called Victor for the same reason, said she should have
been consulted, only to have Victor laugh in her fat face. It's his goddamn
company and he'll run it the way he sees fit. That's what makes Victor
great; he doesn't take any crap from his diaper-wearing children and
constantly sniveling, should go back to stripping, wife.
And the nerve of that bitch. Backbiting Jack has she has since her
senatorial race against him, Nikki asked Jack to bail her sorry ass out of
the mess she's in. Without taking advantage of the situation, without
saying, "You hypocritical slut! You're asking me for money?" Jack simply
said he doesn't have the kind of money she needs.
Before getting to the grand finale, ask yourself this: If the other day
you'd been told that prison visiting hours were over, if you a few days
later you planned to go to the prison to see your mother, wouldn't you have
called to make sure mother can have visitors? And for God's sake, why would
you drag a one-year baby along - that will only bawl and fuss - when you
know mommy will be home in a few days? Ah, but that's what Daniel Romalotti
did today. He said he had to drop off Phyllis Newman's work schedule with
the board. What the hell? How did that task fall in Daniel's lap?
Better yet, how did J.T. know to look in the mall basement for cracks in the
foundation? Wouldn't government officials have already certified the mall as
safe before allowing it to open? Are they all on the take? It's a rhetorical
question. Looking like Nancy Drew, with his fancy flashlight and curling
iron, J.T. was probing for flaws in the construction and damn but what
chunks of concrete fell out. Oh lord! What's a pretend PI to do? Call the
City of Clear Springs? Screw that, call Chancellor Industries construction
expert Cane Ashby. See that Cane? Oh my, this is not good.
It came without warning. There was no endless video loop of planes crashing
into the place. All it took was for J.T. to pull a thumb out of his ass and
the entire freaking mall came crashing down! Through all the screams and the
smoke all that could be seen was the agonized face of Sharon Abbott. We knew
it was Sharon because her skull was split open and rocks were everywhere.
Okay, I made that last part up. But the rest of the story is true.
Hunkmonkey Pulls Thumb Out of Ass, Mall Explodes.
Without
Warning
October
15,
2007
by Brent Kellogg
Oh Lord, I couldn't stop
laughing and just when I thought I'd already heard the funniest thing in
years. There's the special, apparently never heard of before, work
release program at the corner prison of which inmate Phyllis Newman may be
entered into if it can be shown she's vital to the survival of the Clear
Springs project, and today we learn it was the Appellate Court last
week that denied Phyllis' appeal.
And so I was wondering why those so
worried about Phyllis never mentioned this; didn't they know? Wouldn't it
have made them sound intelligent had they thrown the words 'appellate court' around? God knows they've tossed the words 'state supreme court'
around enough.
It's kinda like how Senator Jack Abbott keeps saying ethics commission, but
not as funny as today when he told porn addict Daniel Romalotti - who was kicked out
of Newman Enterprises by Neil Winters and yet still trips around the
company because he works for the senator who besides being a politician, still
has connections with NVP and therefore has an office at NE despite that NE
giant Victor Newman can't stand his guts - not to bother going to the prison
because "visiting hours are over."
When has there ever been visiting hours at the prison? How many times have
Phyllis' visitors just popped in without calling ahead to check that there
hadn't been a lockdown, or Phyllis hadn't been thrown into solitary for running
her mouth? Why is it that so far only Daniel has said he doesn't understand
the visiting hours? Who does?
And what's up with that crazy bitch, Jana Hawkes, taking about her fantasy
family and saying today that if she ever has a baby girl wants to name it
Carmen? Did Phyllis not think that's the craziest damn thing she ever did
hear? Who but a certified nut case names their children after people they've
killed? We know Jana is a loon, but Jesus with a dot com, does she really
think people are signing the on-line petition at freejana.com?
If so, who are these people and how do they know Jana?
That wasn't the only insanity today as Amber Moore snuck into the still
empty Athletic Supporter Club motel room where business man Mr. Kim Chee
died. And there, after the fire, after the CSI squad conducted an
investigation, after dirty cop Maggie Sullivan failed to find the much
ballyhooed missing government money, after police found charred remains of
the money, never actually found the money that was still in the air vent
before Amber made off with it today?
What man - and if you're like me you
can't help but qualify the word 'man' and Nick Newman in the same sentence
without adding, not that Nick is a man - sits around at the office
drawing sketches of his wife behind bars? Who, but a fool, would agree with
his dumber than dirt ex-wife to hold a benefit for his dead daughter at a
gambling casino albeit the casino in question isn't open to the public? To
his credit, Nick did see the hypocrisy, but went along with the plan because
he'll have an excuse to suck around another man's wife.
And why in God's name do Nick and Sharon keep blaming Cassie Newman's death
on irresponsible drinking and driving when it was a sick Cassie who caused
her own demise by walking out of the God Have Mercy Medical Center when she
was running a fever of such magnitude it blew the Guinness Book world
record? (See archives file)
While the "corporate sponsors" Sharon says
she's lined up to back the benefit are touting responsible drinking, will
they also mention the addiction of gambling, or is gambling okay because
it's approved by the State of Wisconsin?
You see how funny this is? Need more to tickle your funny bone?
How about Jack rehearsing how he'll answer possible questions thrown at him
during his impending Ethics Commission hearing? How about his response that
as a result of his fraud, "countess jobs were created" at Jabot? Is that not
insane? Who got these jobs? Mexicans? With his connections, why didn't Jabot
webmaster Kevin Fisher snag one for his new coffee shop employee, Amber?
And as Jack had his pat answers ready to go, it turned out he was wasting
his time. The Ethics Commission Chairman called him in person! It was a call
Jack said he was "expecting" and wouldn't you know it, the hearing has been
postponed indefinitely! What a coincidence? What a convoluted way to get
Jack and Sharon and Nick all together at the Clear Springs project at just
the time one of the buildings there is scheduled to collapse and trap nearly
half of Genoa City's socialites.
Needless to say, but let's say it anyway because it shows what a glutton for
punishment Sharon is, right after he'd insinuated again that she's a slut,
Jack told Sharon the hearing wouldn't have been postponed if not for her! So
what did Sharon do to make it happen? Sleep with the commission chairman?
Keep in mind that just last week Nick told his parents and sister that he's
resuming co-CEO duties at Newman Enterprises, what did he say today? He
wants to go with Sharon to Clear Springs to check the casino out! And with
Victoria Newman heading back there, with questions raised as to why she went
there last week for what boytoy hunkmonkey J.T. Hellstrom implied would be a
vacation away from the office, with Nick saying he could handle the business
while she was gone, what in hell was Victoria doing back in Genoa City the
next day and who will be running the store while nearly every NE executive
will turn up in Clear Springs by the end of this week - Neil Winters? Devon
Hamilton?
As for the shocking event, the "explosive" who will rise from the ashes
question, here's what we know.
Due to faulty construction, a building will come crashing down ala the World
Trade Center. Do not ask if the construction company - owned by Katherine
Chancellor and run by her grandson Phillip Chancellor III who still goes by
the name Cane Ashby - will be sued into bankruptcy, more important issues
are at hand like, will those who hate each other be able to work together if
it means saving lives? Who will die and who will emerge "heroes"? Who will
save one foot in the grave Katherine?
What in hell will clueless Paul Williams be doing there with dirty cop
Maggie Sullivan? Didn't the copper say she's got a pile of crimes to solve?
What will Lauren Baldwin be doing there? Throwing the birthday party for
Nick that never came off last week? Did she bring baby Fen-Fen along too?
There will, reportedly, be an injured child at the scene unless they're
talking about baby-face Colleen Carlton.
Wringing their hands, worried for the umpteenth time about what will become
of their ratty children, will this
become another tragedy that brings Victor and Nikki Newman together? We'll
find out soon enough, so make sure you're paying attention because there
won't be any warning.
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