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2007 News Archives - Crime
See Also: Kevin Fisher  Sheila Carter  Michael Baldwin  Phyllis Newman  Paul Williams

Reputations Earned Old-Fashioned Way

August 10, 2007
by Brent Kellogg

You already know that so long as you are well-connected, so long as you have a brother who is a lawyer and has committed nearly as many crimes as you have, so long as you've got low friends in high places and have unlimited access to money not necessarily your own, if you are a crook, if there's someone you want dead, if you're trying to set the world record for getting away with breaking the most laws, Genoa City is the place to be.

In this Wisconsin city you may confess to your didn't-know-he-was-marrying-you husband that you helped steal the missing money once held by a dead man who was holding the life savings of a very much alive man who at one point you thought had kidnapped you. After you've been rescued you can plead again for forgiveness, and while hubby says you've always been about money and that he doesn't want any more to do with you, don't believe it for a moment. Give him a few minutes to adjust his genitalia and he'll be ready to have sex with you as if nothing had happened.

If it turns out that your mother-in-law finds out that you're a skank, if she says you are a poor excuse for a human being and says to the cops "take out the trash" as they haul your ass to jail, don't worry; she'll come around to the courtroom where you've just be granted bail and pay it for you.

If your lawyer says you can go free so long as you return the missing money and the portion of it you spent on a hog for your hubby who didn't want it and cut you off from the family fortune and kicked your ass out the door after one last poke, squeal like a pig that you shouldn't have to pay the money back because you "earned" it.

Do you see the benefits? The perks? People say they hate you, but they don't. They will even blame themselves for what you've done. They will appear before sleepy judges to say that you own your own business; you work for the corruption-plagued local cosmetics company too and that this means you are one upstanding pillar of the community who should not go to jail. They will tell the judge that you'd never do anything to ruin your outstanding reputation in the community no matter that you burned down the historic RoadKill Cafe with a girl inside or that you raped a minor child.

Defenders of your righteousness will say you are a good person and post your bail despite that you may have been behind the wheel of the car your child was in when it crashed and the child died. Of course, it helps if the defenders have selective memory as does being married. Marriage in Genoa City is important when it comes to getting bail. Never mind that your parents have been divorced more times than Glaxol-Gline has pills, so long as you are a fashion designer; a coffee shop owner, a mail clerk or related in some way to the powerful Abbotts and Newmans, it shall be decreed that you be set free.

Never fear either that you will be denied the right to a speedy trial. If arrested, your trip to the local jail is but a formality. Once you've been processed you'll be whisked to the court for a bail hearing and there, gathered about, will be your lawyer, friends and family with their wallets and credit cards out ready to post your bail. For fear the public and the press will hound you, or give you the stink eye when you later walk into the local gym/restaurant/motel, you will be told not to discuss your case with anyone including family members. Ignore that too as it's part of the formality. Those who issue such statements already know that you will blab to anyone who'll listen how you fear going to "jail" and worry about what will become of your precious children. You are expected also to repeat this over and over until it becomes like a broken record as rarely will you be asked why you keep breaking the law if you're so concerned that the man/woman waiting to steal your wife/husband/lover will have a better chance with you behind bars.

Do not worry either that your rap sheet is getting so long it won't fit on the FBI's NCIC computer. You've done nothing wrong; you had to do whatever you did for the sake of [fill in the blank] and would do it again because those you hurt/killed "deserved" whatever they got. You earned what you got the old-fashioned way. Do not fear either finding employment should you lose your job. Even if you can't prove that you have "changed", those who once despised you will come around. They will say you made a foolish mistake; everyone does, as they hand you a job for which you are not qualified and brag that you are CEO material. After all, you've earned it.

Dorks of Doom Arrested!

August 2, 2007
by Brent Kellogg 

Squawk, squawk, the sound of walkie-talkies was deafening today as police surrounded a busy Athletic Supporter Club waiting the Amber Ashby's kidnapper to arrive and fetch the $70,000 ransom in marked bills. It was a small price to pay for what local cop Maggie Sullivan and clueless PI Paul Williams intimated would be "fun" as they waited inside at the bar.

Moments after the money drop was made, despite the place reportedly swarming with cops, Sullivan announced her prime suspect, stranger Carson McDonald had eluded everyone and yet had somehow managed to get the number to a disposal cell phone which had been delivered within minutes of the drop to Ashby's husband, Cane.

The phone ringing, Cane answered to hear Carlson's voice asking if he thought Carson was dumb enough to have picked ransom money up in public. With the tables turned, Cane was then ordered to take the ransom money to a location he would be informed of while driving aimlessly along the highways and byways of Genoa City. And like some poorly written crime story, Cane was ordered to come alone.

Not to worry, dirty cop Sullivan had her ducks in a row. Over his objection, Cane would be tailed. Moments later, damn it all, Cane lost his tail and was later seen entering a dingy hotel similar to the one Sharon Newman had prior to knocking Cameron Kirsten over the head with a champagne bottle.

His eyes adjusting to the dim light, Cane spotted Amber tied up next to Carson. As Cane's small mind tried to make sense of it all he did not hear a voice say "stick 'em up!" for that would have made this hilarious caper funnier than it already was. Cane did though hear Treasury Agent Boner Check telling him to drop the money and at the same time saw Boner's, um, gun pointed at his head.

At about the same time, at the Jitter Joint, told previously to "act normal", Dorks of Doom Kevin Fisher and Daniel Romalotti were pouring over the always convenient surveillance video which the cops had completely forgotten about regardless that the ransom note had been left there. Following a review of Carlson spitting into a mug, Fisher telling him to leave, and Romalotti remarking, "You sick little monkey", the dorks observed Agent Boner putting the ransom note in the tip jar knowing damn well it would be found, if not by a dork in need of money to pay for his expensive latte and muffin, an employee who would see to it the note got to Fisher.

Back at the hotel a gun pointed at someone's head was being cocked, a woman was screaming "no", and just when it was thought this was a video too and that perhaps an announcer would say, "We'll return to the thrilling conclusion of Abandoned Warehouse following these messages", it was painfully clear this wasn't a movie. It was the real deal. All that was missing was Romalotti asking Boner, "I checked you out! You're a government agent!"

Ah, but it wasn't too late for Romalotti to make his entrance as just then Sullivan was telling Clueless that Fisher and Romalotti's "GPS" devices had gone off. They were, as Williams so cleverly put it, "Up to something."

When the laughter died down, sure as bears crap in the woods, the dorks were up to something alright. Romalotti had since cut his tracking device off again, arranged for Agent Boner Check to leave his about to be shot dead hostages including Mr. McDonald, and meet him at Fisher's apartment where Boner held him at gunpoint until miraculously Sullivan, Williams and a police officer burst in and placed not only Boner under arrest, but Romalotti too followed by Fisher and the since rescued from her captor Mrs. Ashby who were within minutes afforded a bail hearing and released on a mere $200,000+ bail due to their outstanding criminal records.

Representing the dorks was none other than attorney Michael Baldwin who demanded they not get into further trouble which was like telling the tide not to come in. Or, since Baldwin himself brought it up, telling them not to talk about their case, not even with family, because their crimes shouldn't made public and like, well, you know how that goes as the press didn't witness the arrest and won't be hounding them like it isn't hounding Romalotti's mother, on trial for blackmail even though Senator Jack Abbott had said before the trial that the press was hounding his former wife.

An afterbirth side note to this thrilling kidnapping conclusion is worth noting. Having said that Mrs. Ashby is a despicable excuse for a human being, Jill Abbott, Ashby's daughter-in-law, nevertheless posted Ashby's bail.

Dead Man Held Life Savings!

August 1, 2007
by Brent Kellogg 

Admittedly, I'm a day behind in my coverage of the Dorks of Doom Disaster, AKA, the Kidnapping of Amber Ashby who is worth so little her kidnapper demands a mere $70,000. In need of time to digest the fast-moving drama so as not to seem too judgmental, my mind has been preoccupied with the news that Dorks of Doom Kevin Fisher and Daniel Romalotti allowed themselves - without consulting with their lawyers, not that Romalotti has one except for the fact that his mother has hired clueless PI Paul Williams to "protect" him when Williams' job is to investigate stuff and not that of a baby-sitter - to be fitted with electronic tracking devices.

A plea agreement of sorts, the deal was that in lieu of their being arrested in connection with the money they essentially stole off a dead body, never mind that the dirty cops in Genoa City haven't shown an interest in dead man 'Plum', or why stranger in town Ronald, um, Carson McDonald claims the money is his, or why the Treasury Department said the money was marked and had been traced to Fisher's coffee shop, since Romalotti and Fisher might be able to locate the kidnapped Amber Ashby, they won't be arrested so long as they agree to wear tracking devices.

And while Williams was eager to take Phyllis Newman's credit card, he did not tell her that he'd gone along with what amounts to a violation of Romalotti's rights as did Fisher's brother, lawyer Michael Baldwin who wasn't present at the time or consulted. Perhaps more interesting than these developments and those surrounding Newman's on-again, off-again trial, is how Williams ran the credit card. Did he scurry over to his hole in the wall broom closet at Baldwin & Williams Law? That's Williams, as in Christine 'Bug' Williams who allegedly continues on as Baldwin's partner despite that the Bug now lives in Los Angeles where coincidentally, the son Williams has seen but once since dumping the boy does too.

Additionally, in a further privacy invasion, dirty cop Maggie Sullivan, without a warrant, ordered phone taps on presumably both Fisher and Romalotti. Instead of being outraged, both dorks bitched and moaned that Ashby's hubby, Cane isn't showing much interest in finding his wife when what they don't know is that Cane asked his rich mother and grandmother to pony up the ransom. Jill Abbott and Katherine Sterling didn't appreciate being sponged off, but alas Cane is their baby boy and so it was agreed the money will be delivered posthaste to - Jabot Cosmetics!

Oddly, while the old ladies said the police should determine how and when the money is delivered to the kidnapper, they didn't ask why the FBI isn't involved in what is clearly a Federal crime perhaps out of fear that the more they knew the more they'd laugh their collective ass off if they knew the kidnapper had left a ransom note in the tip jar at Fisher's Jitter Joint and it was quite by accident that Romalotti found it as he's pretty much penniless and yet the other day had money to attend a seminar for porn addicts.

In a related development, in the wrong place at the wrong time Devon Hamilton, his head bashed in presumably by someone trashing the flophouse he shares with Romalotti looking for the missing money, was urged by his adoptive father Neil Winters to seek medical treatment and like all those who have ever been whacked in the head with baseball bats and fireplace pokers, Hamilton refused. He was also instructed that from now on, whenever he's in trouble, Devon shall report directly to daddy Neil who will "lay down my life" for his kiddies if that's what it takes.

Incredibly, subsequent to telling Devon to get his head examined, Neil didn't so much as offer to drive him to a hospital. He did though suggest that when Devon gets done with Daniel - the implication that Devon will beat the snot out of him for being the reason wife Lily doesn't consider herself "normal" - Neil will be waiting in line to kick son-in-law's ass.

But first Neil has bigger fish to fry. He wants Williams to find "the guy" who bopped Devon in the head. What makes him think it's a guy and why not ask the police to do that, Neil has money to burn. He has in Genoa City but two choices when it comes to hiring a private dick, and never to busy to take another case Williams sputtered it could be that guy McDonald. Only one way to find out; rush to the one place Carson is sure to be hanging out, the Athletic Supporter. And yes, there he is!

"Why are you keeping a file on my son-in-law?" Neil squealed, and before Neil got his ass kicked by the Iraq war vet, damn but what Maggie wasn't there too to break them up and to remind Neil he can't run around like a vigilante. Who does Neil think he is? Kevin Fisher? And as a hint as to what might come, Neil muttered, "I could kill that guy," thereby reinforcing the notion that for as caring and loving as these do-gooders are, they won't hesitate to hate and kill if necessary.

Later, supporting the age-old question: Why do they keeping doing these things, Kevin had to tell Carson to leave the JJ when he spit in a cup and accused Kevin of stealing his life "savings" which he just happened to have given Plum for safekeeping. Despite Kevin's order, you know Carson will be back so long as Neil doesn't kill him first.

"You punk!" Neil hissed at Daniel later at the office, and when Daniel said he was leaving the building threatened to call Maggie. Without belaboring this insanity, suffice to say right here and now that when Daniel is exonerated, and you know he's got to be because "he's a good boy, blah, blah," Neil will return to kissing Daniel's ass because this chain of events is nothing but the 2007 version of when Dru Winters puked Daniel was "a bad seed".

Mocking the Mockery

July 27, 2007
by Brent Kellogg

With another ever-present sleepy judge presiding over another kangaroo court, it didn't take long for the court jesters to appear. True, there was no creepy Christine "Bug" Blair spewing, "I know the law!", and Paul 'Clueless' Williams telling the critter she's the best damn lawyer the world has ever seen, what with her law degree from Sears, but how about the prosecution's star witness, Sharon Abbott, leaving the city when half the jury has already been selected and she could be called to the witness stand at any moment? Is Clear Springs, where she was headed with her former husband, that close by?

Isn't it true that Nick Newman suggested this time they drive, rather than take their chances that another Newman jet will be blown up by the mob? If Clear Springs is that close, why didn't they drive the first time? Why waste so much money flying a jet with one passenger aboard? Have the freaks in Genoa City not heard of global warming, and how many jets does NE own? Whatever happened to the federal investigation? Didn't the Feds call it "sabotage"? Wasn't it also attempted murder? Will this be another forgotten crime?

When testimony in the trial gets underway, will ambulance-chasing lawyer Michael Baldwin send Sharon a text message telling her to get back pronto? What if she's in the middle of a photo shoot, and how is it that Sharon can decide at the last moment that she's going to be the model unless, could it be she only wanted to observe the shoot? That's not the way Brad Carlton made it sound. Had it not been for Nick tripping off to Happy Land, Brad would have gone along to help Sharon get away from the stress. Funny, for a woman so worried about her troubled son, Sharon can go anywhere at the drop of a hat especially if it means there's a chance one of male trolls will put the pork to her. Forget Noah Newman. Forget that his step-mommy's trial has begun, Noah can stay with the neighbors.

And how is it that at the last moment Nick told Sharon to cancel the photo shoot? Were those running the shoot even expecting her? Is it to be believed that a slut as well known as Sharon is, an old one at that, is the image Vogue Magazine, or whatever Sharon was to be photographed for, wants? Is Sharon the new Lindsey Lohan? There are no younger, classier models available?

And what about the fact that Sharon is Senator Jack Abbott's one and only assistant? Who's taking phone calls from the senator's constituents? What about the citizen who wants the senator to close down the strip club where her future son-in-law wants to hold his bachelor party? Can the senator handle that by himself? If Sharon needed male companionship, why didn't she ask her husband to go with her? Is it believable that the senator would sit back and say nothing as his wife goes off with Nick because, well, Nick needs help remembering the things he wants to forget?

Plus, what the hell is it with all the talk about the press hounding them now that the trial has started? Where was the press when Brad and Sharon were berating Phyllis at the very public, open to anyone, membership-only Athletic Club? If, as Sharon claims, the press is still calling her one night stand an "affair", if this is in any way important, wouldn't the press be reporting Madam's leaving the city under the very stickiest of circumstances?

In a related matter pertaining to law and order, who, besides a Dork of Doom, would give a stranger information as to how his coffee shop security system works? Did Kevin Fisher give becoming creepier by the day 'Carson' the password too? Is it 'firebug'? Rather than tell Carson that he could give him the name of a good PI to investigate the burglary of his AC Motel room, wouldn't a normal person suggest Carlton go to the police, or better yet, AC management? What good is Gina Roma if she can't do something about all the crime taking place at the motel/restaurant/gym she manages?

And just who could Kevin suggest? Hunkmonkey pretend PI J.T. Hellstrom? Clueless? Does Carson, without a job, have the money?

As if we need more proof that Genoa City is a viper's nest of criminal activity and that Daniel Romalotti should have his ass locked up on general principal, who but a moron would say that if the police didn't send someone over to print the flophouse he shares with two other morons, he'll sue the City? With what money would he pay a lawyer to take that case? The works for a boner Baldwin? Add to that, more proof that detective Maggie Sullivan doesn't know how to spell police. The flophouse is a goddamn crime scene and yet after looking around, she took her dirty ass and left without bothering to have the place yellow-taped or a uniformed officer to stand guard. No surprise, really. The GCPD does not have a scene commander; nothing that would resemble a real CSI team, it's always the lone detective Maggie who shows up and assigns herself to run-of-the mill common burglaries and shopliftings.

So let us prepare, let us as we always do, break out the barf-bags and laugh until we're rolling on the floor as the Newman trial progresses and Amber Ashby comes forward to say she faked her own kidnapping or someone realizes, hey, where's that stranger, Carson? As we've said so many times, law and order, the entire Genoa City justice system from Heather Stevens on down is not to be taken seriously. It's a mockery than can only be mocked.

Who Took a Leak on the Grand Jury?

June 11, 2007
by Brent Kellogg

We may as well add this to the list of unsolved crime in Genoa City because with so many getting away with more egregious crimes, the leaking of grand jury testimony is no big deal. The obtaining and distributing of controlled substances by Dr. Olivia Winters, Lauren Baldwin, Paul Williams and Kevin Fisher come to mind along with the murder of two men in Ohio slaughtered by Brad Carlton and that crime covered up by J.T. Hellstrom, Victoria Carlton and Williams.

Although I was hoping Sharon Abbott's concern - that her testimony was leaked, and that the Press published what it had to have known was secret testimony - would be quickly forgotten, I couldn't get over how Sharon couldn't wait last week to tell Victoria and both women whimpered that now everyone knows about the night Brad and Sharon had sex in a New York hotel room while they were married - to other people.

The rocks rolling around in her head, Sharon thought how odd it was that the word got out because, gosh, she didn't tell anyone. She thought too that her testimony was confidential and yet, damn, it got out. How could that have happened? Rather than tell Sharon, "You are the dumbest bitch I know, how do you think it got out," Victoria likened the leaked testimony to how Brad was supposed to be faithful but look now; she and Brad are getting divorced.

And again, as so many worry so much about what the Press will say if an iota of bad news gets out about the Abbott and Newman political campaigns, there was no worry from Nikki Newman when she was told that her son's former wife having sex with Brad is now common knowledge. Nikki's only concern was that her daughter must be feeling bad.

On the other hand, Nikki's campaign manager, Karen Taylor, sees the scandal as a good thing. Voters have compassion for women scorned no matter how often they've been married, no matter how many times they've cheated on their husbands, or what scandals they've been connected to in the past. Keep your head up, Mrs. Newman, look at the bright side. More votes for you!

Jack Abbott's ears were burning too. He told Brad who was as shocked as Sharon. How could it have happened when he didn't mean for it to happen? Who knew that Phyllis Newman could make a call to the hotel and an employee would willingly spill her guts? So what if Jack was calling him an embarrassment when all Brad had to do was ask Jack if he'd like to buy property in Clear Springs that Brad allegedly obtained illegally and Jack said yes because it would help him get some of Nikki's votes?

What of Victoria running to Brad to say he humiliated her when she gladly spread her legs for J.T. Hellstrom? What of Brad remembering that what he and Sharon did caused Dru Winters' death and Victoria reminding him he better sell that property or she'll have his seat on the board of directors and Brad reminding her - and Sharon - that whatever happens they've still got to work side by side? Isn't that always the case? Has there been a time in recent memory when those involved in crimes haven't constantly run into each other at the office, told each other to stay away from them, only to keep running into each other?

So why is Jack still running for office when there's so much mud on his campaign he could hold a naked women wrestling contest? Because Sharon says what she did happened before she married him! No foul, no error. Ah, but Jack is a forgiving soul. He doesn't blame Sharon even though before her kid agreed to live with him he blamed Sharon.

Oh, but it gets better. Apparently because there is no law enforcement in Genoa City, because there aren't government officials looking into how testimony got leaked and the District Attorney had a stroke, Jack has instructed his lawyers to investigate. And those lawyers would be - who? Michael Baldwin? The same Baldwin who listened to his client say last week that Sharon forced her to fake an injury and that she had no choice but to camp out at the Abbott Motel knowing the impact it would have on Jack's campaign, even though it didn't because Jack simply called the Press and they came running to the motel to hear his explanation when they should have sought out both sides of the story to begin with?

Meantime, aware that Victoria is divorcing Brad, or he's divorcing her, what does Nikki do? She wonders, gosh, how did the testimony get leaked and golly gee, why doesn't Victoria take a vacation with Brad? Someone clean the old cow's ears out - they're getting a divorce! Then, seeking sympathy from her mother, what did Victoria do? She accused Nikki of being as selfish as her father! This, from a spoiled little girl who would have nothing if not for Victor Newman.

But as we've seen, for all the worry, Sharon isn't worried; she isn't bothered by the fact the Brad said what has happened is what happens when you marry into the Newman family which isn't remotely similar to when he married and divorced two Abbott women. What concerns Sharon most is how her affair will impact Jack's campaign as if it's had the slightest impact thus far.

What seems apparent is that if anything implodes, it'll be Sharon when she discovers that Summer Newman is Jack's baby. The day Jack helped Phyllis have her baby in an elevator - and aren't you still wondering who got to clean up the mess - the writing in blood was on the wall. Twice in as many days Jack has said he wishes Summer was his child and that if Phyllis is locked up Summer will be without a mother. Since it can't be that the biological father's wife would become a step-mommy to Summer, there's only one thing to do. Have Jack keep saying he longs for the pitter-patter of little feet around the Abbott Motel, and presto - Jack will have another baby to throw out with the bathwater as he did his own son, Kyle.

The one thing that could shatter Jack's dream is the return of Summer's pretend daddy, Nick Newman. Yes, Nick's out there, somewhere and for all anyone knows, it was Nick who took a leak on the grand jury's testimony.

Just Us in Genoa City Justice System

May 28, 2007
by Brent Kellogg

Was there ever any doubt why Paul Williams was nicknamed "Clueless"? When he asked J.T. Hellstrom today if the hunkmonkey took his advice and stayed away from the very married Victoria Carlton, the step-mother of J.T.'s former girlfriend, did Clueless not already know the answer was no? And if, as Clueless said, he's working on finding Jana Hawkes, did he forget he's waiting until Jana's friends and relatives show up in Genoa City? Did he not later tell Kevin Fisher that he's located Jana's old boyfriend and he's waiting for the boyfriend to contact him?

Wasn't it strange too that Kevin didn't seem upset to learn that Jana had another stud in the stable? Concerned with finding Jana as Kevin is, shouldn't he have asked Clueless where he can contact the boyfriend so that he might go do his own dirty work? Isn't that what Nick Newman would do if he was alive? The thing, the looming question is, why do the rich in Genoa City continue hiring Clueless when they know he can't find his own ass?

And does anyone know, or care, that the Genoa City Police is protecting private affairs, like funerals and television shows, at taxpayer expense? Is the GCPD so short-handed it must assign one of its detectives, dirty cop Maggie Sullivan, to guard celebrities at the Extreme Catwalk taping? Not that much of anything happening in Genoa City resembles reality, in most cities private security guards are hired to perform such duties, not police. The Newman Ponderosa swarming with private security, no doubt some of those guards would have liked to protect the Newman funeral or have been asked to guard the celebrities.

Have you noticed too that the advent of television is catching on in this town? Time was nobody watched TV unless there was a report about them airing at the very moment they flipped the TV on. In its heyday, public access TV's Leanna Love show was all the rage and yet it wasn't seen by viewers unless Leanna was reporting 'live' from the scene she was making. Now, with a political campaign in progress, the likes of Nikki Newman are glued to their TVs as she was when Katherine Sterling announced at a Press Conference that she's purchased, for the second time, the mostly failed cosmetics company, Jabot.

Speaking of the Press, we've been asking for weeks why the elite so fear the Press when it isn't doing its job. With presumed legal documents showing that Jack Abbott owned Jabot when by law he wasn't allowed to, and that Mr. Kim Chee was thought to have owned the company, the Press hasn't investigated what obviously is a crime. Caught with his hand in the cookie jar, Mr. Chee was told he had no choice but sell Jabot to Sterling, did just that, and then Sterling turned around and appointed him as Jabot's new CEO.

We've asked before why the Press, Jabot stockholders at least, haven't screamed bloody murder. Here Jabot was being run by gangsters, Sterling caught on, bought the company, put one of the gangsters in charge and nobody said anything other than former CEO Jill Abbott who, after fighting so hard for the job, said only that her mother, Sterling, is on a "power trip". And it doesn't bother Jill because she's been letting Chee put the pork to her? Jill said too that Sterling is jealous because she's getting what mother hasn't in "a century" and if that's true it means Arthur Hendricks didn't have sex with the old lady when he was staying at the Chancellor Mausoleum and could explain why the judge got the hell out of Genoa City when he did.

As for the man Jill said is a great "businessman" and should be running Jabot, Chee pled ignorance. He said Jack tricked him into breaking the law and that he'd be more than happy to assist Jill in breaking more laws if needed in Jill's quest to bring Gloria Abbott to justice for drugging them albeit the drug made Jill hornier than she's been in a decade.

Speak of the Devil, Gloria wasn't around when a lab technician came to Jabot seeking to fetch a sample of her DNA along with Jill's and Katherine's. It's known why Gloria's DNA is wanted, but what did Jill and Katherine have to do with the killing of Emma Gibson?

Also on the Jabot subject, how is it that Sharon Abbott still doesn't know that Jack owned the company when Jack told her? Why was Jack so appreciative to Phyllis Newman for not telling Sharon when he told Sharon long ago? Because Sharon, with rocks rolling around in her otherwise empty head, has forgot? Shouldn't who owns, or owned, Jabot be public knowledge by now? Shouldn't Wilma Bardwell, the District Attorney, so close to Gloria and others connected with Jabot, know too? Is Wilma so wealthy that con man Evan Owen is out to bleed him dry and yet Wilma, sixty if he's a day, is still working for the City?

Funny too, Sharon testified before the Grand Jury today and you've got to ask yourself why the secret panel is investigating what the cops have not. There is nothing to prove Phyllis blackmailed or extorted anything from Brad Carlton and Carlton has already said his accusation against her may have been premature. No harm, no foul, the fine people of this State, and note again that the State of Wisconsin is persecuting a case that should be handled by the City, have not suffered. If anything, the case against Phyllis is civil, not criminal.

You can only imagine Sharon being asked, "Did you have sex with Mr. Carlton?" and a shameless Sharon, hanging her head, saying yes as the tribunal adds, "Why do you keeping having sex outside your marriage?" You might imagine too, Victoria being called as a character witness, reminding the jury that Sharon only did it once and therefore it was just sex as Victoria told J.T. today and again swapped spit with him.

You can only laugh when Brad said he told the jury he couldn't remember much about having sex with Sharon. Is she that bad in the sack? Is the Grand Jury such a joke that it didn't, as Sharon presumed, ask Brad questions about the blackmail since that's what the case is based on? Are the taxpayers of Genoa City getting their money's worth?

And how about Brad's retort? His saying that he didn't tell the jury because of what it would do to his family and Sharon's? Is this not the dumbest thing you ever did hear? When did Brad get a conscience? When has he ever cared what impact his actions have on the "business" and on poor child Summer Newman who Brad claims has already lost one parent and damn it to hell he won't see Summer lose another.

Then, compounding this insane dialog, Sharon, her skin crawling, her not wanting to lie, asked Brad what would happen if her story didn't match his and Brad said he could be charged with perjury! Well, that explains it. Brad didn't talk about the blackmail to protect Summer, but he could go to prison for perjury and that won't affect Summer? Do you see the insanity dripping from the ceiling? Not yet?

Enter Jack and Phyllis to say they've got to keep grand mama Nikki away from Summer. Phyllis is worried she might not be around to do that; she could go to prison and then what? No problem! Jack says he and Sharon will raise Summer and then there will be two potential school campus terrorists to contend with. Ah, but Phyllis has that covered; she's got Michael and Lauren Baldwin willing to raise Summer, unless, should the Baldwins go to prison too, or for some other reason back out, she'll consider taking Jack up on his offer as if there won't be a massive child custody battle given there's a good chance Jack is Summer's biological father of which another paternity test would be needed since the thought dead Nick Newman was the only person to see the first paternity test result.

That the State of Wisconsin is interested in what amounts to another Genoa City vicious love quadrangle when it has no concern for what happened to Dru Winters, when it hasn't looked into Brad Carlton's past crimes, or Kevin Fisher's or the many controlled substance violations of law, the corruption within the Genoa City Police Department, makes sense. Justice is this state, this city in particular, isn't the same as it is in other states. As we've seen, witnesses called before the Grand Jury appear haphazardly and not one after another so as to prevent them from comparing their alibis. Witnesses who stand a good chance of being indicted do not, as allowed by law, have attorneys waiting outside the jury room to consult with in the event they might say something that would incriminate them. Of course, not to have an attorney is their right, but in this city it's a requirement as there's but one lawyer available and not a criminal defense lawyer at that.

You Get What You Deserve

May 16, 2007
by Brent Kellogg

Oh please, lawyer of mine, only lawyer in this entire city called Genoa, get those nasty criminal charges against me dropped! Don't you realize I'm a widow? Shouldn't I bet set free regardless of what crimes I've committed? Isn't that how it works in this freakish town? What? You mean there's no proof my husband is dead and that I'm overreacting, or is that overacting?

No problem client of mine, and I'm not talking about all the others who seek out my services 'cause I'm the only lawyer in town, I'll get right on it. I'll pick up the phone and call the district attorney. I'll get straight through too. Watch, if you don't believe. Hello? Wilma? Mikey here. Say, you probably know Phyllis Newman is up to her eyeballs in legal trouble again, but Wilma, old buddy, old pal, her husband is dead! Can't you cut her some slack like you've cut for so many others?

Gosh, Mickey, I'd like to. Not that I knew him, that Nick Newman was a hell'va guy, but I can't. You see, there are laws. Now, don't be giving me that crap that Mrs. Newman's daughter is going to be left swinging in the breeze, lots of kids in this city have but one parent. Hell, wasn't you're former client without parents at all? Whatever happened to Devon Hamilton? Oh, that's right. I charged the wrong guy with murder and now he's free. Save your breath counselor, that J.T. Hellstrom attacked your brother right in front of me and I dropped those charges doesn't count. Look, I've talked it over with my co-workers and they agree it's been awhile since we've persecuted anyone so, your client is it. That reminds me, I've got to contact the Grand Jury.

Oh well, Phyllis. I tried. Looks like your goose is cooked, unless, hey! What do you think about this? I win your case in court! Never mind my not being a criminal defense lawyer, I'll pull it off. By the way, didn't I read somewhere that you were going to kick ass at the trial? So what are we waiting for? Know what too? I might even hire Paul Williams to help. Oh wait! Wasn't he the one who nearly got you convicted of torching the Abbott poolhouse? Not that it matters, I'm sure Williams knows you're a changed woman. Hell, you're a widow so why wouldn't he want to help. By the way, where is the clueless one? Last I knew he was renting my office broom closet? You seen him around?

Pop Quiz: Kevin Fisher hired Williams to find Jana Hawkes before or after Clueless went to Europe?

Stumped? You're not the only one.

Fresh from a trip to Europe and Australia, Williams went directly from the airport to the Jitter Joint today where he reported to Fisher that he tracked Hawkes down and while he didn't actually get a lead on her, he got information about her relatives and friends including their names and addresses. Unfortunately, Williams said the trail went cold and now he'll have to wait until Hawkes checks in with her friends and when she does Clueless will make his move.

As for why the Genoa City Police hasn't lifted a finger to find Carmen Mesta's killer, dirty cop Maggie Sullivan said today the cops are doing their best and that it has found information about Hawkes although she didn't say specifically what. One thing Hawkes and Williams know for sure however, is that Fisher isn't the first man to be fooled by a woman and he won't be the last. Hawkes' has been on the lam for months, but give 'em time and the cops will find her. Don't worry either that both Clueless and Sullivan said first they had information and later said they don't have any leads, once they've checked out Hawkes' employment history they'll know more!

There, there, Mr. Fisher. Don't you feel safer now? You run along and watch your mother trick Wilma into marrying her. The bastard, wouldn't drop charges against that nice Mrs. Newman, he deserves what he gets.

If At First You Don't Succeed

May 4, 2007
by Brent Kellogg

One of these days I've got to get my hands on a copy of that rag Genoa City calls a newspaper, The Chronicle. I want to see with my own eyes what it considers news when elite urbanites here aren't making news like Phyllis Newman did this week.

Charged with extortion and blackmail based on the mere hearsay of the person allegedly blackmailed, mass murderer Brad Carlton, Newman's story was not only in the paper, it was on the Internet complete with her police mug shot.

Admitting that he was forced to turn Newman in, Carlton refused to take the blame for her arrest saying it was political candidate, Newman's mother-in-law, Nikki Newman who forced him to turn Newman in and if he didn't, she would. As for why he didn't tell the old cow to put her money where her big mouth is and thereby avoid blame, Carlton had no comment.

It was presumed Carlton did what he did because otherwise police would not have taken the word of someone without proof, but it would if the charge had come from the victim's own lips. Teamed with District Attorney Wilma Bardwell, the police therefore, and without conducting an investigation, presumably obtained a warrant and Newman was arrested.

Carlton's estranged and pregnant wife already upset, Victoria Newman Carlton subsequently urged him to drop the charge as did Carlton's father-in-law, the great Victor Newman who suggested his daughter-in-law plead guilty and take her legal medicine. Unfortunately, neither of the legally misinformed Newman's were aware that once felony charges are filed only the DA can drop them.

Carlton could go back to tell Bardwell he's changed his mind and won't testify, however. That might persuade Bardwell not to pursue the matter as if he bothers to conduct an investigation he'll find out there was no blackmail; no extortion; no money changed hands. What Bardwell has, if anything, is a pack of adulterous thieves using the system to their political and personal advantage. If Bardwell was so inclined, he could charge the lot of them with filing a bogus police report and Baldwin could haul their asses into court for bringing about a frivolous lawsuit.

Not that a few greenbacks wouldn't have greased the skids and made Bardwell cave, he pretty much did that when - without conducting an investigation - he presented Mrs. Newman's lawyer with a plea agreement. Serve six months in jail and Michael Baldwin's client will be free to go.

Alas, Mrs. Newman must not have got the memo, her phone was off, or something as she fell on her knees before the decider, her mother-in-law, begging Nikki not to send her to jail for the sake of her precious baby as if Nikki gets to say who goes to jail and who doesn't.

Aside from all the legal misinformation, if Newman's arrest had any purpose it was the opportunity for those involved to spew their bull crap. The whining, the bawling, the bitching and moaning. The Newman family stabbing each other in the back with the likes of Nick Newman telling Mama Nikki he can't believe what she's done to him, his sister, and her own company as if to say Newman Enterprises has ever suffered from any of the criminal messes they get into. The likes of Victoria saying how she so wanted to be like Mama, but now, sob, sob, she can't because Ma has been cursed by the Devil. The likes of Nikki Newman having the audacity to say her children married the wrong people and that Victoria should divorce Brad, while true statements, are not for Nikki to decide even though she considers herself the decider.

The arrest was another chance for Sharon Newman Abbott to snivel that she's got to protect her son from finding out about the family's latest scandal when they know Noah Newman is a resourceful little runt and as Noah has done in the past, he always finds out, has nightmares and throws fits for a few days before making a miraculous recovery until the next scandal comes along at which point Sharon and Nick will wring their hands and hack that they've got to protect Noah from themselves.

Before Mrs. Newman's case is adjudicated, there will be the usual voices of remorse, the apologies, the we're so sorry we're such disgusting excuses for human beings, the why can't we be friends and promises never to do what they did again until they do because if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

Unsolved Crimes & Misdemeanors

March 16, 2007
by Brent Kellogg

I'll just admit it: I'm suffering. I'm taking meds, but they aren't much help. Oh, they do warm my bones and soothe my senses and numb my better reasoning and somehow lead me to believe that I might somehow be mindlessly entertained by the pointless events in Genoa City and the brain-dead freaks who commit them, but that voice in my head won't go away.

It keeps asking: Where is Jana Hawkes? Where is Jana Hawkes?

Okay, where is Jana Hawkes? Why can't the police find her? Are they looking? Why isn't Kevin Fisher camped out on the pig station doorstep demanding she be found? Doesn't he care? Is it enough that Fisher has been vindicated from the attempted murder and murder charges over his head pertaining to Colleen Carlton and Carmen Mesta?

Once the cops had thrown him in the gulag, once they'd realized their mistake and did not charge Brad Carlton with assault when Carlton whacked Fisher right in front of them, once the cops had released him, was that Fisher's only concern?

What about Miss Carlton? Wasn't she held against her will by Hawkes? Like so many of her ilk clamming for justice when Fisher was the prime suspect, shouldn't she have some interest in why Hawkes hasn't been found? Where's the clamoring now? Why isn't Mr. Carlton demanding the person responsible for harming his precious daughter be located and brought to justice?

Why isn't Miss Carlton's mother making demands such that Traci Abbott Connelly did when she threatened to have her daughter's lover-boy arrested?

For the many involved in the reliquary search who subsequently learned of Hawkes' involvement with her father in that matter, why have they no interest in having Hawkes found? What if she's plotting to get her hands on the reliquary? What if she does, and Brad, with his criminal co-conspirators, are forced to kill more people?

And what of customers at the Jitter Joint coffee shop where Hawkes' worked? Have they not noticed that the bubbly manager is gone? Probably not, as employees here are a dime a dozen. Customers didn't notice either when bandana-wearing night manager Malfunction Winters just up and didn't show for work one day.

What about Fisher's mother? Wasn't Gloria Abbott happy that her locked in the closet son had finally found a girl interested in him? Mrs. Abbott did learn of Hawkes' crime, but she hasn't pressed Fisher, or her sweet on District Attorney pal, to be sure Hawkes is made to atone. Then again, maybe Abbott doesn't want to remind Wilma Bardwell of his promise to reopen the Emma Gibson case. Too much poking around and Abbott could find herself behind bars for killing the poor woman foolish enough to use any toxic cosmetic product with the name Jabot on it.

Speaking of Jabot and boards of directors and such, how interesting is it that the Jabot Board of Directors doesn't seem to know that Jack Abbott owns the company? With shares of stock sold on the open market, why does the Securities and Exchange Commission not know who really owns Jabot?

Why has no one at the God Have Mercy Medical Center noticed the patient there in a coma since 2001? Because there are no family members hovering over the patient's bed demanding he "wake up"? Shouldn't Tricia and Megan Dennison have thought by now it's strange daddy Keith never came home after suffering a stroke?

These unsolved crimes and mysteries may no longer be trendy, but they do deserve closure much the way Nina Webster deserves to know that her son's father wasn't Phillip Chancellor III and that Phillip III isn't really dead depending on the outcome of a second DNA test Cane Ashby is expected to have eventually. If Phillip III is alive, who died in his place? Wouldn't Nina or Phillip IV have a slight interest? Will Jill Abbott ever get around to telling Nina?

Keep Your Enemies Close

January 31, 2007
by Brent Kellogg

The good news is, we're all back on the same page. No more divisiveness or silly bickering or bad jokes about Colleen Carlton being an oinker, worrying about her weight, because, well, the hunky professor did put the pork to her - didn't he? Gerbil would never have done it with a pig - would he? Therefore, Carlton isn't a Bon-Bon eating pig. She is, or about to, ahem, work with the man everyone has told her to stay away from because who but Gerbil can decipher the inscription on that goofy reliquary?

Rebecca Kaplan?

Ha! You think a woman who had her hands on the reliquary for so long would have known what the words mean? You think Carlton's new granny would have asked someone at the internment camp, "What's this scribbling?" She didn't know until the other day there was an inscription at all. And so it is Gerbil who must have the answer because, well, he's an art professor!

Sure, you sort of sensed from the beginning that Gerbil and that newbie, Jana Hawkes, who got a job within days of blowing in the city at the Jitter Joint, and has an infatuation with serial killers, were somehow connected with the reliquary. It isn't clear that when Hawkes goes missing it will have been Gerbil who snatched her, her disappearance will merely give the Gerbil naysayers more fodder to suspect him and have long, drawn out chats with him knowing his history and yet taking no action to have Gerbil investigated or going to the cops with their wild accusations, the freaks in this city feed on the very things trying to destroy them.

And while all this is going on, Victor Newman, so terrifically blinded by the Brad Carlton light, will grunt again that these new developments have placed his family in danger when it was Newman who helped thunder thighs obtain the valued reliquary and then store it at the always getting broken into Carlton home.

The shrieks of impending terror echoing throughout the land, recall that last week a terrified Lauren Baldwin said she'd left her precious baby in the safe-keeping of the Newman security team while she went to visit the one person she fears most, the evil Sheila Carter. Remember too that this safe-keeping of Fen-Fen Baldwin was for all of one day and no mention was made of who, exactly, cared for the child while Lauren was off gallivanting. It helps to imagine a security guard, or maybe Noah Newman, watching over the baby changing stinky diapers and all, but not much.

Details are sketchy, but the Genoa City News has leaned that Carter will slip past the impenetrable security force and while visiting the Newman tackyroom, presumably in an attempt to kidnap the Newman baby, will be found there by Mrs. Baldwin subsequent to Carter having a conversation with the real Phyllis Newman of whom Carter so resembles. Or it could be that Baldwin thinks she's speaking with the real Mrs. Newman when she is not because Carter will soon have the lot of them in the cage meant for her.

For sure, Carter already has police detective Maggie Sullivan tucked away in the cage, she will manage to bonk private eye Paul 'Clueless' Williams over the head and toss him in with the lady cop, and as we've already heard, will get her claws on both babies. That Carter would also snatch Mrs. Baldwin and Mrs. Newman is not farfetched given what has happened so far.

It's that Carter could get past Newman security that's mind numbing. Touted as just the most secure place since Gitmo, the list of those able to get past Newman Ponderosa security is astounding. Yet, for all the security breaches and the horror, Baldwin took her baby there for safe-keeping? She never heard of what happened when Cameron Kirsten was on the loose? She didn't hear about the drug dealer who threatened Daniel Romalotti and had his ass kicked good by Damon Porter and Phyllis Summers? She didn't hear when security was told to be on the lookout for the evil Kevin Fisher and not let him set foot on Newman property and yet Fisher came and went at will?

If, as these morons claim to be, they are so fearful, why do they never go to the police? Rich as they are, why don't those in fear hire body guards? Why do they continually employ the services of dink weeds Williams and that sissy hunkmonkey J.T. Hellstrom when Williams and Hellstrom have a legacy of failure?

Adding to the madness misery, why would Sharon Newman, her entire life a miserable one, the town whore terrorized by Kirsten and others, agree to be terrorized by David Chow?

You haven't heard?

Out of some misguided loyalty, her lips firmly attached to Dru Winters' ass, the former Mrs. Newman will befriend Chow in an attempt to discover what his secrets are! With Chow working with his victim's best pal, wouldn't that be an incentive for him to tell the ass-kisser everything? Won't Chow forget that each time he's seen Mrs. Winters, the Newman woman has been locked onto her ass? Won't he forget too the speech she made in public asserting what a good woman Mrs. Winters is?

If her past is any indicator, Newman will eventually put out for a man she knows to be a threat to the Winters clan leaving you to scratch your head and maybe conclude, well, it does make sense that Chow would be given a job at Newman Enterprises because hasn't Victor Newman always said it's best to keep your friends close and your enemies closer?

Of Mice and Morons

January 16, 2007
by Brent Kellogg

I'm thinking of a number. One that will collectively represent the IQ of just about every so-called professional in Genoa City.

That number is 0. As in nada, zero, empty, brainless.

The number doesn't represent those pretending to be professionals, like J.T. Hellstrom, as the hunkmonkey's IQ falls in the minus category. Something around -90 I'd suspect and so reporting on the fact that he was able to get the password and username of his blowup doll's laptop, so that he could read Colleen Carlton's email and thereby conclude that she's got the hots for her college professor, can't compare to what the really smart people were doing today.

For example, Brad Carlton. So paranoid that he's thought again about sending his family away where they won't be eaten by the evil Nazis after him, Carlton, despite that his home has been broken into once, hasn't thought that whoever did it would be back, or that they'd plant listening devices in his home. But they did, and the evil ones were hanging on every word today as Carlton, his wife and Victor Newman discussed plans for fetching the much sought after reliquary.

To that end, the trio met with an art dealer unaware that conversation was being heard by unwanted ears too. With goodies they need in hand, the great Newman announced that there's a good chance they'll launch their plan thought to take them to Europe within the hour.

Other mice and morons at work this day included deep in criminal crap Paul 'Clueless' Williams and ambulance chaser Michael Baldwin. At the abandoned warehouse where they hold a woman against her will, Clueless told his partner that Sheila Carter is on a hunger strike and that there's no way she, an escape artist, will ever escape. That said, the dumbbells argued for the umpteenth time about how Baldwin came to get himself into such a mess and that had Baldwin not been following Clueless he'd not be.

Baldwin's retort was that had Clueless not quit the Devon Hamilton case, had he not been covering for Carlton and is in fact as guilty of murder as Carlton, Clueless would never had gone shopping for a gift at the Little Shop of Horrors and therefore would not have seen Carter browsing for baby clothes.

Insomuch as Baldwin's accusations were hitting a raw nerve, Clueless lashed back with a reminder that Baldwin's half-wit brother, Kevin, has a history of committing crimes and so there, take that, all while Carter was within listening range. In need of groceries to keep his little pretty fat and sassy, Clueless headed off to the nearest Safeway while Sheila requested from Baldwin a television for her viewing enjoyment, although she'd settle for a radio.

And while Carter's cage had already been furnished with everything but the kitchen sink, Baldwin denied her request instead handing her a book to read which she promptly threw in his face just as Clueless returned. Ready to handcuff Carter to the cage while he fattened her up, Clueless was horrified when Carter pulled a shank, threatened to stab herself, and did just that setting up an ethical dilemma for Clueless and Baldwin. Should they get her medical care or let her die?

As dumb as this was and so similar to past hostage situations, it was trumped by Fisher's whine earlier that he needs to prove he didn't kill Carmen Mesta like all those people are implying he did. Rather than act as a real lawyer would - by telling Fisher that it's not up to him to prove anything - Baldwin yammered that should Fisher be hounded by the persecutors like he was in 2004, Fisher is to let him know. Baldwin also spewed about not volunteering information like Fisher has done in the past and one might think, one with an IQ higher than zero that is, Fisher would have already known that.

Regardless, Fisher picked up the Winters feel-sorry-for-us mantra. Despite that they've as much as said they don't think Kevin is involved in the Mesta mess, despite that Mrs. Baldwin now allows the man who once held her hostage, and might have killed her, to baby-sit her precious baby and allowed him to move into they condom they shared for a spell, Fisher sniveled. His family thinks he killed Mesta and covered up the evidence and woe is he, what will become of Kevin Fisher?

Are these the best laid plans of mice and morons?

You Ain't Nothing but a Hound Dog

January 12, 2007
by Brent Kellogg

Note: this article was originally written on January 10 but got bumped due to more important news. Regardless, it still poses some semi-interesting questions.

Correction: We edited the line referencing Phyllis Summers as having planted drugs in Danny Romalotti's dressing room out of the article. It was David Kimball who planted the drugs.

So I'm trying not to gag after learning that Paul 'Clueless' Williams and lady cop Maggie Sullivan will soon have sex, and wondering if the hair on Williams' chest has turned white yet, given that he's getting old and most of the hair on the top of his empty head is fake, when the news comes in that city persecutor Will Bardwell will be informing Gloria Abbott that he's reopening the tainted skunk oil cream case.

While this is good news, the tainted cream part, and will make many GCN readers happy, I'm not holding my breath that anything will come of it. I mean, how can Gloria be implicated when so much time has passed? What is the evidence Bardwell has that would prove she killed Emma Gibson and where might it be? Who, besides Kevin Fisher and Michael Baldwin, knows what Gloria did? Ashley Abbott?

As a parting shot, will Ashley rat Gloria out? When Ashley left Genoa City for good this week did she say anything except that Jack Abbott will one day make the Abbott family proud again? Did Jack say anything other than that he's going to "miss" his sister? What's to miss? Her threats? Her stabs in his knife-scared back?

Considering how badly Bardwell has botched the Carmen Mesta investigation it's difficult to fathom his solving a picture puzzle much less a crime. But this is what happens when the city's top cop does his own leg work and almost makes you opine for the return of Glenn Richards and copper Hank Weber. Bardwell's antics on Monday, where he told foaming at the mouth rabid dogs Devon Hamilton and Lily Romalotti that his conversation at a coffee shop with David Chow was "private", are only one example of Bardwell's incompetence.

Not to belabor the issue, but if Bardwell's chat was so private, why wasn't he conducting it in private? You know, like at his office or police headquarters? What is it about Genoa City that makes it possible for a newcomer like Chow to summon the top cop and Bardwell heels like a well-trained dog?

You will recall too that not so long ago Mesta was able, in about an hour, to obtain a restraining order against Dru Winters when Winters wouldn't stop hounding her. But now, when Chow is harassing Winters in public and showing up to do the same at her workplace, Winters hasn't had him muzzled? Why, in the hell this city is, would Winters entertain this guy? Witness her cackle today that Chow has "had your fun" and now he can leave. Witness his reply that he's not going to leave until "you pay" for what she did to Mesta.

Is this not harassment? What person with a brain would tolerate it? If Chow's got proof that Winters killed Mesta, let him take it to Bardwell. Sure, he did that, and Bardwell rejected it, but Christ, why talk to the guy? Call the cops or security or just walk away.

And correct me if I'm wrong, weren't these boobs told not to discuss the case? Isn't Winters' adopted son the prime suspect; the only suspect to be arrested and facing prison time if, and when, he ever gets the speedy trial afforded him by the Supreme Court and is convicted?

Why would Lily jeopardize Devon's case? Why would she suggest that he killed Mesta by accident and infer that it was okay because he didn't know what he was doing at the time? Why would Lily run her mouth to Colleen Carlton about this? Why would she say that Devon told her that Devon himself suspects Dru killed the bitch and is willing to take the fall to protect his new mommy?

It might make sense if Colleen could be trusted. But she can't and Lily should know that the moment she told Colleen to promise not to say anything Colleen would be flapping her gums to anyone slightly interested in anything the blowup doll has to say.

More confusing and mind boggling is what happens late in the week when Dru finds the wooden box she lives in trashed. How can this happen? Don't the Winters reside in a high rent gated community? Isn't there a doorman in the lobby, or a security system in place to prevent scum like Chow from gaining access to the box? Aren't there locks and deadbolts on the Winters' door, or, as Dru herself has done in the past, was Chow able to sweet-talk the super into letting him in?

Crazy as all this is, wouldn't you think that when Chow was toying with Dru at the Jitter Joint that owner Kevin, or his manager Jana Hawkes, would have noticed that one of their best customers was being rousted by a stranger? Where was Kevin? Rehearsing for another in a series of interrogations by Sullivan? Wasn't Kevin already removed from the potential suspect list when the cops determined he couldn't have killed Mesta because he didn't know her?

So why then will Sullivan ask Kevin how he could have "hurt" Mesta when he didn't know her? Far be it for me to tell Sullivan how to do her job, but Mesta was more than a little hurt; she was murdered! Speaking of which, to this day we still don't know, and the cops aren't saying, how she died.

Funny too, for the "ton" of newspaper articles purportedly written about Dru's role in this, not one report listed the cause of death? Are the media whores in this city that lame?

Even funnier is Kevin saying, "I can prove it" when he has nothing to prove. Sure, Kevin has been treated like a terrorist in the past, he's aware that under the American Justice System one is presumed guilty until proven innocent, but you'd think he'd be smart enough to tell a lackey cop like Sullivan the burden of proof is on the government and that he ain't saying anything more without his attorney present or until someone screams at Chow, or Bardwell, or Sullivan, "You ain't nothing but a hound dog."

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