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by Kelley Jarvis
October 16, 2009
The Discovery Channel has a series called, I
Didn't Know I Was Pregnant. Women share their
incredible tales of how they thought they were
constipated, etc., only to pop out a baby, much to
their surprise. Ashley Abbott Newman could start her
own series, "I Insist I Am Pregnant," Although she
obviously didn't have a bun in the oven, Victor's
soon-to-be ex-wife insisted that she wasn't merely
padded with a pillow, there was a live infant in her
uterus, although she delivered nothing but insanity.
Y&R viewers would probably agree that Ass-ley needs
some professional help with her grand delusions. I
think it's time to call in Dr. Jan Garavaglia, AKA
Dr. G. Medical Examiner. She also has a series on
Discovery and spends hours in a morgue in Florida
finding out what made her numerous clients kick the
bucket. Garavaglia also testifies in court as a
medical consultant on cases involving folks who are
very much alive.
Dr. G. could appear on Y&R and ask Ms Abbott-Newman
some pertinent questions along the lines of: "Did
your normal cycle stop for nine months?" "Did you
feel movement within your abdominal area that wasn't
a huge buildup of flatulence?" "Were you subjected
to contractions that propelled a baby out of your
body? I mean a living infant actually exited your
body, Ms Abbott-Newman."
If Ashley tried to lie and say that she indeed gave
birth to the baby she picked up at the hospital's
drive-through instant delivery window, Dr. G.. would
insist upon performing a physical examination. Once
Ashley assumed the position, so-to-speak, the doctor
would immediately see that there were no sutures or
evidence of recent childbirth. If Dr. G. requested
Ashley's medical records or insisted upon speaking
with a delivery room nurse to check out information
about the placenta (afterbirth), the 'stuff' would
hit the fan.
Perhaps Ashley and Mary Jane (Patty) and Genoa
City's answer to the fictional "Toonces the Driving
Cat", Mr. Kitty, could be placed in the same
institution until they are both rid of their insane
thoughts and delusions. They could even have their
own program, "I Didn't Know I Was Crazy." |
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