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by Kelley Jarvis
October 20, 2009
The great man, mumbling Victor Newman, has spoken.
He decreed that his ex-wife Nikki should attend
nursing school. While his ex is savvy and
intelligent, I don't think she has what it takes for
nursing school. Had ol' Mumbles suggested this
during one of their numerous marriages when they
were younger, Nikki would have been more apt to don
a 'naughty nurse' outfit and strip at the Bayou.
Speaking from the experience of witnessing the hard
work that nursing students do every day, Nikki
should give up jetting to and fro when the mood
strikes, attending parties and chasing men for long
periods of time because she will need to study some
difficult subjects.
Just a small sampling from a credited Allied Health
school includes Medical Terminology, several classes
of Anatomy and Physiology and Algebra. That's a
quick overview for first-year students. I haven't
the stomach for the work, but I respect the men and
women who learn and perform this profession.
Nikki, sweetie, I have bad news for you. Give up the
perfectly manicured long fingernails. They will have
to be short to prevent infecting patients. You will
also have to empty bedpans containing urine and
feces. That should bring back fond memories of
slogging through the sewer with your former
daughter-in-law and Larry Wharton. At some point, if
you decide to become a nurse, you will have these
bodily secretions on your hands, body or uniform. Be
prepared to deal with patients barfing on you like
Linda Blair in The Exorcist. Does the sight of blood
make you woozy? If you can't stand that, then
nursing most certainly won't be for you.
Better yet, if you really aren't interested in
nursing, tell your demanding and often inconsiderate
ex-hubby to mind his own damned business about your
career options. Given the way you and your ex
behave, yet another over-the-top wedding will
probably be in store, complete with the "Theme from
Ice Castles" blaring at full volume while seasoned
Y&R viewers struggle to keep from being ill. During
your honeymoon, you could always slip on the
'naughty nurse' outfit for the old boy and strip for
him. |
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