Week of 02.25.02

Friday

It was almost a scene right out of Debbie Does Dallas. High atop Newman Towers in the dark and dingy office of the founder of Newman Enterprises and man of her dreams, Nikki Newman beamed with joy as she plopped down a picnic basket packed with strawberries and cream.  More

Lack school security and an increasing amount of doctors complaining about people telephoning their offices inquiring about patients has officials alarmed.  More

Sources tell the Genoa City News that attorney Michael Baldwin, perhaps Diane Jenkins' one and only friend, will not represent her in an upcoming custody battle.  More

Thursday

(Kenya) - Rescue efforts for missing American photographer Malcolm Winters have reached a point of no return with local natives involved in the search so bored they sit around on the river bank eating bananas.   More

After weeks of wishful thinking, Sharon Newman detractors have begun to give up hope that the end of the simpleton's marriage to Nick Newman will end anytime soon.  More

Wednesday

GCNews staff members scratched their heads as they read and reread an encrypted message from undercover reporter Deep Throat stating that Mrs. Nikki Newman is planning a romantic dinner party aboard her yacht for the great Victor Newman.  More

Reliable sources tell the Genoa City News that former brothel employee and one-time blackmailer, dizzy Izzy Brana will be urged to enter a home for unwed mothers.  More

Tuesday

Imagine Mrs. Amanda Hunnicutt's humility when she arrived at the Chancellor estate arm in arm with Larry 'Wartman' Warton for a dinner party. "This is where my daughter lives with her grandmother."  More

The Genoa City News has learned coffee shop by day, club for all ages by night employee Diego Guittierez is being considered for employment at the Newman ranch!  More

Attorney Michael Baldwin confirmed Tuesday that sperm thief Diane Jenkins is being followed by a local goon. More

Beyond her son's stupidity and her eagerness to backbite a man Dr. Olivia Winters never wanted around was the extrasensory perception of another tragedy in Nate Hastings short life. More

Monday

Local stoner and Walnut Grove Academy student Colleen Carlton got a major break Monday when the baby she was sitting coughed up a pile of phlegm containing the golden key.   More

Against all odds, Neil Winters swore he would not give up even if it means he'll have to refrain from sucking on a bottle to get him through these difficult times. "I'm on a mission and I'm going to stay focused," Winters said.  More

Week of 02.18.02

Friday

Coffee shop mogul Sharon Newman proved again this week that the box of rocks serving as a brain in her head has only increased the amount of bawling, whining and stammering she does.  More

Buried deep in the twisted labyrinth of Genoa City's shady underworld, a detective's office doubles as a brothel, where clueless detective Paul Williams and his harem of women operate unnoticed.   More

As the search for American Malcolm Winters continued here Friday, businesswoman Victoria Newman announced a second helicopter will be placed into service to search for the photographer missing when he sought to become a hero.  More

The Genoa City News has learned the barren Mrs. Jack Abbott will come to the aid of sperm thief Diane Jenkins when Jenkins decides to flee Genoa City in violation of a court order! More

Thursday

Mary Williams encouraged her son to commit adultery and now she's sorry he's living in sin.  More

Hordes of local stoners thronged to their dealers and telephone lines were jammed here Thursday as word spread throughout the mini-megalopolis of a new odorless strain of marijuana. More

Horny toad Billy Abbott's one track mind is leading Mackenzie Browning to a dead end.   More

Wednesday

After all these years, the Genoa City News has learned that Julia Newman, the former wife of Newman Enterprises giant Victor Newman, has financial holdings in a business venture located in Lake Forest, WI.  More

Dizzy Izzy Brana seems to think having sex and conceiving a baby can be equated with knowing someone very well. The former whorehouse employee should know having reckless sex with someone does not a relationship make.  More

Fearful her son is following in his father's footsteps, Mrs. Nikki Newman came up with one of the strangest plans known to man Wednesday when she suggested taking Nick and Sharon Newman's children under her wing during the upcoming spring break. More

Walnut Grove Academy student Billy Abbott issued another warning Wednesday to one of the school's most evil drug dealers.  More

Tuesday

The Genoa City News has learned that teenage pot smoker Colleen Carlton may be in the process of kicking her marijuana smoking habit! Is it just a passing fancy or is Carlton deadly serious? More

Sharon Newman is presumed to be sane. To know right from wrong. But her action on Tuesday tells a different story. More

Attorney Michael Baldwin will soon have the golden opportunity to shine again when he represents the venerable Diane Jenkins.  More

As the Genoa City News reported on February 10, Walnut Grove Academy student Mackenzie Browning is about to delude herself into thinking that giving into her boyfriend's demands for sex before marriage will make her a better person.

Monday

The second day of a search effort continued Monday as rescuers yet again failed to turn up any signs of an American photographer missing after a tragic accident. More

Determined to prevent the break up of their son's marriage, Victor and Nikki Newman agonized Monday over what will happen if Nick and Sharon Newman's marriage goes south.   More

With Julia Newman's arrival in Genoa City right around the corner inquiring minds are wondering why she would return after all these years. More

Week of 02.11.02

Friday

Perhaps the news that Jack Abbott is the father of her baby shocked Diane Jenkins into momentary disbelief. Whatever the reason, Jenkins didn't hop on her broom and fly to Genoa City's International airport as fast as those little bristles could take her.  More

Social engagements mean different things to different people. For some, they're an occasion to get together with old friends, share some laughs and maybe meet that special someone. But for Larry 'Wartman' Warton, the upcoming social gathering at the Chancellor mausoleum will be much more than that: It'll be a golden opportunity to try out his new social skills. More

American photographer Malcolm Winters is believed to be dead after the vehicle in which he was a passenger was involved in a fatal accident.  More

Being desperate to provide her new husband with the baby he's always wanted doesn't mean Phyllis Abbott will go to any lengths. More

Dr. Olivia Winters went above and beyond the call of duty here Friday when, out of the goodness of her heart, concern over a patient with a case of the flu drove her out of the way to see how the patient was holding up. More

Thursday

Paul Williams, Genoa City's most clueless detective, has reportedly reached a major turning point in his life. After months of emotional trauma Williams has concluded his only option is to take responsibility for the life he inadvertently created after a one night stand with former brothel employee dizzy Izzy Brana.  More

Jack and Phyllis Abbott employing the services of a surrogate mother would cause more heartache for the already problem burdened couple. More

There may be an ambitious plan to reduce the "social crisis" of illegal drug use in this county by 25% in five years at a cost of $19-billion but the war on drugs is unlikely to put Walnut Grove Academy drug pushers out of business. More

(Kenya) -- Bandits terrorizing roads in and around where an American cosmetics company is preparing for a commercial photo shoot have reportedly cut off vehicular access to the outside world. More

Wednesday

Residents in Kenya county have repeatedly complained to government officials about a need to have bridges upgraded in order to improve Kenya's transportation system but the government ignored their pleas saying that bridges built out of tea leaves pose little or no threat to the motoring public.  More 

Jabot Cosmetics founder John 'Yawn' Abbott tried taking the news, that his former wife is now shacking up with her boy toy, in stride but his stomach began turning when Jill Abbott asked Wednesday if Sean Bridges looks good without glasses.  More

Tuesday

Nearly raped last week in Africa by her father's right hand man, Victoria Newman said Tuesday she will not report Neil Winters' inappropriate behavior to Victor Newman. More

In a stunning display of arrogance, Jabot Cosmetics webmaster Sean Bridges has invited a man whom his mother, er, girlfriend cannot stand to dinner at the Chancellor mausoleum! More

Monday

Billy Abbott's girlfriend, the terrorist Mackenzie Browning, managed to cut a deal with Abbott. No intercourse until she's ready. And when she's ready shouldn't be until and if she marries this goofy kid after she's completed college at the very least.  More

Victoria Newman, Genoa City's queen mother of cosmetics, jumped on a plane, flew to darkest Africa late last week and caught a cab to Kenya's version of a motel 6. It was near midnight when she knocked on Neil Winter's door.  More

Sunday

Those experiencing death deserve some sympathy. But to milk the outpouring is something only the grossly self-indulgent people do. It's hard to sympathize with people who insist on the very special, precious, eternal nature of their loss, while failing even to notice what they do to others.  More

Week of 02.04.02

Friday

Our Lady of the Worthless Miracle homeless shelter has announced a big Valentine's Day bash next Wednesday for the seemingly countless kids who have made the shelter their home.   More

In an apparent effort to avoid the legal hassles involved in preventing sperm thief Diane Jenkins from leaving Genoa City, Jabot Cosmetics CEO Jack Abbott has taken matters into his own hands. More

If there is any justice in the world sperm thief Diane Jenkins will get the word that the father of her baby is planning to have her legally prevented from leaving Genoa City.   More

The rich and famous with their snooty attitudes. Treating the less fortunate like unwanted dogs, telling them to give up their soft lives, to pray and donate valuable time to community service. Those filthy snobs deserve to pay! More

Victoria Newman didn't object when he poured another drink but the look in her eyes told another story. To shift attention away from his betrayal, Neil Winters brought up the name of Newman's dead fiancée, Ryan McNeil.  More

Thursday

Bored and in need of amusement, Walnut Grove Academy student Colleen Carlton came very close Thursday to scoring some killer weed from a school campus drug dealer.  More

Genoa City's most useless private eye, detective Paul 'Clueless' Williams was in a tizzy Thursday trying to comprehend why the woman he knocked up would talk to a total stranger.  More

You've got to tell that man he's the father of your baby and tell that other man he isn't the father of your baby and if you don't I will after I've given you thirteen warnings to do so.  More

Jabot Cosmetics CEO Jack Abbott will soon seek to have the mother of his child declared unfit and attempt to gain full custody of her child!  More

Wednesday

As the Rash & Sassy Cosmetics advertising campaign dream team arrived Tuesday in Kenya, Africa, word spread among the natives about a local woman killed by a hippo while photographing the hippo's calf.  More

Coffee shop mogul Nick Newman ratcheted up the stakes Wednesday when he sought legal advice which could lead to an end of his marriage to one of the dumbest women on the face of the earth. More

Attorney Michael Baldwin announced Wednesday he is considering filing a complaint against former brothel employee dizzy Izzy Brana charging the woman with fraud!  More

As the Rash & Sassy Cosmetics advertising campaign dream team arrived Tuesday in Kenya, Africa, word spread among the natives about a local woman killed by a hippo while photographing the hippo's calf.  More

Tuesday

Only in her wildest dreams could Cassie Newman ever hope to see her little brother as equally distraught over his parent's estrangement as the former orphan kid is. More

Coffee shop employee Diego Guittierez doesn't know how to follow instructions very well but got what he wanted anyway and then some. More

An otherwise smart attorney, Michael Baldwin has sunk so low he's willing to jump into a ready-made family with a former brothel employee. More

Monday

Before Cassie or Noah Newman realize what's happening they could find themselves unknowingly taking several medications, having their mouths washed out with soap and butter knives 'accidentally' cutting their arms. More

In their strongest criticism to date, members of the Newman family ganged up on a shunned Sharon Newman in a sizzling snitfest which is getting uglier by the day.  More

Deliver them from evil, Victor and Nikki Newman are cooking with gas again which can only mean a June wedding will be in the works.  More

Like her mother, her sister-in-law and god knows how many other women in Genoa City, Victoria Newman is no stranger to dead babies. Now, cynics are wondering if Ms. Newman will entice Neil Winters to be a father to her unborn baby, Ryan Jr.! It'll be a win-win situation. What else can explain all that vomit?  More

Being in the right place at the right time could have turned out better for Diego Guittierez had the coffee shop employee waited to ask for a cash advance and a place to live when the boss lady was crying on his shoulder.  More