Week of 07.28.03

Friday

Michael Baldwin should have quit while he was ahead. Enough of the macho all-Genoa City hate-totin' faux-cowboy ethos that says, if I can just become Ms. Blair's current lover I can rule the city. Look where it got him. More

As the Genoa City New first reported, the great Victor Newman has implicated himself in the Case of the Vanishing Victim. The fact Newman is hindering prosecution and should be charged with conspiracy was confirmed Friday when Newman himself admitted that he knows a chief witness in the case, Michigan fisherman and boat owner, Otis Elwood. More

Thursday

Based on all the conniption fits Christine 'Bug' Blair is having it seems pretty obvious. The creepy critter killed Mrs. Izzy Williams and in the end will be found by a jury of her peers not guilty by reason of insanity. More

As suspects in the Case of the Vanishing Victim just leave town whenever they want and witnesses go missing, Genoa City Police detective Hank Weber strolls around town squinting hard and trying to look like he knows what day it is. More

Saying she doesn't have a boyfriend but does have a friend who happens to be a boy, 11-year-old Cassie Newman sought permission on Thursday to be allowed to attend this year's high society event, the Arts Ball. More

Wednesday

Not only is detective Paul 'Clueless' Williams feeling "powerless" where his involvement in the case of the Vanishing Victim is concerned, but now prime suspect Christine 'Bug' Blair reports she too is feeling "powerless." More

A suspect in the alleged death of his wife, detective Paul 'Clueless' Williams announced Wednesday his intent to leave Genoa City for a weekend in California where he claims he will visit the son he hasn't seen in nearly three months! More

Tuesday

Acting like a skank-ass whore on crack, skunk oil queen Victoria Newman reamed attorney Michael Baldwin on Tuesday. Just because Baldwin is on the Newman payroll doesn't mean he can just barge into her office. More

Already with more money than she'll ever be able to spend, a mostly sneering mostly phlegm-hacking Jill Abbott moved one step closer on Tuesday to have stroke-recovering Katherine Sterling declared incompetent. More

Monday

Internet pedophile Kevin Fisher, known around cyberspace porn chat rooms as "Fish", was being egged on Monday to teach 15-year-old Lily Winters a bloody lesson now that the teen has refused to heed the warning signs. More

Attorney Michael Baldwin is causing everyone at Jabot Cosmetics to scramble. They're running down hallways, sweating hard, mapping out killer tactics and frantically screaming, "Newman hired Baldwin! What will become of us?" Pity too, the Abbotts. The moment they can't agree on what to watch on TV out the door one or both of them go to hook up with the nearest whore. More

Week of 07.21.03

Friday

Before Jill Abbott can cash in on a "windfall" she's got her work cut out. First, she must get her half-brother on her side in a move to have their mother declared incompetent and secondly, she must find the retired Chancellor estate attorney who hasn't been seen since 1996. More 

There is a reason they call AOL porn chat room surfer Kevin Fisher the 'Fisherman'. The Internet stalker of young girls easily sweet talked fifteen-year-old Lily Winters into taking his bait on Friday and almost got her to swallow his hook and sinkers as Winters just sort of sat there on the sofa dumb-as-dung. More

Thursday

Damon Porter, a new employee who for all anyone knows could be another Matt Clark for all the background checking Jabot Cosmetics didn't do, sent by a company executive to pry into the small mind of the boss' wife, learns absolutely nothing about Phyllis Abbott except that she'll use him like she uses all men. More

Good god with a riding crop! What was sperm thief Diane Jenkins thinking when she announced Thursday her intent to enroll a two-year-old child at some funky Summer camp? Is Jenkins unaware that children in this city who go away to camp are not often seen again? More

Wednesday

For all the insanity and general hypocrisy plaguing Genoa City these days, it's nice to know that at least one woman in this mini-megalopolis has taken a stand. Refusing to be pushed around, coffee shop co-owner Sharon Newman, the once whiny, insecure woman with rocks in her head is showing signs of stability. More

The shock and awe. Warriors thought to be mixing business with pleasure and the horror given how it's okay to converse with the enemy at the office or in public but not at home. The sad shrilling of what is to become of Jabot Cosmetics now that the enemy is willing to stoop so low as to employ "dirty tricks" to win a bogus war. Oh, the horrible audacity of it all. More

Tuesday

Scowling his super-duper scariest scowl, shifting his eyes and trying to look very secretive, coffee shop owner Nick Newman got down on his knee pads before Jabot Cosmetics CEO Jack Abbott and spilled his guts. "I've learned something that will have a direct impact on Jabot." More

Executives at war-torn Jabot Cosmetics breathed a sigh of relief here Tuesday after Mrs. Nikki Newman clarified in no uncertain terms that for all the consternation to the contrary, she will not quit. More

Monday

Wall Street insiders are hailing the ability of Jabot Cosmetics to pay off a $50 million loan balance thus freeing itself from the powerful grip of Newman Enterprises and apparently ending monthly grunting by Victor Newman demanding his money. More

Local little shop of horrors employee J.T. Hellstrom made one of the dumbest decisions of his young life this week when he moved in with two of the biggest simps this side of the universe. More

Week of 07.14.03

Friday

As Genoa City police detective Hank Weber wallows in the quagmire that the Case of the Vanishing Victim has become, the suspected victim's estranged spouse has yet to utter one word of concern for his one-year-old son, another potential suspect grumbles about being under surveillance and the prime suspect gulps down sleeping pills prescribed by an unlicensed doctor and dreams about having killed Mrs. Izzy Williams. More

Thursday

Saying he doesn't want to pressure the God Have Mercy Medical Center resident butcher into giving him an answer to his marriage proposal - but that Dr. Olivia Winters has 48-hours to respond - not licensed to practice medicine in the United States yet writing prescriptions using other doctors prescription pads and treating patients anyway Dr. Wes Carter sought permission Thursday from Winters' sister for the marriage to go forward. More

Contrived chastity is no more. Shoplifter Brittany Hodges has stepped up to the plate to symbolize Genoa City. The City is stunned. Preteen gum-snapping girls are frozen in awe. Oh, to grow up to be like Britt, they muse. More

While the cast of boobs involved in the case of the Vanishing Victim can only worry that attorney Michael Baldwin might lose his license to practice law for obstructing justice and not have his ass tossed in a local gulag, the prime suspect had the audacity Thursday to tell the cops to stop harassing her. More

Wednesday

The case of the missing Izzy Williams should probably be called 'Dead Whales Tell No Tales' because except for the mysterious disappearance of Mrs. Williams not much has happened, criminal or otherwise, in this latest thriller featuring Christine 'Bug' Blair as the befuddled suspect. Even the violence has been discreet and yet this loosely woven saga drags on focusing on a distraught character study about quiet evil and the importance of remembering. This is not a crime novel as much as it is a story where moral certainties are obscured. There was no crime. Only circumstances and more blank stares from the pristine Christine. More

Tuesday

Without a good scare to appall her perpetually shocked parents there is no rhyme or reason for teenager Lily Winters not to see the warning signs of taking up with a total stranger on the Internet unless it's all about pity and sympathy and a little gay-bashing thrown in to appease the God-fearing ultraconservatives. More

Oh God! Say it ain't so! Say that unlicensed to practice medicine anywhere in the United States psychiatrist Wes Carter was dumb enough Tuesday to ask Genoa City's biggest whore - Dr. Olivia Winters - to marry him. What is it with this clan? Why must they always be swapping partners? Is it a monkey see, monkey do thing? More

Monday

Female shoppers with deep-seated anxieties about everything from their financial outlook to their ability to hold their husband's sexual interest and who use chemical-laden Tuvia cosmetic products in a futile effort to look young, express fear that when new Newman Enterprises marketing goon Michael Baldwin is done they will have no real shopping options. More

Genoa City is baffled and paralyzed and all a twitter now that Neil and Dru Winters have made the decision to get married for a second time. Not only so that their daughter might have a family to call her own, but because the Winters name will look so cool again on the mailbox. More

Week of 07.07.03

Friday

Alarmed that his mother has again resorted to physical violence to solve her differences with his wife, socialite Nick Newman has banned Nikki Newman from the Newman ranch outhouse. More

Thursday

Like a reeking little boil on the ass of society, festering and hissing how others should watch his daughter's every move, Newman Enterprises lapdog Neil Winters spewed Thursday that the World will be a better place for Lily Winters once he re-marries her mother. More

Wednesday

Even though Christine 'Bug' Blair has been through so much she graciously consented Wednesday to some of the most intense grilling since electric chairs went into service. More

How nice of Jack Abbott to tell his former step-mother she should "stick it" to his father's best friend. More

Genoa City's next to the oldest living cow, Nikki Newman couldn't be bothered to stop by the God Have Mercy Medical Center to check in on stroke victim Katherine Sterling until three weeks after the event and since then hasn't offered to see how the poor woman is doing or asked if she could lend a helping hand by maybe changing the Depends or spoon-feeding pig slop. Now she has the gall to say she's always considered Sterling to be like a mother? What kind of chunky green puke is this? More

Tuesday

She's no Laura Bush. That image most everyone readily agree upon. Sharon Newman, soon to become Genoa City's hostess with the moistest at the first ever Arts Council charity dinner is not first in fashion. And if Mrs. Newman's current dress is any indication she's not much for wearing anything at all. More

Covering up, tampering with evidence, putting law licenses on the line ... nothing is too dastardly if it'll protect that squirrel-brained now on drugs prime suspect in the Vanishing Victim case. More

Monday

Bug haters are sighing and drinking heavily. Somebody has done this ghastly horrible inane hate-filled entirely unprovoked crime in the name of power and strategic love, the city is numb and bitter and the cops are not the slightest bit ashamed or closer to solving the case. More

Only in Genoa City can the crazies plagued by the rarest of medical anomalies obtain free health care. They lose interest in hobbies and activities like watching porn yet the stern-faced doctors and the industry at whose teat they suckle want them to know that if they feel the slightest bit of stress, ask wacky eternal questions like, why the hell am I here, there is an expensive medical test just for them. More