Week of 01.26.04

Friday

The days immediately after New Year's Eve Nick Newman was so concerned about the disappearance of Cameron Kirsten he couldn't think straight. The back-stabbing slug went so far as to have Kirsten's room searched, even resorted to his specialty of calling the cops and managed to get an official police investigation going all in the name of seeking praise for some pathetic report he had stayed up late at night to write. As the rich feeling of municipal sympathy and sincere concern swept over him Newman figured that maybe, just maybe, if he worked really hard without snide bias or prejudice, he'd find out what happened to Kirsten and why his wife is so jumpy at the mere mention of Kirsten's name. So why, at such an important point in his meaningless life, would Newman leave town on business? More

Revenge always the main motive, Jabot Cosmetics CEO Jack Abbott said Friday his company is intent on taking nemesis and most feared competitor Victor Newman to civil court where monetary damages will be sought as payback for losses Jabot incurred as a result of poor sales of its toxic Tuvia skincare products. More

Thursday

Genoa City Police have officially opened a missing persons investigation following the disappearance New Year's Eve of software giant Cameron Kirsten. GCPD's roving detective, Hank Weber will be in charge of the case. More

Saying he'd rather take his chances with a jury Newman Enterprises CEO Victor Newman on Thursday attempted to further delay court proceedings in which he was expected to be sentenced this week. More

Wednesday

The second or third time he's been told to get his sorry ass out of Newman Enterprises, Nick Newman recoiled and vowed that the only way to get him out will be to have the Board of Directors vote him out. Problem is: Nobody knows who sits on the board, or if there even is one. More

As ready as he'll ever be to cast aside his sins and move on to wherever destiny leads him, Newman Enterprises Founder Victor Newman announced Wednesday the hiring of all-purpose lawyer John Silva to stand by his side during court proceedings expected to conclude later this week. More

When slimy man about town Brad Carlton checked out of the Genoa City Hotel, management there was all atwitter. At long last it looked as if the local rift-rift would no longer use the place as a whorehouse. The staff had stopped complaining about sticky sheets and evil bitches trolling the halls making high-pitched deeply irritating noises had gone too. More

Tuesday

Festering boil on the ass of society banker Fred Hodges paced the floor at the God Have Mercy Medical Center this week wondering who could be blamed for his daughter's hospital stay. Surely not Brittany Hodges. Her shimming up and down a metal pole pretending to have sex with impotent male spectators was a blameless act. Maybe he himself was to blame for not looking in the law that allows 19-year-olds to strip in bars where the drinking age is 21. More

God Have Mercy Medical Center doctors caring for Gentlemen's Club stripper Brittany Hodges reported Tuesday that the patient underwent plastic surgery following burns sustained when she was zapped last week by an electrified pole while emulating a sex act. More

His daughter still running around with an STD crawling inside her body and if that weren't bad enough, Newman Enterprises lackey Neil Winters said Tuesday that his recycled marriage to evil bitch Dru Winters is already hanging in the balance thanks to who will end up possessing at least one of two rare and very dead orchids. More

Monday

When private investigator in-training J.T. Hellstrom said he was off to stakeout Genoa City's public enemy #1 it was thought at first that his mentor, private investigator Paul 'Clueless' Williams had bugged the suspect's apartment and that Hellstrom would be slurping bad 7-11 coffee as he listened in on the conversations and kept track of the suspect's comings and goings. But whoever thought that were wrong. More

Suspecting foul play, Fred Hodges promises full police investigation into his daughter's shocking experience. More

Before pundits could accuse her of surfing the net looking for adult videos featuring hot skinny chicks who smoke a lot, Lynne Bassett announced this week that she's dating again. More

Week of 01.19.04

Friday

After deserting his dwindling fans in Genoa City rock star Danny Romalotti fled to Europe, latched onto a new following of fans with his heavily technically-enhanced music and thought his intangible quality would destine him for greatness. So what went wrong? More

There has been much criticism about Genoa City Assistant Attorney General Christine 'Big' Blair's bad habit of speaking with a defendant in a criminal case without the defendant's attorney present. Blair recently obtained a taped confession from Victor Newman this way. More

For awhile there is seemed as if the script was being read out of sequence. Victor Newman, charged with the misdemeanor crime of Commercial Bribery, swore he'd never plead guilty to something he didn't do. All the waffling, of course, is to allow for more tiny-brain strain as to what should be Newman's fate. After thirty years of human evolution in Genoa City this is the best they can come up with? More

Thursday

They spin, they squirt, they vibrate, they arrange for the daughters of squirmy bank managers to have 'accidents'. That's the message disenfranchised mobster boss Sal Staley sent the hunkered down banking community this week. Cut off the gangsters line of credit and by golly we'll send our goons out to eat your babies. More

Under the guise that damn plebeian lemmingheads will believe every stinking lie hurled at them and to the dismay of sad married balding certified public accountants everywhere, strip club owner Bobby Marsino announced Thursday that he has hired college student Raul Guittierez to replace terminated bookie Kevin Fisher. More

Wednesday

Concerned that her husband may discover that his sperm was used without permission to create Ashley Carlton's baby, and that if Victor Newman partakes in bringing the now crazed Carlton out of her psycho-funk which apparently only he can do, Mrs. Nikki Newman said this week that she's satisfied the job should be left to the two quacks presently debating how best to treat Carlton. More

It's got that reek. That stink so often found in the air over Genoa City. Newman Enterprises is in chaos and the longer Nick Newman is allowed to run the empire the shorter time it'll take to collapse around Victor Newman's neck. More

There's that odor again. Something about Seattle Appeals Court Judge Arthur Hendricks doesn't smell right. More

Liz Foster checked her calendar, saw it was time for a checkup and rather than consult with a physician she should have in London, scraped together some of her Social Security earnings, hopped a plane for Genoa City, got her oiled checked and then scurried over to daughter Jill's office to say she's good to go for another 100,000 miles. More

Tuesday

How utterly obnoxious it is that hanging-by-a-thread just outside a comfy prison cell shyster Michael Baldwin has not yet instructed admitted killer Sharon Newman to just stay the hell away from him if she's not going to take his advice. More

Anyone with ears not clogged by yellow-green gunk heard commercial bribery suspect Victor Newman confess last week on tape and in the presence of prosecuting attorney Christine 'Bug' Blair that he is guilty of the misdemeanor and would let the chips fall where they may. More

For as long as anyone can remember Dr. Olivia Winters has been called the "butcher" of Genoa City and for good reason. Her inane medical skills are questionable and have resulted in more deaths than boy-toy Dr. Wesley Carter can legally prescribe pills. More

Monday

As if anyone needed to read about the incredible and ever-increasing list of lies and misinformation and deeply, colon-clenchingly humiliating wrongness shot forth from the mouth of a creepy prosecutor, a truly jaw-dropping assortment of falsehoods and fabrications have pressured Newman Enterprises CEO Victor Newman to confess he spent $2-million to make a $1 profit and forced the competition into a $500,000 loss. More

Who can forget how many times Jack Abbott told Luan Violein that he'd never love anyone else but her? Who can forget how many times Jack Abbott has told Phyllis Abbott he'll never love anyone else but her? So why is the Jabot CEO now leading Diane Jenkins into thinking she'll be the only woman he'll ever love? More

Week of 01.12.04

Friday

Too ignorant to know that when she and her cohorts smuggled a not so rare but rare nevertheless orchid out of Japan a crime was committed, and if the Japanese government were to find out could cause an international embarrassment, helmet-haired Jabot Cosmetics spokesgeek Dru Winters proposed Friday that the person who subsequently stole the orchid from Jabot be tracked down and arrested. More

When Gentlemen's Club operator Bobby Marsino fired his only bookkeeper without warning, without explanation and without having a replacement waiting in the wings he had no idea that First Federal Savings was calling in his loan. Not because he's behind in payments or incurred more than two late fees, but because the bank manager has an axe to grind. More

Only in Genoa City can persons with no good reasons become falling down drunks and in the blink of any eye change their minds, call Alcoholics Anonymous and receive immediate one-on-one personalized care. More

Members of the legal community, ready to pounce on incoming calls in a futile hope that accused commercial bribery suspect Victor Newman will start looking for a real lawyer, cringed in agony late this week when word spread of a meeting Newman had with co-conspirator Michael Baldwin and Assistant District Attorney Christine Blair. More

Thursday

The reality that Americans now pay more than ever for health care and get less coverage struck Genoa City this week when Genoa City University student Raul Guittierez was told that he will no longer be covered under his father's health insurance policy. More

For weeks much was made of the heinous crime Victor Newman committed when he allegedly arranged to have a marketing magician paid a large sum of money to assure that toxic containers of skunk oil products called Safra were placed at eye-level in stores nationwide. More

Concentrating more on counting the skimpy latex thongs and the small travel dildos she sells to the local rift-raft than her own safety, Little Shop of Horrors owner Lauren Fenmore made the same mistake twice! More

Wednesday

Sending the wrong message to the hopefully rare few who take anything he says and does seriously, Genoa City's most clueless private investigator Paul 'Clueless' Williams said this week that his two-year-old son will continue living with his wife's parents in Los Angeles where the boy was stashed. More

How can two fans of a washed up rock and roll singer regenerate interest in an uninteresting singer of boring songs with titles like, "Rock On" and Why Can't We All Live Together"? It ain't easy but Christine Blair and Lynne Bassett shamelessly gave it their best shot this week. More

Tuesday

No amount of talking about her creepiness in the past tense will ever change the fact that Christine Blair is now and always will be, a bug. More

All the screaming heard around Genoa City on Tuesday - or whatever day it actually was nobody can ever be certain due to the time warp - was coming from the law offices of Baldwin & Williams. More

Monday

Fenmore's Department Store offshoot trinket shop and the only place in Genoa City where a former male member of the Glow by JawBow team can be seen occasionally fondling the fashion line for teens and where JawBow skunk oil is exclusively sold, the Little Shop of Horrors was closed Monday for sex! More

Were Genoa City to in any way resemble the real world the time for the City Prosecutor's Office to make deals with suspected criminals would have been before they've been arrested and charged. More

Genoa City Police Chief Gordon Hurrah announced Monday that it is department policy to allow detectives to assign themselves to cases of their choosing and to respond to routine calls should they happen to be in the neighborhood. More

Week of 01.05.04

Friday

With all the problems she's facing Nikki Newman is playing a one-woman Homeland Security rummy looking for dirty bombs named Sharon Newman. More

Could Kevin Fisher's mother be in Genoa City? More

Thursday

Due to a shortage of qualified psychiatrists and psychologists and general good medical care in Genoa City, Bradley Carlton, noted member of the upper wealthy echelon, but so poor he's unable to afford caller-id, this week summoned the services of French witch-doctor Wesley Carter who dropped whatever he was doing the past several weeks in Paris and rushed to asked Carlton's wife many crazy questions. More

What Jack Abbott or his merry band of lab rats were thinking, when they locked up Jabot Cosmetics for the night and apparently left what are said to be the rarest of rare Japanese orchids out for anyone with a key to steal, only the rats know and they aren't talking. More

Wednesday

When pointless Jabot Cosmetics employee/investor Diane Jenkins showed up at the home of her son's biological father on Wednesday one of the things she didn't do was ask Jack Abbott why in Hell he hadn't taken a moment out from his useless Japan junket to phone his son on Christmas, express concern that forgetful drooling-in-a-cup John Abbott kept the three-year-old out late on Christmas Eve with people Kyle Abbott doesn't know or even say Merry Christmas/Happy New Year when Abbott saw his son for all over thirty-seconds before shooing the three-year-old into the kitchen for a sugar fix. More

Newman Enterprises webmaster Phyllis Abbott said Wednesday she knew damn well what she was doing when she gave a rare orchid found only in Japan which is not really rare at all to competing Jabot Cosmetics CEO Jack Abbott. More

Pillar of the community Katherine Sterling has reportedly turned to her old pal, firewater, as a means to cope with the horrifying realization that her newly-found daughter, Jill Abbott is turning the Chancellor mausoleum into something resembling a bordello/adult book store. More

Tuesday

Massacring yet another major armada of struggling brain cells Nick Newman said Tuesday that maybe it was a mistake to prostitute his wife out to a man he now considers strange and who may not respect his business prowess . More

Those who know what a conniving, murdering, unfit mother who should be slapped upside the head with a dead fish Phyllis Abbott is were not shocked and awed to learn Tuesday that the traitorous bitch has sold out her employer in exchange for another chance to have lousy sex with thieving pip-squeak Jack Abbott. More

For a good two years attorney Michael Baldwin has consistently worried about losing his license to practice law. At first it was petty stuff like a series of ethics violations. From there Baldwin moved up to destroying and concealing evidence in the Vanishing Victim case, conspired to commit commercial bribery and this week escalated his string of hypocrisy and double-standards by keeping a murder confession under wraps. More

Monday

Genoa City is showing no signs that its crazy residents have run out of bizarre things to do. In the wee hours of the morning hired help light fireplaces in empty homes, citizens go to their workplaces, respectable society women visit strip clubs, and college kids engage in discussions about the inherent dangers of associating with reputed mobsters all as if it were 2 o'clock in the afternoon. More

Why she goes looking for love in all the wrong places and gets turned down Jill Abbott wonders, "Am I over the hill?" More

Why would Nick Newman - already painfully aware that his wife has cheated on him at least twice and nearly destroyed his marriage as many times - be so dumb as to say another man is sniffing the air for her scent? More