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January 2007 Headlines

For week of 01.29.07

Friday

Like a bad episode of the cable the TV show The Wire, Jack Abbott, posing as the President of Jabot Cosmetics, lured a senator into accepting a bribe in exchange for prime real estate land for the toxic wellness spa chain, NVP. More

Incommunicado for less than 24-hours, it was long enough to give Jitter Joint Owner Kevin Fisher a case of the fits when Manager Jana Hawkes could not be located. More

Translated into 'The Man Is Before You', the cracking of the reliquary code is expected to have certain Genoa City residents arguing over who the man is. More

Thursday

The only thing worse than a grown man crying is a faux man pretending to be a private eye screaming for help inside an abandoned warehouse. More

What always happens in Genoa City when persons find themselves embroiled in a crisis or tragedy or crime? They cower and cry and say life sucks and have nightmares. More

Wednesday

As if it weren't already an insult to intelligent people everywhere, that David Chow could dictate he be assigned to work with Neil Winters wasn't nearly as insulting as the hiring of a hunkmonkey to locate the uninterested Mesta "sister" in Texas who apparently had about as much interest in the dead Carmen Mesta as Mesta's Texas brother. More

With shrieks of impending terror echoing throughout the land, and Victor Newman grunting that his family is in danger, it's amazing that Newman Ponderosa security is so poor and that Lauren Baldwin would want to keep her baby there for safe-keeping. More

Tuesday

Swearing he has no interest in the valued reliquary, professor Adrian Gerbil said today he did cross the line by having sex with one of his students, but he doesn't like talking about such things so please don't get him fired. More

Monday

Kidnapped, and held in a cage for several days, Sheila Carter eluded her captors today thanks in part to the long arm of the law. More

Considered unfair with its intimidation of suspects and innocent persons alike, the Genoa City Justice System spun out of control again this week when it was announced the Carmen Mesta murder trial staring Devon Hamilton will start this Friday without there ever being a Grand Jury indictment like the one for Hamilton's adoptive mother. More

Said to be so valuable people have been killed trying to get their hands on it, the reliquary turned over to the great Victor Newman last week was subsequently placed in the safety of a home previously broken into presumably so that a Genoa City University art professor may eventually get his hands on it next. More
 

For week of 01.22.07

Friday

Officially having become what she despises most, hypocrite Lauren Fenmore Baldwin this week joined the long list of Genoa City elite who get to decide who deserves to live or die. More

Readers unfamiliar with how Lauren Baldwin became such an emotional wreck, and those in need of a remedial course, may find this report - written earlier this month, but not published until now, of some interest. More

Thursday

Those who witnessed, and those who did not, the cat and mouse game between Victor Newman, Brad Carlton and the evil Nazis, fizzle out didn't care that it fizzled so long as it's over. But is it? More

One of the many problems with the Cane is really Phillip Chancellor III yarn is that Chancellor was born in December 1975 which would make him 31 coming up on 32 were he alive today. More

How the Genoa City News came to be. More

Wednesday

For weeks department store magnate and horror shop owner Lauren Baldwin hasn't been herself. There was no official medical diagnosis that she was suffering from post partum depression following the birth of her second child, and while she seemed semi-disabled by agoraphobia, and was so worried about by friends and family, she did this week travel to Los Angeles! Her speedy recovery later described as a miracle, the question remains: can Baldwin and others survive the sheer lunacy? More

Tuesday

Not since 2001 has there been a greater discovery then that this week of kiwi in Genoa City. Unlike when Nikki Newman stumbled upon a rare plant growing in the remote hills of Brazil, it was college student Lily Romalotti who discovered kiwi while she and her not of legal drinking age husband slacked at a place where liquor is sold. More

You may have at this point turned to your bag of double-lard Oreo's or your cat and said, Hey honey, check it out, did you see that? They discovered Kiwi in Genoa City. Wasn't that something? Did Cane sail in on a barge filled with them? Is the barge parked outback? Get it? Outback. Think we could do something as stupid? More

Monday

Got a set of old bones in a grave somewhere you aren't sure who they belong to and could in fact be those of the baby you stole years ago? Need those bones dug up without the hassle of court orders and such nonsense? So long as the bones are in the jurisdiction of Genoa City and the city persecutor's name is Will Bardwell, you can have your bones in about an hour. More

Reduced to Jack Abbott's bitch in a pinch, Sharon Newman has given white slavery new meaning. More
 

For week of 01.15.07

Friday

All that money spent, all those needless deaths in Iraq and Afghanistan, and who knew that all along the great Victor Newman was available to single-handedly wipe the terrorists out because he's a one man army! Plus, 1-sissy make-believe private eye, J.T. Hellstrom reports no new developments in the search for the real Phillip Chancellor III. More

Maybe Paul Williams hasn't heard, it's a federal crime to obtain prescriptions illegally. It's called fraudulent obtaining of a controlled substance in that he lied in order to obtain an antibiotic in which he then illegally transferred to captive Carter and thereby compounded his crime. More

Thursday

Taking a page right out of 1994 Genoa City history during which the great Victor Newman had Eve Howard's grave dug up, Katherine Chancellor Sterling announced today her intent to dig up the grave of Phillip Chancellor III to see whose bones are inside. More

From Dru Winters parking right next to the Newman Enterprises elevator completely out of surveillance camera view, to newcomer David Chow applying for a loan at the Bank of Newman, to hunkmonkey J.T. Hellstrom throwing a hissy fit over his blowup doll having unavoidable sex and then saying he'll always love her, to Carmen Mesta's telephone call to Daniel Romalotti's testicles on a string, this is News from the Newsroom.

Put the crayons down. Stop complaining that the elite residents of Genoa City have not progressed in twenty years. This is as good as it gets.

Wednesday

That Sheila Carter can take a licking and keep on ticking was already a foregone conclusion, but what does it say when a woman stabs herself in the belly, bleeds all over the place, and survives her wound thanks to a few band-aids? More 

When a swishy, not yet a real man, Daniel Romalotti admits to eating health food, and in fact is seen making out a grocery list, it's pretty clear his marriage is headed for the skids. Plus, sissy boy, hunkmonkey J.T. Hellstrom declares again it's okay when men cheat but not when women do it. More

Tuesday

A prudent person, someone so worried about his family being in danger that members of it had to be sent to a Hawaiian "safe house" once, and was considered a second time, and had their home and auto broken into, would have the sense God gave a goose to have his home swept for listening devices. But not Brad Carlton. More

This is what happens when rookie kidnappers provide their captives with furnished cages. More

A complete round-up of the day's crime in Genoa City and for good measure a  good whine. More

In 2004 Genoa City was rogue. It's residents were attacking perceived enemies without provocation on the battlefield of bitterness and god-awful soap operas and predator Kevin Fisher was at the top of the enemy list. More

Monday

Authorities desperate to solve the Carmen Mesta murder case turned their attention to former Genoa City arsonist and sexual predator/rapist Kevin Fisher this week following demands by a pair of pitchfork-wielding teenagers. More

As the entire city continued pointing fingers at once thought to be respected socialite Dru Winters, stalker David Chow had no problem renting the apartment right next door. More

For week of 01.08.07

Friday

A woman is dead after using a toxic Jabot Cosmetics product, a deal was hatched to keep the death quiet, the cops conducted a faux investigation during which no arrests were made, and now, months later, the case is being reopened? More

Thursday

It was a bad day at Black Rock for former Carmen Mesta murder suspect Dru Winters. Not only did the townsfolk lap up an unsubstantiated media whore report about her on the evening news, and point their crooked fingers wherever she went, Mrs. Winters found her wooden box broken into and her classic garments cut to shreds. More

Too many students, two for certain, have died mysteriously since attending professor Adrian Gerbil's college art classes and this, coupled with Gerbil's habit of collecting his student's phone numbers and drawing sketches of them, must then make him a serial killer. More

Wednesday

Fearful that if he and his endangered family don't fight the Nazis over there they'll have to fight them in Genoa City, one of the city's oldest men, Victor Newman put forth the notion today that the mostly forgotten search for the unattainable reliquary should be resumed. More

For anyone who forgot what the 2006 Nazi killers/reliquary saga was all about here's the short version. More

Tuesday

The real story isn't so much that private detective Paul Williams has become as despicable as those who hire him, and could be so dumb as to allow his captive all the comforts of home, as it is his partner in crime whining again about losing his license. More

Unable to figure out when a blowup doll is cheating on him, why anyone would hire pretend PI J.T. Hellstrom to find anything is beyond comprehension. More

There are no words to describe a Johnny-come-lately like David Chow who would say after so much time has passed and his alleged fiancée screwed around so much that he and Carmen Mesta planned to wed. More

Monday

If it's January 8 or 9 or so much as a whiff of rotting flesh and bone floats over Genoa City then it must be time again for members of the Newman family to remember the death of Cassie Newman by going out and digging up her grave. More

Leave it to a woman, whose own father died as a result of her doing as did the five-year-old boy she shot dead, to come to the aid of an old woman who stole a woman's baby at birth. It doesn't get much sleazier than that. More

For week of 01.01.07

Friday

Seeing herself as a "Nancy Grace" type from Court TV fame and like a violently conservative, railing against the world as she sits in her rocker with a shotgun, popping Zoloft and spitting at the dog, yellow journalist Leanna Love may resurface soon with the story of the decade. More

Never before has a chain of events so rattled the populace that if it hasn't before, Child Protective Services should be alerted of the little girl living down the street with a very crazed family. Plus, was it a copy of How To Have Sex with Students that J.T. Hellstrom was told to look at? And as the GCN projected, Katherine Chancellor stole a woman's baby out of pure spite. More

Thursday

Fearing for her life and as a favor to the father of her child, embattled by the death of her faux father and generally having had a bad 2006, Ashley Abbott has announced she's stepping down as Jabot Cosmetic's President and leaving Genoa City. More

Long before Michael Baldwin helped Gloria Abbott cover-up her crime he had a criminal history and is in fact a convicted felon for which he served prison time. Since then Baldwin has participated in other questionable practices and did this week add conspiring to kidnap to his rap sheet. More

Wednesday

The similarities of Katherine Sterling's crime sometime between 1975 when Jill Abbott and Phillip Chancellor II were married and Abbott got pregnant a year later with Chancellor's baby, and the current infatuation with Sheila Carter wanting to get her paws on Lauren Baldwin's baby, are striking. All that remains is for some nip/tuck guy to carve Carter's face up like a plastic surgeon did to David Kimball. More

What makes a professor have sex with his students? What makes a hunkmonkey chase after girls who aren't much better in the sack than a blow up doll? More

Tuesday

After making such a big fuss over searching Newman Enterprises, disrupting business and employees there only  to find what he was looking for in the parking garage and finding Jack Abbott's DNA on the earring Carmen Mesta worn on the night of her death, chief persecutor Will Bardwell merely thanked Abbott for his cooperation while Devon Hamilton remains under arrest. More

Monday

So long ago when so many in Genoa City were saying that so and so didn't seem like himself or herself who knew that when it came to Phillip Chancellor III they weren't kidding? More

In a city where logic is defied around the clock it was no surprise that on New Year's Eve 2003, at the stroke of midnight, the hired help was lighting fireplaces in empty homes, citizens were going to their workplaces and respectable society folk were visiting strip clubs. More

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