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This is a listing of all article headlines that have appeared on the front
page for readers interested in archives or for quick access.
Carlton Bails On Jabot!
His original intent to wrestle the Jabot Cosmetics CEO position away from
headmaster Jill Abbott, in the blink of an eye weasel Brad Carlton learned
of an opening at Newman Enterprises, submitted his resume, and after only
one interview was hired on the spot! Daily
Daze
You Booze, You Lose
Nick Newman thinks his boozing mama won't drink again? It was only night
during extreme stress that Nikki Chow allowed the drug to pickle what
remains of her brain? The old drunk is staying in Mexico hoping to find the
man of her dreams? Does she think Victor Newman will simply wash ashore and
into the bar where she's holed up ignoring all the booze around her?
What is wrong with these people? No, what is wrong with us for
paying any attention to this idiocy? Daily
Daze
War, What's It Good For?
Imagine picking up the latest issue of Soap Opera Digest and it's filled
with articles about laundry detergent and fabric softener. Crazy you say?
Not if you're the publisher and your goal is to sell magazines. Who wants to
read about soap operas in a soap mag? Daily
Daze
Bless the Beasts and
Beastie Boys
Good god! It's not like Ana Hamilton is going to Iraq. It's not like the
Winters family can't equip the kid with the latest communication devices and
video camera on a laptop with which she can stay in constant touch, what's
with the weepy-eyed going away party and why was brother Devon told that Ana
will always be his sister no matter where she is? Isn't Devon a college boy?
Daily Daze
Hello? I Must Be Going
It took brother Devon Hamilton and Lily Winters the better part of a day to
convince her, but once 12-year-old It Hamilton understood it's not everyday
the master race bestows upon the 'po folk a music scholarship she snapped it
up with one stipulation: She must leave for New Hampshire today!
Daily Daze
Scratching the Surface
How to tell if someone is dying. Fashion/style
They Came From Beneath
the Sea
Those rotten children. Their parents made them do it. Chloe Mitchell is the
way she is because her daddy left mommy before she was born. Mommy took away
her favorite stuffed toy and the kids at school made fun of her. Neil
Winters has no better role model than a man whose own children can barely
relate him. Where do all the monsters come from?
Daily Daze
Chloe Valentine?
It's a bird, it's a plane, it's faster than a rapidly aging Genoa City kid.
It's another baby born out of wedlock during a storm? It is perhaps the
strangest thing you've ever heard.
Michael Kelly Reports.
The Great White Father
All the hate aside, there's little wonder why Neil Winters' should change
the spelling of his name to 'Kneel'. Victor Newman was like a daddy to him!
The great white father took him to White Sox games; watermelon harvests; the
finest KFC's, KKK rallies and now daddy could be dead?
Daily Daze
Rich American Woman Left
Alone in Mexican Snake Pit
A moron would know better than to leave a rich, American, recovering
alcoholic drug addict alone with a pack of seedy Mexicans in a village known
to be frequented by mobsters one of which could have very well been in the
area at the time, but that's what Nikki Chow gets for trusting a clueless
private eye named Paul Williams. Daily Daze
Incest and Peppermints
and Psychological Intrigue?
Just when you thought it couldn't get any more lame. A can have anything her
heart desires 12-year-old throwing fits and making demands. A 15-year-old
who has everything his heart desires complaining that life is "boring" and
turning rebel needs to be scared straight by a former porn addict once
thought to have killed his half-sister. A fashion magazine publishing sleaze
about its own staff because readers want to know the publishers are wife
swappers, incest-seeking sluts, disgraced state senators and ex-convicts.
Daily Daze
Scratching the
Surface
Who gives a crap who Ana Hamilton's real mother is? Has there been a duller
storyline in the history of the world? Wasn't who Lily Winters real daddy
enough? Wasn't who Daniel Romalotti's real daddy is overkill? Oh, that's
right. Romalotti still doesn't know his real daddy. Must we now watch
Michael Baldwin bond with his didn't know him daddy? And who's next in line
to track down their daddy? Devon Hamilton? J.T. Hellstrom?
Fashion/Style
FBI Calls Timeout!
We'll return to the search for Victor Newman after these messages. Moms,
Dads, are your rapidly aging children having the urge to drink alcohol? Do
they use foul language when you scold them? Then you need - CASSIE.
Yes friends, whenever trouble rears its ugly head, take CASSIE. A wonder
drug of the times, CASSIE will jog your memory. It will make you regress to
a time you gave the child up at birth, gave it hell for carrying condoms,
and watched it die.
Caution: CASSIE may
cause unnecessary blame. Daily Daze
Who Will Save the
Children?
A white grandchild of her own floating around in the bile of Chloe
Mitchell's love machine, why is Katherine Chancellor so suddenly concerned
about the black baby? Daily Daze
No Knock Rule in Hand,
Gestapo Storms Newman Ponderosa
For someone who went to Harvard and had with him at the time a
Princeton-educated assistant district attorney, neither Victor Adam Newman,
nor Heather Stevens, nor Amber Moore apparently know the law. They can't be
evicted within hours. They must be given written notice to vacate and even
then have legal rights with which to fight the eviction.
Daily Daze
Entiende
Eso, Señor?
Get your Victor Newman Action figures while they last! Allison Newton
returns with Let's Face It.
I Pronounce You Former
Homicidal Maniac and Former Homicidal Maniac!
It was as if crazies Kevin Fisher and Jana Hawkes jumped into a time machine
and traveled back to the Sixties. To the Left Coast and Haight/Ashbury where
to this day hippies smoke dope and eat brownies laced with marijuana. The
only thing missing was flower child Nikki Reed.
Fashion/Style
Amber's Bad Adventure
Quite proud of herself, Katherine Chancellor sent the summer message again:
Have lots and lots of sex outside marriage. Don't worry if a human life
develops; your rich relatives will arrange for a marriage of convenience.
Large engagement parties will be thrown and the alleged daddies made CEOs of
giant empires. Daily Daze
Chicken of the Sea
Forget how one of PI Paul Williams' contacts told
him that mobster Walter Palin is known to frequent a
small fishing village in Mexico when the heat is on, and it must be that
Nikki Chow would conclude that Victor Newman is out to get Palin, where did
old man Newman learn to "captain" a boat?
Daily
Daze
Dippy Hippies Wed by
Wanted Man!
Of all the freakish places to have a wedding the King and Queen of Freakdom
were married in a Malibu head shop whereby the strangest of coincidences the
groom's half-brother, in search of his daddy, just happened to find the guru
performing the ceremony is daddy! Daily Daze
Won't You Take Me On a
Sea Cruise
Don't know why there's no sun up in the Mexican sky? There's a storm
brewing. There's Nikki Chow and her lapdog out looking for the man who makes
her life miserable but who she's addicted to. Neither rain, nor gloom, nor
sensibility will prevent her from saving Victor Newman.
Daily Daze
Useless Style Couples at
War!
Wife-swappers Jack Abbott and Nick Newman were doomed from the start. First
rule of business: Don't go into business with the man who's screwing your
ex. Second rule: Don't turn what is barely a fashion magazine into a tabloid
or there will be war. More
Homeland Security Probing
Newman Disappearance!
Something every American taxpayer can appreciate, when he wasn't whining
about what an empty suit he is, and that he needs to understand what made
him sexually attack Christine 'Bug' Blair, commit other crimes, and serve a
prison sentence, attorney Michael Baldwin said today that the Department of
Homeland Security is investigating the Victor Newman disappearance.
Daily Daze
Crack Mama Had Two Babies
Selling her ass for drug money, while Yolanda Hamilton already had a
12-year-old son living with his grandmother on his way to a life on the
streets, Ana Hamilton was born and yet Ana got lucky. She got to live with
her Aunt Tyra who apparently didn't give a crap where nephew Devon was.
Daily Daze
Plot Would Put Jack
Abbott In Control of Cosmetics Company
Under court order not to so much as show his face at Jabot Cosmetics,
magazine mogul Jack Abbott has reportedly been asked to join forces with
creepy crawler Jeff Bardwell and Bardwell's wife, Gloria, who is suspected
of killing Emma Gibson, in an effort to seize control of the toxic chemical
company. Daily Daze
The She's Not My Daughter
Loophole
Based on Jill Abbott's erratic behavior, placing her inexperienced son in a
position of power for which he is not qualified, forcing her mother's "like
a daughter to me" CEO of Jabot out of the company, and tricking Katherine
Chancellor into an employment contract absolving the old woman of hiring
power, Chancellor's only recourse may be to claim that Abbott is not her
daughter. Daily Daze
Unconscious Man Had Sex!
A true medical miracle, while unconscious, Jabot Cosmetic's
waiting-in-the-wings CEO Cane Ashby had sex with a woman and now Chloe
Mitchell has a baby to prove it's true what fiancée Lily Winters said. Ashby
was not "conscious" when he had sex with that woman.
Daily Daze
Pop Goes the Weasel
Here's the summer message for teenagers: Have lots and lots of sex. Show the
adults how it's done so they'll emulate you and say "let's have sex like
teenagers". Never mind that the older you get, the more responsible, the
better the sex, if you're a weasel like Nick Newman you'll be anxious to pop
in less than a minute. Daily Daze
Scratching the Surface
If there's one good thing about Chloe Mitchell having Cane Ashby's baby, and
Liza Van Horne doesn't think there's anything good about it, it's that whiny
Lily Winters' life is being made miserable.
Fashion/Style
Baldwin Daddy Can Wait
The lead on his long lost father so hot, attorney Michael Baldwin set aside
his Victor Newman baby-sitting chores long enough to leave the city when it
was reported that Lowell 'River' Baldwin had been detained at the Ashland
County Jail and subsequently a warrant issued for his arrest. So what did
young Baldwin do upon learning daddy isn't in jail? Did he rush back to
baby-sit the Newman family? Why, yes. He did!
Daily Daze
What's Your Name?
Remember when Adam Wilson first came to Genoa City and everyone called him
Victor Newman Junior? Well, he's not Adam Wilson anymore. Now he's Victor
Adam Newman. Please make a note of it. Daily Daze
The Envelope Please
Wasn't it Cane Ashby who arranged an at-home DNA test? Wasn't it Chloe
Mitchell's blood that was withdrawn? So why was Lily Winters' name on the
envelope? Daily Daze
Don't Call Me, I'll Call
You
As the search for Victor Newman intensified, super sleuths Paul 'Clueless'
Williams, and head of Newman Enterprises Security J.T. Hellstrom, caught a
big break. Mr. Newman buried his heart at Wounded Knee. Or was that cell
phone at Evergreen Cemetery? Daily Daze
Scratching the Surface
Be careful what you wish for.
Fashion/Style
Reinstated, Bottom of
Ladder ADA Giving Press Conferences
Squeaky voiced, sounding worse than Colleen Carlton, said to have been
reinstated as an assistant district attorney after being fired for
incompetence, was supposed to be starting over at the bottom, Heather
Stevens is now acting as a spokesgeek for the DA's office.
Daily Daze
Is He Gay?
With all the rumors flying lately, many of them dead on so to speak, one
that sticks out like a sore thumb is that while away at Rapid Aging Summer
Camp, Noah Newman caught that evil sickness known as homosexuality.
Daily Daze
Funeral Cancelled,
Bereaved Followed Signs to Grave
Learning after the fact that Victor Newman held a private burial service for
his wife, members of the family and others nevertheless knew where Sabrina
Newman was buried. They followed the signs!
Daily Daze
Do Kangaroos Crap in the
Outback?
For a girl claiming to have gone to college, it's amazing how Lily Winters
knows nothing of the outside world. Daily
Daze
Evil Woman Gives God Hell
The woman who drove Phillip Chancellor II over a cliff and to his grave is
giving God a tongue lashing? The woman who gave away her own daughter? The
woman who cares not who is buried in Phillip Chancellor III's grave? Cut out
her tongue! Daily Daze
Profits of Doom
Lauren "Ain't my teats big" Baldwin sputtering how she fears her husband
will meet his pa and find out something he doesn't want to know. Good god,
isn't that the point? Daniel Romalotti presenting Victor Newman with a
likeness of his wife on the day of her funeral? What is wrong with these
profits of doom? Daily Daze
Who's Your Daddy?
Directed by Chloe Mitchell, with guest star the can't remember getting drunk
and marrying a dyke Cane Ashby, special appearances by sissy boys Devon
Hamilton and Daniel Romalotti, featuring the whiny wants to be a bad ass
Colleen Carlton, and can't find a decent man no matter how hard she tries
Lily Winters, it's episode 1304 of Who's Your Daddy and How Can We Steal
Some DNA. Daily Daze
Scratching the Surface
Hello, Oprah? You're a sanctimonious egomaniac whose
philanthropic efforts are so transparently linked to the muddled, cavernous
abyss known as "your self-esteem" that I sincerely doubt you've ever given
away a pack of GUM without fully expecting the recipient to fall down flat
on her face and worship you in front of the cameras.
Fashion/Style
Newman Late for Own
Funeral
Bet your bottom dollar; like last time, Nick Newman will lead the search as
the family wrings its hands, and like last time these will be the ties that
bond daddy and son until the next time they break apart.
Daily Daze
Rollover Beethoven
Inspired by a single Charity Gala appearance at which he appeared before
perhaps all of twenty people, upset that because of a tin ear he couldn't
get into music school, half-deaf, dumb and going blind by wanking too much
college boy Devon Hamilton hopes to dropout of college and become a
composer! Beethoven, Chopin and Barry Manilow - rollover! Devon will write
the songs that make young boys cry. Daily Daze
Newman Wishes Ex-Wife
Dead!
Anyone who ever served in the military may have heard of crap on a shingle,
but what about old cow on a cold slab? Given he had a magic wand, that's
what Victor Newman would wish for Mrs. David Chow.
Daily Daze
A Good Day to Die
I read the news today oh boy. About a lucky woman who made the grave. And
though the news was rather sad, well, you just had to laugh. Sabrina Newman
blew her baby out in a car. She didn't notice that the lights had changed. A
crowd of pretend investigators stood and stared. They'd seen her face
before. Nobody was really sure, but just had to look having read the article
in Restless Style Magazine. Woke up, jumped out of bed, dragged a comb
across their collective heads. Found their coats and grabbed their hats,
made the getaway vehicle in seconds flat. Found their way to the outhouse,
somebody spoke and Nikki Chow went into a dream.
It was a good day to die.
Dressed for Death
You've just OD'd on morphine said to be so potent you're lucky to be alive.
Released from the God Have Mercy Medical Center moments later, what will you
do next? Get all dolled up and go to the office? The stables and then back
to the hospital? Fashion/Style
July
Headlines
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