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by
Todd Brown
August 2, 2008
If those reporters want a real story, I suggest they
investigate why and how Victor Newman "quietly
reversed" his second vasectomy. I can't imagine why
a man pushing 70 would do such a thing even after
learning several women conspired to steal his sperm
sample from a clinic just so they could bear his
ill-gotten progeny. Nor can I imagine why Nikki, who
must surely have been his wife at the time, wouldn't
even bat an eye upon learning such a fact.
Nor can I even begin to guess why Katherine alone
would be privy to this information. That had to be
an awkward phone call. "Hello, Katherine? I'm having
my vasectomy reversed today, YouGotThat?
YouHaveAniceDay." Why Katherine didn't go to the
tabloids with that, I'll never know.
Somebody call the Humane Society! I see horse abuse
on this show. How dare they subject poor innocent
horses to sniveling and crying and then not even
give them oats. I guess it's all par for the course
on a show where people shove cookies and crackers
into a kid's mouth to keep them quiet during their
scenes, but I feel sorrier for the horses than I do
the babies. The babies are building trust funds for
college, but the horses just wind up in the glue
factory.
Nikki's creepy dream about that creepy kid who would
have been Sabrina's child could have been a lot
worse. At least the kid wasn't singing at a jazz
club. What strange casting, too. Sabrina was either
French, Italian or Spanish, depending on which day
you tuned in, yet the child seemed vaguely Indian or
middle Eastern. With a weird kid like that, when the
phantom of David says we have Nikki to thank for
depriving her of ever being born, I must offer up a
hearty "Thank you Nikki."
During a week like this, the only sane place to be
had to be the nurse's lounge at the hospital. Oh, to
be a fly on the wall in there. I'm guessing it went
a little something like this:
Nurse #1: Helen, did you hear?
Nurse #2: What?
Nurse #1: They wheeled in another one of those damn
Newman kids again today.
Nurse #2: Which one?
Nurse #1: One of the daughters.
Nurse #2: Victoria again? Wasn't she just discharged
a couple of months ago?
Nurse #1: No it's another daughter, name's Sabrina.
Nurse #2: I didn't know Victor had a daughter named
Sabrina. How many kids does this guy have?
Nurse #3: No, Madge, that's not his daughter, that's
his wife.
Nurse #1: His wife? But her chart says she's the
same age as his daughter.
Nurse #2: Crap I didn't know he liked 'em that
young. I'd have fixed him up with my granddaughter.
Nurse #1: Isn't she 12?
Nurse #2: She can pass for 16.
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