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by
Todd Brown
Gloria and Jeffrey also have a scheme going on, as
usual. But I think Jeffrey has to be one of the most
pathetic schemers this show has ever seen. He has
already succeeded in blackmailing Gloria into giving
him all of the money she inherited from John and
William, then bribed her into marrying him again to
get the money back. Now he continues to blackmail
her just to stay with him. Can't he find some other
woman? I don't think he realizes the fire he's
playing with. Gloria's last three husbands all wound
up dead either directly or indirectly because of
her.
And I still don't understand just what he's
blackmailing her with. A jar of cream? "Your honor,
I have a jar of cream here! And - it's tainted!" OK,
does it have Gloria's fingerprints on it or
something? "No your honor, but I also have this note
from my brother, which reads 'If anything happens to
me, don't let her get away with it.'" OK, who is
"her?" Does it mention Gloria by name? No? Doesn't
sound like much of a case to me. And if William
didn't want "her" to get away with anything, why
didn't he send Jeffrey a copy of the private DNA
test results he had?
Brad had a scheme once, and it involved David Chow.
We never really learned what Brad hoped to get out
of this scheme, but this week we learned that the
charges against him were dropped. For the life of
me, I can't remember what he was even charged with,
it seems like he's been missing in action for quite
awhile and I didn't even notice. Was he charged with
being the most boring and useless person in all of
Genoa City? Because if he was, I don't think they
should have let that slide.
Billy has a scheme, and it's trying to get a date
with Lily online while pretending to be someone
else. I don't think I understand this scheme either.
For one thing, why can't he just ask her out? For
another, why would he want to?
But still, he went to the trouble of throwing an
elaborate Halloween party. I've noticed that Daniel
seems to have a penchant for wearing lots of makeup
whenever there's an occasion to dress up. Just
saying. His usual daily wear isn't all that
different from Halloween costumes anyway. Lily was
dressed up as Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island. You
know, if Mary Ann were half black and whole stupid.
Tyra, inexplicably, had blue hair. And Billy? Why, a
vampire of course. Someone's been reading my column.
Unlike the grown-ass folk parading around in
costumes, the children at least had an excuse.
Summer was dressed as a clown. She should have been
dressed as a mime, for all the noise she makes.
There's something seriously wrong with that kid. And
Victoria had Reed dressed up like a pirate. Wasn't
Noah dressed as a pirate last Halloween? What is it
with this family and pirates?
Left alone, Victoria was spooked when a picture fell
over and a shadow crossed her path. Could it be the
ghost of her dead friend Sabrina? Perhaps the ghost
of her broken family? If you ask me, the most likely
explanation of all would be the ghost of Bill Bell,
rolling in his grave over what they've done to his
show.
Victor has his own little scheme going on, hiding
out at some parish in France. I wonder what poor
monk had to give up his room so some brooding
billionaire could sit around in cave-like
surroundings in his black leather jacket and mourn
the loss of his child bride he married six months
ago. I wonder too whether people in France can
understand what Victor is mumbling about any better
than people in America.
In other news, Katherine has once again run into her
strange look-alike Marge, who once took over her
life. Marge's scheme has apparently been lying low
these many years getting drunk. Still, she had the
wherewithal to keep her hair dyed the exact same
color as Katherine's, and to keep her nails long and
painted the exact same color as Katherine's. Maybe
she's been waiting all this time just in case she is
needed to fill in for Katherine again at a moment's
notice.
The bad news for Katherine is that Marge doesn't
look much worse than she does. He hair is a little
flatter and she's got less jewelry to be sure, but
otherwise it looks like Katherine might as well have
been drinking all these years for all the difference
it would have made in her appearance. Plus Marge
doesn't have to put up with Jill or Cane so it looks
like Marge is actually the winner here. Drunk and
oblivious - I know that's the way I prefer it.
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