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by
Todd Brown
January 24, 2009
In the world of Genoa City, the biggest competitor
of Jabot Cosmetics is not Maybelline. It's not
Loreal. It's not Lancome. It's not Elizabeth Arden.
It's not Mary Kay and it's not even Avon. No, their
biggest competitor is Newman Cosmetics. I don't even
want to know a woman who uses a product called
Newman Cosmetics. What the hell is their slogan?
That their cosmetics will make a New Man out of you?
I don't know who the hell would even want to live in
this town. The fact that women have to choose their
cosmetics from either a company that poisons their
face cream or a company that has to bribe people to
give them adequate shelf space is just the tip of
the iceberg. The more pressing issues are that there
is only one place to buy clothes from and it's a
crappy hole in the wall boutique whose owner runs
the cash register. There's only one place to get
coffee and there's only two places to eat.
Even people with servants and cooks choose to eat at
the local club morning, noon and night. I know
Gina's lasagna is popular in this town, but this is
ridiculous. On Monday, Ashley and Victor were seen
having breakfast together at the club. Next thing
you know, Ashley is at the coffee shop meeting Abby
and telling her she has to be back to the club for
lunch. If every citizen in town has breakfast, lunch
and dinner at this club seven days a week, their
kitchen must be chaos.
And if this club is so special, why do they let
hookers hang around in the bar? Yes, Jack Abbott
could be found at the bar pouring his heart out to a
hooker. How the hell did she even get in there? The
word "club" in the title "Genoa City Athletic Club"
implies membership. If they let hookers in why
aren't the homeless camping out in there? I guess
they can't be too picky or no one would get in. Even
the most upstanding citizens have such scandal
ridden histories you'd think they just finished
taping a Jerry Springer show.
Gotta love Jack and Ashley comparing notes. Who is
more - or more to the point - less of a detriment to
their family company? Gotta say Jack for sitting
there listening to Ashley go through a laundry list
of his shortcomings without firing back. Ashley's no
saint herself. For starters, she's not even a real
Abbott, she's the product of her whore of a mother's
adulterous affair. She's also a sperm thief who
impregnated herself with a turkey baster without the
father's knowledge or permission. She's also had
more than one mental breakdown and was the head
chemist when the face cream she invented killed a
woman. If I were a stockholder in this company I'd
be hard pressed to choose between her and Jack if
those were my only two choices. Seems to me like
Traci should be running this thing.
I guess that's just normal in Genoa City. That must
be why the principal of Abby's school barely batted
an eye while Ashley labored to explain why Abby has
two fathers. Wow, that has to be awkward, huh?
"Well, you see sir, I impregnated myself with a
turkey baster full of sperm I stole from this guy.
But he's been a real sport about it and now he wants
to attend teacher conferences." Then Brad breaks in
and makes a scene and the principal is all like
"Yeah, whatever." I think now he understands why
Abby is so screwed up.
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