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by
Todd Brown
May 30, 2009
What exactly were Mackenzie and Raul doing in Darfur?
Besides having sex, I mean. Neither one of them have
any medical training so it's not like they were
giving out vaccinations or anything. With the
ongoing conflict it's not like they were building
houses for the displaced like Habitat for Humanity.
In fact neither one of them even went to college or
ever got a legitimate job beyond serving coffee or
lounging around the pool for the benefit of Internet
voyeurs. They don't have any money to throw around,
as evidenced by the cheap looking engagement ring
Raul proposed to Mac with. So what exactly was their
contribution in war-torn Sudan? Were they out on the
battlegrounds, single handedly killing the Janjaweed
militia? By boring them to death?
Isn't it a trifle unseemly for Neil to be parading
his latest squeeze around town in front of his new
boss and all his family and friends just a month
after he married someone else? Call me old
fashioned, but it seems to me that when you marry
and then dump a woman for a younger model in thirty
days, you keep it on the QT for awhile before
flaunting your brazen behavior. You never know, some
of those people might start asking for their wedding
gifts back.
I think Devon had it right in the first place to be
disgusted with them. Not that he's anyone to talk.
I'm not seeing any of the alleged transformation
he's gone through under the tutelage of Neil and
Drucilla Lily seems to see. Yes, I do remember what
Devon was like before Neil and Dru took him in. A
surly, sullen malcontent who never smiled or had a
positive thing to say about anyone. Not like the
little ray of sunshine Devon is today! Devon's
latest sulk seems to be about his heretofore unknown
father. A guy who, as Devon put it, doesn't even
know about him. Lucky bastard. Would that we were
all so blessed.
Isn't Lily getting to be a bit long in the tooth to
go bopping around like some Disney Princess bride
that just stepped out of cartoon? The woman has
already been married, divorced, arrested,
incarcerated in juvenile hall, had a miscarriage,
had an STD, got her nose pierced, got engaged again,
then discarded for another woman before ultimately
marrying the guy who discarded her in the first
place. Yet she giggles and bats her eyes and feigns
the innocence of a teenager who has just started
going steady with her first boyfriend in junior
high. I'm starting to think she's retarded. Wait,
did I say starting to think?
It's getting awfully tricky keeping track of the
dead, God rest their souls. If only. Poor Phillip
III has been buried, exhumed, re-buried and we still
don't know for sure who the hell he is. And Cassie
only died four years ago yet Summer, who wasn't even
born yet at the time, is now five. John and Sabrina
can't even lie still in their graves, they're so
busy visiting their relatives, Cassie shows up in
people's dreams and now Phillip is in Australia
somewhere? Doesn't anyone stay dead anymore?
When exactly did Cassie become a prophet? Sharon and
Nick are acting like her prediction that they would
one day have another girl was some kind of psychic
proclamation from on high. I don't recall Cassie
ever demonstrating precognitive powers while she was
alive. She sure as hell never envisioned getting in
that car and driving into that tree that killed her,
or even knowing enough to stay off the ice of a
thinly frozen pond. Yet somehow moments before her
death she foresaw the future for her parents. Good
God, if she had a premonition of all the sex Sharon
was going to have around town, that's probably what
killed her.
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