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Why your
support matters
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by
Todd Brown
Dear God in Heaven, no wonder Noah wants to divorce
his parents. I want to divorce them and I'm not even
related to them. Did my ears deceive me or did Nick
actually say he wants to name their baby Faith? And
Ashley wants to name her baby Hope? Hope and Faith?
Are they kidding me with this crap? Is this some
kind of a joke? Given that Ashley and Sharon are due
to give birth to Hope and Faith on the same day
(despite having gotten pregnant months apart),
anyone who can't see this one coming from a mile
away is blinder than Adam. You don't have to be a
psychic to see another baby switch on the horizon.
These writers never met a tired soap cliché they
didn't love.
I can't believe Sharon had the colossal gall to
suggest family therapy to Noah. Sharon had one five
minute session with a therapist in her hotel room,
didn't like what she was hearing, and ran out of
there so fast the therapist never knew what hit her.
If she does the same thing in a session with Nick
and Noah it'll give Noah that much more ammunition
against his flaky parents when this whole thing goes
to trial. He's already got a solid case and he
doesn't even know half the story. I just feel sorry
for the judge.
How many freaking anniversaries do Nick and Sharon
have, anyway? Seems like every time I turn around
they're celebrating some momentous occasion in their
lives. If it's not the anniversary of their wedding
it's the anniversary of Cassie's death, and if it's
not the anniversary of Cassie's death it's the
anniversary of their first date, and if it's not the
anniversary of their first date it's the anniversary
of the day Nick proposed. It's like they've both got
calendars somewhere and all 365 days of the year are
marked with whatever they did together first. Oh
look, it's the anniversary of the day Nick stopped
shaving.
I think it's past time to retire Restless Style
magazine, they are obviously running out of cover
ideas. This month they've got Abby dressed like a
whore and Noah dressed like a Leprechaun. Am I
missing some deep, hidden subtext here? I must not
have been paying attention if they explained this
theme. I don't even think relatives would buy this
crap let alone international magazine readers. Who
the hell cares about a bunch of dumb kids from
Wisconsin? Not me, that's for damn sure.
If Phyllis is such a great parent why the hell
didn't she tell Mary Jane that Summer was allergic
to nuts when she left the kid alone with her at her
house last week? Summer is such an afterthought with
her mother and father it's no wonder she had to fall
dead to the floor to get any attention. Then again,
I can see how it goes both ways. Mary Jane sat there
and revealed her diabolical schemes right next to
Summer while the kid colored away, oblivious to it
all. You don't get paid paying attention in this
town.
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