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by
Todd Brown
September 5, 2009
Calling all cars! Calling all cars! Be on the
lookout for two women dressed as nuns! I bet the
police squad got a big kick out of that one, eh?
Listen, a woman with a million dollar price on her
head has been wandering all over town in a trench
coat, a big floppy hat and giant sunglasses in the
middle of August and nobody batted an eye. This
isn't exactly the most observant population you're
likely to meet. But now I can just picture the
police department rounding up every nun in town and
herding them into a holding cell while newly
appointed Detective Chance stands there and screams
at them "OK which one of you bitches is Patty?"
Geez, no wonder Ashley feels so insecure about
Sabrina. Her husband's got a giant scrapbook filled
with photos and newspaper clippings about her right
in the middle of the living room. And this isn't the
first time one of Victor's wives has stumbled upon
the remnants of his many marriages in that very same
drawer. I distinctly recall Sabrina getting an
eyeful of photos of Nikki when she was looking for a
pencil one day. I guess when you've had as many
wives as Victor you're bound to have some mementos
lying around but jeepers, he ought to be in the
habit of cleaning out that damn drawer between
marriages by now. The guy's got more ex's than Henry
VIII.
And he's still got a photo of Nikki on the piano?
Are there pictures of Julia, Diane, Leanna and Hope
on there too? And he wonders why Ashley feels she's
haunted by ghosts. When Katherine reminded him it
was his "anniversary weekend" I had to wonder, which
one? At this point he can probably celebrate a
wedding anniversary every weekend of the year.
Lockdown? At the mental hospital? Because a patient
"tried" to escape? You think it has something to do
with the fact that anyone who wants can just walk
right into that place without signing in and go
visit patients in their rooms without having to be
announced or anything? If it's that easy to get in
I'm guessing it's just as easy to get out, but why
bother with a lockdown? The fact that a patient
"tried" to escape seems to suggest they didn't
succeed. Or don't they know? And why the hell would
they lock the guests up in rooms with crazy people?
Couldn't they escort the guests to the door and show
them out? Or don't they know which ones are the
crazy people and which ones are the guests? I know
how they feel, I have a hard time sorting that one
out myself.
Get a load of Sharon telling Nick she doesn't need
any help. The mental health profession begs to
differ. That's why you're in lockdown, sweetheart.
This woman's got men lining up outside her room to
check on her night and day to make sure she's OK. I
swear she could kick one of them right in their face
and all they'd ask is if she's all right. It's all
she can do to admit she "made some mistakes." Master
of the bleeding understatement, that one. Her whole
life has been one big giant mistake from start to
finish. But it's little wonder she never learns from
any of them when men are knocking themselves out to
hold her hand and tell her how amazing she is. She's
amazing all right. I think P.T. Barnum would have
been in awe of her.
Oh dear, the costume shop really needs to rethink
what they're dressing Victor in these days. My 92
year old grandma has jeans more flattering than
Victor's, and on Tuesday he was wearing a T-shirt so
tight it was squeezing his saggy man titties so
tight you'd think he was having a mammogram. Listen,
the guy still looks pretty good for his age, but
let's stop pretending he's not old. Nobody wants to
see Victor's nipples any more than they want to see
Joan Rivers walking around in a bikini.
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