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by
Todd Brown
October 10, 2009
The paternity of Sharon's baby is sure to be the
shortest kept secret in history, despite Nick
telling Phyllis that "as far as the rest of the
world knows, Jack was still the baby's father." The
rest of the world, that is, except for Nick himself,
and Phyllis, and Sharon, and Jack, and Victor, and
Nikki, and Victoria, and Doris, and Noah, and
Michael, and Lauren, and Ashley, and Adam, and
Katherine, and Sharon's psychiatrist. And unless I'm
mistaken, several nurses who were hanging around
outside the door listening in. I think I even heard
one of them say "You owe me ten bucks."
Wait, there's another hospital besides Genoa City
Memorial? Why doesn't everyone go there, instead of
the one where everyone dies? In fact, whenever
someone in Genoa City has to get into an ambulance,
shouldn't the first words out of their mouths be
"Please take me to St. Mary's, and not Genoa City
Memorial?" Maybe Genoa City Memorial only gets the
patients that are unconscious. But if Ashley and
Sharon were in the same place at the same time, why
was Ashley taken to one hospital while Sharon was
taken to a different one? Does Ashley have really
crappy insurance or something?
And why was Ashley still in the hospital days after
the baby was born when she never even had one, while
Sharon was released in about an hour? Sharon's the
one who actually had a baby and she was globe
trotting around town in her designer post-maternity
shirt. She'd been to the club, to the hospital, back
to the club, over to the coffee shop and up to the
Abbott cabin while Ashley was still in her hospital
room with the baby. If one of the nurses would have
only take a few seconds to look up under her
nightgown she would have seen that Ashley was good
to go. No baby came out of that. This is why you
want to go to St. Mary's, people.
When Ashley went in for a big hug with Nikki on
Monday, all I could think was that she was going to
strangle her, not hug her. I know I would have. So,
why didn't she? I mean, really - what is the point
of being crazy if you're not going to kill somebody?
Why even bother? Such a golden opportunity gone to
waste, you know, when you can't be held legally
responsible. I know if I ever go crazy, there will
be dead bodies laying around all over the place.
Kill her, Ashley! Do it! Do us all a favor. Then,
while you're at it, go over to the coffee house and
kill Amber and Daniel, just for good measure. Take a
page out of Patty's playbook. I'm sure we'll all be
forever grateful.
Wasn't it good of Noah to take time out of his busy
soccer schedule to check up on his grandfather, who
is near death and may not survive, and his mother,
who has recently suffered from a miscarriage? From
what I can gather, his absence during this crisis
was due to being away on a soccer tournament. That
must have been one hell of an important tournament.
Well? Did he win? I mean, let's answer the really
important questions here. This was obviously no
ordinary soccer tournament if Noah simply couldn't
have missed it under even these circumstances. You'd
think Nick and Sharon would have at least asked him
if he won. Inconsiderate bastards.
I'm not sure how sorry I'm supposed to be for
Sharon. Seems to me little Faith is a lot better off
with Ashley. Ashley may be crazy, but I bet she had
a nursery ready over at the Newman ranch. Sharon's
living in a hotel. Where exactly did she think she
was going to keep the baby, in a drawer? Did she
plan to live in the hotel with a baby? I bet the
guests next door would have loved that. So would all
the guests downstairs in the dining room every time
Sharon wheeled the baby down there for breakfast,
lunch and dinner. I bet she expected the maids to
change the baby's diapers and babysit while she ran
around town sleeping with different men, too.
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